Evacuate Australia!

May 12, 2007 7:51 PM

If Art Bell is to be believed, up to 11 million Australians could be calling USA home due to years of severe drought in the country's food bowl. The story picked up, and given appropriate treatment by the venerable News Corporation online mouthpiece news.com.au. Is it hard being a climate change sceptic when your boss is a convert? Is climate change a left wing plot?
posted by mattoxic (56 comments total)

Art Bell is always to be believed.
posted by jlowen at 7:59 PM on May 12, 2007

wouldn't it be simpler and cheaper just to build some desalination plants and import food?
posted by pyramid termite at 8:06 PM on May 12, 2007

You're missing the 'Sprockets' tag.
posted by phaedon at 8:06 PM on May 12, 2007

I thought George Norry was f/t now...no?
posted by acro at 8:07 PM on May 12, 2007

noory
posted by acro at 8:08 PM on May 12, 2007

acro: Only on weeknights. Art Bell still does the weekend show.
posted by mkb at 8:13 PM on May 12, 2007

Is Art Bell still married? I heard he married some girl he met online from the far east. Quite strange.
posted by bhouston at 8:14 PM on May 12, 2007

climat change is very scar an i think it will be big problem for u peepel in usa...

Oh, sorry, I've just been looking around on YouTube, and the comments have affected by brain.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:18 PM on May 12, 2007

Halfbakery!
or not?
My favourite solution (Wired, June 2005)

...
"Craven's system exploits the dramatic temperature difference between ocean water below 3,000 feet - perpetually just above freezing - and the much warmer water and air above it. That temperature gap can be harnessed to create a nearly unlimited supply of energy."

listen in tonight: stream
posted by acro at 8:19 PM on May 12, 2007

FWIW, Jared Diamond wouldn't be surprised.
posted by b1tr0t at 8:19 PM on May 12, 2007

Global Warming?
posted by Balisong at 8:32 PM on May 12, 2007

Climate Change?
posted by Balisong at 8:33 PM on May 12, 2007

Pasta Bagels?
posted by Balisong at 8:33 PM on May 12, 2007

up to 11 million Australians could be calling USA home

They won't last, though. Not enough Vegemite for 'em in the USA.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:54 PM on May 12, 2007

ghosts in the mirror? I will tell you this Art Bell sounds creepy/good driving down highway 80 at 4:00am in Nevada.
posted by orgvol at 8:55 PM on May 12, 2007

Beats Limbaugh.
posted by Balisong at 9:02 PM on May 12, 2007

Not enough Vegemite? How much is inside?
posted by acro at 9:14 PM on May 12, 2007

I for one, welcome my new Aussie neighbors. The very first 'non-kiddie' record I owned was "Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport" by Rolf Harris. Fortunately, my parents were clueless about the meaning of the lyrics, and I was too until I was about 9. (Oh, an "abbo" is what?) Good memories. Bring on the Australians, and see if you can smuggle in some kangaroos and koalas.
posted by wendell at 9:16 PM on May 12, 2007

Ya gotta love Art Bell. The man has been scaring people center for alot of years now. A border collie, I'd say.
posted by Penny Wise at 9:17 PM on May 12, 2007

Best place to hide some truth is between two lies.
posted by acro at 9:21 PM on May 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

(Oh, an "abbo" is what?)

"abo" = "aboriginal"

This expression has been well and truly superannuated.
posted by Wolof at 9:26 PM on May 12, 2007

I think food prices would be WAY up a long time before this happened.

Food prices are not WAY up.
posted by tomble at 9:38 PM on May 12, 2007

Dibs on Nicole Kidman! She'll love our "bonus room".
posted by dhartung at 9:39 PM on May 12, 2007

Good lord can you imagine what this will do to the property prices!?!

(And thanks for the laugh mattoxic.)
posted by jasperella at 9:58 PM on May 12, 2007

They will be alright. They complain about our rain but we in New Zealand will be more than happy to export them mountainloads of food if they agree to give Russell Crowe his Austrailian citizenship.
posted by DOUBLE A SIDE at 10:04 PM on May 12, 2007

Considering that our present Government (and to a similar but slightly lesser extent the Opposition) is actively hostile to the idea of Australia being inhabitable by humans in 50 years' time, I wouldn't want to rule this out. We have a claim over large parts of Antarctica, though, which by then may be quite a pleasant place to live.

