STOP DOCTOR MORBIS BEFORE ITS TO LATE FOR THE CHEETAHMEN.

January 19, 2007 9:36 AM

Combining incredible hubris with deep incompetence, Active Enterprises was probably the worst game company of all time. They released precisely two games in the early 1990s. The first was the insanely horrible Action 52, (retail price: $200), which was designed to take advantage of a "silent wave of anti, far-eastern [sic] made products," and featured an unwinnable contest. More amazing, however, was the sequel to the 52nd game in their Action 52 cartridge, Cheetahmen II. Never quite the breakout hit that Active intended, perhaps because it was crippled with bizarre bugs and middle school art, the world never got to see the second issue of the Cheetahmen comic book, nor the planned set of action figures, nor their Action Gamemaster console.
posted by blahblahblah (26 comments total)

What's this about games about Cheetah's hymens?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:42 AM on January 19, 2007

sorry
posted by Burhanistan at 9:44 AM on January 19, 2007

$200! Who did they think they were, Neo-Geo?
posted by cortex at 9:50 AM on January 19, 2007

These guys really need to be part of some kind of government think-tank.
posted by Artw at 10:15 AM on January 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Cheetaman...THE FUCKING ALBUM.
posted by The Straightener at 10:17 AM on January 19, 2007

Fascinating post, thanks, blahblahblah.
posted by Snyder at 10:23 AM on January 19, 2007

Whoy oh why so I so relish tales of hamfisted public incompetence? Thank you thank you!
posted by adamgreenfield at 10:31 AM on January 19, 2007

My next album is going to be titled "Whoy oh why so I so".
posted by cortex at 10:33 AM on January 19, 2007

Something Awful's ROM Pit also covered this.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 10:38 AM on January 19, 2007

Relish? Fer cryin' out loud, these programmers are still out there. Sulking in IT departments. Wailing in stock rooms. Mumbling "coulda been a mill'nar" into stained coffee cups. They don't get together much and none will talk. But each, in his or her own way, is just biding time, waiting for a signal.
posted by hal9k at 10:40 AM on January 19, 2007

(I should confess, too, that this made me laugh hard, in just about the same way this did.)
posted by adamgreenfield at 10:42 AM on January 19, 2007

But each, in his or her own way, is just biding time, waiting for a signal.

...waiting for a mission. Meanwhile, Charlie squats in the bush. Getting, y'know, stronger.
posted by adamgreenfield at 10:44 AM on January 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

I fantasize about finding the Action 52 cartridge at a flea market or garage sale. That and all those Wisdom Tree bible games.
posted by Durhey at 10:50 AM on January 19, 2007

I just like the word "cheetahmen." Cheetahmen, cheetahmen, cheetahmen!
posted by brain_drain at 10:59 AM on January 19, 2007

Bah. The Cheetahmen are nothing compared to the power of the Puma Man.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 11:19 AM on January 19, 2007

Sure, 200 bucks is a lot for one cartridge, but you get 52 games! No doubt these games compare favorably to any single-game cartridge on the market.
posted by graventy at 11:51 AM on January 19, 2007

Double, at least partially.
posted by EarBucket at 12:09 PM on January 19, 2007

Awww..... the images are dead in that first link. Any alternate source for images of the Active press kit? I'd love to see it.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:34 PM on January 19, 2007

Bah. The Cheetahmen are nothing compared to the power of the Puma Man.

♪ The low-fat yogurt that's not short on flavor! ♪
♪ When, you want, 52 programs in a cart! ♪
posted by vorfeed at 1:04 PM on January 19, 2007

Metafilter: Combining incredible hubris with deep incompetence.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:22 PM on January 19, 2007

For god's sake use tags. It only makes your post harder to find when you don't.
posted by Rhomboid at 1:35 PM on January 19, 2007

This is a fantastic post. We can only hope that future games developers learn from examples like this (why, godammnit why, Daikatana, you showed so much little promise): those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it... but then again there is a certain perverse pleasure to be had from playing crap games after the event.

I fantasize about finding the Action 52 cartridge at a flea market or garage sale

Just go digging in the desert for all those ET cartridges...
posted by greycap at 4:03 PM on January 19, 2007

Pff. Cheetahmen is nothing compared to the hamfisted incompetence of The Puma Man.

Even Donald Pleasence's brilliant turn as a comedy mastermind couldn't save that.
posted by zerolives at 4:07 PM on January 19, 2007

I fantasize about finding the Action 52 cartridge at a flea market or garage sale

I found a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2600 cart at a thrift store for a quarter. I'm not bragging about my shopping skills or anything; in fact, I didn't even know what it was when I bought it. I thought it would be funny to send it to my ex- in Seattle who makes collages.

Thank god I did a quick web search before I put that particular package in the mail...
posted by Ian A.T. at 11:21 PM on January 19, 2007

adamgreenfield: Thanks for that awesome Gonterman link.
posted by Ian A.T. at 11:35 PM on January 19, 2007

I covered the whole Action 52 / Cheetahmen thing on my blog a while back, but this is the first time I've seen the comic book. Man, is it awful! I mean, I was expecting it to be bad, but not that bad. By the time I was nearing the end I thought that all it's missing is a lame-ass team catchphrase. Then I saw the last page in which the Cheetahmen high-five each other and shout "Livin' Large!" in bold text. I think my Cheetahmen experience is complete.

The Cheetahmen will fight for you!
posted by Servo5678 at 7:01 AM on January 20, 2007