NOT still in the running to become America's Next Top Model

February 28, 2007 5:04 PM

Elyse Sewell (some language NSFW), the nerdy, smart-mouthed, pre-med athiest who lost the first season of Tyra Banks' America's Next Top Model ("ANTM") to Adrianne Curry, has since arguably achieved more success as a model than any actual ANTM winner. Her blog is the only internet site I'm aware of that provides mordant commentary on very strange modeling jobs, odd local food variants, ANTM, dating a Shin (bus, SNL, Christmas, album, tour), and the heretofore sadly underexplored existentialist moments of modeling. (ANTM previously.)
posted by onlyconnect (51 comments total)

She's impressive. I like.
posted by bz at 5:10 PM on February 28, 2007

Models are evolving. Soon they will be smarter than us. Then the whole world will be analogous to a Dolce and Gabanna tableau.
posted by geoff. at 5:14 PM on February 28, 2007

Atheist.
posted by ludwig_van at 5:14 PM on February 28, 2007

I always like how they call them 'cycles' instead of 'seasons.' It seems so Wagnerian. Maybe this is all really Tyra's gesamtkunstwerk (granted sometimes it does give me verfremdungseffekt).
posted by ao4047 at 5:16 PM on February 28, 2007

I love Elyse! None of the others have ever been as good as the first cycle. And I've been following her lj for a while now, too; she's always entertaining.
posted by Hildegarde at 5:21 PM on February 28, 2007

Of course this reminds me of my favorite, well only, pick up line for the tragically beautiful woman at the party dressed in the latest fashion: "Is that Gaultier you're wearing?"

It works every time with the right girl, but you'll have to converse as to why you thought it was from Gaultier's collection (keywords: proto-punk, counter-fashion). Marc Jacob's is another one. If it works I want a personal e-mail of gratitude.
posted by geoff. at 5:21 PM on February 28, 2007

Best of the web crap my wife likes to watch on television that makes me leave the house.
posted by davejay at 5:25 PM on February 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

She said dimetrodon. I think I'm in love.
posted by lekvar at 5:30 PM on February 28, 2007

Elyse is awesome. My borther and fellow mefite tuned me into her lj about a year ago and I've been hooked ever since.
posted by Suparnova at 5:33 PM on February 28, 2007

Should I take some significance from the fact that every second photograph in her blog is packaged, untouched food?
posted by Bora Horza Gobuchul at 5:46 PM on February 28, 2007

lekvar, she also describes a new hair style as "an awesome trilobite on top of my head." Count me in on the love thing.
posted by brundlefly at 5:59 PM on February 28, 2007

god shes cute
posted by petsounds at 6:00 PM on February 28, 2007

I, too, watched the first season of ANTM because it was just great to watch the dribblingly idiotic fundies get shafted in favour of Elyse - by crikey, it was almost as if God wasn't looking out for them!

I mean, they pointed out in their Bibles where it says "The fool in his heart says that there is no God" as if it were an argument that they then congratulated themselves for winning. Death was too good for them - snark was the least they deserved.

Of course, they couldn't let the athiest [sic] win. They're just too athy for the American Public.

I did google her once, to see what what happened after the show, and came across this - fairly old - interview.

Best answer - for those who have yet to feel the lerve:

When did you first start to realize you had what it takes to model?

At the age of 16, I was perusing the silk slipper selection in the open-air markets of Bangkok when an orange was thrown from a second-story window and struck me on the back of the head. As I tenderly caressed the contusion, it began to throb rhythmically. I whipped out my Morse Code decoder ring and deciphered this message: "Elyse, you have what it takes to model." I raced up a narrow staircase into the room from whence the orange had flown, but found only the remains of a Dionysian feast and six jet-black hairs plucked from the bonny head of the princess. As our ship was to leave port in five minutes, I was forced to abandon my sleuthing and race up the gangplank, for otherwise how could I gain passage back to Cape Hatteras? The source of the message remains a mystery to this day.

posted by Sparx at 6:00 PM on February 28, 2007 [6 favorites]

Wait, she's modeling?

On the show she said she hated modeling and was done with it forever and she couldn't wait to go to med school. What happened?
posted by maggiemaggie at 6:02 PM on February 28, 2007

What's this, Loveliness?

Bah!
posted by washburn at 6:05 PM on February 28, 2007

Should I take some significance from the fact that every second photograph in her blog is packaged, untouched food?

