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My man! Jack Tripper!
January 4, 2007 8:14 AM   Subscribe

Two words: Corey Haim (circa 1988)
posted by miss lynnster (63 comments total)

 
One word: lame (circa 2006)
posted by christopher.taylor at 8:19 AM on January 4, 2007


He kinda reminds me of Brian Atene...
posted by miss lynnster at 8:20 AM on January 4, 2007


Of COURSE it's lame.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:21 AM on January 4, 2007


Wow... how sad. For the full effect, make sure you watch the second vid.

But, then again - I'll never forgive him for Double Switch.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:21 AM on January 4, 2007


I had the sound turned down and didn't read the video description and my first thought was, "Jesus that boy did drugs." You can see it in his cheekbones, and something about the dull eyes.
posted by frecklefaerie at 8:22 AM on January 4, 2007


you gotta love the hollywood rollercoaster.
posted by phaedon at 8:24 AM on January 4, 2007


I saw this first as selected highlights in the Found Footage Festival. That's also my source for video of Arnold Schwarzenegger molesting Brazilian women on tape.
posted by hipnerd at 8:26 AM on January 4, 2007


...only three hours a day of school...
posted by K'an at 8:29 AM on January 4, 2007


True story: I worked at Videotheque in Westwood from 1990-1993, and, as a joke, we put Me, Myself, and I on the "staff picks" shelf. One day, Corey Haim came in, saw the video on the shelf, and bought it from us to get it out of the store.

This only ever happened one other time, with David Copperfield's "Terror Train," which he was also buying up copies of to get it out of circulation. When Copperfield bought a copy, a staff member asked him what he would have done if it wasn't for sale. "I would have stole it," he said.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:30 AM on January 4, 2007


He seems like a bright young kid with a full future ahead of him. I wish him the best of luck!
posted by sourwookie at 8:35 AM on January 4, 2007


"The direction in my life right now that I'm trying to proceed with in the business is gradually from being the little boy, uhm..younger brother, getting to be the older brother or only brother."
posted by furtive at 8:40 AM on January 4, 2007


That bitch has a whole box of Duncan Hines on his head.
posted by The Straightener at 8:43 AM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]


Swatch called, and they want their store display back, Corey.

Man, I couldn't make it past the "My man! Jack Tripper" bit.

The lurid neon green shorts were bad enough, the frosted hair, the fugly Ray Bans, the coke-addled gaze of masturbatorily indulgent self importance. But "My man! Jack Tripper!" was just too much.

I had to close the window. Had to. It wasn't a tough choice. There were only two options:

A) I could permit my finger to click the mouse and close the window - which it wanted to do so very badly that the very cells composing my finger were screaming out in pain.

or B) Not click the button, upon which my entire nervous system was going to eat itself, ooze out of my ears and turn into a noxious, fuming corrosive gas that would wipe out a small city. I'm secretly a killer robot from the future, armed with a time machine and a neutron scapel. Incidently, the fact that I am a killer robot from the future explains why you see me in almost every thread here.

As you can see I chose option A. Like I said, it wasn't a difficult choice at all, so there's no need to thank me.

However, I've just received new directives. GO BACK IN TIME. KILL COREY HAIM. REPEAT.

BRB.
posted by loquacious at 8:46 AM on January 4, 2007 [2 favorites]


Any news if he bought that country yet? And I thought I was arrogant as a youngster.

Also, drug addiction sucks. Better he be a douche with a lot of money and hair gel than an incomprehensible, mentally deranged homeless douche.
posted by billysumday at 8:47 AM on January 4, 2007


One day, Corey Haim came in, saw the video on the shelf, and bought it from us to get it out of the store.

I wonder how many more sailors he had to blow that night to make up for the dent in his rock budget.
posted by Optamystic at 8:50 AM on January 4, 2007


jesus christ, k-fed doesn't have shit on corey haim.
posted by phaedon at 8:56 AM on January 4, 2007


GO BACK IN TIME. KILL COREY HAIM. REPEAT.

*saddles up ponies. loads 12-gauge*
posted by jonmc at 8:57 AM on January 4, 2007


Also, everytime we're tempted to knock the whole 90's grunge/indie aesthetic, we should remember that what we just watched (*shudder*) is what it killed off.

