Five Minutes to Kill Yourself

March 23, 2007 4:38 AM

Five Minutes to Kill Yourself.The object is... well... pretty self-explanatory. Possibly NSFW due to graphic violence, and that it's a Flash game about killing yourself because you hate your job so much.
posted by XQUZYPHYR (43 comments total)

Five Minutes to Kill Bostonians?
posted by thirteenkiller at 4:45 AM on March 23, 2007

That was pretty stupid
posted by jouke at 5:01 AM on March 23, 2007

Every other game I play I get killed. This one I survive, and I still lose.

Yeah, it is stupid, but in a fun way. Nothing wrong with that.
posted by Elmore at 5:04 AM on March 23, 2007

Weasles ripped my flesh, but barely scratched the surface.
A shark grabbed me, but despite it's massive size, completely failed to kill me.
My attempts to drown myself resulted in my sprite running into an invisible barrier.

Killing yourself shouldn't be this hard.
posted by Jimbob at 5:19 AM on March 23, 2007

I should at least be able to off myself virtually. Who's second life is it, anyway?
posted by maryh at 5:25 AM on March 23, 2007

Weird--I was able to watch the whole intro and everything, but when the game started I was stuck a black hole and couldn't move. I guess they sensed I was a suicide danger and locked me up.
posted by DU at 5:26 AM on March 23, 2007

It figures. I'm almost dead, and a coworker backs me into a corner and won't shut up. The lighter and fuel was right there, but it wouldn't let me take us both out together. Oh well, as Khaibit says, "I ain't dyin' at work. I'm dyin' at home, by god."
posted by mr_book at 5:35 AM on March 23, 2007

The idea of trying to get yourself killed was fine, but the mystery meat arrow controls blow.
posted by lorbus at 6:04 AM on March 23, 2007

lorbus- I found it's very helpful to use the now-classic "Q-Bert" controller technique and tilt the keyboard 45 degrees.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:07 AM on March 23, 2007

I found a huge paper knife, which seemed promising, but what does the guy do? He puts his wrist in it. He should have stuck his neck in it. And the shark spit me out, alive.
posted by Termite at 6:10 AM on March 23, 2007

Good find - perfect for a Friday.
posted by Diskeater at 6:11 AM on March 23, 2007

I'm bleeding all over the place!
Thanks for that great tip XQUZYPHYR!
posted by lorbus at 6:16 AM on March 23, 2007

I was going to skip this, but you had me at "because you hate your job so much."
posted by malaprohibita at 6:31 AM on March 23, 2007

Bleh, you can just hit the supply room over and over until you die. At 3% a pop. Sigh. Even my suicide is boring and repetitive.
posted by Justinian at 6:43 AM on March 23, 2007

I hate my job so much but now even more because my non-Flash-equipped computer (!) won't let me play.
posted by scratch at 8:12 AM on March 23, 2007

I've never laughed this hard after losing. Thanks for this.
posted by runningdogofcapitalism at 8:32 AM on March 23, 2007

I had a few minutes of fun with this. Thanks!
posted by teleskiving at 8:48 AM on March 23, 2007

The clown in the bathroom (huh?) does a pretty good number on you.
posted by booth at 8:56 AM on March 23, 2007

There's a clown in the bathroom? Well hell, now I have to play again.
posted by FlamingBore at 9:17 AM on March 23, 2007

I mimeomaimed myself a few times, put the pinata on, and then the game ended. It showed me in a meeting, still dressed as a pinata and bleeding all over the place. My co-workers never said anything, the fuggin' sheep.
posted by user92371 at 9:21 AM on March 23, 2007

How about the nuclear weasels on floor two? This game rocks.
posted by phaedon at 9:21 AM on March 23, 2007

Dooood, two clowns in the bathroom.
posted by FlamingBore at 9:23 AM on March 23, 2007

OMG - just laughed out loud.
Me: "Can't talk now Jesus freak"
Jesus Freak: "Talk to the hand"

"Holy Spirited": 10%

Awesomeness.
posted by FlamingBore at 9:28 AM on March 23, 2007

I think I found everything... flying umbrellas, pissing on computers, drinking from the urinal and so on, does talking to anyone besides the Jesus freak do any harm to you?
posted by edgeways at 10:30 AM on March 23, 2007

Yep - fat lady in the lunchroom pulls a way cool masked wrestler move you you. I never could get whatever was in the mailroom near the flying tubs to do anything to me. :(
posted by FlamingBore at 10:48 AM on March 23, 2007

er, flying tubes.
posted by FlamingBore at 10:49 AM on March 23, 2007

And if you work him hard enough the Fat Guy in the lunch room will kick you in the nuts.

My god, I really need to get some work done.
posted by FlamingBore at 10:59 AM on March 23, 2007

Although working in an office is a form of suicide to begin with, this is a lot of fun!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:03 AM on March 23, 2007

FlamingBore, you put the umbrella in the open slot, then go stand by the tubes where the arrow is.
posted by edgeways at 11:27 AM on March 23, 2007

Tried that - no dice. Dang. Oh well - Must stop playing this stupid game!!!
posted by FlamingBore at 11:28 AM on March 23, 2007

i liked this a lot.
what do you have to do to make use of the pinata costume?
posted by juv3nal at 11:32 AM on March 23, 2007

You just use it. If you walk by the guys in white shirts around the Pinata, they take turns beating you.

Holy Christ I love this game.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:35 AM on March 23, 2007

if you go to the second floor and try to get into the boss's office weasel's will pop out and attack you. Each causes about %5 damage. Add this to the shark right there and you can get up to %55 dead in a few seconds.
posted by Raichle at 11:37 AM on March 23, 2007

Huh, the game locked up for me 4:30 in.
posted by delmoi at 11:44 AM on March 23, 2007

Died by microwave with 7.39 seconds left.
posted by Tenuki at 12:11 PM on March 23, 2007

Died by toilet cake with 9 secs left.
posted by brundlefly at 2:33 PM on March 23, 2007

Man, you guys all suck at killing yourselves. Only took me 3:45.

I probably shouldn't be proud of that...
posted by graventy at 2:50 PM on March 23, 2007

For those who'd rather take it out on your boss:

Wack Your Boss
posted by the other side at 5:50 PM on March 23, 2007

heck, the Jesus Freak did me in in 2:11
posted by ScotchLynx at 9:12 PM on March 23, 2007

ditto. You'd think that it would take god less than 10 tries to smite somebody properly.
posted by tehloki at 10:50 PM on March 23, 2007

The controls in this game are incredibly frustrating.
posted by sindark at 5:15 AM on March 24, 2007

If you wear the pinata, you co workers will complete the job for you.
posted by IronLizard at 7:11 PM on March 24, 2007

The fat guy kept getting in my way! Still, death by microwave and staplers. Ah, the sweet release of the grave.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:09 PM on March 24, 2007