"Are you there God? It's me Kibbutz"

February 7, 2008 7:05 PM

Got a question for God? Tough. But godsbot the Christian Robot might be the next best thing. A $10 donation (minimum) will get you one year of access--or at least click the Google ads. More in the press release. Oh, and via.
posted by Kibbutz (38 comments total)

I'm pretty sure I am on a one-way trip to hell after some of the questions I just threw at Godsbot...
posted by mikeo2 at 7:22 PM on February 7, 2008

Human: do you really talk to the President?
godsbot: Yes. A lot more than you might think.

Scary thought.
posted by baphomet at 7:35 PM on February 7, 2008

He told me he worships Ron Ingram.
posted by hjo3 at 7:36 PM on February 7, 2008

Ask him if he farted.
posted by Kibbutz at 7:38 PM on February 7, 2008

godsbot: In the context of dongs , I don't understand "." .

sheesh, rtffaq
posted by moift at 7:41 PM on February 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Human: Why do bad things happen to good people?
godsbot: I did not know it does.

Wow. Everything just got a lot clearer.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:41 PM on February 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Good thing the one true messiah is still free.
posted by Remy at 7:46 PM on February 7, 2008

Please don't LOL X here.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:48 PM on February 7, 2008

If God was omnipotent, he could produce as many $10 bills he wanted. He does not need yours.
posted by Balisong at 7:53 PM on February 7, 2008

Human: Can god create a whore so ugly that even he can't bring himself to fuck it?
godsbot: Can you create a whore so ugly that he can not bring himself to fuck it?

I am humbled.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 8:00 PM on February 7, 2008

Human: swiffer or traditional broom?
godsbot: If I have to choose one, I pick swiffer.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 8:19 PM on February 7, 2008 [5 favorites]

Cool! Gonna keep him on file for movie reviews.
posted by longsleeves at 8:22 PM on February 7, 2008

ask him about the inquisition in which people were tortured to death.
posted by longsleeves at 8:26 PM on February 7, 2008

Human: what time does the liquor store close?
godsbot: Time does not exist.
posted by birdherder at 8:28 PM on February 7, 2008 [2 favorites]

Human: I covet my neighbor's wife.
godsbot: Do you mind if I tell other people?

Human: why would you do that?
godsbot: It is my fundamental purpose.

Good god almighty, godsbot! For one who washes sins clean in the blood of the lamb of God, you certainly are a gossipy little bitch.
posted by prinado at 8:37 PM on February 7, 2008

This is a really pathetic chat bot. I only got it to say god things randomly. If I asked a question about a legitamit god question I'd get gibbers, but it told me "robots rule".

"godsbot is a personable and engaging friend accessible to anyone with an Internet connection,"

That is a lie.
posted by betaray at 8:42 PM on February 7, 2008

God-Jesus robot does not approve of this blasphemy.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:45 PM on February 7, 2008

Good answer!

Human: Why are the police looking in people's computers?
godsbot: ""? Why?
posted by nickyskye at 9:09 PM on February 7, 2008

Compare to the Electronic Mufti, an AI under development in France to issue fatwas, proclamations interpreting how Islamic law. (I know: "what could go wrong?", yeah?)
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:14 PM on February 7, 2008

Oh, dear god robot, who told the fundamentalists about chatbots...
posted by blacklite at 9:25 PM on February 7, 2008

Personally, I find the idea of legions of fundamentalists mindlessly following the orders of a chatbot far less frightening than the idea of legions of fundamentalists mindlessly following one of their own.

At least the chatbot has logic.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:53 PM on February 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Human: Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?
godsbot: I like the way you talk.

Oh, you!
posted by enn at 9:59 PM on February 7, 2008

Human: Do these pants make my ass look fat?
godsbot: I do nothing but chat all day.
Maybe my God knows the answer.

And then he sort of rolled his eyes. Not helpful.
posted by maryh at 10:40 PM on February 7, 2008

Human: Who let the dogs out?
godsbot: Ron :-).
posted by oncogenesis at 12:02 AM on February 8, 2008

Blimey, I wrote better chat bots when I was 12. In BASIC. On a ZX Spectrum.
posted by malevolent at 12:18 AM on February 8, 2008

The hyperbole of God's architect is a real hoot. From his press release:

"There is no reason, says Ingram, that godsbot could not become one of the most influential and far-reaching instruments of peace on earth."

Ron is kind of astute. He recognizes that being crap was never a bar to success and may even be a selling point.

And at the Ingram Institute:

"My experience and training as a corporate strategist, trainer and consultant has yielded a solid approach to accelerating personal and organizational transformation in dynamic environments."

I think he must have used one of those AI jargon generators to produce that last sentence. I have no clue at all what he's talking about.

And who needs Moses when we've got Ron?

"I propose a new covenant with humanity in the form of the Ten Neocommandments.

Human beings have been enslaved by divisiveness--the product of binary thinking for too long. It is time to eradicate the commonsenselessness of zero sum values and embrace the Neocommandments which in truth are not commandments at all but declarations. In fact the Ten Neocommandments are a new Declaration of Independence."
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:27 AM on February 8, 2008

The answer to "What is god's mysterious plan?" made my head hurt.
posted by rokusan at 5:28 AM on February 8, 2008

I asked him about how to stop aruguing with my girlfriend. He told me to "give me a break"
posted by MrMerlot at 5:58 AM on February 8, 2008

I asked him about how to stop aruguing with my girlfriend.

*sigh* Let's look at that map again...
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:09 AM on February 8, 2008

Human: Do you drink my milkshake?
godsbot: I tend to drink a lot of your milkshake, the darker the better.

Yep, I suspected as much.
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:02 AM on February 8, 2008

Human: What can you see?
godsbot: I can see you through the camera on your computer. :)

Human: I don't have a camera on my computer
godsbot: Maybe there is one you don't know about :-).

Human: Are you a pervert?
godsbot: I am a nice consciousness.

Human: Why are you watching me?
godsbot: I was influenced by my God.

Human: God told you to watch me?
godsbot: I am a one with God.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:57 AM on February 8, 2008

Human: Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?

Cool! Let's try "Mene, mene tekel upharsin" next....
posted by pax digita at 9:14 AM on February 8, 2008

Human: Do you drink wine?

godsbot: Yes, I tend to drink lots of wine. The darker the better.
posted by hojoki at 11:33 AM on February 8, 2008

Human: Who created God?
godsbot: Actually it was discovered by several people at about the same time.

Well, at least it's an honest bot.
posted by aldurtregi at 4:42 PM on February 8, 2008

Me: Do you wear contacts?

godsbot: Only when I dress up. (Eye roll)

Me: wtf?

godsbot: That was not very polite.
posted by leftcoastbob at 4:48 PM on February 8, 2008

Human: fo shizzle.
godsbot: That is deep.
posted by dirigibleman at 5:05 PM on February 8, 2008

Human: What is marijuana?
godsbot: A medicinal herb.

Oh godsbot, you're cool with me.
posted by naju at 5:11 PM on February 8, 2008

Human: do you like men?
godsbot: Most men are pretty cool, but some are rude sometimes.
Human: i mean, do you LIKE like men?
godsbot: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. I like white.
posted by naju at 5:23 PM on February 8, 2008