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I fell in love with an assassin
March 8, 2008 3:25 PM   Subscribe

They met on a train and fell in love. Then Jason P Howe discovered that his girlfriend Marylin was leading a secret double life – as an assassin for right-wing death squads in Colombia's brutal civil war.
posted by jonson (40 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Well, I feel a lot better about my seemingly poor taste in men now.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:39 PM on March 8, 2008 [15 favorites]


One morning, Marylin told me that the previous night she had persuaded a friend to help her decapitate and dismember a woman she had been contracted to kill. This was no informer, but, rather, a friend of hers who paid her to kill her boyfriend's other girlfriend. She described so graphically what had happened, with so little feeling, that at last reality kicked in. I found my feelings about her changing. The romantic light started to fade fast. She no longer seemed to be a legitimate part of a civil conflict but had evolved into a freelance killer, taking life in exchange for money – no more, no less.

Yeah, I'd say that might be a dealbreaker.

Still glad I haven't dated any assassins tho. That I know of...

posted by miss lynnster at 3:47 PM on March 8, 2008


Although I still found her sexually attractive and wanted to be with her, something else was ricocheting around in my brain. Some of the thoughts that would have occurred to anyone else much earlier were, now, at last, beginning to filter through.

Standards? Ethics? Conscience?
posted by dhartung at 3:48 PM on March 8, 2008 [2 favorites]


OH SNAP
posted by localroger at 3:48 PM on March 8, 2008


I bet Jimbo Wales would be up for it.
posted by Artw at 3:53 PM on March 8, 2008 [10 favorites]


War porn, get your war porn!

Frankly, the guy seems a bit too smug over the whole story, and more than a bit too eager to sell it...
posted by Skeptic at 3:53 PM on March 8, 2008 [4 favorites]


Standards? Ethics? Conscience?

Discovery Channel documentaries regarding the preying mantis?
posted by Artw at 3:54 PM on March 8, 2008 [2 favorites]


I hate it when that happens.
posted by Krrrlson at 3:57 PM on March 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


My first wife told a story like this once. Once.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:09 PM on March 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


The Independent? It's a powerful story, for sure. Too bad its presented in the tone of a cheap noir thriller.
posted by vacapinta at 4:28 PM on March 8, 2008


And she did all of this while on the run from the Nazis and living with a pack of wolves. Forgive me for being skeptical.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 4:36 PM on March 8, 2008 [2 favorites]


Yeah, you gotta watch out for that.
posted by Submiqent at 4:37 PM on March 8, 2008


Reminds me of that Korean film My Wife is a Gangster, only this story isn't funny (if you haven't seen the movie, you should before Hollywood remakes and ruins it).
posted by bwg at 4:46 PM on March 8, 2008


I call dibs on the film rights.

(Is that legally valid?)
posted by dzot at 5:02 PM on March 8, 2008


She'd hit me.
posted by Rumple at 5:10 PM on March 8, 2008 [8 favorites]


Jeez, this guy needs to chill -- he acts as if decapitation is polyamory or something.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:28 PM on March 8, 2008


Decapitation ⊂ polyamory
posted by Ritchie at 5:36 PM on March 8, 2008 [2 favorites]


I can't wait for her rebuttal -- "I fell in love with a mediocre hack writer."
posted by dhammond at 5:38 PM on March 8, 2008 [9 favorites]


sometimes these feelings can be so misleading
posted by googly at 5:40 PM on March 8, 2008


Jason P. Howe sounds like a Class A Asshole.
posted by KokuRyu at 5:41 PM on March 8, 2008





I can't wait for her rebuttal -- "I fell in love with a mediocre hack writer."


Ghost written in the most pure way, also. What with her being dead and all that.
posted by Brockles at 5:59 PM on March 8, 2008 [2 favorites]


Oh, come ON!

Dude falls in with EVERY ADOLESCENT MALES FANTASY GIRL and proceeds to totally freakin' blow it with his 'compleat' wussitude.

EPIC, EPIC, EPIC FAIL
posted by [son] QUAALUDE at 6:03 PM on March 8, 2008


War porn, get your war porn!

Frankly, the guy seems a bit too smug over the whole story, and more than a bit too eager to sell it...

posted by Skeptic

that's eponysterical, but I agree completely. The tone he uses is terrible, there is a difference between telling stories you think that are worth telling and cashing in with other people's tragedies. He doesn't seem to have much conflict in benefiting from other people's conflicts.
posted by micayetoca at 6:12 PM on March 8, 2008


For Whom the Bell Tolls was better written. I guess this is timely and probably better reflects modern idiocies, although that's clearly unintentional.
posted by ikkyu2 at 6:19 PM on March 8, 2008


This guy couldn't write his way out of a paper bag. Truly terrible. With all of the natural pathos in this story, I can't believe I was yawning by mid page.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 6:20 PM on March 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


The really scary part of the article is where it says he stretched this out into a forthcoming book and it's going to be made into a 'major Hollywood film'.

