How to win at the internet.

January 23, 2008 7:33 AM

How to win at the internet:Horse mask? Check. Wild mushrooms? Check. Improbable thongs and partial nudity? Check. Dancing? Check. Craziest goddamn thing I've ever seen on the internet? Absolutely. As if I even need to say it, this isn't safe for work, for human consumption, or retaining what few shreds of sanity you believe that you may still cling to.
posted by loquacious (54 comments total)

I thought you were supposed to dress up and dance in a seminude horse costume after you eat the handful of mushrooms? I smell a hoax.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:39 AM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm working under the assumption that the mushrooms he cooked and picked were round two.

At least.

I'm still laughing. He's just so goddamn happy to be a freak. It's so beautiful.
posted by loquacious at 7:43 AM on January 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

Interesting use of the Final Fantasy VI (J) music.
posted by BeerFilter at 7:45 AM on January 23, 2008

Are those psilocybin mushrooms? When I ate those something like this would be the furthest thing from my mind then.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:47 AM on January 23, 2008

This is actually the correct answer in a multiple choice test for aliens about human culture.
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:47 AM on January 23, 2008 [11 favorites]

Craziest goddamn thing I've ever seen on the internet? Absolutely.

Are you new to the Internet?
posted by chillmost at 7:47 AM on January 23, 2008 [11 favorites]

The side of Youtube says they look like Amanitas, which are psychoactive but with different active substances and danger of poisoning.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 7:50 AM on January 23, 2008

Definitely not psilocybin mushrooms, probably amanita. And yes those can poison you, although once when I was young and stupid I smoked them and nothing happened. Unless I'm dead now and don't know it.
posted by arcadia at 8:00 AM on January 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

I find his ideas intriguing, and would like to subscribe to his newsletter.
posted by emmastory at 8:05 AM on January 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

This victory on the internets looks Pyrrhic to me.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:22 AM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Speaking of mushrooms, the other day I was at the grocery store and the checker was unable to identify a portabello mushroom. And no, she wasn't new...and to make matters worse the checker next to her didn't know either.
posted by pardonyou? at 8:24 AM on January 23, 2008 [17 favorites]

OLD!

I saw this at the whitney biennial like 4 years ago.
posted by milarepa at 8:25 AM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Speaking of mushrooms, the other day I was at the grocery store and the checker was unable to identify a portabello mushroom. And no, she wasn't new...and to make matters worse the checker next to her didn't know either.
posted by pardonyou? at 10:24 AM on January 23

Oh no you didn't! *snap*
posted by ozomatli at 8:35 AM on January 23, 2008

That's bad pardonyou?. But did they honour your OJ coupons? (lol)
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:40 AM on January 23, 2008

This victory on the internets looks Pyrrhic to me.

i've heard that the wrong kind of mushrooms can give you pyrrhia
posted by pyramid termite at 8:49 AM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

What hath Kenneth Anger wrought?
posted by General Zubon at 8:49 AM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think this is part two in the series...
posted by wfrgms at 8:52 AM on January 23, 2008

You know, Ernie Kovacs had a cooking show once. I think he'd approve.

Except for the mayo. Everyone knows you don't put mayo on poisonous mushrooms.
posted by adamrice at 8:55 AM on January 23, 2008

Is that soundtrack Emerson Lake and Palmer?
posted by jokeefe at 9:00 AM on January 23, 2008

This very much reminds me of a "porn" that my friend Jason recommended I rent from Forbidden Books several years ago. It involved two guys in donkey masks buttering a naked woman in a swing. When I returned it, I said, "what the FUCK, man? that wasn't porn!"

He smiled and nodded, saying, "Exactly. I'd get arrested if it were real porn, but did it make you THINK? Did the nudity ENTICE you?"

This link is that other video's long-lost cousin. Thanks for the deep thoughts and discombobulation with my coffee this morning!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:01 AM on January 23, 2008

This is an example of the exact right time to use the batshitinsane tag. Sirs and Madams, please take note.
posted by arcticwoman at 9:02 AM on January 23, 2008

I won't have what he's having.
posted by iamkimiam at 9:11 AM on January 23, 2008

i've heard that the wrong kind of mushrooms can give you pyrrhia

I had a girlfriend once who had pyrrhia. Also dyrrhia and gonrrhia. But I kept her because she also had worms and I love to fish.

I totally, honestly, just made that joke up on the spot.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 9:19 AM on January 23, 2008

Well, it beats he staring girl, I guess.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:37 AM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

First impression:
Wow, this might be art. If the dancing was better. And the cooking.

Second impression:
I know what my next Halloween costume is! (Gas mask)

Third impression:
Damn, this is like the sequel to the sequel to Tesuo: The Iron Man, even though there's no resemblance. At all.

