Crusty Row, Thompkins Square Park, Lower East Side and Me

October 11, 2007 8:06 AM

The Wedding of Amy and Jewels

Bob Arihood, neithermoreorless.blogspot.com, takes pictures of Tompkins Square Park, Astor Place, Avenue A and other places in New York City.

posted by Stynxno (40 comments total)

Not long after these photos were taken, Jewels went on a bender and got arrested.
posted by Stynxno at 8:13 AM on October 11, 2007

Andy Warhol must be so proud that more of us are getting our "15-minutes" of fame these days.

"The man known to those around Tompkins Square Park as L.E.S. Jewels has become, through his belligerent antics and affection for cameras, a rather notorious, high-profile figure. Look him up on the Internet and you will find a bevy of articles quoting him, not to mention two YouTube videos. Jewels has been a regular on 'Crusty Row' — the section of park benches favored by homeless and traveling punks — for two decades. Some have criticized his love for attention and the newspaper articles they feel give him too much of that attention. This is one of those articles...."^*

posted by ericb at 8:20 AM on October 11, 2007

What's going on here it says he is arrested by the police, but the cop looks like as much of a punk as Jewels, and the "police car" looks and is labeled like a Taxi. Is that how undercover police operate in NYC? Is that common?
posted by delmoi at 8:21 AM on October 11, 2007

got arrested

That looks like his schtick from the article you linked. Sounds like he's a menace. Better for both of them, and the general public if he's in custody.

Post apocalyptic ceremony. Wondering what kind of dysfunctional family Amy survived, she seems like the classic rescuer type in need of therapy. With Jewel's broken nose and tats, am anxious for her now angelic face.

Interesting post Stnxno.
posted by nickyskye at 8:22 AM on October 11, 2007

Wait wait wait. Wasn't this a Tama Janowitz story?
posted by fleetmouse at 8:23 AM on October 11, 2007

Nazi Punks Fuck Off.

Also, mazel tov to the newlyweds. May they both seek treatment-- separately.
posted by gwint at 8:25 AM on October 11, 2007 [2 favorites]

Get this man some help.

“‘Jewels is out of control,’ Theo said. ‘I’ve called the cops on him plenty of times. He comes around f--ked up, drunk and says some things that make the customers really uncomfortable. He should be sent somewhere, he shouldn’t be on the street, especially with all these kids around.’

… ‘Last week, he took a s--t on the bench next to the children’s playground. The cops came and he pulled his pants down and he didn’t get arrested for either incident.’

Penley described a rash of incidents in recent weeks where Jewels, dangerously drunk, has become impossible to deal with. While these ranged from the nauseating (passing out covered in his own feces in front of Ray’s Candy Shop) to the comical (frequent nudity, often upon sight of the police), his behavior also extended to the harmful.

‘Last week, he hit a guy who had just come out of a coma in the head with his cane,’ Penley said. ‘He could have killed him.’”*

posted by ericb at 8:26 AM on October 11, 2007

The last thing this lost soul needs is more publicity.
posted by konolia at 8:26 AM on October 11, 2007

What a lovely couple.
posted by DU at 8:27 AM on October 11, 2007

What you don't know, delmoi, is that in NYC all taxi drivers are secretly working for The Man.

Don't believe me? Next time you get in a cab, accuse the driver and don't take no for an answer.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:28 AM on October 11, 2007

Nazi Punks Fuck Off.

Also, mazel tov to the newlyweds. May they both seek treatment-- separately.

Exactly. They make a gorgeous couple tho. : >
posted by amberglow at 8:29 AM on October 11, 2007

Oh, have i got a woman for Sid the Nazi! ; >
posted by amberglow at 8:31 AM on October 11, 2007

I vaguely recognize this Jewels guy as a somewhat-threatening Tompkins Square guy. He seems like a violent nutcase from the articles.

She looks by contrast very sweet, the whole thing's a little surrealistic and reminds me of Monty Python's Ken Shabby sketch (YouTube).
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 8:32 AM on October 11, 2007

Is he a pirate?
posted by ninjew at 8:35 AM on October 11, 2007

Is he a pirate?

No. I'm stilling waiting for the blog dedicated to the pirate of NYC who seems to always linger around Times Square.

I have a photo of him...somewhere.
posted by Stynxno at 8:42 AM on October 11, 2007

Is that how undercover police operate in NYC?

I was just heading down the steps to the subway at Chambers and West Broadway when a van pulled up and a heavily armed SWAT team jumped out and ran past me. (Bernie Goetz had just shot those kids.) I decided that then might be a good time to go back up to the street. Converging from all directions was a crew of homeless types with their badges out on chains around their necks.
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:42 AM on October 11, 2007

It's not a real wedding unless she can take half his money when she leaves him.

Although, I think most of his net worth is tied up in tattoos and grimaces.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:49 AM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ah, the Tompkins Square Park crustpunks. Drinking 40s with them is fun, entertaining, and dangerous.
posted by nasreddin at 10:15 AM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

crustpunks

yikes. What a word. *gak*
posted by nickyskye at 10:32 AM on October 11, 2007

Good job at life so far, Jewels.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 10:35 AM on October 11, 2007

Although, I think most of his net worth is tied up in tattoos and grimaces.

