Pope Lick Monster - A: “I don’t know what that is.”
April 20, 2008 9:29 PM   Subscribe

Evil Monkey’s Guide to Kosher Imaginary Animals (via)
posted by blue_beetle (21 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
I did this to my friend in Rabbinical school once... that's awesome.
posted by ph00dz at 9:51 PM on April 20, 2008


I hope I never run into a Jaud, because I'd just end up offending the mother.

"Awww, look at the little OH GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE"
posted by dosterm at 10:06 PM on April 20, 2008


I couldn't find a politically correct way to admit that I liked the way this demonstrates the absurdity of religious law, so I decided not to post a comment.
posted by sdodd at 10:12 PM on April 20, 2008


Oh, shit.
posted by sdodd at 10:13 PM on April 20, 2008


Lemme try again.

MetaFilter: If it’s licking the Pope, it’s probably treyf.
posted by sdodd at 10:18 PM on April 20, 2008 [4 favorites]


Some more elaborate renditions and descriptions of a couple of the Japanese cryptids can be found here .
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 10:20 PM on April 20, 2008


I approve of this post.
posted by kosher_jenny at 10:47 PM on April 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


Heh. That was short but fun.
posted by Artw at 10:47 PM on April 20, 2008


Hobbits may be kosher!
posted by humannaire at 11:09 PM on April 20, 2008


However, while we are on the subject of kosher slaughter....

....shackling and hoisting. [Warning (animal brutality): Disturbingly True.]
posted by humannaire at 11:18 PM on April 20, 2008


(This has more practical consequences as well - if one is say cutting vegetables into a soup and you cut yourself and a drop of blood falls into the soup according to many opinions you don’t have to kasher the pot. However, if it were a drop of pig blood you would have to).

Well now actually that seems pretty damn reasonable. So the upshot is, if hobbits bleed in your soup you're okay?
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:30 AM on April 21, 2008


Nebulawindphone, if you have a hobbit in your kitchen bleeding on your food, I'm pretty sure you have bigger issues than the kosherness of your soup. Generally speaking, any fictional character that you have bleeding in your kitchen is a warning sign of issues that transcend religious doctrine.

I don't care how devout you are, if a bleeding Cornish Owl-Man bursts into your kitchen, your first thought will not be 'kosher or treyf?'
posted by slimepuppy at 3:16 AM on April 21, 2008 [1 favorite]


The world needs more cryptogastronomy. And Google needs more than the eight results it currently returns for that word...
posted by flashboy at 3:39 AM on April 21, 2008


The comments bring up a good point what about the Loch Ness and other lake monsters?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:10 AM on April 21, 2008


The seder we went to last night had lamb that was raised on the host's family's farm. Its name was Conor up until it was rendered delicious.
posted by ardgedee at 4:36 AM on April 21, 2008


The comments bring up a good point what about the Loch Ness and other lake monsters?

There's some tricky classification to be done there. If it's a reptile or an amphibian, it's treyf. If it's a mammal, it's treyf unless it's got cloven hooves, which I doubt. If it's a fish, it's treyf unless it's got scales and fins. None of the images we've got so far are clear enough to show either, so we have to assume it's treyf until we've got further evidence.

But there's one last possibility, and it's one that I find intriguing. The rabbinical tradition doesn't have much to say about dinosaurs, but archaeologists suggest that their closest modern relatives are birds. So it's possible that they'll count as birds from a halachic point of view. And the rules on birds are relatively loose — as long as they don't eat carrion, they're in. So (pending extensive rabbinical dickering, of course) if the Loch Ness Monster turns out to be an elasmosaur, it may be kosher after all.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:42 AM on April 21, 2008 [1 favorite]


What about Grendel?
posted by Artw at 9:28 AM on April 21, 2008


This was a little disappointing. I was hoping the interviewer would have some suggestions that actually stood a shot at being kosher, or would each bring up different laws, instead of just asking about animals that are mixes of other animals which they know are already tref. Do nerfs have cloven hooves?
posted by ErWenn at 10:06 AM on April 21, 2008


Ooh, good point. And what about fauns? Are they kosher as long as you only eat the goat half?
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:55 PM on April 21, 2008


You can't just eat the fish half of a mermaid, nebulawindphone...
posted by ph00dz at 9:25 PM on April 21, 2008


nebulawindphone: The goat half of a faun or satyr is not kosher because if even if it did produce cud, I'm pretty sure that it would be the human half that does the chewing.
posted by ErWenn at 8:55 PM on April 23, 2008


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