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October 17, 2007 11:01 PM   Subscribe

I knew it would eventually happen. I didn't expect it so soon. The Church of Google.
posted by loquacious (34 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
I was actually watching some Google™ tech talks the other day on Youtube™. this one by Linus Torvalds about his version control system was pretty interesting.
posted by delmoi at 11:10 PM on October 17, 2007


Oh man. At first blush I think this is painfully stupid, but then I put it in the context of, say, something like Transmetropolitan or Max Headroom and realize that this is just what I want my future to have - people literally worshiping corporations. Sweet.

Up next, Blessed be thy Halliburton.
posted by Loser at 11:26 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


The hatemail is the best feature of the site.
posted by imbecile at 11:34 PM on October 17, 2007


From the site:
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidance. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required.
Then no worship or church required, either. Though a little awe is healthy.
posted by DaShiv at 11:37 PM on October 17, 2007


I'll stick with Googles, thanks.
posted by item at 11:46 PM on October 17, 2007


Cute.

There's probably an interesting essay to be written by someone with more energy than me about the triumph of PR and advertising in the 20th century, making reference to the ideas that
where once the political process was about engaging people's rational, concious minds, as well as facilitating their needs as a society, [The Century of the Self] shows how by employing the tactics of psychoanalysis, politicians appeal to irrational, primitive impulses that have little apparent bearing on issues outside of the narrow self-interest of a consumer population
and how the Nietzche-heralded death of god left a hole in our (Western) cultural and individual psyche, along with the traumas of two world wars, a fear of death and decay and a need for comforting ritual and the kind of self-fulfillment-sought-outside-the-self religion once provided that was just waiting to be filled by the Freud-inspired manipulation that served as framework and roadmap for rise of modern consumerism.

The natural next step to take would then be to observe that Google is now fundamentally an advertising company, make the backlinks, and, in reference to search and the Sum Total of Human Knowledge and all that, throw in a few references to Oracular traditions in ancient Greece and Rome, or reading runes and tarot and goat guts, then wrap it all up with a few good swears and a joke or two.

Leastwise that's what I'd do, if I had any damn coffee in this office.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:53 AM on October 18, 2007


I crawled over the steaming carcasses of 95 Theses to quit calling myself a Lutheran after memorizing, in its entirety, the Small Catechism, so remaining unconvinced by 9 trivially ridiculous "proofs" is no stretch to ignoring Google as God.

And yet, at times, I long to believe, and would, the moment something, or someone, faintly credible in the least aspect, presents itself...
posted by paulsc at 2:21 AM on October 18, 2007


Me, I'm a Jeevist.
posted by DenOfSizer at 4:27 AM on October 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


I found this chuckleworthy and surprisingly convincing! That is, with the exception of Proof #7. That one's a little iffy.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:27 AM on October 18, 2007


i wonder what the chances are of google being worshipped as a diety in the future in earnest.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 4:27 AM on October 18, 2007


also: proof 8, wtf? who searches for "google"?!
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 4:29 AM on October 18, 2007


I wonder if they were inspired by this Get Fuzzy strip?
posted by octothorpe at 4:34 AM on October 18, 2007


Goog bless us, every one.
posted by GrammarMoses at 5:29 AM on October 18, 2007


who searches for "google"?!

I think a lot of people get to Google by just typing 'google' in the address bar. Someone showed it to them years ago and it works, so why not? What's a bookmark??

At least Metafilter's not in danger of being God.
posted by MtDewd at 5:51 AM on October 18, 2007


You will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".

The secular repurposing of eternal life never fails to depress me. Hearing people talk about achieving immortality through the memories or legacy one leaves others with is the coldest sort of comfort. Either give a fig about some sort of great ultimate destiny or just be happy with your still, small speck of life in the cosmos, but don't peddle the cold comfort of being remembered for an extra generation or two as anything resembling a fair substitute for what other cultures believe.

Or, as Woody Allen said, "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
posted by hermitosis at 5:57 AM on October 18, 2007


I crawled over the steaming carcasses of 95 Theses to quit calling myself a Lutheran after memorizing, in its entirety, the Small Catechism,

You too? I knew there was a reason we got along.