Fourth impression:
This guy is clearly having more fun than I am.
posted by lekvar at 9:40 AM on January 23, 2008

This guy lost some kind of bet.

I bet.
posted by papercake at 9:43 AM on January 23, 2008

Has anyone figured out which product is being virally marketed by this video?
posted by Nelson at 9:46 AM on January 23, 2008

some brand of horseradish?
posted by pyramid termite at 9:58 AM on January 23, 2008

I browse the internet for self-betterment and edification.

Thus far, a very sad adventure.
posted by bigskyguy at 10:03 AM on January 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

Matt Haughey sure has lost some weight.
posted by Dizzy at 10:11 AM on January 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

This victory on the internets looks Pyrrhic to me.

The other day I was at a battle and the winning general was unable to identify whether his victory was pyrrhic. And no, he wasn't newly promoted...and to make matters worse his lieutenants didn't know either.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:12 AM on January 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

Definitely Amanita Muscaria, yes. While they can possibly lead to behaviour like in this video they are not exactly poisonous. Apparently they are part of the traditional diet
of Sanada, Japan and, when cooked in water, will lose their intoxicating properties.
I don't think the guy in the video got much of the desired effects from his meal
but he clearly doesn't seem to need any more of these anyway.
William Rubel has a nice recipe.
James Arthur has the other kinds of recipe.
posted by morizky at 10:39 AM on January 23, 2008

Morizky for the win. The name of the mushroom (as mentioned in the video, which also describes it as poisonous) in Japanese is ベニテングダケ; for some reason that didn't come up when I searched for it, but sure enough, there it is in the Japanese wikipedia, linked to the article on Amanita Muscaria on the English side.
posted by adamrice at 10:50 AM on January 23, 2008

Are you new to the Internet?

Choose your own snarky reply!

A) No, thank you. I never touch the stuff.

ii) Never heard of it. What is it, hairspray?

π) It's dark. You're very likely to be eaten by a grue.
posted by loquacious at 10:58 AM on January 23, 2008

I wish I could enjoy things with such unbridled glee. I feel sad and a little empty by comparison.
posted by oddman at 11:02 AM on January 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

That's some groovy soundtrack. What is it?
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 11:04 AM on January 23, 2008

I browse the internet for self-betterment and edification.

Me too. And now thanks to morizky and adamrice, I have. Thanks!
posted by loquacious at 11:05 AM on January 23, 2008

Without question, the most disappointing link I have ever seen that contained a thong.
posted by vito90 at 11:45 AM on January 23, 2008

I wish You Tube had a Fast Forward button.
posted by Skygazer at 11:48 AM on January 23, 2008

I browse the internet for self-butterment and edjumacation. Works every time.
posted by Myeral at 12:22 PM on January 23, 2008

Stuff like this on the internet (even pre-YouTube) has forever ruined the weirdness factor of halfway-decent movies for me, like Lair of the White Worm.
posted by dhartung at 12:26 PM on January 23, 2008

I wish You Tube had a Fast Forward button.

I wish the internet had a Fast Forward button so my little 3D GoogleBuddy™ would jump out onto the top of my desk already.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:31 PM on January 23, 2008

Simpsons already did it.
posted by post punk at 3:01 PM on January 23, 2008

The most disturbing part of the video is when he removes the horse mask to reveal.... a nerdy engineering grad student.
posted by naju at 3:06 PM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

wtf guys, how dare you talk this way about the King of the Internet. He won it fo sho.
posted by spec80 at 3:17 PM on January 23, 2008

Someone else was holding the camera -- so there are at least 2 people who thought this was a good idea.

Anyone want to make a sequel? I have a camera.
posted by 5MeoCMP at 3:29 PM on January 23, 2008

as performance art: C-
as internetwankery: C+
as metafilterworthy: F
posted by kozad at 3:48 PM on January 23, 2008

What I want to know is where can I get one of those masks!

*whinneys*
posted by humannaire at 4:05 PM on January 23, 2008

That mask is awesome! Does anyone know how I can find a mask like that? All I can find are vinyl ones. Seriously, I want one.
posted by redteam at 4:49 PM on January 23, 2008

That's some groovy soundtrack. What is it?

It's the music of the final battle in Final Fantasy III/VI.

*slinks away in shame*
posted by Alex404 at 5:28 PM on January 23, 2008

I just have to comment because this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while.
posted by proj08 at 6:48 PM on January 23, 2008

*slinks away in shame*

Shame? Stand proud! That's my favorite game of all time...many, many hours of my life were spent playing that game.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:40 PM on January 23, 2008

I am Frau Blucher
posted by hortense at 11:00 PM on January 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Seems to have a lot of anime stuff around. Is anime the cause of this behavior or a side effect?
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:48 PM on January 23, 2008