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February 14, 2008 1:00 PM   Subscribe

Furverts, Expectoration, and Body Inflation. A handy guide to the other side of Valentine's Day.
posted by plexi (45 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
An oldie but a goodie.
posted by pombe at 1:08 PM on February 14, 2008


The links between the various categories seem somewhat spuriuous. For example, how does one get from age play to incest? My sister is just a year older than I am?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:14 PM on February 14, 2008


Where's the spot for people who want to fuck this chart?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:15 PM on February 14, 2008


Hee.
posted by Phire at 1:24 PM on February 14, 2008


PeterMcDermott, incest is sex with any immediate family member, isn't it? So not just siblings. Not that I think the link isn't spurious.
posted by JeremyT at 1:24 PM on February 14, 2008


I definitely should not have clicked on this link an hour before my Stats midterm.
posted by Phire at 1:24 PM on February 14, 2008


Where do you want to go today?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 1:38 PM on February 14, 2008


Where's the spot for people who want to fuck this chart?

Right over here next to us folks that like to watch people fuck stuff, sweetcheeks!
posted by Pollomacho at 1:59 PM on February 14, 2008


There's "a notably high ratio" of female furries? Really? Cuz I thought only guys were into retarded shit like that.
posted by Afroblanco at 2:05 PM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Wait, "pleasure through pain" and "hurt/comfort" are on opposite sides of the chart? Something's wrong here.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:23 PM on February 14, 2008


Afroblanco: "There's "a notably high ratio" of female furries? Really? Cuz I thought only guys were into retarded shit like that."

Maybe it was written by a very wishful-thinking furry.
posted by Kadin2048 at 2:38 PM on February 14, 2008


This reminds me of retarded animal babies. Who wants to fuck this?
posted by anthill at 2:40 PM on February 14, 2008


"There's "a notably high ratio" of female furries? Really? Cuz I thought only guys were into retarded shit like that."

Do you really want to know what's underneath that costume?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:42 PM on February 14, 2008


This wasn't written by a furry, wishful-thinking or otherwise. If it were, furry's circle would surround the entire chart.
posted by darksasami at 2:59 PM on February 14, 2008


Maybe it was written by a very wishful-thinking furry.

Either that, or the chart was created by the propaganda wing of the Furry Industrial Complex.

So if you truly believe that there is a notably high ratio of female furries, your thoughts may have been manipulated by Big Furry.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:09 PM on February 14, 2008


From my experiences online, there are more female furries than many other more popular (generally male) fetishes. For whatever that's worth. I have no idea why.

Also, this chart is really old. I thought it had been posted 5+ years ago, but I'm not looking for it. OK, maybe I will ... ah, it used to be on Deviant Desires, which is no longer. Double post.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:37 PM on February 14, 2008


Well, I'd be amazed if there was even one woman into the furplay shit, so "notably high" might be relative.
posted by klangklangston at 4:00 PM on February 14, 2008


But I think I'll print this out for my bosses at Taboo—they'll get a giggle out of it.
posted by klangklangston at 4:01 PM on February 14, 2008


Necrophilia has a notably high ration of females? Really?
posted by smartyboots at 4:10 PM on February 14, 2008


There are female furries, and some of the ones I saw were really attractive. Like raver girls with chew toys instead of glowsticks.

NOTAFURRY.

This was in 2000, and I was hanging out with a girl obsessed with kink but had somehow never heard of furries. I mention that there's a furry convention in town that day and before I know it we're in the car and heading to crash it. A friend of a friend was one of the staff members of the furcon so I was pretty sure that that relationship plus having an attractive woman with me would be more than enough to get us inside and it was.