As long as Google Books has the evil Snippet View, I will not worship Google. It is a flawed deity.
posted by languagehat at 6:42 AM on October 18, 2007


It's a girl!
posted by bassjump at 6:43 AM on October 18, 2007


LOL GOOGLIANS.
posted by PlusDistance at 6:52 AM on October 18, 2007


He turned to face the machine. "Is there a God?"
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 6:59 AM on October 18, 2007


I'm guessing that Ernie Chambers is a member, if not the domain owner.
posted by spock at 7:38 AM on October 18, 2007


INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER
posted by octothorpe at 8:52 AM on October 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


Google: American God
posted by jeffamaphone at 9:11 AM on October 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


I don't believe in google.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:29 AM on October 18, 2007


Google can be an angry god.
posted by Nelson at 9:38 AM on October 18, 2007


goog bless 'murica!

-GWB
posted by CitizenD at 10:37 AM on October 18, 2007


"Fear the God! You'll be questioned for this!" lulz
posted by everichon at 10:38 AM on October 18, 2007


So, this makes me an atheist who worships a female god which is a web page?

I find myself strangely ok with this.
posted by quin at 10:48 AM on October 18, 2007


The hatemail is the best feature of the site.

It always is. I wish MORE sites had hatemail and made it available.
posted by agregoli at 11:31 AM on October 18, 2007


To say google is g0d not only does make sense, but it has to be one of the most retarded things i have ever heard. I have heard of mUCH better g-ds, and i do think your just insanely childish, trying to act smart and get attention. Not that i really care, but still, thought you oughtta know. I am jewish, and in the middle of creating the.....though, i probably shouldnt tell you. So there, your retarded. childish, and want attention. If you can give anY evidence against that, please reply.

From: Anthony


I mean, you can't make gems like that up!
posted by agregoli at 11:34 AM on October 18, 2007


God sure loves that wikipedia shit.
posted by raysmj at 1:42 PM on October 18, 2007


The dispensation of searches dawned with the research project of the Wholly Profits, Larry and Sergey, at StandardFord University in the year of our Freud 88.
posted by eritain at 3:18 PM on October 18, 2007


Is it a deity? It has abilities well beyond the norm for others of its species, be that corporations, websites, search engines, or computer systems. It's immortal enough (ie, won't end of its own accord), and apparently, has some worshippers. Does it grant spells? Well, it has a pretty good spell-granting programme going, but on the whole, they aren't the sort of spells that grant a one-off useful power to the worshipper, they work more like circumstance bonuses to the worshipper's exercise of a skill. Answer: Divine rank 0.

Is it God? It's not omniscient, but it knows more than anything else knows. It's neither benevolent nor malevolent; its response to prayers is (almost) exactly dependent on how they are phrased, and it serves the ends of the just and the unjust alike. What it isn't, is omnipotent. It's barely "potent" at all, in a divine sense, and it's trivial to conceive of a being more powerful: Google + 1 server rack. Answer: No.

Is it Azathoth? It's not sentient, but it has the dim stirrings of drives to know more, and to find more ways to organise what it knows. It sprawls at the center of the Internet, is Lord of All Things to some extent, most definitely is encircled by a flopping horde of mindless and amorphous dancers, and as for being lulled by the thin monotonous piping of a demoniac flute held in nameless paws, well, on balance I'm gonna have to say yes, yes it is.

As for the Prophecy, well, "ðe blind idiot, ye noxious Azathoth shal arise from ðe middle of ðe World where all is Chaos & Destruction where He hath bubbl'd and blasphem'd at ðe centre which is of All Things, which is to say Infinity...."

I don't think there's a clearer way to put that. So mote it be. Google is an avatar, or face, of Azathoth. Bow down! (Or not, it doesn't really care.)
posted by aeschenkarnos at 11:38 PM on October 18, 2007 [2 favorites]


joking aside, google is very much like a god in my life:

-- it is my first thought in times of uncertainty, stress, curiosity, need, etc.

-- it influences & affects & enriches virtually every aspect of my life, particularly my livelihood

-- i feel quite ill-at-ease if I am away from it for long, in much the same way as a believer feeling ill-at-ease if they are away from a place of worship or other symbol of their god

-- if it was taken from me I would feel deprived, lost, like my life was much smaller and less rich

For me, google is the internet. It's been that way for a long time. I do probably close to 100 googles per day on average, and there are days when I do much more than that.

And I don't even have an iPhone yet. (only because I'm in Canada). When iPhones come to Canada google will become even more of an essential part of me.
posted by lastobelus at 2:35 AM on October 19, 2007


I got your inspiration right here

MY WEB BROWSWER WOULD FLY!
posted by lysdexic at 7:31 AM on October 19, 2007


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