This one goes to... uh... 69

January 18, 2008 1:50 PM

The G1000 Fucking Fucker. There is nothing like the G-1000. Not even vaguely. It is arcane and radical. It is 100% vacuum tubes, from input to output. It contains 100% new-old-stock (NOS) tubes. Types never seen in guitar amps. Artwork on the amp's front panel by Dave Lovelace, of "Retarded Animal Babies" infamy. Check out the hi-res picture for all the explicit functional details. [NSFW] I'm guessing it has a pretty good dirty channel.

Also be sure to check out the Scrotum Smasher distortion pedal.

posted by psmealey (50 comments total)

The G-1000 consists of two totally independent amplifiers, with very different preamp sections. One channel is called the HAPPY channel. The other is called the ANGRY channel.

For damn good reason. One sucks your face, the other gnaws your foreskin off.

Excellent.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:57 PM on January 18, 2008

Awesome. I wish there were some sound clips, though.
posted by equalpants at 2:01 PM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

One sucks your face, the other gnaws your foreskin off.

And once again, the Jews are left without choices.
posted by PlusDistance at 2:04 PM on January 18, 2008 [6 favorites]

The profanity is a poor disguise for the gear nerdery.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:06 PM on January 18, 2008

They are so going to get sued by FuckerCo.
posted by fleetmouse at 2:06 PM on January 18, 2008

Mefi's own.

And yet, I've received no review copy. Hmm.
posted by cortex at 2:08 PM on January 18, 2008

They haven't built one yet, cortex
posted by winston at 2:10 PM on January 18, 2008

It sounds like it could be pretty cool, but extraneous fucking fucks and other such language as part of a product promo makes me less desirous of it. And I swear a lot.


"Expected retail price is US $ 5000."
"The G-1000 is intended for the intrepid Well to do experimenter"
posted by edgeways at 2:14 PM on January 18, 2008

It should be noted that they also offer a preamp that gently and respectfully makes love.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:15 PM on January 18, 2008 [6 favorites]

Vast ranges of tone are available from the G-1000. We cannot even begin to explain its flexibility. The G-1000 is NOT intended for middle-aged “tone questers”, who believe that they will be able to play like Eric Clapton by simply spending a lot of $$$ on equipment. We HATE those people. The G-1000 is intended for the intrepid experimenter, not the pathetic imitator. Tone questers are invited to DIE.

I generally agree with the sentiment, but other than genuine rock stars, these are really the only people that can afford to drop 5 LARGE on an amp.
posted by psmealey at 2:21 PM on January 18, 2008

Sweet like candy tits.
posted by brevator at 2:22 PM on January 18, 2008

Ooh, and it has bunnies.
posted by yhbc at 2:25 PM on January 18, 2008

This is charming.
posted by Pastabagel at 2:26 PM on January 18, 2008

Best post of the day. When you have Trent Reznor as a client, you can fucking have whatever kind of fucking marketing strategy you want.

My favorite quote (possibly ever) from owner/engineer Eric Barbour in Urb magazine, regarding the "Butt Probe" distortion: "Americans love to have their butts probed. Look at the freaks they vote into political power."
posted by uaudio at 2:34 PM on January 18, 2008

Good lord do I love Metasonix products. I love the fact that the tubes used in the pedals were never intended for use in audio products. I'm sure my dad, a tube-amp designer himself, would have a spontaneous brain hemorrhage if he was ever fully* exposed to these products.

*Yes, I've told him about them, over the phone. I could hear him shaking his head in disgust.

Metasonix, MeFi user, I demand groovy synth FPPs from you!
posted by lekvar at 2:36 PM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

...yes, that's the Butt Probe, complete with 'ream' and 'fist' settings.
posted by uaudio at 2:36 PM on January 18, 2008

Wow. I saw that amp yesterday. I have a photo on my flickr account but I'm too lazy to link from my phone. Plus, the other picture is better.
posted by sourwookie at 2:39 PM on January 18, 2008

One sucks your face, the other gnaws your foreskin off.

kind of like a bi-polar girlfriend?
posted by The Light Fantastic at 2:41 PM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

I can imagine the joy these Fucking Fucker owners will experience when some of these obscure NOS tubes age or burn out and they find themselves skulking around flea markets and ham radio conventions looking for replacements.

