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January 12, 2007 6:29 PM   Subscribe

Nazi Raccoons on the March in Europe.
posted by eriko (52 comments total)

 
via TNH at Making Light.
posted by eriko at 6:30 PM on January 12, 2007


Hitler cat is not amused.
posted by furtive at 6:38 PM on January 12, 2007


You have made me very happy.
posted by dame at 6:45 PM on January 12, 2007


Love the photo in the linked article. The little furry sig heil is kinda endearing.
posted by quin at 6:54 PM on January 12, 2007


Given the context of the story, I keep reading "enrich the local fauna" as "Ein Reich the local fauna."
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 7:42 PM on January 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


I hate Procyon Lotor Nazis.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:58 PM on January 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


I love Metafilter.
posted by neuron at 8:13 PM on January 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


Neat'o.
posted by Atreides at 8:20 PM on January 12, 2007


time to get out the flashlights, the rifles and the coon dogs ... (and what's with them and attics in germany? ... they don't seem to do it that much over here) ... also, bungie cords over the handles of garbage cans work wonders
posted by pyramid termite at 8:22 PM on January 12, 2007


Yeah, yeah, it was on BoingBoing too... frankly if I were going to post a funny animal story from TNH via the Boingers today, I'd have picked the BBC Hamsters.
posted by wendell at 8:28 PM on January 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


TNH via the Boingers today, I'd have picked the BBC Hamsters.

Overkill -- I mean, unless you understand TNH and Hamsters, it really doesn't sing as well. Besides, I always wanted to make a Nazi post.

I'm completely unsurprised that Cory posted the same thing, to be honest - we have a common taste for the absurd.

You have made me very happy.

So many jokes, but I'll forgo, and simply say "you're welcome."
posted by eriko at 8:39 PM on January 12, 2007


If I EVER see someone dismiss a post on account of it having been posted on another website again, I'll - well, I don't know just what I'll do. Probably just stew, I guess. Because it always pisses me off when it happens, and it invariably lowers my opinion of the person or persons who call it out.

Ah, what the hell, I'll just get it off my chest: LISTEN ASSHOLES - I DON'T READ BOINGBOING. I DON'T READ SLASHDOT, OR FARK, OR WHATEVER ELSE IS HIP AT THE MOMENT. I READ METAFILTER. SO YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME ABOUT THOSE OTHER PLACES, OKAY!!!!!!!! FOR CRYINGOUTLOUD, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT EVERY ONE OF US SPENDS EVERY WAKING MOMENT LOOKING AT EVERY ONE OF THESE SITES? NO, WE DON'T!!!!!!! AND WHAT'S MORE, THE FACT THAT YOU APPARENTLY DO DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANY COOLER IN MY EYES, BUCKO!

There, I feel better now. Thanks for the link, I wouldn't have seen it otherwise.
posted by yhbc at 8:40 PM on January 12, 2007 [18 favorites]


nazi yhbc on the march in 55726!
posted by sergeant sandwich at 8:47 PM on January 12, 2007


Would it be considered poor form to mention having seen it somewhere else before? I notice that's the first sentence I type in those cases; "Yeah I saw this over at boingboing/Table of Malcontents/Whatever." It's not really a vote either way as to the quality of the post, just... mentioning.

Hope the n00b.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:48 PM on January 12, 2007


Achtung.
posted by nickyskye at 9:40 PM on January 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


news flash - metafilterites learn that the best of the web is hosted on other sites ... froth at 11
posted by pyramid termite at 9:40 PM on January 12, 2007


Nickyskye:
That is clearly photoshopped.
Everyone knows the swastika goes on the left arm.

Nice try, but I caught your clever ruse.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 9:46 PM on January 12, 2007


Everyone knows the swastika goes on the left arm.

if you think raccoons have trouble with their uniforms, you should see them try to goosestep
posted by pyramid termite at 9:54 PM on January 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


No problem for geese, though.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:06 PM on January 12, 2007


Thank you yhbc for eloquently explaining your feelings on this. I completely concur. I read Metafilter. Occasionally I might make a brief foray onto other community sites, but I live here. So to all would-be haters, I humbly ask that if you are going insist on trying to be hipper than thou, and demonstrating your awesome abilities to thoroughly read several different sites by calling out all duplicates, that you do so in the proper forum. If it's not worth remarking on in the grey, it's definitely not worth fouling up an otherwise perfectly good thread here in the blue.

