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Back Dat Ass Up
August 7, 2008 10:27 AM   Subscribe

Sick and tired of sitting at home, eating a pint of ice cream, watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians and wondering why you can't have the success that Kim Kardashian has had? Have you always wondered if you could take her in a fight? Do you need to prove that your butt can take her butt? Well, now you can.

Facebreaker is the newest game from EA Sports that allows you to create your own cartoon boxers. To show this, EA sports used D-List celebrity Kim Kardashian to take on EA's president Peter Moore. Created players will be uploaded to the EA servers and be available for download.
posted by Stynxno (53 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
It's embarrassing how much that looks nothing, not a bit, like her. PS1 quality graphics right there.
posted by Nattie at 10:31 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


No. Sorry.
posted by djgh at 10:31 AM on August 7, 2008


I have no idea who that is and even I can tell that looks nothing like her.

And why does her mom want her to lose weight? And what kind of an idiot still accidentally1 releases a sex tape? LEARN FROM HISTORY, YOU IDIOTS

1 I may have just answered my own question.
posted by DU at 10:35 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


I really, really hate that I know who this person is. But I like that I can punch her in the face. So I guess it's a wash?
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:36 AM on August 7, 2008


And what kind of an idiot still accidentally releases a sex tape?

Jeez, between her and Paris Hilton, I'm starting to think that a sex tape is the done thing when it comes to advancing your career.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:36 AM on August 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


Kudos to Bush for the save - telling her to lay off the Alfredo sauce for "health reasons".
posted by Zambrano at 10:40 AM on August 7, 2008


Is this the sort of thing it would help to be dead-behind-the-eyes for?
posted by drezdn at 10:41 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


drezdn beat me to it. salute mchale.
posted by rooftop secrets at 10:43 AM on August 7, 2008


More gooey goodness from Anticlown Media. Home of I Watch Stuff movie reviews.
posted by netbros at 10:43 AM on August 7, 2008


Every time I see this person's name come up, I once again try to figure out who exactly she is that her name takes up even a little bit of real-estate in my brain, and I always get bored before I figure it out.

Is there any reason we should know who this person is? What does she do?
posted by Navelgazer at 10:43 AM on August 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


LOL, bread and virtual circuses.

Couldn't you just have posted some lolcat photoshops?
posted by orthogonality at 10:44 AM on August 7, 2008 [3 favorites]


Is there any reason we should know who this person is?

No.

What does she do?

Nothing!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:49 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


She's Armenian.
posted by fixedgear at 10:50 AM on August 7, 2008


She has an OJ connection.
posted by box at 10:55 AM on August 7, 2008



What does she do?

Nothing!


By following those links, I discovered what she does.

a) Hangs out with Paris Hilton
b) Has notably large and shapely hindquarters
c) Was paid, via settlement, five million dollars by Vivid Video for her "accidentally leaked" sex tape.

Based on this information, I have concluded she is an exorbidantly well paid porn star.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:56 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Man, I click it thinking I'd get "Keeping up with the Cardassians." I actually feel cheated.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:57 AM on August 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


Oh, and she's Armenian, which is not really a job or a skill. But you work with what you have, I guess.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:57 AM on August 7, 2008


An Armenian, but not starving.

(My mom always said "starving Armenians" when I was a kid. It was a long time before I realized that Armenia was a real country, not just the postfix to "starving".)
posted by DU at 11:01 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm starting to think that a sex tape is the done thing when it comes to advancing your career.
Didn't do a thing for mine.
Maybe I should have had somebody to co-star.
posted by Floydd at 11:01 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Peter Moore is the head of the EA Sports label. John Riccitiello is the head of EA. Also, the game/face capturing looks a lot better in real life in the source HD.
posted by slimepuppy at 11:04 AM on August 7, 2008


Wow. Lot of hate on many of those links. Is she a torturer? Dictator? Murderer?

Oh, she's a privileged rich person. Well, so am I, and so is pretty much everyone else on MetaFilter. And sure, she shouldn't be famous just for being famous. But I'm contributing to that, aren't I? Whoops!

