Plastic Surgery Beauty Contest

July 2, 2007 3:05 PM

Make Me Heal is an online community serving the needs of America's vast cosmetic surgery audience, with tips & tricks on what works best to heal scarring, etc, including an encyclopedia of terms. To promote their vision of "Celebrating Natural Beauty With Enhancement" they're hosting the first ever Plastic Surgery Beauty Enhancement Awards, with categories like Best Breast Augmentation (NSFW) and Best Male Liposuction." Contestants must submit before, during & after shots of the procedure, and site visitors can vote on their favorites.
posted by jonson (26 comments total)

Y'know I think the main problem with plastic surgery is that it's not creative enough. Why not asymmetrical breast implants? cubist buttock lifts? nose jobs that add a third nostril?

All artforms go through a surrealist phase and plastic surgery is way behind schedule, dammit.
posted by jonmc at 3:25 PM on July 2, 2007 [4 favorites]

"Looks like a birthmark which are God's handprint of love." (NSFW)

WTF?
posted by afx237vi at 3:39 PM on July 2, 2007

To mock the plastic surgery of celebrities, go here.
posted by Tube at 4:08 PM on July 2, 2007

Don't miss Puku's delightful "Leftovers" pic on the second page of her gallery (shudders)
posted by Deathalicious at 4:30 PM on July 2, 2007

I was just looking a the 'Best Breast Augmentation" galleries. What people will do to perfectly good boobies is a crime.
posted by jonmc at 4:39 PM on July 2, 2007

As an expert boobologist, let me just tell you that those things do not look real. They probably don't even sound right.

Just because you're a tone-deaf baritone doesn't mean helium is going to make you Brad Delp.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:53 PM on July 2, 2007

Christ, the breast shots look like Frankentits.
posted by docpops at 4:59 PM on July 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

Jeez, everybody gets a "community" these days.
posted by bardic at 5:34 PM on July 2, 2007

Celebrating Natural Beauty With Enhancement

That's....just.....perfect. A perfect phrase. Orwell would be proud.
posted by mediareport at 6:18 PM on July 2, 2007 [4 favorites]

I was just looking a the 'Best Breast Augmentation" galleries. What people will do to perfectly good boobies is a crime.

Oh come now. Would you really call these these (nsfw) "perfectly good". If I were that woman, I would feel pretty insecure. The post shots look pretty natural, and I would be hard-pressed to tell they were fake.

Now these look ridiculous.

The real problem here is that the pictures look horrible. Bad photography can make just about anyone look like ass.
posted by delmoi at 6:24 PM on July 2, 2007

delmoi: bad real ones are better than 'good' fakes. If I wanted to squeeze bags full of gel, I'd got to the grocery store an make some.
posted by jonmc at 6:56 PM on July 2, 2007

jonmc: I don't think they are thinking about what you, or any anonymous male happens to think of the feeling of fake breasts. Most women probably want to look good the 99% of the time that they have clothes on and aren't being groped.
posted by rsanheim at 7:09 PM on July 2, 2007

Also I think most people would agree that these(2) (nsfw) are a huge improvement.

As far as squeezing bags of gel, well I mean I'd rather squeeze attractive bags of gel then unattractive wrinkly bags of flab.
posted by delmoi at 7:09 PM on July 2, 2007

Well, then we'll go to Home Depot, get some ziplocs, silicone and a caulking gun and you can have a party.
posted by jonmc at 7:14 PM on July 2, 2007 [2 favorites]

rasaheim: I don't doubt that. Dosen't make what I said any less true.
posted by jonmc at 7:15 PM on July 2, 2007

Most women probably want to look good the 99% of the time that they have clothes on and aren't being groped.

Actually, most of the before pictures would like fine with clothes and the normal array of underclothes on. It's only when they take the clothes off that everything falls down and gets wobbly and makes people on the internets point at them.
posted by frobozz at 7:46 PM on July 2, 2007

Also I think most people would agree that these(2) (nsfw) are a huge improvement.

I think the huge improvement is what you don't see in that picture: the "before" shot when she was about 100 lbs. heavier. She should feel proud of losing the weight, and in such instances plastic surgery isn't unreasonable to remove the excess skin. That's a lot different than 22 year-old Philicity in Accounting throwing an extra 2000 cc. of jungle juice into her chest so she can get that big promotion.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:24 PM on July 2, 2007

Would you really call these these (nsfw) "perfectly good"

I'd call them a fine pair of envelope flaps. I've got a friend who actively seeks out [women with]* breasts like that.

*This section is bracketed because I suspect the owners are somewhat irrelevant to his quest.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:25 PM on July 2, 2007

No phalloplasty for us to gawk at then?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:30 PM on July 2, 2007

Also I think most people would agree that these(2) (nsfw) are a huge improvement.

Eh.

I don't get that "ew, wrinkly bags" knee-jerk so much. Sure, it's not the popular aesthetic (eg, that which emulates late adolescence). But what on earth do you plan on squeezing when you're not so young yourself if not wrinkly bags?
posted by kmennie at 9:02 PM on July 2, 2007

I like squeezing wrinkly bags. Really, really hard. Or I just kick them.
posted by Methylviolet at 12:19 AM on July 3, 2007

delmoi: bad real ones are better than 'good' fakes.

Many men say that, but then they sit there drooling at some picture of Ms. So-Damn-Obviously-Fake-It's-Ridiculous while ignoring their partners that women get the idea that big breasts are the only thing that matters.
posted by watsondog at 12:31 AM on July 3, 2007

I have the reverse reaction to tit-jobs too. The really big really round type make it completely impossible for me to feel any sexual attraction at all towards the woman wearing them.

I have the same physical/sexual reaction as I would to a hairy, masculine man wearing lipstick and falsies (I'm boringly straight, so that means: not so much).

I'm very much a minority though. Mostly, women are pretty safe injecting their breasts with as much plastic as they can bear if sexual attractiveness is their goal -- the majority of men do like it.
posted by lastobelus at 12:45 AM on July 3, 2007

jonmc writes "bad real ones are better than 'good' fakes."

So there's statistical evidence of this?

If not, I think what you meant to say was "I prefer bad real ones to good fakes". Which is groovy. Just don't pretend that it's some universal of what's good and bad, and not just your own particular tastes.

For me, good trumps bad, and real trumps fake, and in the case of a tie, real trumps all.

Bad fake vs. bad real   -  Bad real wins
Good fake vs. bad real  -  Good fake wins
Bad fake vs. good real  -  Good real wins
Good fake vs. good real -  Good real wins

So for me, real beats fake 75% of the time, but a good tit job is better than bad natural tits.
posted by Bugbread at 6:22 AM on July 3, 2007

Would you really call these these (nsfw) "perfectly good"

Come to think of it, those actually look like about half of the National Geographic breast pictures I've ever seen, which tells me they're a pretty normal state for breasts to be in. None of those women seemed self-conscious, and they didn't even wear shirts.
posted by frobozz at 10:33 AM on July 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

frobozz writes "None of those women seemed self-conscious, and they didn't even wear shirts."

No. But they may have been extremely self-conscious about their earlobes, which most western folks don't care about. Different cultures care about different things.
posted by Bugbread at 11:59 AM on July 3, 2007