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20 Ways to Die Trying to Dunk a Basketball
July 30, 2008 9:52 AM   Subscribe

20 Ways to Die Trying to Dunk a Basketball - the only thing more triumphant than throwing down a tomahawk slam is having 20,000 people see you fail at doing it. (youtube)
posted by puke & cry (44 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
Based on this user's history, I think we are all waiting for someone else to look first.
posted by DU at 10:03 AM on July 30, 2008


Cue "Idiocracy" reference in 4... 3... 2...
posted by ardgedee at 10:04 AM on July 30, 2008


I could only watch two of them. I suck at this flash game.
posted by not_on_display at 10:07 AM on July 30, 2008


Oh, I don't look at this. Thank you.
posted by fleetmouse at 10:08 AM on July 30, 2008


It's on par with someone getting hit in the nuts. Nothing god awful or anything.
posted by puke & cry at 10:10 AM on July 30, 2008


Metafilter: It's on par with someone getting hit in the nuts
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:11 AM on July 30, 2008 [5 favorites]


Whilst growing up, in gym class once, a kid caught his arm (somehow) between the basket and the backboard -- immediately dislocating his shoulder.

He dangled there for twenty minutes while we went and found a ladder. Ow. Convinced me to never mess with dunking.
posted by aramaic at 10:12 AM on July 30, 2008


Some of these are actually worth watching. As expected, though, the commentary is retarded. I wish people would just linkjack without adding their two cents :P
posted by jrockway at 10:14 AM on July 30, 2008


Ow. Convinced me to never mess with dunking.

Pain is temporary. Glory is forever. And chicks dig scars.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:19 AM on July 30, 2008


I made so many basketball videos with my junior high school buddies with stools, lowered rims, etc. I am shocked that nothing like this ever happened to us.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:22 AM on July 30, 2008


And chicks dig scars.

Don't forget the sponge baths -- another fringe benefit.
posted by aramaic at 10:23 AM on July 30, 2008


"18. Being foreign and jumping off a park bench. The two just don’t go together . . . they never do."

....what?!?
posted by batmonkey at 10:25 AM on July 30, 2008


Well, batmonkey, can you point us to a situation in which the combination of being foreign and jumping off a park bench has gone well?
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:28 AM on July 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


To me, every dunk is a failure. Especially when its done by some big dopey, 6' 8" steroid addled walk-on at Pigspittle University who believes his ability to violently throw a ball through a hole is somehow world-changing. Except Michael Jordan, of course.

Oh and #2? Fucking OWWWW!!!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:29 AM on July 30, 2008


As someone who is generally nonathletic, please explain to me the cleverness behind putting a trampoline right beneath the hoop... because that just strikes me as being in the same category as not recognizing that lighting fireworks off in your hand is a bad idea.

#6 is the best. Drunk, dizzy, and crashing into trash cans. That is how you fail at dunking a basketball.
posted by quin at 10:30 AM on July 30, 2008


Anyone remember a story floating around about some guy who was wearing a wedding ring (can't remember if it was a pro or college game) and he dunked but his ring got caught in the netting and tore his finger off? I want to see that video. Wait... no I don't.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:33 AM on July 30, 2008


It's on par with someone getting hit in the nuts.

*cough*
posted by carsonb at 10:50 AM on July 30, 2008


MrMoonPie: YouTube won't let me search by "foreign" (omg, so unamurkan!), but it looks like the common denominator for bench jumping fails is being a ham with a camera rolling, regardless of province.
posted by batmonkey at 10:54 AM on July 30, 2008


#6 is hysterical. Awesome post!
posted by porn in the woods at 11:10 AM on July 30, 2008


I'll give it a try if you can find a coffee mug big enough...
posted by GhostintheMachine at 11:18 AM on July 30, 2008


They were having some kind of open house function thing at the athletic center where I went to college, and on one of the basketball courts they'd lowered the hoops a foot or two so us mere mortals could try dunking. This one kid I knew by sight (I'd played against him in pickup games and such) took a ball and headed for the baseline. He built up a nice head of steam and launched himself up into the air - and came up maybe four inches too short, jamming the ball against the side of the rim. His forward momentum though carried his legs out from under him and slightly up into the air, and by this point gravity had caught up with him and brought him crashing to the floor right on his tailbone. He was down for a second and the rest of all kind of jeered good-naturedly, until he started shaking uncontrollably. An ambulance was called and he was carted off. I was gone before it arrived though, and I never found out what happened; I couldn't watch. It was awful.