Stepping on that floor was scary. Every idle thought I'd ever had about how funny it would be to crash a furcon was made obsolete. I had entered their little piece of consensus reality and pointing and laughing at any of the absurdity around me would have just made me like an ugly American in Paris. And there was plenty absurd to be found, as I had shown up just as the furry dance began. Lumbering jackasses in plush wolf costumes! Obese fry cooks in sparkly dragonwear! Fuckwits with nut checks in vixen drag! Hot girls in kitty ears dancing with androgynous tiger boys....WHAT THE FUCK?! That's not part of the script! My companion was off taking pictures, so I couldn't ask her if I was hallucinating. More and more, attractive women started showing up in my vision, glimpsed between two fursuits, surrounded by tactless dorks by the punchbowl, occasionally wrapped around a cute guy, always remaining a minority but clearly present among these mulleted perl jockeys.

So, mind blown and odd thoughts of trading my dignity away and becoming a furry to impress one of these cat girls starting to rise, I walk off the dance floor and into the hall to wait for my friend to finish her gawking. Just before she comes out three guys dressed as wolves walk by, arms linked, their mass almost blocking a ten foot hallway. We worked our way around the fursuits and made our way to some bar.
posted by bunnytricks at 4:56 PM on February 14, 2008 [4 favorites]


Where's the spot for people who want to fuck this chart?

Somebody beat you to it, so look for the wet spot.
posted by jonmc at 4:57 PM on February 14, 2008


uhhh-- what are you wearing right now, jonmc?
posted by Dizzy at 5:02 PM on February 14, 2008


A suit of armor, sir.
posted by jonmc at 5:18 PM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


I feel like hallmark should market this for Valentine's Day
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 6:01 PM on February 14, 2008


Awesome, but double.
posted by mediocrates at 7:01 PM on February 14, 2008


OK, where is the fisting? how could any self-respecting king-graph not include fisting? handball? speculums?
posted by LMGM at 7:32 PM on February 14, 2008


mediocrates: Your complaint that this is a dupe is a dupe.
posted by Pronoiac at 7:36 PM on February 14, 2008


Okay, age-play to incest:

Adult women dressing in little girl clothes, doing what they can to earn spankings and lovin' from their (male or female) "Daddies."

Sigh.
posted by houseofdanie at 8:53 PM on February 14, 2008


OK, where is the fisting? how could any self-respecting king-graph not include fisting? handball? speculums?

Speculums? No, no, no.

I guess someone's never had to memorize the content of www.specula.org for their Doctor. My Doctor says a good Doctor makes sure his patients are well informed before he performs procedures on them, and that a really, really good Doctor will do due dilligence by checking even throughtout the proocedure that the information has really been absorbed.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:31 PM on February 14, 2008


toy boats?

This is up there with the bacon chart.

Maybe we can combine the two.. bacon anyone?
posted by sir_rubixalot at 11:05 PM on February 14, 2008


I like how there's an apparent distinction between “classic” fetishes and, what - information age fetishes, I guess?
posted by XMLicious at 12:02 AM on February 15, 2008


I'm reading the furry hate and I gotta say, your repulsion amuses me. It's a lot like listening to my racist parents talk about the horrors of having to consort with large numbers of black people in a grocery store or at a public event. I know I'm not the oldest person in the room, and yet still I feel like a grown up tending to cranky children.

Seriously. It's just sex in a costume. That's all. You put on your special outfit, play around and fuck for a while, maybe fall asleep for a bit, then switch back to the clothes you had on before. What is there to get so excited about? Get over it.
posted by Clay201 at 12:03 AM on February 15, 2008


I'm reading the furry hate and I gotta say, your repulsion amuses me. It's a lot like listening to my racist parents talk about the horrors of having to consort with large numbers of black people in a grocery store or at a public event.

Furries: "We didn't land on fraggle rock, fraggle rock landed on US!"
posted by bunnytricks at 12:49 AM on February 15, 2008 [2 favorites]


Watched Bambi lately?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:56 AM on February 15, 2008


Fuckwits with nut checks in vixen drag!