And just to keep this comment remotely on topic; nickyskye, I don't know where that picture came from, but I'm quickly coming to realize that I might just love you. (though if we are photoshoping, I would have tried to combine these two...)
posted by quin at 10:16 PM on January 12, 2007


LISTEN ASSHOLES - I DON'T READ BOINGBOING. I DON'T READ SLASHDOT, OR FARK, OR WHATEVER ELSE IS HIP AT THE MOMENT.

LOL. UR2L8 N00B.
posted by three blind mice at 10:19 PM on January 12, 2007


I hope Bono doesn't read this post. He'll probably have a benefit concert or something for the poor, poor Raaaaaacoooooooooonnnnnnnssssss...........

Oh, wait..... I was think about those Brit Squirrels, my bad......
posted by peewinkle at 10:30 PM on January 12, 2007


Gas them like badgers!
Kill them with axes.

WHERE ARE THE GOOD TOWNSPEOPLE OF SURREY WHEN YOU NEED THEM!?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:32 PM on January 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


CitrusFreak12 : Hope the n00b.

On the few occasions that I have stumbled across something elsewhere before I saw it here, and it was worth remarking on, I tended to go with something like:

I saw this over a Something Awful earlier, and holy crap, that is some funny shit. Everybody there was like WTF? Nazi Coons? Insane!


If it's worth mentioning that you saw it on another site, it might be worth mentioning why you are bringing it up.

But I've probably failed to adhere to the very standards I'm suggesting here more than once, so you are perfectly in your right to ignore someone who is likely being hypocritical.

/on topic: Yay! Raccoons. You know, when my Wife was still my girlfriend, she house-sat for a couple who had taken in a bunch of baby raccoons that they found in their chimney. I spent the better part of a day making them make that weird noise they make, and playing with their ultra-ultra-soft little paws.
posted by quin at 10:34 PM on January 12, 2007


I had a raccoon in my attic several years ago. It would wake me up scratching around in the middle of the night. Then one day I saw a yellow circle appear on the ceiling. Nice. Still wasn't sure what it was and I found nothing in my investigating. Then one day I saw a tree next to my house shaking and what appeared to be my brown cat climbing it. I went to pet it and found a raccoon instead. I watched it go up the roof and into the attic.

After finally catching the stupid thing and hauling it off, I installed really heavy mesh inside the attic so nothing else would be getting in. The raccoon shredded the thin mesh that had been there and it used it's front paws to pry the metal vents apart enough to squeeze through them. Smart little bastards. And that is why they must all die.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 10:42 PM on January 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Actually watuc (can I call you that?), I disagree with the 'all' part, but not your overall sentiment. I like raccoons a lot. But they are too smart. Seriously. They have adapted to city life too well, they can get food readily out of any given trash can and grow to sizes that are not recommended for small mammals (45+ pounds. I've seen it.) When we spent time volunteering with the Humane Society, they wouldn't let the average 'wanting to be helpful' person interact with the wild adult raccoons because they are so cute that you tend to let your guard down. And then you get bit. And then they have to kill the animal to make sure that you didn't accidentally take a ride on the rabies train.

It's a common misconception that all raccoons carry rabies. But it's an equally common mistake to ignore the fact that many do. So if you are clumsy enough to get bitten, they will kill the animal to make sure you are safe. Even if it was your fault for not being careful.

I really hate the idea of killing such a smart animal for no reason, but I would be totally on board with a system that got them back into the wild where they belonged. It will never happen, [again, they are crazy smart] but it might end up with less of them dying badly.
posted by quin at 11:11 PM on January 12, 2007


I didn't kill the one that was in my attic. It ended up in the woods far from my house. I like raccoons when they are not crapping in my attic.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 11:30 PM on January 12, 2007


You know who else always washed his food in the stream before eating it? Hitler.
posted by maryh at 11:35 PM on January 12, 2007


maryh : You know who else always washed his food in the stream before eating it off his belly? Hitler. Otters.

Yeah. Fixed that for you.

First rule of Naziotters? Yep, don't talk about Naziotters.
posted by quin at 11:47 PM on January 12, 2007


I considered posting to metachat about the german giant bunnies to stop hunger in North-Korea.
These monsters are scary; a head the size of the human holding them!


I like the notion of insiduously cute crazy smart raccoons. They are maninpulating us.
posted by jouke at 11:52 PM on January 12, 2007


ultra-ultra-soft little paws

aw, I love you too quin.
posted by nickyskye at 12:02 AM on January 13, 2007


PS, yes, those raccoons can be bad, very bad.
posted by nickyskye at 12:09 AM on January 13, 2007


I encountered one that was well past 35 pounds, I'd guess...the size of a small hound but fat. I mean see it jiggling when it walked fat (like me, really).