I'm 6'4" and can jump pretty damn high, but for some reason I'm unable to dunk a basketball and each time I try and come up short I wonder if I'm just a little bit afraid because of what happened to that kid.
posted by xbonesgt at 11:32 AM on July 30, 2008


NBA 2008 Slam Dunk champion Dwight Howard dunks with his right hand after bouncing the ball off the backboard while midair with his left. Also, his Superman dunk (not technically a dunk since he throws it down into the basket from a couple of feet away), and bouncing the ball off the back of the rim and dunking in the front. Gerald Green blows out the candle on a cupcake on the rim while dunking.

Jordan.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:54 AM on July 30, 2008


kirkaracha provided:
"Gerald Green blows out the candle on a cupcake on the rim while dunking."

Now *that's* a precise stunt.

sure, he got to back up a couple of times and get himself lined up, but, dang, good bball stunts give me a grin
posted by batmonkey at 12:07 PM on July 30, 2008


Chocolate Thunder Flying.
posted by plastic_animals at 12:18 PM on July 30, 2008


puke & cry: It's on par with someone getting hit in the nuts. Nothing god awful or anything.

Given the choice between experiencing something like any of these, or getting hit in the nuts? I'll take my chances with getting hit in the nuts. (#6 excepted... wheee!)
posted by not_on_display at 12:28 PM on July 30, 2008


A lot of these are funny. Dunking is addictive.

I warned a friend about it after we were dunking on some low rims. He finally dunked it after trying about 10 times, then promptly spent the next 20 or 30 minutes trying to do it again.

I'm sure there are probably some good poetic accounts of it by NBA stars in books, but it's unlike so much other athletics. Dunking is sooo much fun. It's like a commitment. It's a promise you make with Earth. You say to the world with your stride and your steps that you seek to complete a task. I've been in dunk contests and almost to a man you can see the however brief contract each person makes through their demeanor.

Everybody here has jumped a thousand times. This is like the jump you dream of, where you jump and when you're expecting to feel your feet or body come back the ground, you don't. You have the ball in your hands, and even with one-handed dunks, something changes. Your hands and arms are occupied so you're already beginning to lean on your other senses to help you navigate through this realized prayer. Your knees, the arches of your feet, your quadricepts - you can measure the truth of your pledge with the ground with these. So often you start to go up, and don't. The pact isn't finalized. You're not cleared for takeoff.

But when it all comes together, it's unlike anything else. You rise up, and up and up. You grab the rim as the ball is going through, and simultaneously you're flowing through the air and landing further away than you could have on your own. It's the weirdest most exhilarating feeling because when you leap (unless you're super tall and dunking is seriously easy), everything is contracting. Your muscles are pushing, your arms are reaching, you suck in your breath. Then BAM, and all of a sudden it's all releasing, the ball is going through the rim and the net, and you're inhaling as you float down, watching your shoes slowly float to earth.

I bet a lot of those people in the videos had done it before, with whatever assisting device or chair or trampoline, and got hooked. It's no surprise really.
posted by cashman at 12:46 PM on July 30, 2008 [5 favorites]


I watched all 100 of them. Or maybe it just felt that way.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:21 PM on July 30, 2008


Wow.. Jordan really was the king, wasn't he? Jesus. Poetry in motion, that man.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:31 PM on July 30, 2008


Vince Carter over Frederic Weis during the 2000 Olympics
posted by camcgee at 2:51 PM on July 30, 2008


When I was a lad of 12, my brother and I were hooping it up at a local school court with some friends. The baskets on these courts were only about 8 feet tall and it was JAM CITY for us. We were dominating those little baskets!