BTW Wolof is right, the term discussed above is regarded as extremely offensive these days. Rolf Harris regrets that verse of his song, which is a whimsical joke about slavery.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 10:32 PM on May 12, 2007

Dreamland... Coast to Coast...

Goofy, weird, moronic, stupid shows, aimed at the gullible and the dim witted.

Yet, whenever I chance upon them, I can't turn them off!

Art knew that before he started.
posted by The Deej at 10:40 PM on May 12, 2007

I disagree, Deej. Art quite often has shows covering nothing but hard science, usually related to physics. These days I'd say it's an almost even split with the kook stuff. And with the kook stuff, he keeps his head on pretty straight while providing those people with a forum.

Now George Noory, on the other hand, is a fucking idiot who pulls in huge ratings by appealing to the lowest common denominator.
posted by Roman Graves at 10:48 PM on May 12, 2007

Australia has some pretty serious issues regarding water and arable land, but there are probably going to be easier ways to address it than to move 11 million people.

Oh, and Art Bell is a kook. Why would you believe anything he says?
posted by bshort at 10:53 PM on May 12, 2007

Andrew Bolt thinks cold toast at breakfast is a left wing plot.
posted by zamboni at 10:56 PM on May 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

What's the deal with Art Bell? His son, I mean. Did he get buggered or something? It's been a while since I worked the night shift, I'm sort of out of the loop...
posted by c13 at 11:06 PM on May 12, 2007

Take some lessons from Australia, America:

1. Whip up some hysteria about boatloads of immigrants coming to steal your jobs, whilst ignoring the 46,000 who flew in from China on tourist visas and disappeared.
2. Set up an immigration exclusion zone, and declare Ellis Island an "excised offshore place".
3. Establish "character standards" - Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you...
4. Find some impoverished overseas country you can sucker in to taking them "temporarily". I believe Australia is likely to be pretty vacant by then...

Oh, you can take Andrew Bolt though. Greg Sheridan too, while you're at it. And how would you feel about building a little kennel down on the Bush ranch for John Howard?
posted by Pinback at 11:07 PM on May 12, 2007

MetaFilter: Art Bell is unbelievable!
posted by acro at 11:10 PM on May 12, 2007

I disagree, Deej. Art quite often has shows covering nothing but hard science, usually related to physics. These days I'd say it's an almost even split with the kook stuff. And with the kook stuff, he keeps his head on pretty straight while providing those people with a forum.

I think my schedule changed around the time he quit to deal with his the issue with his son. I didn't hear much of his show after he returned. At that time, he brought up all the wacky topics, and even went into his own UFO conspiracy theories. So ya, at that time he certainly added to it. Contrails, lights in the sky, Chupacabra, etc. But it did seem like he provided callers a forum, asked questions, and let the callers speak. Also lots of interviews with psychics, UFOlogists, etc.

I read an interview with him about that time, and he pretty much said that his job was to give a forum, and didn't try to talk anyone out of anything.

Maybe when he came back he got more into hard science, but it sure wasn't the case any time I listened back then. It was pretty much what Nory does now.

Entertaining always, however.
posted by The Deej at 11:13 PM on May 12, 2007

Australia is habitable?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:14 PM on May 12, 2007

Response to an upthread question, and since I mentioned it... What I recall, based on what he publicly disclosed, was that his son was taken advantage of by a teacher or someone in authority. Like I said, I lost track after that, so maybe he clarified more later. But he was pretty vague, and didn't want to say anything when he quit because he was afraid of retribution of some kind. Hope everyone is ok.
posted by The Deej at 11:17 PM on May 12, 2007

>c13 (via 1st link)
posted by acro at 11:19 PM on May 12, 2007

We better get to work on that Aussie-proof fence.
posted by lazymonster at 11:23 PM on May 12, 2007

I'd like to take this time in the thread to talk to you about HGH: Human Growth Hormone. That's right. HGH is real human growth hormone that can slow down or even stop the effects of aging. I use it. You can use it too.

