Like the athletes of today, ancient athletes trained and trained and trained some more. Training was a highly developed art. From early childhood, an athlete trained with a trainer. There were three types of trainers. The paidotribes were physical trainers of athletics for competition; the gymnastes were high paid athletic exercise trainers; and the aleiptes were "anointers" who anointed athletes’ bodies with oil for muscle massages. Trainers’ services were not inexpensive. If an athlete could not afford a trainer, his city paid for one. Athletes arrived in Elis one month prior to the start of the Olympic games, and continued to trained in one of many arenas there.
geoff.: Right, which is why this whole debate gets absurd rather quickly and why I can't figure out the big hoopla over performance enhancing drugs. So someone can have a strictly regimented diet and train 10 hours a day but can't inject low doses of steroids? Or this guy cannot have prosthetic blades but I don't see any restrictions on lasik surgery for biathlon runners.
I Foody: I think we should say that he is allowed as long as he can't qualify and once he or another person with prosthetics can qualify we should take the fact that they qualify as proof that the prosthetics give them an unfair advantage. Wait, that's what's going on. Good.
kingbenny: It's pretty different, on the surface anyway. Tommy John surgery doesn't add any major component that wasn't already part of the body.
kingbenny: It just seems to me that, when it's still a tendon, it's in a little different class.
notreally: So would a guy with a prosthetic penis be banned from porno films?
GEORGE CARLIN AND SPORTS
To my way of thinking there are really only three sports: baseball, basketball, and football. Everything else is either a game or an activity.
Hockey comes to mind. People think hockey is a sport. It's not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody. If these guys had more brains then teeth, they'd do these things one at a time. First go ice-skating, then fool around with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the shit out of somebody. The day would last longer, and these guys would have a lot more fun. Another reason why hockey isn't a sport is that it's not played with a ball. Anything not played with a ball can't be a sport. These are my rules, I make 'em up.
Soccer. Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms. Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap dancing isn't a sport. I rest my case.
Running. People think running is a sport. Running isn't a sport because anybody can do it. I can run, you can run. For Christ sakes, my mother can run! You don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, do you?
Swimming. Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense. Sailing isn't a sport. Sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the fuck should sailing be a sport?
Boxing is not a sport either. Boxing is a way to beat the shit out of somebody. In that respect, boxing is actually a more sophisticated way of hockey. In spite of what the police tell you, beating the shit out of somebody is not a sport. When police brutality becomes an Olympic event, fine, then boxing can be a sport.
Bowling. Bowling isn't a sport because you have to rent shoes. Don't forget, these are my rules. I make 'em up.
Billiards. Some people think billiards is a sport, but it can't be, because there's no chance of serious injury. Unless, of course, you welch on a bet in a tough neighborhood. Then, if you wind up with a pool cue stickin' out of your ass, you know you might be the victim of a sports-related injury. But that ain't billiards, that's pool, and that starts with a P, and that rhymes with D, and that brings me to darts.
Darts could have been a sport, because at least there's a chance to put someone's eye out. But, alas, darts will never be a sport, because the whole object of the game is to reach zero, which goes against all sports logic.
Lacrosse is not a sport; lacrosse is a faggoty college activity. I don't care how rough it is, anytime you're running around a field, waving a stick with a little net on the end of it, you're engaged in a faggoty college activity. Period.
Field hockey and fencing. Same thing. Faggoty college shit. Also these activities aren't sports, because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a fuckin' fencing bet?
Gymnastics is not a sport because Romanians are good at it. It took me a long time to come up with that rule, but goddammit, I did it.
Polo isn't a sport. Polo is golf on horseback. Without holes. It's a great concept, but not a sport. And as far as water polo is concerned, I hesitate to even mention it, because it's extremely cruel to horses.
Which brings me to hunting. You think hunting is a sport? Ask the deer. The only good thing about hunting is the many fatal accidents on the weekends. And, of course, the permanently disfigured hunters who survive such accidents.
Then you have tennis. Tennis is very trendy and very fruity, but it's not a sport. It's just a way to meet other trendy fruits. Technically, tennis is an advanced form a Ping-Pong. In fact, tennis is Ping-Pong played while standing on the table. Great concept, not a sport.
In fact, all racket games are nothing more the derivatives of Ping-Pong. Even volleyball is, technically, racketless, team Ping-Pong played with an inflated ball and raised net while standing on the table.
And finally welcome to golf. For my full take on golf, I refer you elsewhere in the book, but let it just be said golf is a game that might possibly be fun, if it could be played alone. But it's the vacuous, striving, superficial, male-bonding joiners one has to associate with that makes it such a repulsive pastime. And it is decidedly not a sport. Period.
"Double-amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius was not chosen Friday to be on South Africa's Olympic team for the Beijing Games.
Besides failing to meet the qualifying standard to run in the 400 meters, Pistorius was left off the 1,600-meter relay team."
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