Man gave birth to a upper jaw.

February 1, 2008 12:49 PM

Grow your own spare parts.At last we're regenerating properly. Scientists took stem cells from patients fat tissue, cultivated bone cells from them, crafted a nice comfy titanium cage where to grow and put the cage into man's abdomen. After 9 months, install new upper jaw.
posted by Free word order! (36 comments total)

Fuck that 9 months in my abdomen shit... too much like a baby.

I want a headless, spare parts clone on call 24 hours a day.
posted by BobFrapples at 12:55 PM on February 1, 2008

What happens when you need a head, Bob? THEN YOU'RE FUCKED.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 1:00 PM on February 1, 2008 [2 favorites]

Whoa, medical narcissism, giving birth to one's own body? Weird. But also, holy shit, this is awesome. Incredible. wow. I love hearing about this. Thanks for the post.
posted by nickyskye at 1:01 PM on February 1, 2008

I've always wanted to taste human meat but there is nowhere to legally or ethically do it. This may just be the loophole I've been looking for.

Thanks, modern science!
posted by bondcliff at 1:02 PM on February 1, 2008 [2 favorites]

Wow. The concept of just using his own body as the growth environment was unexpected. But that's pretty awesome. Next they have to figure out how to grow a new liver and then I can have one on warm standby! I could even run them in RAIDL configuration!
posted by GuyZero at 1:03 PM on February 1, 2008

Could you grown your own, uh, enhanced parts?
posted by monospace at 1:03 PM on February 1, 2008

Soon, the world shall know the glory of the five-assed monkey.
posted by jquinby at 1:05 PM on February 1, 2008 [8 favorites]

synaesthetichaze, that reminds me of a riddle: What's the one transplant where you would rather be the donor and not the recipient? answer
posted by FissionChips at 1:08 PM on February 1, 2008

Fantastic! Now I can finally replace my big prosthetic forehead and get a real forehead. To be honest, I never really wanted that prosthetic forehead anyway.
posted by otolith at 1:09 PM on February 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

If the good Lord had wanted this guy to have a top jaw, he wouldn't have given him that benign tumor in the first place.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:13 PM on February 1, 2008

Upper jaw? Isn't that the head? I want pictures. Before and after.
posted by sfts2 at 1:22 PM on February 1, 2008

So I call on the Congress to pass legislation that bans unethical practices such as the buying, selling, patenting, or cloning of human life. -- G.W. Bush

Hey, free clones for everyone!

Really, though, I wonder if this sort of 'self-regeneration' would qualify as 'cloning of human life.'
posted by Sys Rq at 1:26 PM on February 1, 2008

What happens when you need a head, Bob? THEN YOU'RE FUCKED.

I don't want that clone to get any bright ideas, you dig?
posted by BobFrapples at 1:37 PM on February 1, 2008

To be honest, I never really wanted that prosthetic forehead anyway.

Otolith, everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.
posted by ulotrichous at 1:41 PM on February 1, 2008 [5 favorites]

What if I need a new abdomen? Wherever will I grow it?
posted by notmydesk at 1:48 PM on February 1, 2008

Can we have your liver?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 1:54 PM on February 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is very good news. Science is cool.
posted by geekyguy at 2:06 PM on February 1, 2008

What if I need a new abdomen? Wherever will I grow it?

In your...jaw?
posted by anazgnos at 2:38 PM on February 1, 2008 [2 favorites]

I am adamantly against this entire technology. This sort of thing, once perfected, will most likely obviate the need for cybernetic enhancements. And I have spent my entire life waiting for the opportunity to get my robot claw.

How the hell am I expected to be taken seriously as a Bond villain with two normal hands?
posted by quin at 2:42 PM on February 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

You could also eat yourself. Make a nice sandwich of the meat from your spare thigh. Mmm...

I wonder how indifferent to damage humans will be in the future. I suspect our behavior in that regard has radically changed over time from an individual perspective. Violence was far more prevalent not only interpersonally but as a matter of political power because it was so feared.
Today you can work a job without needing legs.

I’d speculate medical advances has (in part) probably led to greater freedom for individuals because it would mitigate risks that would necessitate social absorbtion by the group (e.g. - you get injured, you need to rely on others to take care of you).

So in the future, you get your hand sliced off. Meh.
Just dial up a new one.

