Join 3,497 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Wedding Ring Coffin
May 15, 2007 8:17 PM   Subscribe

"When a marriage dies, what should be done with the wedding ring? Until now, millions of wedding rings have been banished to remote corners of sock and underwear drawers. Now you can give these wedding rings the proper final resting place they deserve."
posted by mr_crash_davis (45 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
No, that doesn't work, actually you have to cast it into the fires of Mount Doom where it was forged.
posted by grobstein at 8:22 PM on May 15, 2007 [24 favorites]


I still keep meaning to sell the ex's ring, as well as the anniversary ring, buy some cheap liquor and getting slobberigly drunk.

Haven't decided on the sleeping in an alley and soiling myself part yet...
posted by Samizdata at 8:22 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Slobberingly, even...
posted by Samizdata at 8:22 PM on May 15, 2007


This is why God invented pawn shops.
posted by caddis at 8:30 PM on May 15, 2007


One of my exes threw the ring I gave her into Lake Superior after a night of drinking with her new boyfriend.

But, I slept with her sister (after the breakup) so I guess we're even.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:32 PM on May 15, 2007 [20 favorites]


You could also sell your ring, purchase a full-size coffin, and find someone to place inside.

Profit. Wash. Rinse (vigorously). Repeat.
posted by nilihm at 8:35 PM on May 15, 2007


This is why God invented pawn shops.

Well, that, and God wanted to create another viable option for high-interest financing so that the loansharks he invented wouldn't have to bust so many of the kneecaps he made.
posted by grobstein at 8:36 PM on May 15, 2007


You should really sell these things. It's the diamond companies that want you to hold on to them or buries them in order not to flood the market and depress the price for ring-quality diamonds.
posted by bhouston at 8:44 PM on May 15, 2007


Huh. I turned mine back into the jeweler and upgraded to earrings. At least I got something worthwhile out of the bargain...
posted by Space Kitty at 8:46 PM on May 15, 2007


"I do . . . NOT!"

Yup, real class.
posted by oddman at 8:50 PM on May 15, 2007


Just send them to me. I'll make sure they have a nice final resting place. Trust me.
posted by IronLizard at 8:56 PM on May 15, 2007


Bruce had the right idea:

Janey took a look around at everything
Went to a drawer in her bureau and got out her old engagement ring
Took out her wedding dress tied that ring up in its sash
Went straight down to the pawn shop man and walked out with some good cold cash


It's really not a good idea to cling to the tangible fragments of the past, let alone enshrine them. Get rid of as many items that have sad associations as you can.
posted by orange swan at 8:56 PM on May 15, 2007


I want my wedding ring to be cremated and scattered.
posted by ColdChef at 9:05 PM on May 15, 2007


1. Place ring in coffin.
2. Place coffin in appropriate spot (mantle, etc).
3. Harbor resentments.
4. Grow bitter and unhappy.
5. Die inside.
posted by sparkzy at 9:17 PM on May 15, 2007 [4 favorites]


When my ex and I got married, we hired a limo from a funeral home. We all made a lot of macabre jokes about that. Busting the ring out of a coffin during the wedding would've added a nice touch. It's probably a good thing I'm not a wedding planner.
posted by hoppytoad at 9:23 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


I've smelted and forged my former spouse's wedding ring into a bullet.
Either she gets hers, or I gets hers or that bastard gets hers in the end, 2200 fps.

Regrets, I have none but her.
My last words were "I do."
posted by isopraxis at 9:24 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


The ring I gave my wife was my mother's wedding ring.
It has a sizable diamond.(1.5 caret, Russian cut with some chips under the prongs and a carbon inclusion that throws off some fire) that came originally from my great unkle's 32nd degree Mason ring, made back in the 30's.