Right, I'll go off and, I don't know, read some Keats. Because he was a major character in this sci-fi book I just read, and I have to confess I skipped all the poetry - like LORD OF THE RINGS - so I should go check him out and work out why the author loved him so. Cheerio!
posted by alasdair at 11:04 AM on August 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


Back Dat Ass Up?
posted by The Straightener at 11:06 AM on August 7, 2008


Oh, she's a privileged rich person. Well, so am I, and so is pretty much everyone else on MetaFilter.

Whoa -- what?
posted by grubi at 11:10 AM on August 7, 2008


and so is pretty much everyone else on MetaFilter.

Get a grip - I have an ibook, not unlimited wealth from family connections.
posted by elwoodwiles at 11:11 AM on August 7, 2008


I onced actually watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

The plot involved buying chickens, keeping the chickens in the back yard, putting the chickens in the mother's bathub (?) and then deciding to get rid of the chickens. There was also a sub plot about someone taking an acting class. Kim Kardashian was about 5 minutes of the show. The rest is just about her family, who have even less reason for having a show.
posted by Suparnova at 11:14 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Hello! Her stepfather is Bruce Jenner. Bruce Freakin’ Jenner!!! Oh wait, is this no longer the 1970’s?
posted by studentbaker at 11:15 AM on August 7, 2008


Compared to the world average, I'm pretty privileged and rich. Possibly even compared to the US average. Yep. (Although household income is kind of a poor way to measure wealth. Rough estimate.)
posted by DU at 11:27 AM on August 7, 2008


Right, I'll go off and, I don't know, read some Keats.

Keats and Byron were sort of the Kardashian/Hilton pair of 19th century British romantic poets, you know.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:27 AM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


"Every time I see this person's name come up, I once again try to figure out who exactly she is that her name takes up even a little bit of real-estate in my brain, and I always get bored before I figure it out."

It looks like the show is about Robert Kardashian's daughters. I had to look it up myself.

The E! network is a vast repository of reality shows starring people with vaguely familiar surnames--familiar because they are related to people associated with scandals. They also have a show called "Living Lohan," which is about Lindsay's mother's attempts to whore out her younger children to the entertainment industry. You know, the one that's treated Lindsay so well and left her remarkably well-adjusted.
posted by cirocco at 11:28 AM on August 7, 2008


Well, Bruce Jenner was an Olympian. And the Olympics are staring Friday. But it's still pretty tenuous.
posted by fixedgear at 11:29 AM on August 7, 2008


Oh, she's a privileged rich person. Well, so am I, and so is pretty much everyone else on MetaFilter.

*Looks at empty wallet, then looks at busted computer built from salvaged parts, some parts literally found discarded on the roadside in plastic grocery bags. Then looks at barely working house computers - also built from garbage. Rereads generalized comment. Decides that inventing an internet-enabled electrified stabbing machine would be a satisfying way to make some money.*
posted by loquacious at 11:32 AM on August 7, 2008 [4 favorites]


this name, it means nothing to me.

next....
posted by HuronBob at 11:33 AM on August 7, 2008


...looks at barely working house computerS...

*looks at huts most of the world squats in*
posted by DU at 11:35 AM on August 7, 2008


"Decides that inventing an internet-enabled electrified stabbing machine would be a satisfying way to make some money."

I'll fund that project, loq.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:51 AM on August 7, 2008


DU - sure, compared to much of the world everyone in the US is "rich", but there's a difference between having a house and a bunch of broken ass computers* and making $20,000 to just go and sit at a club. to pretend there's not is disingenuous.


*not making fun of your computers, loquacious - mine is presently on the floor with the case open and a small desk fan is blowing into it because the fan went out in my tower. :)
posted by nadawi at 11:57 AM on August 7, 2008


Decides that inventing an internet-enabled electrified stabbing machine would be a satisfying way to make some money.

