You will probably not get abducted by aliens if you wear this hat

February 9, 2007 8:26 PM

I am so tired of being abducted by aliens. Only two people have been abducted while using this new anti-alien abduction technology. Only two!
posted by Mister_A (36 comments total)

At least he doesn't over-promise.
posted by Mister_A at 8:26 PM on February 9, 2007

I stopped being abducted by aliens when I became a Muslim.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:33 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Re-abducted. Only two were re-abducted.

Well, and maybe a number of those who couldn't be reached.
posted by graventy at 8:36 PM on February 9, 2007

Is it just me ordoes that helmet make that dude look a lot like Sgt. Schultz?
posted by jonmc at 8:45 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Thirty-five bucks? Meh. I'll stick with the aluminum foil I bought at the local Dollar General. It's shiny.

Funny, searching Google images for 'foil alien hat' shows the photo from the first link in the post.
posted by gummi at 8:45 PM on February 9, 2007

One of these days the invasion is going to begin and all of these people that everybody made fun of on MeFi are going to be TOTALLY VINDICATED. And while the aliens are probing you with their tentacles you are going to feel really sick to your stomach about all of that tentacle rape anime you watched, knowing where those ideas really came from.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 9:08 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

One of these days the invasion is going to begin and all of these people that everybody made fun of on MeFi are going to be TOTALLY VINDICATED.

Dude, don't you watch American Idol? The invasion already happened.
posted by jonmc at 9:11 PM on February 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

But anal probes are the only sex I get.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:13 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Wear the helmet as much as you can, especially during times that you feel you are usually abducted."

Today is what, Saturday? I'm usually abducted around 12:31 AM Saturdays.
posted by Eideteker at 9:30 PM on February 9, 2007

Dammit, where are those guys? They promised me a tentacle rape in every orifice. And my pores need to be microraped, dammit. I need exfoliation!
posted by Eideteker at 9:32 PM on February 9, 2007

You forgot to buy them a drink first. and you didn't wear that silk teddy they like.
posted by jonmc at 9:37 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Don't miss his other site, Aliens & Children, featuring an exclusive video interview (mpg 6mins) and drawings of aliens!
posted by carsonb at 9:41 PM on February 9, 2007

abductions just become tedious after awhile
posted by caddis at 9:58 PM on February 9, 2007

The aliens may have mastered interstellar travel, mind control, teleportation and anal probes, but thank the gods they haven't figured out how to remove the chinstraps from our foil helmets!
posted by lekvar at 10:14 PM on February 9, 2007

The site is a hoax. Er, that is to say, it is not a site run by people who actually believe all this. It lacks that earnest quality one sees in the authentically batshitinsane.
posted by Methylviolet at 10:37 PM on February 9, 2007

I read that there are millions of Americans who insist that they have been abducted by aliens. That explained a lot.
Now I read that there are only two, so how did George Bush get elected?
posted by Cranberry at 10:46 PM on February 9, 2007

MetaFilter: I'm quoting SCIENCE

MetaFilter: IT'S A TESTED DEVICE THAT WORKS.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:50 PM on February 9, 2007

For people who really do believe in that sort of thing and are fearful of it, this might be useful.

I'm not kidding. When you're treating a non-disease that the patient is certain they have, then only a placebo can bring about a "cure". If this brings comfort to a crazy person, it's cheap at the price.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:04 PM on February 9, 2007

Yay! Another chance to link to Pamela Stonebrooke! She'd never wear this helmet though. No re-abductions, no hot sex with reptilians.
And I'll say it again... she is NOT a jazz singer.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:07 PM on February 9, 2007

Previously.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 11:33 PM on February 9, 2007

Being abducted by aliens... it's almost like a dream, no?
There's some connection between dreaming while awake and schizophrenia - I wonder how often 'being abducted by aliens' might belong to a similar class of phenomenon.
posted by porpoise at 11:33 PM on February 9, 2007

I will be heavily disappointed if this page doesn't get more entries at some point.
posted by ninjew at 12:09 AM on February 10, 2007

porpoise, sleep paralysis is a hot topic: take your pick.
posted by toma at 12:13 AM on February 10, 2007

miss lynnster: "Yay! Another chance to link to Pamela Stonebrooke! She'd never wear this helmet though. No re-abductions, no hot sex with reptilians.
And I'll say it again... she is NOT a jazz singer."

"Reptilians are not a politically correct species in the UFO community, and to admit to having sex with one – much less enjoying it – is beyond the pale as far as the more conservative members of that community are concerned."

ROFL!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:11 AM on February 10, 2007

I once bought a copy of Fortean Times which included an alien abduction reference card, memorable chiefly for the following advice.

IN CASE OF ALIEN ABDUCTION
1. Remain where you are.
2. Do or give whatever they ask.
3. Forget everything that happens.
posted by Ritchie at 1:42 AM on February 10, 2007

this is a 3M viral for sure
posted by wumpus at 1:53 AM on February 10, 2007

...and wikipedia was there.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:13 AM on February 10, 2007

I WANT TO BELIEVE.
posted by shmegegge at 3:15 AM on February 10, 2007

1. Remain where you are.
2. Do or give whatever they ask.
3. Forget everything that happens.

Sex-slave credo?

Nancy Reagan's silken exhortations to her husband?

What the chicken-headed communist dominatrix in my head warns me every night around 4:45?
posted by toma at 4:45 AM on February 10, 2007

Required Skills: Dexterity, use of scissors, adept at cutting and shaping paper and plastic sheets.

Shit
posted by kickback at 5:51 AM on February 10, 2007

I am so tired of being abducted by aliens.

keep a can of kraft easy cheese on your nightstand and spray them with it when they show up ... they HATE that, it makes them break out ... and inevitably when they get back to the mothership some joker will laugh and tell them they look like a cheesesteak

in fact, it works so well to repel aliens that i don't even need to buy kraft easy cheese to have it work ... when they scan my non-tinfoil hatted brain, they quickly discover that i know the dangerous secret of kraft easy cheese and stay the hell away from me

now all of you know the secret ... and i'm 100% certain that none of you will be abducted either

aren't i a pal?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:56 AM on February 10, 2007

BTW, this guy's for real. I've met him. It had nothing to do with alien abductions and we didn't discuss it, but he's for real and he believes.
posted by jefftang at 6:37 AM on February 10, 2007

I prefer to wear this slightly more stylish protective cap when I am not in the mood for an abduction.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:06 AM on February 10, 2007

They're not aliens, they're angels!
posted by breezeway at 8:36 AM on February 10, 2007

Ritchie - That card - 'In Case of Alien Abduction' sounds like Schwa to me. "Act inconspicious."
posted by Zack_Replica at 8:46 AM on February 10, 2007

It might very well have been, Zack - the artwork was identical in style to the pictures in the wiki article.
posted by Ritchie at 2:50 PM on February 10, 2007