I suppose visual commentary is just lost on some people.
posted by Hildegarde at 6:10 PM on February 28, 2007

Elyse's blog is one of my favorites. She's crazy smart to boot. I take a bit of vicarious satisfaction that of all the women to strut through the junkfood TV that is ANTM, she's probably the only one getting steady work as a model. Elyse is the one who declared that if she didn't find work as a model, she'd go to medical school instead -- a statement that made Miss J. make a face like he'd just licked a turd.
posted by brain cloud at 6:12 PM on February 28, 2007

OhmygodIloveher.
posted by joegester at 6:12 PM on February 28, 2007

Happy puffy nips just flew over someone's head.
posted by Dataphage at 6:14 PM on February 28, 2007

maggiemaggie, I don't have a link offhand, but somewhere she explained it as deciding that she had the rest of her life to go to med school and a limited amount of time to be 20 and make money/tour the world modeling.
posted by onlyconnect at 6:15 PM on February 28, 2007

maggiemaggie -- I think she realized she could milk the modeling thing for a while and do med school later if she still wanted to. She has a very healthy attitude about the whole industry and she seems to be doing modeling mostly for the adventure of it. Definitely check out the LJ, it's a great read.
posted by brain cloud at 6:16 PM on February 28, 2007

Every Ladytron song is about this very girl.
posted by four panels at 6:16 PM on February 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

She was here last week. Damn it. Lost a major stalking opportunity.

Oh, and she ate kentekoy (deep fried ducks' eggs) without shame. I'm in leeerve.
posted by micketymoc at 6:39 PM on February 28, 2007

She's always been my favorite.
posted by smackfu at 6:52 PM on February 28, 2007

Good brain.

But too thin.
posted by gergtreble at 6:52 PM on February 28, 2007

Step 1: Press button.
Step 2: Get bacon.
Step 3: Eat bacon.

Brilliant.
posted by schoolgirl report at 6:57 PM on February 28, 2007

I fav'ed this even though I'm a devout follower of her blog, damn if you didn't recap it well, and this thread brought up so many good moments of her blog.

"Eat bacon!"

And damned if she isn't hot, too!
posted by flibbertigibbet at 7:10 PM on February 28, 2007

I admit I've been reading her blog for over a year as well.
posted by Bqaggie87 at 7:15 PM on February 28, 2007

Atheist.

No. Her disbelief is stronger than yours -- hence, athiest.
posted by dhartung at 7:18 PM on February 28, 2007

I admit that I stalk Elyse. In case anyone didn't know, she's dating Marty Cranwhatever, "the cute one" from the Shins. The best episode of ANTM is when he visits her, and everyone gives them the evil eye for being so happy.
posted by muddgirl at 7:24 PM on February 28, 2007

AWESOME POST!

Anyone watch tonight's season premiere? Is it just me, or are the girls getting uglier and uglier? Only Natasha (the russian girl) struck me as anywhere near model material.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:49 PM on February 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Some interesting ANTM gossip: Adrienne Curry and Tyra Banks had a falling out, as Curry felt winning ANTM didn't live up to what Banks said it would be. As a result, Curry is never mentioned on the show. Seriously, they'll mention every other winner, and leave her out completely. Not a shot, not a word. And here Elyse is out there being a real model. Go figure.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:58 PM on February 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

[gossip] IMO Natasha is ten kinds of creepy, with the mail order bride thing going on and her drag queen walk. And none of the girls this cycle look remotely modely, except maybe the photog one and the black girl with the megahair.[/gossip]
posted by brain cloud at 8:07 PM on February 28, 2007

That photog girl is totally a bitch, though, and the bitch never wins.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:34 PM on February 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

TPS I've got 1 word for you -- Eva.
posted by brain cloud at 8:38 PM on February 28, 2007

Was she THE bitch, or just a bitch? Most of the girls have their bitchy moments, but there's usually one girl the editors pick to be THE bitch of the season. Like Melrose. I seem to recall Eva being edited a bit more favorably.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:42 PM on February 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

I can't watch ANTM, aside from the content giving my hives, Tyra Banks scares me. But Elyse seems nice, a tad skinny though.
posted by fenriq at 8:58 PM on February 28, 2007

eerie: adrianne is is the digital model for the new line of nvidia cards.
posted by arialblack at 9:41 PM on February 28, 2007

I've been reading Elyse's blog for a while, and it's totally great. Somehow I didn't think it would go over this well on The Filter. Just goes to show that pretty girls can win the hearts of even the interblag curmudgeons.

I uh, do some modeling occasionally and I'm totally addicted to ANTM. Go CarrieDee!!!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:15 PM on February 28, 2007

Oh, and, my favorite non-winner is Kahlen from Cycle4 whose MySpace is totally findable if you search by her full name (Kahlen Rondot). I hesitate to link MyCrack because, well, it creeps me out.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:17 PM on February 28, 2007

And of course Adrienne Curry's biggest shots after ANTM were her Playboy appearance (nsfw) and her reality show. I suppose it's no surprise that the winner of a reality show would make a bigger splash on more reality shows rather than in the career she was supposed to be serving.

