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May 23, 2007 5:01 PM

DO NOT click the YouTube link contained in this FPP if you DO NOT want to see an ADVERTISEMENT. The link is to an ADVERTISEMENT. Not viral or whatever, just a plain, old-fashioned, straight-up ADVERTISEMENT. They want to sell you some sugary crap that might make you fat. But it stars Mr. T. In a TANK. And it's funny. But it's an ADVERTISEMENT. You have been warned. HERE IT IS.
posted by flapjax at midnite (107 comments total)

I fully expect a certain thrashing here in the comments. Oh well. I warned people.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:04 PM on May 23, 2007

Oh, quit your jibber jabber. (Someone had to do it)
posted by waitingtoderail at 5:05 PM on May 23, 2007

When we saw this, we were like, "Oh my god, is that actually Mr T?", and it was actually Mr T, and we were like, "Oh my god."
posted by chrismear at 5:05 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I pity the fool that doesn't like this.
posted by Aloysius Bear at 5:05 PM on May 23, 2007

Dude...GYOFB. Cute clip - you can't go wrong with Mr. T - but no way is this worthy of a FPP.
posted by davidmsc at 5:10 PM on May 23, 2007

Tnat wasn't even slightly clever.
posted by phaedon at 5:11 PM on May 23, 2007

Pfft, davidmsc, there's no way WE are worthy of THIS.
posted by Aloysius Bear at 5:11 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Is this an advertisement?
posted by Sticherbeast at 5:12 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I wish I could still eat Snickers...
posted by Samizdata at 5:14 PM on May 23, 2007

There are testicles in these Snickers?
posted by dontoine at 5:15 PM on May 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

If we had the image tag, I would goatse this thread and get banned for it but it would be completely worth it. Jesus. Mr. T isn't funny anymore.

(Yes, yes, he was a celebrity unironically 20 years ago and isn't that absurd and oh my childhood and all that horseshit.)
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:15 PM on May 23, 2007

I suddenly want to buy Ray Ban sunglasses...why....
posted by samsara at 5:17 PM on May 23, 2007

Does this have anything to do with CBS canceling "Jericho"?
posted by wendell at 5:17 PM on May 23, 2007

I remember Mr T. And Marathon bars.
[NOT UKCENTRIC]
posted by seanyboy at 5:17 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Huh. I was expecting some old ad starring Mr. T at the height of his fame. Preferably selling something unexpected. This was not that.
posted by brundlefly at 5:19 PM on May 23, 2007

Get Some Nuts!
posted by ericb at 5:21 PM on May 23, 2007

I pity yo fool 'dvertising ! Get some snack that isn't shat from you momma hole, fool !
posted by elpapacito at 5:21 PM on May 23, 2007

And then there was the time when Mr. T. cut down all of those trees at his home in the Chicago suburb of Lake Forest on account of his hay fever.
posted by ericb at 5:23 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

You know those cars he drove over just to throw a Snickers at that guy? Yeah, those belonged to some poor grandmas, they were their only means of transportation and now they won't be able to drive to the pharmacy to get their prescriptions and they will die, because they cant get welfare and their families are far away and poor due to the fact that the plant had to shut down and now they have to eat canned beets morning, noon and night and their little girls had to release their cats into the wild because they couldn't afford to feed them but their mothers said that they went to a better place but this morning little Eliza found a cat carcass beneath a bush but mommy said it wasn't Mr Whiskers.

And what about the gate he smashed? The poor town couldn't afford to mend it, so it had to stay broken, a monument to bad desicion making and corrupt politicians and every day as the townfolk passed it they were reminded of what a hell hole they live in but they can't move because the plant shut down and they have nowhere to go.

And then he destroyed the football field as well, who can play football on a pitch with deep track marks on it so their only outlet, the one thing that kept them going was taken away from them and they had to relocate to a carpark but it was filled with needles and Johnny fell on one and now he's doing horse.

It's June.

