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October 31, 2007 10:45 AM   Subscribe

"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of mankind" - H.G. Wells
posted by phrontist (22 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however. Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

I was just emailing my cyclist friend in Scotland about this. He claims a) he has not yet had sex with his bicycle, and b) the guy who had sex with pavement just wanted to see how the asphalt.
posted by LeLiLo at 10:49 AM on October 31, 2007 [4 favorites]


One of these links is not like the others.
posted by nonreflectiveobject at 10:53 AM on October 31, 2007


Sexual breach of the peace. When the maid used a key to enter his locked room.

Case closed, your honor.
posted by DU at 11:05 AM on October 31, 2007


Doctors found that Mangetout's stomach lining is twice as thick as a normal stomach lining, which explains why he is able to digest these things.

The implication being that many people TRY to eat TVs and airplanes, but find their stomachs can't take it?
posted by DU at 11:06 AM on October 31, 2007


Yeah, I think they got cause and effect reversed there.
posted by GuyZero at 11:11 AM on October 31, 2007


What a lame mutate ability.....
posted by Mastercheddaar at 11:26 AM on October 31, 2007


In other news, area man arrested for having sex with his right hand.

Seriously, where is the line drawn?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:37 AM on October 31, 2007



Why isn't a man allowed to have sex with a consenting bicycle in the privacy of his own hotel room?
posted by Maias at 11:43 AM on October 31, 2007


If he had sex with a unicycle, would it have been considered masturbation, and therefore, been ok?
posted by Shfishp at 12:06 PM on October 31, 2007


Won't someone think of the tricycles?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:15 PM on October 31, 2007 [4 favorites]


Most bicycles don't have the mental capacity or maturity to consent to sex.
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:22 PM on October 31, 2007 [3 favorites]


"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

He would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those pedaling kids.

-or-

He would've had more success if the bike hadn't been a fixie.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:22 PM on October 31, 2007 [1 favorite]


Why isn't a man allowed to have sex with a consenting bicycle in the privacy of his own hotel room?

It's a gateway thing. They start off in the privacy of their hotel rooms, but before you know it, they're out on the high street with special sniffing equipment, inhaling the seat odours of any random bike that happens to be chained to a lamppost.

Much better to nip it in the bud.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:27 PM on October 31, 2007


And of course, this guy started off making love to bicycles and look where he ended up.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:31 PM on October 31, 2007


I want to see Chris Hanson impersonate a bicycle online, to lure these deviants to their doom on television. I we can even save ONE BICYCLE from abuse, it'll be worth it.
posted by everichon at 1:00 PM on October 31, 2007


How do you know the bicycle was consenting?
Just because he took a seat....
posted by bassjump at 1:40 PM on October 31, 2007


Two things I never thought of doing to a bicycle. Though I have done both on a bicycle.

That's right I'm bragging.

And lying.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:53 PM on October 31, 2007


There's a sex offenders list of people who molest bicycles?
posted by The Light Fantastic at 4:13 PM on October 31, 2007


Wayne and Garth say, "SCHWINN!"
posted by rob511 at 4:32 PM on October 31, 2007


I don't fuck tykes and I don't fuck trikes. The end.
posted by Falconetti at 6:59 PM on October 31, 2007


Who's explaining to me what's the relationship between the first link and th last two?
posted by QuarterlyProphet at 5:49 AM on November 1, 2007


Who's explaining to me what's the relationship between the first link and th last two?

...Bicycles.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:40 AM on November 1, 2007


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