Or is this simply a re-definition of 'modeling' and what Tyra's show is meant to accomplish?

Elyse has definitely come out ahead of the pack.
posted by vhsiv at 11:28 PM on February 28, 2007

I had never heard of her before but her blog is a hoot. Unfortunately many women who make their living from their beauty are total airheads and/or become coke addicts. (I recall the several times times I've seen Playmates on TV when they open their mouths). Then again I once sat next to an a great model on a transatlantic flight - She even helped me reading a French tabloid - Q: "why are you reading such crap?" A: "my French isn't great but this stuff is written for a 10 year old, so what does this word mean?".

Anyway I liked this post. An excerpt:

Oh fucking goddammit, in the time it took me to write that fucking sentence, they have busted out a HARMONICA and a little dog has started yapping along furiously. I have never heard them with a harmonica until this moment. But that's not even the point! Get this: across the airshaft and one floor down lives a single man whom I and my roommates have observed stirring up dinner in his kitchen, butt-nekkid. Just one paragraph ago, when I was about to write a sentence about the gross new shit they have at Kentucky Fried Chicken, I glanced out the window and down across the airshaft at Monsieur Nude, who was standing nakedly in his kitchen and looking out his window just in time to make eye contact with me. Butt, but butt naked, Monsieur Nude looked into my eyes and made an extravagant, Italian-style hand gesture of "what the fuck?" in the direction of the guitar-blasting male models' apartment, clapped his hands to his ears dramatically, and, penis aswing-- penis aswing!!-- reached to his boom box and started blaring Li'l Kim. Li'l Kim! And now he's cooking! I am looking right at his naked ass RIGHT NOW.

posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 3:03 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Anyway the above great model I flew with spoke maybe 6 languages. Somehow when the flight crew was having problems communicating with a passenger they came to her and she went off to resolve the communication problem, almost like it was her job.

I don't know how the crew knew to find her. Maybe she was registered with the airline and flies for free or at a large discount.

And no, the woman did not have the sort of gorgeous that prompts strangers to say "you should be a model". She just looked like an attractive skinny 20ish woman - a blank canvass upon which cloths, makeup, hair, and lighting can work wonders. I've seen similar working at the local supermarket.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 3:49 AM on March 1, 2007

onlyconnect, you have brought a righteous start to my day. The photos and comments have really brought levity to an otherwise bitch of a week.

well, that and "Koalas aren't hard they some little bitches".

Thanks.

I can just imagine the perfesser's face whilst seeing a picture of her. Damn, she is pretty darn cute.
posted by horseblind at 8:29 AM on March 1, 2007

Been following her LJ for a while and it's always worth the read. She's a weird, weird person. That is my highest compliment.
posted by clango at 8:40 AM on March 1, 2007

Just goes to show that pretty girls can win the hearts of even the interblag curmudgeons.

And sometimes the pretty girls are the interblag curmudgeons.

P.S. Don't talk about burping! I'm normal!
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:55 AM on March 1, 2007

This is very cool. I have never seen ANTM (because I don't watch TV, and am better than you) but she has an entertaining take. We need more hot atheists, and if they make analogies to O-chem lab banana flavoring, bonus.
posted by Methylviolet at 9:16 AM on March 1, 2007

I think the woman on the left best summarizes my feelings toward all things Elyse.
posted by xod at 10:51 AM on March 1, 2007

I think the woman on the left best summarizes my feelings toward all things Elyse.

Admiration mixed with lust?
posted by muddgirl at 12:47 PM on March 1, 2007

Close. Apprehension mixed with disgust.
posted by xod at 1:12 PM on March 1, 2007

Elyse Sewell is definitely a secret vice of mine for oh so many sheepish reasons including these:

"I was shocked and ashamed to witness and remember the toxic waste that came out of my mouth in the infamous Episode 2 tirade. I got all hopped up on rage-o-hol [sic] and let the bitch flag fly." [NSFW, Youtube]

"...but it's obviously someone's shit so it's wrong." [semi-NSFW, video]

"Does someone really want to see the fat and glands hang off my chest? If they do, I mean, that's fine with me." [video, Elyse-related footage is 2 minutes in]

"It takes facial and body symmetry, and facial features indicative of high estrogen level, such as a small jaw. " [video, one again Elyse-related footage is 3 minutes in]
posted by somersault at 2:27 PM on March 1, 2007