Geez, this commercial was about the saddest thing I've ever seen.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 5:27 PM on May 23, 2007 [12 favorites]

I found it very somewhat surreal that Steve Inskeep said it was Mr T's birthday at the top of Morning Edition the other day.
posted by birdherder at 5:29 PM on May 23, 2007

This ad did a similar joke better.
posted by bobo123 at 5:30 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I saw this ad because someone claimed it was better than the starburst berries and cream ad. I didn't think so.
posted by puke & cry at 5:32 PM on May 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

Related: I PITY THE FOOL!.
posted by mullingitover at 5:34 PM on May 23, 2007

Where are the non-fpps? ;) Youtube posts seem to be the norm lately...
posted by IronWolve at 5:36 PM on May 23, 2007

Pepsi Blue

/obligatory
posted by pruner at 5:36 PM on May 23, 2007

You know, I can't put my finger on it, but I get the feeling that the video, and by extension this post, was some kind of subtle viral ad. Like if you were to read between the lines, you would see that f@m was actually linking to something which was nothing more than a cleverly contrived video designed to make us want to buy something.

Of course, I could be completely wrong.
posted by quin at 5:40 PM on May 23, 2007

Ha. If they could bring flapjax at midnite to their side, then they deserve to win.
posted by roll truck roll at 5:43 PM on May 23, 2007

If only Mr. T was speaking in lolcat, then this commercial would be unstoppable.
posted by 517 at 5:44 PM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

So kiss a little longer... stay close a little longer... hold tight a little longer... longer with Big Red!! That Big Red freshness lasts right through it! Your fresh breath goes on and on... while you chew it! Say goodbye a little longer... make it last a little longer... GIVE YOUR BREATH LONG LASTING FRESHNESS.... WITH BIG RE-ED!

I can't believe I still remember that.
posted by phaedon at 5:46 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

It's a pity (Ha!) that they didn't shell out for the theme to the A-Team. It would have been a better musical choice, and could have moved this from the realm of "awesome" to "holy fuck, wow, that was awesome."
posted by quin at 5:48 PM on May 23, 2007

Not very fucking phat.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 5:52 PM on May 23, 2007

Happy peanuts soar, over chocolate covered mountain-tops... and waterfalls of caramelll.... Prancing nougat in the meadow... sings a song of satisfaction.. toooo the wooorrlllddddd.... The world!
posted by phaedon at 5:56 PM on May 23, 2007

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
posted by fire&wings at 5:57 PM on May 23, 2007

Shitty post. There, I said it. I was expecting a CLEVER commercial. Why post this obnoxious piece of uninspired SHIT? (Other than what quin said.)

(Hits f.a.m. between the eyes with brown lumpy peanut laden object)
posted by longsleeves at 5:57 PM on May 23, 2007

Ouch!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:58 PM on May 23, 2007

Did this thread turn into an amazing repository of hilarious commercials yet?
posted by shakespeherian at 6:00 PM on May 23, 2007

Happy peanuts soar, over chocolate covered mountain-tops... and waterfalls of caramelll.... Prancing nougat in the meadow... sings a song of satisfaction.. toooo the wooorrlllddddd.... The world!

I saw the guy that sings that song on a another commercial, telling everyone about how he can control his genital herpes with a daily pill. Can't look at that snickers commercial the same now.
posted by puke & cry at 6:01 PM on May 23, 2007

Keith Olbermann would kick Mr. T's ass. He should be in that fuckin tank on Capitol Hill throwing Snickers TM at Pelosi and Reid. Cowards. /transferrence
posted by HyperBlue at 6:04 PM on May 23, 2007

phaedon typed "So kiss a little longer... stay close a little longer... hold tight a little longer... longer with Big Red!! That Big Red freshness lasts right through it! Your fresh breath goes on and on... while you chew it! Say goodbye a little longer... make it last a little longer... GIVE YOUR BREATH LONG LASTING FRESHNESS.... WITH BIG RE-ED!

"I can't believe I still remember that."

Whoa. I always heard "while you chew it" as "riding through it" or something. The real version makes so much more sense.

Also, gum commercials seem to get the most perfect jingles. "Extra" is pure sugary classic.
posted by roll truck roll at 6:06 PM on May 23, 2007

"I can't believe I still remember that."

The power of some of these jingles to stay in our heads years after having heard them is a testament to the power of simple repetition, mainly, but also to the power, I suppose, of a catchy melody married to, er, unforgettable lyrics.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:13 PM on May 23, 2007

Whoa. I always heard "while you chew it" as "riding through it" or something. The real version makes so much more sense.

There's a car dealership owner named Cal Worthington in Southern California whose jingle included the line 'If you want a car or truck, go see Cal.' I have a friend who to this day insists that the lyric is 'If you want a car or truck, horsey-cow.'
posted by shakespeherian at 6:16 PM on May 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

Wow, that actually really sucked.