(I kind of liked Art Bell when I was younger. He seems like a good guy. I find it kind of sad that everyone in this thread is either making fun of something, talking about Tie Me Kangaroo Down, or ignoring the issue which is that uh hey what if an entire country becomes unable to produce food. Which seems kind of serious to me. But I suppose it is easier to ignore the possibility, so let's do that. Good work.)
posted by blacklite at 11:23 PM on May 12, 2007

This is all preposterous and everything, but it does not say 11m would go to the USA. It says "the USA and other commonwealth nations." Most would probably end up here in Canada, which takes in about twice as many immigrants per capita as does the US. And we have vegemite at pretty much every grocery store. Shreddies too.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 11:28 PM on May 12, 2007

tonight on CoastToCoast with Art Bell: bee rapture
posted by acro at 11:29 PM on May 12, 2007

blacklite>did you check out my Wired link? An invention that siphons salt water from the depths of the ocean, condensation forms on the cold pipe at the surface, electricity is produced...
posted by acro at 11:34 PM on May 12, 2007

I'd like to take this time in the thread to talk to you about HGH: Human Growth Hormone. That's right. HGH is real human growth hormone that can slow down or even stop the effects of aging. I use it. You can use it too.

Hey, look at me! I'm a fucktard! You can be like me, too! Eat chondroitin sulfate and hide away from the chemtrails.
posted by c13 at 11:34 PM on May 12, 2007

Yeah, I'm THAT drunk...
posted by c13 at 11:41 PM on May 12, 2007

I'd like to take this time in the thread to talk to you about HGH: Human Growth Hormone. That's right. HGH is real human growth hormone that can slow down or even stop the effects of aging. I use it. You can use it too.

BWAHAAHHHAH
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:51 PM on May 12, 2007

They use it on racehorses for Christ's sake. >c13
posted by acro at 12:04 AM on May 13, 2007

We have a claim over large parts of Antarctica, though, which by then may be quite a pleasant place to live.
That's your solution--move that ice over to you guys while it's still there (a la Futurama?)
posted by amberglow at 4:46 AM on May 13, 2007

Greg Sheridan too

Hear, hear.
posted by Wolof at 6:27 AM on May 13, 2007

Enough HGH and you too can hang tall with Nicole Kidman.
posted by y2karl at 6:39 AM on May 13, 2007

Art Bell has reportedly been married three times, most recently to a lady from the Phillipines named Airyn Ruiz. They're expecting a child whom they plan to name Asia.

I'm not sure if I'd call Art Bell a kook so much as a guy who has created a now international venue which allows kooks to be kooky. He interviews kooks, passes along information from kooky sources, and may or may not be a kook himself, but that's not relevant.

He found a niche and he filled it. Whether or not he actually believes any of it or not may not be relevant. It puts food on his table. I'd probably host a show about something I didn't believe in if it put food on my table. There's no profit in pride.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:36 PM on May 13, 2007

...I may or may not in fact be Vroomfondel.
posted by ZachsMind at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2007

Meh. We can just ramp up our food imports from Brazil to counter this.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:47 PM on May 13, 2007

I would listen to Art 8 hours a day if I could, the man is just mesmerizing. The hard science shows he does are GREAT and the weird stuff is extremely fun in and of itself.

I can take in two Australians, just not noisy ones.
posted by clango at 11:06 AM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Speaking as an Australian, I will gladly live at Clangos house, because he's awesome. Who knows. If I'm nice and quiet and play my cards right, hopefully he'll reward me with a DS character all of my very own.

Who'd probably just be killed by Red Robot within two or three strips.
posted by Effigy2000 at 9:11 PM on May 14, 2007

Considering the Australian goverment's desire to pass stifling copyright restrictions and anti-terrorism laws, I wouldn't be surprised if we started seeing Australian immigrants for entirely different reasons.
posted by deusdiabolus at 7:16 AM on May 19, 2007

To the US? Because things are so much better there? You're kidding, right?
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:28 PM on May 20, 2007