(and please stop trying to revive the 80's. I'm begging you)
posted by jonmc at 9:01 AM on January 4, 2007


I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
posted by Tambo at 9:02 AM on January 4, 2007


Also, everytime we're tempted to knock the whole 90's grunge/indie aesthetic, we should remember that what we just watched (*shudder*) is what it killed off.

Worth repeating.
posted by hermitosis at 9:05 AM on January 4, 2007


thank you.

*flies the flannel*
posted by jonmc at 9:06 AM on January 4, 2007


Lost Boy, indeed.
posted by NationalKato at 9:06 AM on January 4, 2007




Apparently there's a sixty minute version of this video?
posted by Nelson at 9:10 AM on January 4, 2007


Oh, thank you for that Skygazer. Rrrr trif bruu whaaa, indeed.
posted by loquacious at 9:17 AM on January 4, 2007


You know you've hit bottom when you can make Corey Feldman look successful in comparison...
posted by miss lynnster at 9:19 AM on January 4, 2007


That was exactly my thought, miss lynnster, during that 'Corey Haim Sucks' clip - all of a sudden we have a lucid, mature Feldman onscreen (sans sequined glove)...what are the odds?
posted by NationalKato at 9:23 AM on January 4, 2007


actually, the only cool teen male star of the 80's was this guy. His character in this flick was the coolest (the fact that he somewhat physically resembled the 15-year-old jonmc was a bonus).

Tellingly, he is no longer in showbiz.
posted by jonmc at 9:25 AM on January 4, 2007


Uh. What about the Cusack?
posted by stenseng at 9:26 AM on January 4, 2007


two words:
1.NO
2.NO
posted by 2sheets at 9:43 AM on January 4, 2007


Although I sympathize with those of you who closed the window early, you should know that you missed a priceless bit about dolphins swimming through his bloodstream when he kisses a special girl.
posted by Acetylene at 9:47 AM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]


Uh. What about the Cusack?

Through most of the 80's Cusack played dorks, which is why it always irked me when people would say I looked him. He didn't really become cool until Say Anything which I consider more of a 90's movie.
posted by jonmc at 9:51 AM on January 4, 2007


Seems to me "kissing a girl" was code for "mixing crack and vicodin"...
posted by miss lynnster at 9:52 AM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]


Ah yes, the teen crush of many girls in the 80's...
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 9:53 AM on January 4, 2007


Although I sympathize with those of you who closed the window early, you should know that you missed a priceless bit about dolphins swimming through his bloodstream when he kisses a special girl.

I had that once. But they were actually Spirochetes.
"Exclusive" Escorts my ASS!
posted by tkchrist at 9:55 AM on January 4, 2007


Also, everytime we're tempted to knock the whole 90's grunge/indie aesthetic, we should remember that what we just watched (*shudder*) is what it killed off.

Amen to that, jonmc.
posted by teece at 10:11 AM on January 4, 2007


After moving back into his mom's house here in Toronto a few years ago, he apparently (read: probably didn't happen, but I hope to God it's true, because it's so awesome) he applied for a job at an HMV record store using only a hand-written list of movies he'd been in as his resumé.
posted by Robot Johnny at 10:26 AM on January 4, 2007


I heard that John Cusak is playing Mandy Moore's father in an upcoming movie. I am officially OLD.
posted by killy willy at 10:35 AM on January 4, 2007


He didn't really become cool until Say Anything

Wait a minute. He was boss in Better Off Dead.
posted by dammitjim at 11:15 AM on January 4, 2007


If watched in short bits and very ironically, this might not poison your soul.

That keyboard playing. Wow.
posted by Cyrano at 12:01 PM on January 4, 2007


It gets on my nerves how that boy looks like he's had a stroke. Anybody else notice how he only talks out of one side of his mouth?
posted by eparchos at 12:01 PM on January 4, 2007


*Appears in 1980s, naked*

*slowly rises up*

*scans surrounding region*

*walks across parking lot of shopping mall*

*faces teenagers*

I NEED YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR SUNGLASSES-

*points to one teen in particular*

YOUR BOOMBOX

*points to another teen*

AND YOUR SKATEBOARD.
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:12 PM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]


I, too, think Prince is the future.

Why are we damned so?
posted by Kickstart70 at 12:34 PM on January 4, 2007


Also, everytime we're tempted to knock the whole 90's grunge/indie aesthetic, we should remember that what we just watched (*shudder*) is what it killed off.