But I feel GRRRRREAT! Go on, HIT ME! Feel that!? RRRARRGH!! BABIES EVERYWHERE.

My spoon is too big.
posted by loquacious at 6:21 PM on May 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

I worked on Mr. T's reality show last year (hey I gotta eat too) and there was this whole thing about how he wasn't wearing the gold chains anymore because he felt bad after Hurricane Katrina, and he felt that his chains were an offense against God.

Well, I guess God ain't got shit against cash money from Snickers, huh?
posted by fungible at 6:21 PM on May 23, 2007

I always heard "while you chew it" as "riding through it" or something.

I wonder if there are any sites out there among these that offer misheard lyrics from jingles.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:22 PM on May 23, 2007

Sunset at Herring Cove | Provincetown, MA.
posted by ericb at 6:23 PM on May 23, 2007

Related: I PITY THE HAIKU!
posted by fusinski at 6:23 PM on May 23, 2007

Ooops .. big ooops ... wrong thread. Nonetheless, enjoy!
posted by ericb at 6:24 PM on May 23, 2007

^ Note: This apparently doesn't work in Firefox. I pity the Firefox.
posted by fusinski at 6:24 PM on May 23, 2007

Well, I guess God ain't got shit against cash money from Snickers, huh?

Hey, Mr. T gotta eat too.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:24 PM on May 23, 2007

sometimes when i get hungry, i purchase a snickers from the corner store. then i think to myself, i'm a grown man eating a candy bar, i should be ashamed of myself. now after seeing this commercial, i feel much better about myself. thank you mr.t.
posted by cazoo at 6:26 PM on May 23, 2007

Stick a VERY large phallic object in my face and then tell me to get some nuts? Who's the target audience here?
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:26 PM on May 23, 2007

There are testicles in these Snickers?

Imagine if Mr. T was selling TruckNutz.
posted by Tube at 6:28 PM on May 23, 2007

Flapjax,

pretty damned funny. I don't think there is ever a time of "too much T"
posted by Hands of Manos at 6:30 PM on May 23, 2007

*watches it again*

Yup, still sucks. It might have been funny if I wasn't already expecting Mr. T and I was, like, really, really stoned on a lot of really good weed and maybe ate a bunch of really strong weed brownies and smoked even more weed and maybe even if I "put my weed in there" - if you know what I mean.

Oh, that and if I was six. And - as indicated - ludicrously, inhumanly stoned.

Granted if I got stoned when I was six I would probably be too busy laughing at my hands to bother with YouTube.
posted by loquacious at 6:31 PM on May 23, 2007

Any day a Mr. T. FPP can generate 50+ comments is a good day for MeFi.

I for one, welcome our gold chain laden overlord.
posted by lampshade at 6:31 PM on May 23, 2007

I prefer the over the top hyperbole of this nutrigrain ad. Although my favorite commercials of all time are the Canadian breast cancer awareness ad, and this one.
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:32 PM on May 23, 2007

*watches it again*

Good lord, man! That's shocking!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:34 PM on May 23, 2007

For all that buildup I'd expect a funny commercial. Or at least a moderately amusing one.

Lamest of the lame. Two thumbs down.

Also, the self-moderation is doubly lame.
posted by bshort at 6:37 PM on May 23, 2007

Flagged as noise.

Such willful flaunting of the fact that this is a single link, youtube, advertisement is beyond the pale. I can (and sometimes do) forgive the ignorant posters who occasionally try to link to something "funny" or "cute" no matter the implications. To do so like this is just ridiculous and a waste.
posted by wfrgms at 6:42 PM on May 23, 2007

Now we can call him Mr. T-72?
posted by pax digita at 6:44 PM on May 23, 2007

doubly lame.

Wow, and I always heard that one as "double your pleasure, double your fun"...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:45 PM on May 23, 2007

He shoots, he scores!
posted by phaedon at 6:45 PM on May 23, 2007

mr. t can eat my balls.
posted by quonsar at 6:47 PM on May 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

You may hate it but man, it brightens up a commercial break I can tell you.
posted by Hogshead at 6:49 PM on May 23, 2007

I prefer the over the top hyperbole of this nutrigrain ad.

naruto reeeeeeemiiixxxx
posted by phaedon at 6:54 PM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Should it bother me that I saw this two weeks ago and the thought to post it on MetaFilter didn't even cross my mind?
posted by pmbuko at 7:04 PM on May 23, 2007

There's a car dealership owner named Cal Worthington in Southern California whose jingle included the line 'If you want a car or truck, go see Cal.' I have a friend who to this day insists that the lyric is 'If you want a car or truck, horsey-cow.'