This may be the most perfect sentence in the English language.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:58 AM on February 15, 2008


NOTAFURRY.

posted by bunnytricks at 7:56 PM on February 14

Yeah, with a name that says you're a rabbit prostitute, sure thing Bunny Tricks.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:11 AM on February 15, 2008


I'm reading the furry hate and I gotta say, your repulsion amuses me.

I don't think that "furry-hate" is all that odd. Furries are basically people who are excited by activities that deliberately come close to the lines drawn by bestiality taboos. I'm not an anthropologist, but I can't imagine that this taboo isn't pretty deeply ingrained in most members of society, and for a significant part of the population, revulsion is a predictable response. It's a form of transgressive sex that goes beyond some peoples' boundaries. Nothing "wrong" with it in an absolute sense, but to expect that there aren't going to be people who are squicked out by it is ridiculous.
posted by graymouser at 6:41 AM on February 15, 2008


Yeah, with a name that says you're a rabbit prostitute, sure thing Bunny Tricks.

That's explained in my profile. I was high at signup time. Reeeeal high. Milligrams-away-from-trying-to-shoot-an-apple-off-of-Andy-Dick's-head-in-Mexico high.
posted by bunnytricks at 7:09 AM on February 15, 2008


I put on my robe and fursuit hat.
posted by anthill at 9:18 AM on February 15, 2008


For me, I have to say that it's probably because everyone I've ever known who's been out about their furry preferences has been a skeevy retard with a raft of bizarre metaphysical beliefs (like being inhabited by the soul of a dragon, which gave them special powers).

Though I did just meet the guy who does the illustrations for My Little Pony and find out that he made rent one month by going to a furrycon and knocking out dirty drawings for $25 a pop. He seemed like a pretty cool guy.
posted by klangklangston at 9:54 AM on February 15, 2008


Furries are basically people who are excited by activities that deliberately come close to the lines drawn by bestiality taboos.

The weird thing is, I've always found furries just slightly more repellent than people who actually have sex with animals. At least straight up bestiality fans are honest with themselves.
posted by FatherDagon at 10:17 AM on February 15, 2008


The weird thing is, I've always found furries just slightly more repellent than people who actually have sex with animals. At least straight up bestiality fans are honest with themselves.

Huh? Most furries I've encountered claim that they don't actually want to fuck animals. And then they don't actually fuck animals. Seems reasonably honest to me.

It seems to me as if you might as well be saying, "I've always found people who like consensual rape-play just slightly more repellent than people who actually rape. At least straight up rapists are honest." Unfortunately, this logic doesn't work any better than yours does. There's a huge difference between being turned on by the fantasy of doing something, and being turned on by actually doing that something.

So, while you're at it: "naughty nurses" ought to just be totally upfront about their secret, shameful desire to work in healthcare. Also, guys who wank to photos of Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS are worse than actual Nazis. Gotcha.
posted by vorfeed at 11:17 AM on February 15, 2008


For me, I have to say that it's probably because everyone I've ever known who's been out about their furry preferences has been a skeevy retard with a raft of bizarre metaphysical beliefs (like being inhabited by the soul of a dragon, which gave them special powers).

Those aren't just any furries, those are Otherkin!
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:30 PM on February 15, 2008


I always found Josie & The Pussycats (the cartoon version) sexy when they wore their stage outfits. Does that make me a furry? or merely an animation fetishist (aka an 'Inky,').
posted by jonmc at 5:04 PM on February 15, 2008


I kinda made out with a couple members of Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch when I was a teenager.
We were at Grape Ape's place (he hadn't setted down with Jabberjaw yet) just wrestlin' and stuff, and then Space Ghost said he wanted to show us some new moves brought over from Hong Kong by Fritz Freling, and he gave us some "soda" and took out his Kodak , and then we started hugging and such.
I woke up with my head shaved.
One of the Brady Kids gave me a ride home.
I've never told anyone about this until now.
posted by Dizzy at 5:02 AM on February 16, 2008 [1 favorite]


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