My father-in-law cannot stand the creatures and before the houses encroached on his property, he used to do his part to keep the population down (didn't make a dent). I like 'em myself, but I also like that other master of urban environments, coyotes.
posted by maxwelton at 12:45 AM on January 13, 2007


I'll just get this out of the way.
Obligatory raccoons (and cephalopods) were not meant to be links.
posted by slimepuppy at 1:29 AM on January 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


If the raccoons and the squirrels and the octopuses ever get together, we are fucking doomed.

DOOMED!@!
posted by dirigibleman at 2:25 AM on January 13, 2007


What yhbc said.

Would it be considered poor form to mention having seen it somewhere else before? I notice that's the first sentence I type in those cases; "Yeah I saw this over at boingboing/Table of Malcontents/Whatever." It's not really a vote either way as to the quality of the post, just... mentioning.


Yeah, don't do that. It's considered a putdown. Unless you have some pertinent reason to bring it up, keep it to yourself.

On topic: if giving the sieg heil salute and overrunning Europe is wrong, I don't want to be right.
posted by languagehat at 5:16 AM on January 13, 2007


DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT EVERY ONE OF US SPENDS EVERY WAKING MOMENT LOOKING AT EVERY ONE OF THESE SITES? NO, WE DON'T!!!!!!!

[sheepishly]No, we don't![/sheepishly]
posted by furtive at 5:36 AM on January 13, 2007


Why are they going so nuts in Germany, though? I"ve never heard of raccoons traveling in packs or taking over hotel attics in the states before. Lack of natural predators? For that matter, do they have predators other than cars and hunters?
posted by mygothlaundry at 6:00 AM on January 13, 2007


i'm not sure about wolves, but i think panthers might have hunted them at one time ... but good luck finding any of those where i live now
posted by pyramid termite at 6:28 AM on January 13, 2007


In New Jersey, raccoons used the local storm drainage system in my former town, and those guys were CHUD scary.
posted by nj_subgenius at 7:05 AM on January 13, 2007


By Godwin's law, this entire post should be deleted. Along with Germany.
posted by fourcheesemac at 8:30 AM on January 13, 2007


I love how things like this snowball. Seems like a fine idea, until...

Like the asshole farmer on Martha's Vineyard, who didn't like cats, so he introduced skunks to hunt vermin... Brilliant!
posted by Busithoth at 10:22 AM on January 13, 2007


I READ METAFILTER. SO YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME ABOUT THOSE OTHER PLACES

Why click the mouse like a goon when MetaFilter tells me what to watch?
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:46 AM on January 13, 2007


No ... man, they were nihilists, man. They kept saying that they believe in nothing.
posted by moonbiter at 11:55 AM on January 13, 2007


I live in West Michigan, a mighty and ancient stronghold of the raccoons.

Having lived here my entire life, I can tell you this. There is no amount of "battening down" garbage can lids or installing steel pannels or anything of the sort that will prevent a raccoon from doing as he or she pleases. They are impervious to poison, gas, shovel-beatings and mortar shells.

Your only hope is to learn to live with them.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 12:00 PM on January 13, 2007


There is no amount of "battening down" garbage can lids

i've known people in w michigan who've used bungie cords with success ... but that was with the old metal cans
posted by pyramid termite at 12:15 PM on January 13, 2007


Primarily a solitary animal, the only real social groups raccoons form are that of mother and young. . . They are preyed on by large predators such as coyotes, wolves, large hawks, and owls. Their young may be taken by snakes as well.

Still doesn't explain why they would be social in Europe - must be cafe society: they've been corrupted.
posted by mygothlaundry at 1:17 PM on January 13, 2007


Q: How do raccoons tie their shoes?
A: In little nazis.
Thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:19 PM on January 13, 2007


If the raccoons and the squirrels and the octopuses ever get together, we are fucking doomed.

If by "get together," you mean interbreed, I, for one, would welcome the tender ministrations and benevolent hegemony of an Ueberhybrid with octuple armage, nut-storing cheekage, and the desire and ability to reduce our growing mountains of garbage.

And be honest -- could squirroctopoons really do any worse in the Middle East than we have?
posted by rob511 at 4:53 PM on January 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


squirroctopoons? I LOLed. You win.

/Considers sockpuppet account...
posted by quin at 5:31 PM on January 13, 2007


I think we should be worrying about the Stalinist crabs coming from the North instead.
posted by zamboni at 12:35 AM on January 14, 2007


"Nazi Raccoons on the March in Europe."

There's something about this locution that scans like this one:

"Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate."

Hence, I approve.
posted by Kwine at 10:26 AM on January 14, 2007


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