These guys may associate them with the bourgeois atrocities of Claptonites, but at least you can FIND 6L6s and 12ax7s.
posted by DeWalt_Russ at 2:45 PM on January 18, 2008

So if it breaks you can say: 'The Fucking Fucker's fucked!' ... awesome!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:45 PM on January 18, 2008

Fucking awesome. Check the demos on the other "products"! More funny (goodness) there.
posted by snsranch at 2:47 PM on January 18, 2008

I can imagine the joy these Fucking Fucker owners will experience when some of these obscure NOS tubes age or burn out and they find themselves skulking around flea markets and ham radio conventions looking for replacements.

For true tube-heads, the thrill of the chase is second only to finding that once-in-a-lifetime score at a deceased WWII radar technician's estate sale. My dad will wax rapturous about finding a single tube he can't use at a flea market he drove an hour to get to. For every deep-pocketed musician there's a corresponding obsessive techie.
posted by lekvar at 2:53 PM on January 18, 2008

But how old is your dad, lekvar? My own father, who is nearly 78, loves old tube circuitry, too, but I've never been able to convince him that amplifier distortion is a desirable aesthetic effect.

I assume the market for these amps will be people resisting the electronics paradigm set by Fender and Marshall in the '50s, '60s and '70s. And my guess is those people will have been born after the '60s ended. And I doubt they will be as patient as my father's generation is with the detritus and moldy Americana that NOS tubes often hide in.
posted by DeWalt_Russ at 3:06 PM on January 18, 2008

My dad's in his mid-60's, but he says there's a fresh crop of young tube enthusiasts. (where young=40's or younger) A lot of them seem to be Silicon Valley geeks looking for something to do on their weekend other than staring at a computer screen, and they have the time, money and energy to find and repair old tube tech. Heck, I've gone on a tube hunt or two myself, they make great stocking-stuffers.

As to distortion, that varies by the person. My dad specializes in hi-fi, but he's also a guitar player, so he recognizes that some distortion is desirable, though he prefers a demure, clean distortion. No bitcrushers for him.
posted by lekvar at 3:21 PM on January 18, 2008

Doesn't "new-old-stock" mean that they are newly manufactured to ancient specs? That would seem to imply that they are currently being manufactured. If you're looking for tubes in old kitchen radios, they would definitely not be NOS... or am I misunderstanding what that means?

6L6s and 12Ax7's are relatively easy to find, a number of companies in Russia and China still make them, if only for musical equipment. But, 6AU6, 6BJ6, 6CB6, 6BN6, 5BQ7, 6AK5s? I have never even heard of these.
posted by psmealey at 3:23 PM on January 18, 2008

"New old stock" typically means old items that have never been used, still in their original boxes. See here.
posted by me3dia at 3:32 PM on January 18, 2008

No, NOS means that they are unused (often new-in-box), but of old manufacture.
posted by blasdelf at 3:33 PM on January 18, 2008

If you impregnate it, do you get one of those cute little baby amps that screams all the time?
posted by not_on_display at 3:38 PM on January 18, 2008

Ok, so the Fucking Fucker may seem impressive on the surface, but if you want real aggressive amplification, there is only one solution.

But it's kind of scary.

First, you have to draw a pentagram on the floor, then using the arcane dark arts and some candles you summon a demon. Preferably a lesser arch-demon, because they have the best feedback response. The trick is to mount it to a board as soon as it crosses over, because they are still a bit groggy and can be chained without too much trouble.

If you wait too long, you may have to find something to placate them into a stupor. Like all musicians, alcohol and weed are obvious choices. Wait for it to nod off, lash it down, and plug in.