Instant mental picture.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:48 AM on October 11, 2007

What do you know, Sid the Nazi has a Doctorate. Pity he's not wearing his hood so we can figure out his discipline (I don't think the Academic Costume Code specifies a color for Nazi studies).
posted by oats at 11:02 AM on October 11, 2007

...the "police car" looks and is labeled like a Taxi. Is that how undercover police operate in NYC?

Yup, that's one of the ways they operate. This post explains how to identify undercover police-taxis, and notes that the cops driving them are plainclothes officers.
posted by CiaoMela at 11:04 AM on October 11, 2007 [3 favorites]

(I don't think the Academic Costume Code specifies a color for Nazi studies).

Black with red trim and white tassel, presumably.
posted by nasreddin at 11:05 AM on October 11, 2007

Truly, love has never shined so brightly. Wake me when the divorce is final, which should be in about... oh... three or four days.
posted by malaprohibita at 11:11 AM on October 11, 2007

Those photos would be perfect for hotchickswithdouchebags.com if she was a bit hotter.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:13 AM on October 11, 2007

Folks will argue about what really happened there on the beach that afternoon : was it a wedding or was it not ? Whatever .... There was a celebration and there is a record of it ... a record that Jewels thanked us for presenting on NMNL for him to see because he could not remember any part of the June 17th ceremony on the beach.

Amy is apparently an art student, who thinks she can "save him".
posted by jokeefe at 11:33 AM on October 11, 2007

Why is this here?
posted by klangklangston at 11:35 AM on October 11, 2007

I'm sensing a Fox reality show in this couple's future.
posted by quin at 11:46 AM on October 11, 2007

Amy is apparently an art student, who thinks she can "save him".

"I fuckin' love ya, Amy, fuckin' love ya for fuckin' ever."
"I love you too, thesis, er, I mean..."
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:09 PM on October 11, 2007 [2 favorites]

Meh. I think she's plenty hot enough, but, in any event, the artistry of hotchickswithdouchebags is the juxtaposition of the hotness and the doucheyness, in which case, this guy has more than enough doucheyness to make up for it.

Funny how nobody every wants to "save" the people who hang out on incel boards as opposed to crusty row. Jus' sayin', it'd be a much more rewarding project.
posted by Skwirl at 12:10 PM on October 11, 2007

Some good photos on that blog. I especially like this series of somewhat older shots.

Also: Mayor Mike visits the neighborhood.
posted by Atom Eyes at 1:28 PM on October 11, 2007

...perfect for hotchickswithdouchebags.com if she was a bit hotter.

Umm.. you have to be hot before you can be hotter.
posted by wfc123 at 1:34 PM on October 11, 2007

Her parents must be so proud. I can't wait for the awkward first Thanksgiving. Will they go to her parents' place in the Hamptons or his parents' overpass in Hoboken?
posted by Pollomacho at 2:08 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

Some of the complaints in Atom Eyes' link...I'm sorry, if you live on the LES I can't really sympathize with your whining about "destroying the neighborhood."
posted by nasreddin at 2:09 PM on October 11, 2007

Can you believe that two super catches like these two are now off the market? If only....oh well...missed my chance.
posted by malter51 at 2:13 PM on October 11, 2007

Are these the people for whom the phrase "hot mess" was coined?

Interesting post, Stynxno, thanks.
posted by amyms at 2:52 PM on October 11, 2007

Some of the complaints in Atom Eyes' link...I'm sorry, if you live on the LES I can't really sympathize with your whining about "destroying the neighborhood."

Just graduated from Cooper Union, and just moved from the East Village - I never saw many people actually care about Cooper Union's "destruction of the neighborhood."

Some of the biggest whiners were the local Ukrainians, as the original plan for the building involved removing an alley which provided convenient free parking.

The "expansion" consists of knocking down two Cooper Union buildings and building two replacement buildings on the same sites. The new buildings are going to be crap, but anything that gets built today is crap, and if you were ever in the building that's already been knocked down you would agree it was sorely in need of demolition. That one is going from 2 floors to 9 floors, with the 100-year old tenements in the area generally being 6 floors. It probably doesn't even need to be nine floors, but the useless big name architect is crapping the whole thing up with glass staircases, atria, and other shit that just makes the building annoying to actually use.

Another big complaint was that it would block too much light from the stained glass window of the Ukrainian church.

I've seen the dude got married running around in front of traffic or shouting shit on Ave A a few times. Mostly he just seemed like an asshole.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 6:34 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

I remember Jewels as the smegma who disrupted the Poetry in the Park event a few years ago...he would have been welcome to spout off at an open reading, but this was not the case here.
posted by brujita at 10:48 PM on October 11, 2007

"Last week, he hit a guy who had just come out of a coma in the head with his cane."

What was the name of his other leg?
posted by Mike D at 5:48 PM on October 12, 2007