I grew up nowhere near Southern California, but this commercial is for some reason a recurring source of humor in John Landis's Into the Night, which a perpetually stoned friend of mine in high school totally loved. For a couple months there, at random intervals he'd start singing the jingle, which in his iteration always ended "Go see cows, go see cows" or, more bizarrely, "pussy-cow, pussy-cow."
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:10 PM on May 23, 2007

Quick, let's do something manly!
posted by niles at 7:30 PM on May 23, 2007

This is actually viral marketing for the upcoming DC Cab 2.
posted by sourwookie at 7:41 PM on May 23, 2007

That Sure doesn't sound like the 'MrT' I'm thinking, would REALLY say.
That's right.
Candy ass ad selling candy, goddamnit./ Imagine that¿
Mr.T, you slut./
And get your shit ass fatherfuckin'n tank off my field you fucking fuck face./
*beep*—'LOCATIONS./' reSod.

soundsofsuburbia,, beautifully appropriated. Do it. For the near elderz./
C'mon, it was a set and 'set' bought junkers, no engine's, nothing. new tyres, maybe. see¿

hey, not my target market, ok. I can make fun of the yung'sters as they can make fun of me. Deal¿ Deal.

still, Mr. T seems to have stooped lower and lower, as opposed to changing with the times like Madonna.
That's it, Mr.T & Madonna./ WooHooo.


posted by alicesshoe at 7:52 PM on May 23, 2007

And then there was the time when Mr. T. cut down all of those trees

You can still see how much different the Two Gables property is thanks to Google Maps. The tree-challenged acreage is yours for a cool twelve five. (It's the former Armour estate. As in ham.)
posted by dhartung at 7:55 PM on May 23, 2007

I danced with Mr. T at the frosh mixer in Glenview, Illinois in 1985.
He is shorter than you'd expect.
He has such soft, soft hands.
I am not kidding about this.
posted by Dizzy at 8:01 PM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

That ad was directed by Tom Kuntz who made this kinda disturbing NSFW nothing. It's probably viral but for what, who knows? Another warning - this may end up in your subconscious forever.
posted by meech at 8:15 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Shoot, loquacious beat me to it.
posted by BrotherCaine at 8:28 PM on May 23, 2007

Many years ago, my late uncle worked at an electronics manufacturing plant run by a company whose name started with the letter B. There was a company-wide contest to come up with a name for the new "safety mascot" (a cartoon dog) and a catchy slogan to go with it. The name was worth $50 and the slogan another $50.

My uncle won the 100 by naming the mascot "Mister 'B'", and suggesting the slogan "I pity the fool what don't care about safety".

I guess that story is somewhat related to this post, even though I didn't bother to watch the video.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:46 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

meech, that is possibly the worst video I have ever seen. [NOT HYPERBOLIST]
posted by brain_drain at 8:51 PM on May 23, 2007

This is mildly amusing in the context of the whole "Mr T ate my balls" thing from like a trillion years ago.
posted by Electrius at 8:51 PM on May 23, 2007

Are the nuts boob-filtered?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:54 PM on May 23, 2007

DO NOT read this comment. There are 50 angels in the world, 39 are training monkeys, 5 are eating cheezbrgrs, 2 are repairing tractors, 15 are crocheting welcome mats, and 1 is watching your one true love kill your mother. COPY AND PASTE THIS TO 74 comments in the next 10 minutes or u will become a fatty!! 4 REAL!!!!
posted by milquetoast at 8:56 PM on May 23, 2007

This thread was worth it for puke & cry's starburst link.
posted by fleetmouse at 9:12 PM on May 23, 2007

Freedent's the one that took the stick out of gum.
posted by psmith at 9:23 PM on May 23, 2007

I CAN HAZ CHEEZY FPP 2 ADAGE!??
ME BANHAMMER DIS THRED
DO NOT WANT!!1!
flapjaxatmidnite usuxokthxby!
posted by ZachsMind at 9:27 PM on May 23, 2007

Hey, ZM! 82 comments in? What took you so long?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:29 PM on May 23, 2007