Wait, I am confused, how does something from the 80's kill off something from the 90's? Wasn't the whole grunge (ugghh) movement in response to skinny ties and day-glo?
posted by vronsky at 12:53 PM on January 4, 2007


vronsky's having pronoun trouble...
posted by sourwookie at 1:02 PM on January 4, 2007


indeed. plus I'll take flannel, denim and piercings over dayglo and parachute pants any fucking day.
posted by jonmc at 1:18 PM on January 4, 2007


I feel like Einstein!

posted by gcbv at 1:38 PM on January 4, 2007


yeah - still confused, but I am used to it.

"what we just watched (*shudder*) is what it killed off"

So how did Corey Haim circa 1988 kill off "the whole 90's grunge/indie aesthetic"


"flannel, denim and piercings over dayglo and parachute pants any fucking day."

How Eddie Vedder of you.
posted by vronsky at 2:11 PM on January 4, 2007


What's amazing about that second video is that I think he actually manages to reference an obscure children's show from Ontario public TV somewhere within the general incoherence.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:16 PM on January 4, 2007


Psst... vronsky... give careful consideration to the sequence of the words "is," "what," and "it" in jonmc's statement. Then bask in the glow of comprehension.
posted by purplemonkie at 2:29 PM on January 4, 2007


Vronsky: read carefully.

what we just watched (*shudder*) is what it killed off

it killed, not killed it.
posted by cheaily at 2:50 PM on January 4, 2007


No.. well ok.

I wish I could say that i was stoned or something, but I am staggeringly sober. I was so looking forward to my first flamewar with jon. (not really, been a fan of jon's since I dloaded that whiskey in the jar track by thin lizzie.)
posted by vronsky at 2:56 PM on January 4, 2007


don't sweat it vronsky.

How Eddie Vedder of you.

I way handsomer than that fucker. But way poorer.
posted by jonmc at 3:37 PM on January 4, 2007


I pity The Haim.
posted by ColdChef at 3:49 PM on January 4, 2007


Corey Haim is a walking cautionary tale. Apparently jobless and homeless now. His buddy Feldman ain't doing much better, either--did you see him on "The Surreal Life" a few years back? All the other celebs couldn't stand him--Vince Neil and McHammer wanted to punch him in the face.

As pathetic as this all was, in the very last PSA Haim does at the end, he seems to be quite sober. And remember him in "Lucas", he actually gave a good performance.

There, I don't feel so much pity now.
posted by zardoz at 4:22 PM on January 4, 2007


OHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE DOING A REALITY SHOW TOGETHER. Apparently it' gonna be on A&E. Prepare yourselves...
posted by miss lynnster at 5:11 PM on January 4, 2007


Ah, "flyin' the flannel". Jeez, it was like yesterday. I pity both of the Coreys.
posted by snsranch at 5:27 PM on January 4, 2007


gonna be on A&E.
Remember before reality tv when documentaries were for boring, lame-ass geeks. We want them back.

Also, I'm too young for any of this. Thank God I came of age in 93.
posted by es_de_bah at 6:37 PM on January 4, 2007




Some girls have all the luck.
posted by hermitosis at 8:02 PM on January 4, 2007


Oh, I am so going to watch that reality show.

(I had SUCH a crush on Corey Feldman back in the day!)
posted by SisterHavana at 10:19 PM on January 4, 2007


If you had told me back in the 80s that Feldman would turn out to be the more stable, level-headed Corey I would have laughed in your face. And showed you my collection of Corey Haim posters. YOU NEVER READ THAT!

actually, the only cool teen male star of the 80's was this guy. His character in this flick was the coolest

Good Lord! I though I was the only person in the world who remembered Ilan Mitchell-Smith! I had the biggest crush on him back in the day. Sometimes I ask friends if they remember him and they just look at me funny. Funnier than they normally do, I mean.
posted by LeeJay at 12:56 AM on January 5, 2007


Good Lord! I though I was the only person in the world who remembered Ilan Mitchell-Smith! I had the biggest crush on him back in the day.

Heh. Maybe we should form a fan club. The Wild Life was a serviceable teen caper flick raised a bit higher by Mitchell-Smith's performance as the younger brother. Like the character, I was in my brooding young man phase and I was going through a period of obsession with the 60's and Vietnam, as we're a lot of my friends. So we related.

And the teenage jonmc looked a lot like Smith in that flick and rocked the same style. Where the hell were you when I was 15?
posted by jonmc at 6:14 AM on January 5, 2007


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