This can appear a bit tricky, but any orifice will do. Just know this, at some point you will have to untie it, and it might behoove you to pick one that won't upset it.

Now, set up on the stage and let it rip.

But just so you know, while this will most certainly provide you with the most unique sound of any band working, all who hear your show will be damned for all time.

So make sure you get them to buy the t-shirts before the show, otherwise you'll never see that money.
posted by quin at 3:54 PM on January 18, 2008 [4 favorites]

Does it have a gold-plated vagina?
posted by DU at 3:56 PM on January 18, 2008

I was missing that chapter in my edition of the Guitar Grimoire, quin, can you send me a PDF?
posted by psmealey at 4:00 PM on January 18, 2008

Nice! Go Metasonix!

I heartily recommend a thorough perusal of the Metasonix site, starting at home.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:02 PM on January 18, 2008

Nice post title, too, psmealey.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:03 PM on January 18, 2008

It should be noted that they also offer a preamp that gently and respectfully makes love.

No, you're confusing "making love" with foreplay.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:08 PM on January 18, 2008

[this post melts my face off]
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:11 PM on January 18, 2008

I just popped over and made some noise on that amp. Due to prior noise compaints I couldn't really give it much juice, thought its sound is certainly unique.
posted by sourwookie at 4:11 PM on January 18, 2008

I can honestly say the description of this amp made me double over. I can only imagine what playing through one might do. If you don't mind, I'll stick with my 5E3 clone (6V6 FTW!).
posted by tommasz at 4:20 PM on January 18, 2008

No, you're confusing "making love" with foreplay.

I can see how you might ordinarily associate a preamp with foreplay, but Metasonix preamps offer full-range outputs, not to mention legendary warmth, headroom, and fidelity.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:21 PM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

Does it go up to eleven? If it doesn't go up to eleven it's not really special.
posted by QuietDesperation at 4:22 PM on January 18, 2008

Metasonix preamps offer full-range outputs, not to mention legendary warmth, headroom, and fidelity.

Sounds electric!
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:23 PM on January 18, 2008

Huh. Headroom. Huh huh. Huh.
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:35 PM on January 18, 2008

STFU, butthead.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:37 PM on January 18, 2008

yeah those seeking tone really suck...we hate them...they should die.

fucking fucker is so dangerous and uh, extreme?

dude...if one tab is good, four tabs is bitchin!!!




feh...
posted by aiq at 5:41 PM on January 18, 2008

And again, the Fucking Fucker is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes.
posted by Tube at 5:41 PM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]

My first electronics class in high school in the early 70's was all vacuum tubes. We had to design our own amp - mine was a 12AU7 (I think) and a 6W6. I used to have an RCA Tube manual that I would just browse for the hell of it, about 2 inches thick was a different tube on each page, so most of the tubes mentioned here are familiar, except for the 5BQ7 - the first digit is supposed to be filament voltage, and 5V wasn't common at all.
posted by rfs at 7:12 PM on January 18, 2008

Awesome. I wish there were some sound clips, though.

They have samples on their FAQ page (you'll need to scroll down). The only one I've listened to so far is this one (~18 minute 27MB mp3).

Not particularly musical, but very interesting noise.
posted by bigbigdog at 7:55 PM on January 18, 2008

Not particularly musical, but very interesting noise.

"Very interesting noise" is the functional definiition of "musical", far as I'm concerned.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:30 PM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]

They have samples on their FAQ page (you'll need to scroll down). The only one I've listened to so far is this one (~18 minute 27MB mp3).

that is NOT a clip of the 'Fucking Fucker' amp, rather some of his pedals with help from other pedals he doesn't make.
posted by tremspeed at 9:18 PM on January 18, 2008

"Very interesting noise" is the functional definiition of "musical", far as I'm concerned.

Seconded.
posted by Wolof at 12:12 AM on January 19, 2008

Does it go up to eleven?

It goes up to TWELVE, motherfucker.
posted by grouse at 4:41 PM on January 19, 2008 [1 favorite]