One bit of trivia I know about Mr. T: Back when he was an E-5 in the Army, SGT Tureuad made NCO of the Year at Fort Jackson -- one of the few genuine-sounding achievements I've ever read about him.
posted by pax digita at 9:43 PM on May 23, 2007

Was this supposed to be intentionally ironic on flapjax's part for having the nuts to make a post that he knew would be hated/mocked/disliked?
posted by Rhomboid at 9:44 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I think we all need to quit that jibber jabber. Suckahs.
posted by champthom at 10:05 PM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

PUSSY COW! ME TOO!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:18 PM on May 23, 2007

And he had a cow in one ad, and a chimp in an other, though I don't think that explains it.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:19 PM on May 23, 2007

Yeah he was always talking about his dog Spot but it was never a dog. There was a camel, an elephant, a tiger....

Apparently he's on Wiki.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:47 PM on May 23, 2007

He's driving a crappy Vietnam War era M60.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:52 PM on May 23, 2007

Inzaghi? Is that you? Kaka, maybe? Diving bastards.
posted by philad at 11:14 PM on May 23, 2007

That soccer player may have really been hurt. Confronting him with a tank might not have been the best solution.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 11:25 PM on May 23, 2007

'If you want a car or truck, go see Cal.'

My Dog Spot -- Cal Worthington commercial archives.

i totally thought it was "pussy cow" when I was a kid, even though that made no sense. </so cal in-joke filter>
posted by jewishbuddha at 12:24 AM on May 24, 2007

Dude. f@m. what are they paying you? Do they ship overseas?
posted by From Bklyn at 2:11 AM on May 24, 2007

Virile marketing indeed.
posted by Killick at 2:59 AM on May 24, 2007

I've been following Mr. T more closely recently since I found out he's 1 day older than me.
The FPP sucks, but the thread is hilarious and has really brightened up my day. Thanks!
posted by MtDewd at 6:04 AM on May 24, 2007

That nutigrain ad needs its own FPP. And the anime remix actually makes more sense than the original ad.
posted by GuyZero at 6:38 AM on May 24, 2007

That really was a mediocre attempt at a commercial.
posted by NationalKato at 8:43 AM on May 24, 2007

Cal Worthington and his dog Spot -- fantastic.
But can you SoCal locals sing the Pete Ellis Dodge song?

Or Al Geenwood, the Bedspread King? That one went out of business, but they used to have dopey commercials with the guy wearing a crown. No jingle though.
posted by Methylviolet at 9:01 AM on May 24, 2007

flapjaxatmidnite: "Hey, ZM! 82 comments in? What took you so long?"

Sorry. I was out feeding my SUV.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:27 AM on May 24, 2007

Burhanistan : He's driving a crappy Vietnam War era M60.

I'd take it. I bet it would beat the hell out of my riding lawnmower/ tractor for yardwork.
posted by quin at 9:29 AM on May 24, 2007

No love for Ralph WiIliams?
posted by grubi at 9:48 AM on May 24, 2007

That nutigrain ad needs its own FPP.

It would be a double. That thing was everywhere when it first hit the net. I think even memepool linked to it.
posted by loquacious at 10:04 AM on May 24, 2007

Grab a STICK
Pull it oooouuuuuut,
The taste is gonna move ya when you
POP IT IN YOUR MOOOOUUUUUUTH!
JUICY FRUIT
IS GONNA MOVE YA
TASTE SO SOFT (tastes like salt?)
IT GETS RIGHT TO YA
JUICY FRUIT
the taste the taste THE TASTE
IS GONNA MOOOOOVE YAAAAAA
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:21 AM on May 24, 2007

Mr. T kissed me on the lips once. It's true. He was at a mall endorsing his "T-Force" comic book a (long) while back and I wanted a photo with him, but the camera was out of film. He said, "don't worry baby, I'll give you something better than a picture!" and planted one on me.
posted by cleverevans at 3:38 PM on May 24, 2007

Anyone remember Ren and Stimpy? Specifically the episode Ren, Stimpy and the Red Button?

If you remember that episode and you're bitching about this post, you're Stimpy.
posted by Cyrano at 5:37 PM on May 24, 2007

Don't remember. Not Stimpy. I filled lots of diapers while laying in a crib. Doesn't make me Stimpy. Never will.
posted by longsleeves at 7:35 PM on May 24, 2007