Although...what’s reality t.v. going to look like if someone can stick a knife in your ribs and you can recover with no problem?
posted by Smedleyman at 2:54 PM on February 1, 2008

So in the future, you get your hand sliced off. Meh.
Just dial up a new one.

and just what will you be dialing with? your dick?

maybe you're one of those rich folk who can afford 2 hands...
posted by mr_book at 3:05 PM on February 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

Man, I am so glad that I'm not the only one who thought of self-cannibalism.
posted by quin at 3:12 PM on February 1, 2008

I fucking know that all this eternal youth stuff is going to come online like a month after I kick the bucket.

Hmm, the neurophysical challenge of actually "downloading" one's mentality into a donor blank is very interesting. As described here.
posted by panamax at 4:07 PM on February 1, 2008

Smedleyman: "You could also eat yourself. Make a nice sandwich of the meat from your spare thigh. Mmm..."

Mad Human Disease just waiting to happen.

Smedleyman: "So in the future, you get your hand sliced off. Meh.
Just dial up a new one."

Some people really shouldn't be encouraged.
posted by geekyguy at 4:16 PM on February 1, 2008

Mad Human Disease just waiting to happen.

Time to unpack the ol' zombie shotgun.
posted by furtive at 6:12 PM on February 1, 2008

Time to unpack the ol' zombie shotgun.

Then finally we can get that Zombie hunting license I've so desperately wanted!
posted by Talanvor at 7:04 PM on February 1, 2008

Remember, sports fans, in case of zombie apocalypse, you *never* have to reload a machete.
posted by Parannoyed at 7:42 PM on February 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

I guess if you wanna keep an eye on the jawbone growing in your stomach, you can just grow an eyeball in there too? Could you grow a spare penis, and then graft it on next to the existing one? Eight-breasted women? (Octoboobs!) Man, the potentil here is endless. If mutantporn.com isn't taken yet, maybe now is the time to jump on it!
posted by jamstigator at 8:14 PM on February 1, 2008

jamstigator,

Painstaking research (Read as, type www dot mutantporn dot com into browser bar, hit enter) has revealed that, yes, this domain is already taken. I hope you all pity me... thankfully my apple+w window closing skillz are quick like lightening.

as for the FPP, I think this is all quite cool. But I'm wondering when science will get off its collective ass and give us uterine replicators and vat-grown human cow meat so we can solve world hunger and the need to keep 51% of our population helpless for weeks at a time.
posted by Sam.Burdick at 9:05 PM on February 1, 2008

panamax: It'll likely be even worse. They'll invent some sort of eternal life and eternal youth, but you'll have to already be young to take advantage of the procedure. So everyone younger than us will stay young and healthy while we will be stuck not only getting older and dying, but watching the rest of the world do the opposite.

Maybe there's a movie in that. Parents of Men? "Today, the world mourns the death of Grandpa Diego, the last geriatric on Earth."
posted by ErWenn at 9:50 PM on February 1, 2008 [2 favorites]

They'll invent some sort of eternal life and eternal youth, but you'll have to already be young to take advantage of the procedure. So everyone younger than us will stay young and healthy while we will be stuck not only getting older and dying, but watching the rest of the world do the opposite.

Maybe there's a movie in that. Parents of Men?

ErWenn, it's actually a short story. In Spanish. "La inyeccion," maybe? Something like that. Only, the problem is that the youth become immortal and watch their parents/old people die off and end up *wanting* to die but they can't because they're immortal. It's actually this story of a horrible dystopia coming out of what you'd think would be a wonderful utopian ideal.

And, had already noticed the news about regrowing his upper jaw. My reaction, without reading the article? Hey great. My reaction, after reading the article and realizing *he grew it in HIS STOMACH*?? Hell to the no.
posted by librarylis at 12:49 AM on February 2, 2008

Ok, this story doesn't make sense to me. Where exactly in the abdomen is the spot to attach spare parts for growth? On the stomach? Rib Cage? Spare Parts Port? (SPP?)
posted by parallax7d at 5:14 AM on February 2, 2008

Where exactly in the abdomen

It probably goes something like this.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:24 PM on February 2, 2008

Smedleyman: "So in the future, you get your hand sliced off. Meh.
Just dial up a new one."

In the future, slapstick will include amputation
posted by mouthnoize at 1:58 PM on February 4, 2008

mouthnoize - woo hoo! I didn't know Futurama was coming back.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:00 PM on February 5, 2008

Stem Cell Activity Follows Circadian Rhythyms
posted by homunculus at 3:42 PM on February 6, 2008