Oh if they knew the hours I have spent with my van and my IEEE member directory.
posted by breath at 12:00 PM on August 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


You live in a house? Most of the rest of the world lives in huts, so you're rich and privileged!

You ate today? Well, most of the rest of the world didn't so you must be rich and privileged!

You didn't get killed in a genocide today? You must be rich and privileged!
posted by grubi at 12:15 PM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm sorry, we're going to have to close this down -- I've consulted the Material Safety Guidelines and it turns out that vapidity at the levels present in these links is highly carcinogenic.

I wish
posted by ook at 12:16 PM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


I know of her from watching The Soup. She is just famous for making a prono right? Has she done anything but that and this show?
posted by metaboy at 12:29 PM on August 7, 2008


she got famous for the porn then famous for being famous. she's best friends with carmen electra. she hangs out with paris hilton. she sleeps with the drummer from blink 182. basically, tmz and perez hilton, et al won't stop talking about her so she keeps getting paid.
posted by nadawi at 12:47 PM on August 7, 2008


PS1 quality graphics right there.

I've always thought Kim Kardashian herself looks like she stepped out of a PS1 game, all vacant and uncanny-valley. Like if she turned to the side, you wouldn't see a profile, just facial features painted on the side of an oval. Like if she talked, her lips would just move up and down, and her arms would kind of wave around incongruously in an attempt at expression. Maybe it's because I've only seen photos of her - and she has the same expression in every one - but she just doesn't look real.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:25 PM on August 7, 2008


This thread is useless without many many butt jokes.

Observe: Kim Kardashian has been the butt of many jokes.


posted by Mister_A at 1:28 PM on August 7, 2008


Kind of pointless if I can't punch her in her dick.
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:41 PM on August 7, 2008


I claim Manny Butts as my pornstar name.
posted by cog_nate at 1:47 PM on August 7, 2008


People who claim to "hate" celebrities, or fantasize about harming them, are slightly more pathetic and out of touch than those who claim to love them and fantasize about being their friends, lovers, etc.
posted by signal at 2:02 PM on August 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


I don't know who Kardashian is; I think will load up the faces of Johnson and Berkeley, and then have Johnson "refute" Berkeley, over and over, nawmean?
posted by everichon at 2:12 PM on August 7, 2008


I claim Manny Butts as my pornstar name.

I call Rod Culpepper. I don't know why.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:20 PM on August 7, 2008


Phil DeCondom.
posted by stinkycheese at 2:37 PM on August 7, 2008


Well, I think she's quite attractive. Very full, feminine figure: wide curvy hips, round butt, full breasts, some nice facial features. I've never met her, haven't watched her show or her tape, but any pictures I've seen are generally flattering. I dare say I... I would hit that with excessive fervor!

Oh, sorry, I forgot I was at knee-jerk hipster* paradise Metafilter. This must be where the boyzone self-emasculates in its rush to prove that they don't find women attractive at all, lest that be confused with objectification. Hell, if my girlfriend looked like that I'd be pretty stoked. Hell, if I at least had a girlfriend, I'd be pretty stoked!

* This comment required by M.C.C. 14.3.278 to use 'hipster' as a pejorative
posted by hincandenza at 3:26 PM on August 7, 2008 [4 favorites]


I'd pay good money to watch Reggie Bush wreck that shit.
posted by vito90 at 5:01 PM on August 7, 2008


Is there any reason we should know who this person is? What does she do?

Her dad was the lawyer who disposed of O.J's knife and bloody tracksuit and her stepfather is former athlete and plastic surgery junkie Bruce Jenner. What does she do? I dunno. I think she's better known for who she does than what.
posted by MikeMc at 5:28 PM on August 7, 2008


She's Armenian.

Then why isn't she on The Shield?
posted by bwg at 8:51 PM on August 7, 2008


I'd love to compare butts with her in real life. That's a true statement, not sarcasm at all.

I just don't get putting her in a video game, though. Unless you're going to have some kind of all-celebrity gang war game, like the Kardashians vs. the Sheens, or somesuch.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:09 PM on August 7, 2008


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