That was until the little baskets decided enough was enough and fought back.

One of the baskets had a chain net. And one of the hooks that attached the chain net to the rim had come undone with all our dunking. You may be able to guess what happens next. My brother went up for a dunk and the hook from the net hooked to his nostril. When he came down it had ripped half his nose off. It looked really bad at the time, but he was in surprisingly little pain and was laughing it off. Of course, my Mom didn't think it was quite as funny.

He ended up getting a settlement from the school to cover the plastic surgery required and some damages. Nowadays, I would probably think the settlement was outrageous, since it was his own dumbass fault. But at the time it was awesome because he bought a moped and I got to use it sometimes. That was cool.
posted by Arch_Stanton at 3:28 PM on July 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


Excuse me, I just watched #16, and now I need to go get a new chair because I think I just peed myself laughing.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:40 PM on July 30, 2008


I'm usually not the kind of laugh at other's misfortune, but these are actually pretty funny. I just keep thinking "why would you think that was going to work?"
posted by airways at 4:48 PM on July 30, 2008


Don't forget the sponge baths -- another fringe benefit.

Unless it's given by some large, hairy guy named Romeo.
posted by bwg at 5:02 PM on July 30, 2008


No idea what's going on, but none of the videos will play past the first few seconds. Any idea what the deal is? Why does YouTube hate me?
posted by inigo2 at 5:07 PM on July 30, 2008


Have you been looking at Google Reader, inigo2? It's some weird overload or something. I'd found a site that had you copy/paste some driver from one folder into another (for firefox) and that seemed to work for a few days, then stopped and I haven't the drive to look it up again. I usually just close and reopen the browser.
posted by cashman at 5:28 PM on July 30, 2008


"20 Ways to Die". No one died. They got hurt a lot but still, disappointing.
posted by tellurian at 6:47 PM on July 30, 2008


No idea what's going on, but none of the videos will play past the first few seconds. Any idea what the deal is? Why does YouTube hate me?

I was wondering if I was the only person that happened to or not. I figured it had to do with so many videos being loaded at once but I don't know. If I try to load any youtube videos at all, even in another tab, there's no sound and it stops after 2 seconds. I had to open each video at youtube at close the athlists tab before they would work. Everything works fine if I don't have that page loaded so I figured that was the problem.
posted by puke & cry at 8:27 PM on July 30, 2008


This would be so much better edited together into one video, instead of 20 separate ones.
posted by pmurray63 at 8:47 PM on July 30, 2008


Have you been looking at Google Reader

Nope...other google pages, though (gmail, gnotebook)... and now I can't get the page to load at all.

You know what I think it is? Stevens is shutting down all the tubes now that he's been indicted.
posted by inigo2 at 9:19 PM on July 30, 2008


Spoke too soon, page just loaded. Still won't work, though.

I hate the internets.
posted by inigo2 at 9:20 PM on July 30, 2008


Some funny ones, but some of them look like the people involved were seriously injured (like the kid who got his leg stuck on the rim). I could have done without seeing that.
posted by L_K_M at 1:23 AM on July 31, 2008


AKA "20 videos that stop 2 seconds in."
posted by Poagao at 1:55 AM on July 31, 2008


AKA "20 videos that stop 2 seconds in."

I've had that problem with youtube occasionally ever since I upgraded to FF3. I think it has something to do with the browser cache. Restarting FF fixes it.
posted by carsonb at 9:34 AM on July 31, 2008


I've had that problem with youtube occasionally ever since I upgraded to FF3. I think it has something to do with the browser cache. Restarting FF fixes it.

Restarting didn't help me unfortunately. When I get home I'll try again, though.
posted by inigo2 at 10:14 AM on July 31, 2008


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