It was an heirloom ring that my dad had re-set into a wedding ring for my mom. After they got divorced, my mom kept it, but didn't wear it. I had been living with my girlfriend for over 4 years when I finally asked mom what she did with that ring.
She said she swept it under some rug somewhere.
But later, durring a Christmas visit, she brought it out, explaining that it was really mine. (heirloom and all...)
I immediately turned to my soon-to-be wife and said "this doesn't belong to me.." and put it on her finger.

Before the wedding, I took it and had matching wedding rings made where her ring slipped into the center.

It's been another 6 years, and we're still going strong. Our little girl is almost a year old. We are searching to buy our first home. We work slow but deliberately.

Just because some ring has a history, doesn't mean it's cursed for someone else. The diamond on my wife's ring has been cut and set for twice over how old I am.

Maybe dome day my son (if I get one) will receive it with our estate.

It's better if the object lives beyond whatever subjective meaning you project onto it. There is no need for a funeral.
posted by Balisong at 9:29 PM on May 15, 2007 [3 favorites]


This thread sucks.
*drinks half-gallon of whiskey to forget AGAIN.
posted by isopraxis at 9:29 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Only $40 for the most expensive model, with the personalized plaque. A lot less than I had imagined (I was thinking $100+).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:38 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Plus, if you are really done with the marrige, are you really gonna shell out another $30 for a special little box to keep the remnant memory of something you could as easily forget in a sock drawer?
posted by Balisong at 9:39 PM on May 15, 2007


Amen Balisong,
My circular bullet is in a mason jar aside a couple of dogtags from lost creatures, a 1905 Canadian nickel and a rock pulled from a place in Idaho where I held a dying 18 year old boy during a fatal construction area accident. They all have a certain dark equivalence to me and a similar need for containment in said mason jar. Requiscat In Pace. Let sleeping dogs lie. Dig not for the buried in some romantic internet scam. Did I already say that this thread sucks? Lemme say it again.
posted by isopraxis at 9:52 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Why not collect all these redundant ex-wedding rings, melt them down, and use them to construct the shiny new Freedom Tower?
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:10 PM on May 15, 2007


You could also sell your ring, purchase a full-size coffin, and find someone to place inside.

These even have expedited shipping, if you find that special someone sooner than expected.
posted by semantic scope at 10:11 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm kind of disappointed - when I first saw the post I thought some guy was asking for all unused wedding rings to be sent to him either for free or for a low price. Then, he would fill up a coffin with them and bury it somewhere. Then the world would forget about this stunt and his children would inherit a genuine treasure map.
posted by redteam at 10:39 PM on May 15, 2007 [2 favorites]


Unreal! Doesn't every one have the rings restyled for right hand wear?
posted by Cranberry at 10:51 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


I left my behind and told my ex to pawn it.
posted by The Deej at 11:10 PM on May 15, 2007


I left my behind and told my ex to pawn it.

Did you mean that as it sounds ("Pawn my ass, scumbag!") or did you mean you left your ring behind?
posted by katillathehun at 11:33 PM on May 15, 2007 [2 favorites]


I kept mine, (nice 2 carets) and wear it on my right hand. If anyone asks about it, I tell them "I earned this ring!" Plus it pisses off the ex who threw his ring at me saying "I will never wear this again, you might as well take it back." I think he expected me to follow suit! NOT! That is just plain stupid.

Now I have both.
posted by JujuB at 11:42 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


I left my behind and told my ex to pawn it.

Did you mean that as it sounds ("Pawn my ass, scumbag!") or did you mean you left your ring behind?
posted by katillathehun


LOL! Wow how Freudian of me! Or something.

my behind = my ring behind

It seemed the "right" thing to do, since she had pawned hers numerous times to cover gambling and compulsive spending. But I digress...
posted by The Deej at 12:07 AM on May 16, 2007


Did you mean that as it sounds ("Pawn my ass, scumbag!") or did you mean you left your ring behind?

his ass was pwned, obviously.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:09 AM on May 16, 2007


I also offer a wedding ring burial service free of charge. Send those rings to me people.
posted by seanyboy at 1:14 AM on May 16, 2007