It wasn't even interesting as a puff piece in the Independent.
posted by grounded at 6:53 PM on March 8, 2008


No more heroes.
posted by Falconetti at 7:18 PM on March 8, 2008


I Married A Monster From Outer Space had a better plot.
posted by lukemeister at 7:20 PM on March 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


I fell in love with an assassin

That's hilarious stuff. He clearly loved the cigarettes more. She barely registers a 'like' in comparison.

Hopefully his publisher sprang for a ghostwriter's services for the book. Or was this intended to read like an 8th grader's attempt at drafting his own Harlequin romance?
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 7:20 PM on March 8, 2008


Yeah, seriously crappy writing and self-concept. Also I hate the word "nubile" with a burning fury.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:21 PM on March 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


I dated a Russian Spy once. True story. Grilled by CSIS (Canadian FBI) and everything.
posted by dobbs at 10:52 PM on March 8, 2008


And I saw for the first time that the mirrored lenseswere surgical inlays, the siilver rising smoothly from her high cheekbones, sealing her eyes in their sockets.
(Plus she had these fingernail razor blades)
posted by Smedleyman at 11:50 PM on March 8, 2008 [4 favorites]


The story had potential but the way he wrote it was so boring and uninteresting, he was trying to put more into it then there was.
posted by lilkeith07 at 12:44 AM on March 9, 2008


I dated someone who was an undercover jerk about 2 weeks ago. True story.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:53 AM on March 9, 2008


I dated someone who was an undercover jerk about 2 weeks ago.

So, did he leave you holding the bag?
posted by hal9k at 6:39 AM on March 9, 2008


His photographs from Colombia, if you like.

Saw a documentary on Colombia years about which featured some folk musicians singing a bright cheery tune the lyrics of which contained some of the most stomach churning accounts of what the singer was going to do to his cheatin' girlfriend it has ever been my misfortune to hear. I've always wondered about Colombians and violence since then, and it is the one thing that makes me a little less likely to dismiss this story as rubbish.

Anyone care to comment on a possible Colombia/violence cultural nexus, or does it smack too much of stereotype for this crowd? I ask from genuine curiosity, not a desire to start a fight. (Truly, the few Colombians I have actually known have been nice as could be.)
posted by IndigoJones at 9:12 AM on March 9, 2008


I don't think the story is invented, it sounds very much in tune with many of the things you hear on a daily basis about the Colombian conflict -and here in Venezuela you get to hear a lot about it, because there is a laaaaaaaaaaaarge segment of the population who are Colombians that fled the country because of the violence -either violence from the government, the guerrillas or the paramilitaries. My problem with the story is not its authenticity, but the tone chosen to present it. It seems more concerned in raising awareness about his upcoming film than in raising awareness about a very serious armed conflict and its victims.

As for the second point, that's something I've never figured out myself. There's countries where violence seems more deeply rooted, or people who seem more prone to violence, Colombians are largely very nice, friendly people with a fantastic and very rich culture rooted in the best aspects of human expression, yet Colombia does have the longest and one of the harshest armed conflicts in the region. But if you ask me I would never say something like "Colombian culture is evidently prone to violence". I think this conflict is (obviously) complex and there are many outside factors that only contribute to making it worse.
posted by micayetoca at 10:19 AM on March 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


Saw a documentary on Colombia years about which featured some folk musicians singing a bright cheery tune the lyrics of which contained some of the most stomach churning accounts of what the singer was going to do to his cheatin' girlfriend it has ever been my misfortune to hear. I've always wondered about Colombians and violence since then

It's those homicidal Tennesseeans who really bear watching.
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:12 AM on March 9, 2008


It doesn't sound like anybody'll mind if I'm a giant asshole for a second.

The romantic light started to fade fast. She no longer seemed to be a legitimate part of a civil conflict but had evolved into a freelance killer, taking life in exchange for money – no more, no less.

"After we'd slept together a few times, I began to realize that I, a privileged Englishman with an international award under my belt, was surrounded by a huge number of beautiful, disadvantaged Columbian women, and I was still a very young man. I began to think of ways that I could end this relationship while retaining my self-image as a morally upstanding man.

"Also, I was scared that she would dismember my corpse and come to my funeral if I screwed around on her."

After a long period of silence, I began to fear something had happened. So I decided that I would return to Puerto Asis to learn the truth.

"My amputation fetish ran dry in the hot Afghani sun. I remembered Marilyn. Suddenly, I didn't feel so young. Could she still want me?"
posted by nathan v at 1:48 PM on March 9, 2008


It's those homicidal Tennesseeans who really bear watching.

Well, your link is good, but be aware that that song is based on an even older English or Irish ballad called the Wexford Girl, and trust me, it's tame stuff compared to what I was talking about- lines describing cutting out the woman's liver, off the nose and ears, all while she lived, and all in cheery up beat tempo, molto con gusto, nothing Tom Dooleyish or I'm-so-sorry-I-could-die about it.

And again, I'm not trying to reinforce stereotypes, the Colombian's I've met have been far from them. I simply am perplexed by between the on-going war and the (apparantly old and traditional) song, the crossing of this woman and her blood chilling actions and wondered if anyone had anything enlightening to say (thank you, Micayetoca, much appreciated).

But then I don't understand violence in general. Perhaps none of us does.
posted by IndigoJones at 5:08 PM on March 11, 2008


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