You could always just, you know, sell your dignity.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:41 AM on May 16, 2007


Oh, I wasn't going to do it, but I will.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:42 AM on May 16, 2007


Until the alimony stops, wedding rings need to be kept around, though perhaps repurposed.
posted by pracowity at 2:33 AM on May 16, 2007


Threw mine off the Staten Island Ferry.
posted by papercake at 4:41 AM on May 16, 2007


Notched wedding ring worn to denote divorce, 1924
posted by jepler at 5:24 AM on May 16, 2007


o
posted by LordSludge at 5:52 AM on May 16, 2007


I threw mine out of the car window on the way to work. I drive by the approximate patch of woods where it landed every day. Good enough for me.
posted by porn in the woods at 6:26 AM on May 16, 2007


I threw mine into the Potomac, while standing on the pedestrian bridge to Roosevelt Island. I hadn't really planned to do it, but there I was, a few hours after the divorce was final, a beautiful, sunny day, and it just occurred to me to do so. I threw it with the strong wind that was blowing from the south, so it went pretty far, if anyone wants to go looking for it.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:47 AM on May 16, 2007


"Notched wedding ring worn to denote divorce, 1924"

The unfortunate line break there caught me a little off-guard:

Many women in England, who have been
divorced from their husbands, continue to
wear the wedding ring, but have a fracture
cut in it by a jew-

posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:31 AM on May 16, 2007


So. Anyone wanna get married? I'm free tuesday two weeks away.
posted by Sparx at 2:15 PM on May 16, 2007


Wow. I can't imagine making a memorial out of jewelry my ex bought when we were teenagers. I periodically run across it at the back of my jewelry drawer, and smile. Because really, the ring symbolizes when it was all good. We were young, we were idealist, we were passionately in love, and all was right in the world. It's such a teeny little ring, with a tiny little diamond chip...and it was such a big expense for teenagers in college. Bless his heart, I know he ate Ramen for a month just to afford it.

Yes, it ended badly, and I certainly don't want any reminders of that part...but the ring...that will always remind me why I got married to him in the first place.
posted by dejah420 at 3:35 PM on May 16, 2007


1. Place ring in coffin.
2. Place coffin in appropriate spot (mantle, etc).
3. Harbor resentments.
4. Grow bitter and unhappy.
5. Die inside.

Never officially married so no actual ring, but have already managed 3 through 5 quite comprehensively.
posted by dg at 7:14 PM on May 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Here's my favorite wedding ring story! And by favorite, I mean least favorite.

So, my great-grandmother had this wedding ring. Being that she was married and all. And when she died, she left it to her eldest daughter. Her eldest daughter (my great aunt) just happened to be a big lesbian, and so had no need for the ring. So, she gave it to her nephew when he announced his plans for marriage.

And so, my dad married my mom with my great-grandmother's ring.

And what a flaming success that was. A whole two and a half years, one child, and a pyschotic break later, that train wreck came to a halt. My mother kept the ring to give to me when I got married as even though the marriage hadn't worked for her, the ring should still stay in the family.

Enter my younger stepbrother - the budding sociopath (I am totally serious. I've read the diagnostic criteria. He fits all of them.) who had a thievery habit to support his drug habit. Oh yes, the little miscreant took the ring from its safe hiding place and sold it for something that probably was smoked/snorted/shot in about a minute and a half.

And now some small town drug dealer is running around with my great-grandmother's ring.

The moral of this story is... I don't even know what.

My own ring isn't leaving my hand until it is wrenched off my cold dead body. My grandchildren can have it, but they have to pry it off of my finger first. It just wouldn't be a family heirloom without having an element of primal horror.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:50 PM on May 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


What these coffins need is an RFID or a GPS or a beacon or some other way for the guy that runs the company to find them and dig them up again.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:48 PM on May 16, 2007


« Older Jean-Luc Godard's Histoire(s) du cinĂ©ma was recent...  |  UniverseNewsFilter: Scientists... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments