I think you'll find this is the real deal

August 12, 2008 9:26 PM

A group of three men claim they have found the body of a bigfoot somewhere in the state of Georgia. A press conference is set for this Friday in Palo Alto, CA. Enthusiasts are skeptical but not completely dismissive. Get your Friday flash fun with video overlaid overtop of an advancing slideshow and two separate sources of annoying music at their website which has the press conference announcement.

DNA tests are being conducted and an unnamed team of scientists will study the body. There are apparently pictures at cryptomundo but the site is apparently being hammered.

posted by cashman (136 comments total)

Apparently I like the word apparently. Cue grainy x-file worthy pics.
posted by cashman at 9:30 PM on August 12, 2008

Coral cache of the cryptomundo page. It seems to be pulling some of the pictures from the CDN network already - perhaps it was already cached.

*looks at pics*

WHAT. THE. FUCK?
posted by loquacious at 9:30 PM on August 12, 2008

DNA tests are being conducted

Careful boys... this creature could be viral.
posted by kid ichorous at 9:31 PM on August 12, 2008 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: !!!we told you so!!!
posted by collywobbles at 9:32 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Since when was Bigfoot supposed to be in the south? Hogzilla, maybe, but Bigfoot? I thought it preferred the Pacific Northwest.
posted by ornate insect at 9:34 PM on August 12, 2008

Yeah, I'm betting on hoax.

Because, mainly, I would like to keep thinking of forests and mountains as being entirely free of 500 pound bipedal hominoids equipped with what appear to be opposable thumbs.
posted by loquacious at 9:37 PM on August 12, 2008

Somebody. Somewhere. Put those pics on Picasa so's we's can's see's thems.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:39 PM on August 12, 2008

I blame Putin.
posted by b1tr0t at 9:42 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Tinypic link to the main picture. Share and enjoy.
posted by loquacious at 9:45 PM on August 12, 2008

Here's the money shot on imageshack.
posted by Jimbob at 9:47 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Dwarf Slays Bigfoot
posted by ornate insect at 9:48 PM on August 12, 2008

I loved the last sentence in the KTVU story:

Officials from the Georgia Department of Natural Resources Wildlife Resources Division said the largest wildlife they are aware of in the state are black bears and white-tail deer.

I'm pretty dubious, and have been hiking near some of the places where there have been claimed Bigfoot sightings and photos. Unless those guys are eating only berries and grubs from underground caves, they are going to leave some traces and tracks. Bear, cougar, and wolves all get hit by cars, spotted by hunters, and shot at by ranchers, even when their numbers are really low. Something even larger and more unusual is going to stand out a lot more.

With a lot of endangered species, land owners tend to "shoot, shovel, and shut up," meaning that you don't go reporting things to the state wildlife authorities. But I think bagging an authentic Bigfoot would trump most people's aversion to dealing with the Man, and they'd get reported.

So my bet is on a hoax, or a tragic misidentification of a rather hairy hiker.
posted by Forktine at 9:49 PM on August 12, 2008 [9 favorites]

Nope, that's not the one I remember seeing when I was a kid.
posted by Knappster at 9:50 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Too soon!
posted by peeedro at 9:52 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

a tragic misidentification of a rather hairy hiker

Do you mean this guy?
posted by ornate insect at 9:54 PM on August 12, 2008

Something even larger and more unusual is going to stand out a lot more.

And shit. And ecologists are fond of collecting, identifying and analyzing shit in forests.
posted by Jimbob at 9:54 PM on August 12, 2008

Man oh man oh man oh man.

I want to believe.

I really do, but right now nothing about this seems credible... here is to hoping they actually have something, and that appropriate researchers get to see it quickly.

Excellent post, anyway.
posted by phrontist at 9:54 PM on August 12, 2008

Could some biologist please remind me what number is considered a viable population for a large mammal like bigfoot is supposed to be? 50 individuals? 500? 5000?
posted by maxwelton at 9:56 PM on August 12, 2008

I thought it preferred the Pacific Northwest.

I've heard that in the bigfoot hunting/believing community, that's actually quite a bone of contention, with the Pacific Northwest group considering the east-of-the-Mississippi faithful to be laughable obvious crackpots.

Looking forward to the press conference, though.
posted by longsleeves at 9:58 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is the bigfoot I remember.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:59 PM on August 12, 2008

The picture looks like nothing more than a monkey suit :-/

I'm pretty dubious, and have been hiking near some of the places where there have been claimed Bigfoot sightings and photos. Unless those guys are eating only berries and grubs from underground caves, they are going to leave some traces and tracks. Bear, cougar, and wolves all get hit by cars, spotted by hunters, and shot at by ranchers, even when their numbers are really low. Something even larger and more unusual is going to stand out a lot more.

Exactly. The U.S. has a lot of wilderness, but how could anything still be roaming out there without someone documenting one.
posted by phrontist at 10:00 PM on August 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

My eyes are still trying to recover from that abysmal website. So are my ears, come to think of it!
posted by kenchie at 10:01 PM on August 12, 2008

Harry and the Hender-Cloverfield PART II. The Movie.
posted by TomMelee at 10:02 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

A group of three men claim they have found the body of a bigfoot

I also claim that I have found the body of a bigfoot.
posted by Flunkie at 10:03 PM on August 12, 2008 [4 favorites]

The thing is, why would a bunch of cops pull a stunt like this? If it is a hoax, the news agencies must have been fooled in to believing they were law enforcement. If that's the case, they should all be thoroughly shamed.
posted by phrontist at 10:04 PM on August 12, 2008

It's a human corpse in a bigfoot suit.
posted by sugarfish at 10:05 PM on August 12, 2008 [11 favorites]

I found a big foot and he's competing in Olympic Swimming events this year!!!

(ppsssst... he's one 10 gold medals in his career!)
posted by Sam.Burdick at 10:05 PM on August 12, 2008

It fills me with a warm glow to know that there are people out there who wake up one morning and think, "I'm gonna fake a Bigfoot sighting!" It hearkens back to a more innocent time.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:07 PM on August 12, 2008 [17 favorites]

I FOUND TWO BIGFOOTS
posted by puke & cry at 10:07 PM on August 12, 2008

Yeah, the lack of bigfoot shit has always been the deal killer for me.
That and corpses. Or Bigfoot cemeteries, pit toilets and middens, if they are that advanced.
posted by 2sheets at 10:09 PM on August 12, 2008

Could some biologist please remind me what number is considered a viable population for a large mammal like bigfoot is supposed to be? 50 individuals? 500?

Debatable, but you're generally looking at about 500 females, or numbers in the thousands of females if you want to include inbreeding effects.
posted by Jimbob at 10:11 PM on August 12, 2008

I'm pretty dubious, and have been hiking near some of the places where there have been claimed Bigfoot sightings and photos. Unless those guys are eating only berries and grubs from underground caves, they are going to leave some traces and tracks. Bear, cougar, and wolves all get hit by cars, spotted by hunters, and shot at by ranchers, even when their numbers are really low. Something even larger and more unusual is going to stand out a lot more.

Exactly. The U.S. has a lot of wilderness, but how could anything still be roaming out there without someone documenting one.

Nevermind one. In order for a species to survive it needs a breeding population of at least 30 (I'm not a zoologist this number is an uneducated guess). They would all have to be living in close proximity to each other as well. The only place an undiscovered species this size could survive undetected is the Amazon, the Congo and in the isolated valleys on the island of New Guinea.
posted by Pseudology at 10:12 PM on August 12, 2008

It fills me with a warm glow to know that there are people out there who wake up one morning and think, "I'm gonna fake a Bigfoot sighting!"

I just wish they would do a better job: that ape suit in the picture is as bad as the alien autopsy. If they had hired a top Hollywood costume person, they might have at least had something semi-convincing. But I'm guessing that's beyond their budget. So in a way the carnie charm of it all is how fake it all is.
posted by ornate insect at 10:12 PM on August 12, 2008

From another site discussing this topic: "Has anyone seen Robin Williams lately?"

*snicker*
posted by gummi at 10:13 PM on August 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

oops, looks like my uneducated guess was corrected moments before my post.
posted by Pseudology at 10:14 PM on August 12, 2008

"Analization is being conducted" !
posted by odasaku at 10:14 PM on August 12, 2008

And shit. And ecologists are fond of collecting, identifying and analyzing shit in forests.

You would be amazed at how many professional biologists & foresters quietly beleive in Bigfoot. I am not one of them, but I'm a skeptic like that.

As far as population size it really depends on lots of things that we have no data on but a small population of a long lived species with a low morbidity rate could certainly hang on for a long time.
posted by fshgrl at 10:15 PM on August 12, 2008

He even has a MySpace page
posted by Flunkie at 10:15 PM on August 12, 2008

I swear, if none of these agencies did any fact checking, I'm going to be really depressed.
posted by phrontist at 10:15 PM on August 12, 2008

I'm betting that they're covering for the Kokanee Ranger.

Ever since the bigfoot community issued its fatwah, the Ranger has been on the run. He was probably staying, icognito, with his buddies Rick and Matt at their safehouse in the hills of Georgia. When he heard that the Russian's were invading, he went to check it out and ran smack dab into a Bigfoot hitman.

He unloaded his rifle and luckily caught the bastard with a lethal shot. He then hastily called his buddies, who happened to be cops, to help him cover up the incident so as not to tip off the sure to be enraged bigfoot community leaders.

On the other hand...

Hoax.
posted by C.Batt at 10:21 PM on August 12, 2008

Georgia? Clearly a deserter from the Cascadia Militia.
posted by homunculus at 10:25 PM on August 12, 2008

Bah, apparently he's "found" bigfoot before.
posted by phrontist at 10:29 PM on August 12, 2008 [3 favorites]

Phrontist finds the smoking gun for the win!!!
posted by longsleeves at 10:37 PM on August 12, 2008

Mommy? Zat you?
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 10:41 PM on August 12, 2008

This story has been brewing for some time now; here are threads I started at JREF and at Bigfoot Discussions.

Almost immediately after the freezer photo was released, an attentive skeptic named William Parcher found a commercial mask that is a dead match for the freezer photo.

An associate of mine that posts as "Apeman" noticed a damning flaw; the viscera, which appear to be small intestine, are utterly unrealistic. He speaks from experience, having autopsied numerous apes in Africa.

A fun story, a modern telling of the Minnesota Iceman saga, but total bullshit nonetheless.
posted by Tube at 10:45 PM on August 12, 2008 [4 favorites]

If you look closely, you can see Jesus in the bigfoot's pelt.
posted by lore at 10:53 PM on August 12, 2008 [2 favorites]

Really, guys?

I'm 90% certain that this is just a viral. It reeks of awkward attempts at faked language and the site is too unusual just to be bad, and too clean to be the result of anything other than a production house trying to operate within inflexible corporate guidelines.

And don't get me wrong: I'm not saying a viral can't make a good Front Page Post. But this A) Isn't particularly interesting and B) Should have been recognized as a viral before me (tip of the hat to kid ichorous for being the only other person at a glace to mention this likelihood).

Of course, I could be wrong. But especially on the heels of the Montauk Monstahh, this seems really, really likely just to be another elaborate way to get us to watch HBO or something.
posted by Damn That Television at 10:53 PM on August 12, 2008

Pop-Up Videofilter: I would have said "99% certain" in my previous post but if there's one field where stupid people make non-commercially inspired hoaxes, it's hot hot Bigfoot action.
posted by Damn That Television at 10:57 PM on August 12, 2008

Georgia bigfoot debunked: Huckster Tom Biscardi has the scorn of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization
posted by longsleeves at 11:02 PM on August 12, 2008

I hope this isn't why NBC has had a news team camped out in downtown Palo Alto the past few days.
posted by MillMan at 11:07 PM on August 12, 2008

It's sad that the former mascot for the Seattle Supersonics couldn't find Oklahoma and got shot in Georgia.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 11:20 PM on August 12, 2008

hot hot Bigfoot action

Mmmhmm, that's what I'm talking about.
posted by ob at 11:34 PM on August 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

He will always be Sasquatch to me.
posted by Sailormom at 11:36 PM on August 12, 2008

Actually, Bigfoot porn would be quite a seller.
posted by ob at 11:37 PM on August 12, 2008

Since when was Bigfoot supposed to be in the south? Hogzilla, maybe, but Bigfoot? I thought it preferred the Pacific Northwest.

Wherever people are gullible, Bigfoot will be there. Wherever people fuck their sister and spend inordinate amounts of time sitting on the porch watching bugzappers and looking for UFOs, Bigfoot will be there. Wherever people are willing to drink Pinesol mixed with Kool-Aid, Bigfoot will be there.

In a way, Bigfoot is inside all of us. Right here. *touches heart* Go Bigfoot!

Bah, apparently he's "found" bigfoot before.

Would you say he has a plethora of Bigfoot?
posted by stavrogin at 11:53 PM on August 12, 2008 [4 favorites]

Biscardi, a veteran Bigfoot tracker who said he went to Georgia to view the find over the weekend, said DNA tests are being conducted and a team of scientists will study the body, but declined to name any scientists involved.

Gee, I wonder why.

Here's an article about the claim from a Georgia paper dated July 24. They aren't exactly trampling over each other to line up behind the local boys:

The Bigfoot Field Research Organization, a California-based group claiming there have been 61 Bigfoot sightings in Georgia, officially described Whitton and Dyer as "idiots" and "clowns," and warned their claims are a scam to advertise their business.

and

In one video, posted online by "RDYER678," Whitton and Dyer interview a "pathologist" who is shocked at the Bigfoot, but then, in a follow-up video, the pair admits the "doctor of pathology" is actually Whitton's brother. Standing in a kitchen, Whitton's brother says to the camera, "Live and let live. What happened to that? Guys just trying to have a little fun, you know?"

Dyer said the claims are not a prank, though, and not just an attempt to have fun. Reached on his cell phone Tuesday, he insisted the body is real and will be unveiled on Sept. 1 on the web site.

Also, just as a point of general interest, non-bigfoot, here's the story of how the police officer (Whitton) was injured. Shot with his own gun by a fleeing suspect. Ouch.
posted by taz at 12:14 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'd like to thank everyone who went ahead and downloaded the photo of Bigfoot, then upped it to TinyPic. Because trying to navigate the Bigfoottracker website inspired a running dialogue of, "Photographic evidence of a cryptozoological being, interesting, I wonder what ... ok, skip intro ... what the ... ARRRGH this Flash crap is killing me! And what is this, Daddy Yankee?" Tab closed.

As for whether or not this is a hoax, come on, people. Let's wait for the DNA results to come back. We shouldn't presume we know it all, right? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get up early. I'm heading down to the quarry tomorrow to get some crystals for my time machine.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:16 AM on August 13, 2008

Well, whaddaya know? Turns out Eddie Murphy's story about his uncle Gus and his wife was true after all.

Wait! Maybe - just maybe - that's what these guys found. It was Eddie Murphy's sense of humour, dazed and dessicated and half-dead, wandering lost through the Georgia pine, muttering about Norbit in a voice so low and lonesome and gutteral they thought it was a man-beast's roar, and they saw the desperation in the sad monster's eyes and put that poor abandoned creature out of its misery. Which, you know, just as well. It wasn't never comin' home again. Not after Norbit.
posted by gompa at 12:32 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

This isn't bigfoot, and we all know it.

But all those gorillas no one knew existed have to lend a little encouragement to the "big hairy shit no one noticed in the forest" crowd.
posted by paisley henosis at 12:40 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

But paisley, one must admit that the chances of discovering the existence of a known species in a "largely unstudied terrain, including a swampy region nicknamed the 'green abyss'" in the Congo Republic are much greater than finding Bigfoot herds in north Georgia.

I'd just like one thing: after the hoax outing (or more likely, the evaporation of interest once they fail to provide any credible evidence), I'd really like to see their site url deleted. I figure these guys are banking on all the google juice they can wring from links about this to put them nearer the top of "bigfoot" searches so they can sell their phony $500 "expeditions" to suckers - and that stinks.
posted by taz at 1:43 AM on August 13, 2008

I've driven from one end of Clayton County to the other at all hours of the night. I seriously doubt Sasquatch could live there without running out in front of my car at least once.
posted by crataegus at 2:11 AM on August 13, 2008

I want Moomin autopsy.
posted by popcassady at 2:36 AM on August 13, 2008

But paisley, one must admit that the chances of discovering the existence of a known species in a "largely unstudied terrain, including a swampy region nicknamed the 'green abyss'" in the Congo Republic are much greater than finding Bigfoot herds in north Georgia.

I think there should be a designated name for a group of bigfoots (like a gaggle of geese, or a pride of lions) but I couldn't find one on the Bigfoot FAQ - although I did learn why we never found any Bigfoot bones (they dissolve!).

I would personally recommend "a Henderson" of Bigfoots.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:48 AM on August 13, 2008 [5 favorites]

Perfect!
posted by taz at 2:58 AM on August 13, 2008

Total bullshit. Come on, MeFi -- we're promoting an internet viral hoax again.

Look at the teeth in that picture -- perfectly white and straight and small.

Total crap.
posted by fourcheesemac at 3:26 AM on August 13, 2008

A hoax of bigfoots?
A fake of bigfoots?
A gullibility of bigfoots?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 3:33 AM on August 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

A codpiece of bigfoots? "Big hands, bigfoot, big..."
posted by maxwelton at 4:15 AM on August 13, 2008

I know it won't pan out, but I still love cryptozoology. And thanks for the link to cryptomundo! Who knew there was an "alien big cats" conspiracy or "cryptobotany" (alien big flowers?)?
posted by DU at 4:22 AM on August 13, 2008

Actually, Bigfoot porn would be quite a seller.

It's all been done before.
posted by bradth27 at 4:41 AM on August 13, 2008

and I wanted so badly for it to be real

*tunes up some Journey*
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 4:54 AM on August 13, 2008

But paisley, one must admit that the chances of discovering the existence of a known species in a "largely unstudied terrain, including a swampy region nicknamed the 'green abyss'" in the Congo Republic are much greater than finding Bigfoot herds in north Georgia.

Of course. This whole story is absolutely ridiculous. Cryptozoology is pseudoscience, and the only thing sillier than bigfoot, is bigfoot in Georgia.

But I do think it is interesting how many things that are "impossible in nature" happen. "Sunlight is the basis of all life on Earth," until it turns out it isn't. "Nothing could survive from the time of the dinosaurs until now without us knowing about it," until it did. "There is no invisible monster in the seas of Australia that kills men dead," until there is. "Man eating sharks are old sea stories," until one starts hunting people. "Giant squid are science fiction," until they turn into science fact. "No fish would swim up a man's genitals and feed on his insides, that is ridiculous," but they do.

Once more, clearly, for the record: these good old boys didn't bag them a bigfoot. Personally, I don't think bigfoot exists, nor do nessy, or chupacabra. All I'm saying, is sometimes weird shit happens.
posted by paisley henosis at 5:02 AM on August 13, 2008 [3 favorites]

Schrödinger's Bigfoot?

Does this mean we're in for another wave of scifi stories that will, like, totally blow your mind cuz, like, we don't know if the bigfoot in the freezer is, like, alive or dead until we open the freezer? So as long as it's kept closed, bigfoot could be either and if we open it, we like, totally change reality.

Oh, Shhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:03 AM on August 13, 2008

So very very fake, but now I will certainly purchase the products and services of everyone mentioned in this paragraph:

Tom Biscardi, CEO of Searching for Bigfoot, Inc.
Whitton is a Clayton County, Georgia, police officer, who is currently on administrative leave after being wounded in the course of duty pursuing an alleged felon. Dyer is a former correctional officer. Whitton and Dyer are co-owners of bigfoottracker.com and Bigfoot Global LLC., a company that offers Bigfoot expeditions. Whitton and Dyer are working with Bigfoot hunter, Tom Biscardi, and Biscardi’s Searching for Bigfoot, Inc., to present and conduct the scientific study of the evidence and information on this body.

posted by poppo at 5:05 AM on August 13, 2008

Bah! Bigfoot! I have a fairy corpse here, pay me now! These people are guilty of pseudoscience (perhaps anti-science) at best and fraud at worst. This is nonsense.
posted by IvoShandor at 5:11 AM on August 13, 2008

I agree totally, paisley henosis! I'm not actually as cynical as I probably sound here, and definitely do believe that our world is full of mysteries yet to be discovered - and I generally don't like to reject any possibility out of hand. I don't even mind a fun and whimsical hoax created for its own sake, but these guys... yeah - not so much (which we again agree on).

My strong feeling is that they are opportunists who just want to get publicity for their huckster business, and have decided that the ultimate fallout from faking a find will be relatively minor compared to the temporary publicity surge and lingering search engine ranking power-up from being linked to by hundreds of little blogs and bigger sites like Metafilter, et al. I'll be totally glad to munch on my hat if real, respected scientists actually show up to verify their claim, though.
posted by taz at 5:35 AM on August 13, 2008

I'm confused. Clayton County is just south of Atlanta. It is very urban and no where near the north part of the state. The town of Clayton is in Rabun County Ga. Now it is up "north". Up near Helen, Ga and the mountains. It seems like if this was real, they would get their locations correct.
posted by pearlybob at 5:47 AM on August 13, 2008

haters. all of you.
posted by danep at 5:50 AM on August 13, 2008

Jane Goodall thinks Bigfeet may exist.

Me, I think this is bullshit.
posted by Camofrog at 5:53 AM on August 13, 2008

Odds are we find out that Ron Jeremy was vacationing in Georgia. These guys mistook him for bigfoot and unloaded their .306.

RIP Ron. You gave all us ugly guys hope.
posted by substrate at 6:17 AM on August 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

CHEWIE!?!?! D:
posted by sveskemus at 6:43 AM on August 13, 2008

The picture looks like nothing more than a monkey suit :-/

Well, it wasn't me, is all I can say, Phrontist.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 6:44 AM on August 13, 2008 [7 favorites]

We've had biologists looking under every leaf in every forest in the US for at least 60 years, now. There'd be mountains of indirect evidence for such a large creature if such a thing existed. Utter, complete X-file bullshit.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:56 AM on August 13, 2008

Well, yesterday there was a chupacabra in Texas on Metachat and today, Bigfoot on the Blue. I was thinking about making a cryptozoology FPP too (Look! Bigfood crosses the state line occasionally into NC!) but instead, I will simply grace y'all with the following that got me sidetracked: squirrels with yellow tails! Scroll way down. Eeee! And, last but not least, a ghost caught on video at my son's high school.
posted by mygothlaundry at 7:09 AM on August 13, 2008

More seriously, though, if there's anywhere in the Southeast that Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) could hide, northwest Georgia is a good place for it. Remember, Eric Rudolph succeeded for five years. We think that every inch of every forest in the US has been mapped and examined but that simply isn't true. Think about England, which is much smaller and more densely populated, and where they're still finding new Neolithic rock art in 2008. Now, I grant you that Neolithic rock art doesn't leave shit or footprints behind or manage to run out in front of a car now and then, and while I wish I believed in Bigfoot, I just, somehow, don't, but still, you know, there may well be more to discover in these hills than we know. Even if it's more likely to be a new species of salamander than a giant ape.
posted by mygothlaundry at 7:18 AM on August 13, 2008

I grew up in the northwest, and there have been bigfoot/sasquatch stories here forever. I'd love to say "where there's smoke there's fire" and believe them, but I'm pretty doubtful.

In some of the areas where sightings are often reported (eg Mt Hood area, Mt St Helens, Blue Mountains), there are a lot of people wandering around all year, plus deer and elk hunters, mule and horse packers, forest rangers, ranchers, and so on. You have miners, old homesteads from way back, tribal areas, and so on.

This is wilderness, sure, especially compared to the more settled east coast, but not the deep untouched kind of wilderness like maybe parts of the Congo. I mean, this is the kind of wilderness where you encounter people with chains of pack goats, pack llamas, hippy encampments, all kinds of goofy stuff. Lots of skiing, snowshoeing, and snowmobiling in the winter, too.

When hiking, I've seen bear, cougar, and coyote, as well as deer and elk; you see the same animals on the side of the road while driving, too. I know people who ranch on the east side of the mountains, and they see tracks and sightings of the big predators all the time. Now that wolves are coming back in, those are starting to be seen (and shot), too.

If bigfoots existed, in a drought year they would behave just like bear and cougar and come down and eat some calves and get shot at and poisoned by ranchers, or filmed on someone's barn cam, or on some hunter's motion-sensing camera.

My theory is that the bigfoot/sasquatch/yeti stories are cultural retentions from the many thousands of years that humans overlapped with neanderthals. Big, strong, hairy, brow-ridges — it's like book one of the Clan of the Cave Bear, you know? Those are stories worth telling, like those stories about the great flood, and that most cultures probably have trace memories of. It's a kind of Garden of Eden missing link, about Adam and Eve's less evolved distant cousin who has really bad table manners and smells kind of strong.
posted by Forktine at 7:34 AM on August 13, 2008 [5 favorites]

We've had biologists looking under every leaf in every forest in the US for at least 60 years, now. There'd be mountains of indirect evidence for such a large creature if such a thing existed. Utter, complete X-file bullshit.

Then how to you explain the discovery of a population of 125,000 gorillas? Answer me that!
posted by fusinski at 7:39 AM on August 13, 2008

According to the police report, the 22-year-old then picked up the officer's gun, put it up to Whitton's head and pulled the trigger.

The gun jammed, according to the police report. It didn't fire, and Whitton, with one good hand, got on his radio and put out a signal 63 -- "officer needs help."

Hopefully next time the gun won't jam and the world will have one fewer con artist.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:53 AM on August 13, 2008

If God Bigfoot did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
posted by bicyclefish at 7:55 AM on August 13, 2008

More seriously, though, if there's anywhere in the Southeast that Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) could hide, northwest Georgia is a good place for it. Remember, Eric Rudolph succeeded for five years.

Well, but he only stayed loose for so long because the locals refused to cooperate with the Feds, and left food and other supplies out for him. And even with that help, it was a pretty rough existence, and he was spotted plenty of times — but by locals, not by the inept searchers.
posted by Forktine at 7:58 AM on August 13, 2008

Then how to you explain the discovery of a population of 125,000 gorillas? Answer me that!

Where in the United States did we discover 125,000 gorillas? If there's an undiscovered mammal larger than a rat in the US, I'll eat my hat. Think about it -- not just biologists, but biologists-in-training -- students in pursuit of master's theses or doctoral dissertations, amateurs, crackpots and just casual observers (birders are FANATICAL) are all over the place, all the time. An animal the size of a bigfoot would leave a pretty large den full of hair, kill (if it was a meat-eater) and detritus, ( I mean, seriously. have you ever seen a packrat den? I've seen plenty in caves -- they're blindingly obvious, and rats are like, small) and what about feeding sites? If they were omnivorous, there'd be huge swaths of berry patches, etc. denuded/trampled. There's no ancillary evidence for these things whatsoever, as happy as I am about the recent gorilla discovery in the Congo.

Oh, and besides, we all know Bigfoots were wiped out in the Great Flood, after all. Like duh.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:11 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

On the Congo gorillas, the point is scientists knew there were gorillas in that area, it's just that they didn't know there were so many. It's not like discovering lions in Burma or something.
posted by gubo at 8:16 AM on August 13, 2008

hmmmmmmmmm...I'll wait for the press conference.
posted by winks007 at 8:18 AM on August 13, 2008

Oh, and besides, we all know Bigfoots were wiped out in the Great Flood, after all. Like duh.

I bet Noah himself was a Bigfoot, and this fact was lost in translation. And the ark was pulled around by the Lochness Monster.
posted by fusinski at 8:19 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Given the prevalence of "oral history", stories and legends of bigfoot, sasquatch, yeti, yowie, and various kinds of giant in various locations around the world, I'd expect that they were a separate species of hominid primate whom our ancestors outcompeted to death between ten and fifty thousand years ago. Although it could well take a time machine to prove it, given the extreme unlikelihood of the corpse of a member of any given species on Earth being preserved; a fossil, any kind of fossil, is a vanishingly rare thing when compared to the sheer number of animals that have lived in any given area.

If this were the case, then they almost certainly weren't anywhere near as intelligent and communicative--and therefore culturally rich--as our ancestors, by the simple fact that, if they even had a cultural impetus to build anything, or bury their dead, we'd have found traces.

Same goes for dragons: they were probably just really big reptiles. Supposing a species of snakes, crocodiles, or lizards fifty feet long had survived until 20,000 years ago; without preserved remains, we couldn't tell. All we'd have are stories.

On the other hand, all we'd need is one extraordinarily large human and we'd get stories of giants, one alligator wandering north (or a bunch of them during a warm period) and we'd get stories of dragons in Europe, one fetus with Cyclopia and we'd get legends of cyclops. Given that a yeti differs from a human by being (a) bigger, (b) hairier, and (c) shyer, it's not much of an imaginative stretch for storytellers in different cultures to just separately make them up.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 8:35 AM on August 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

Same goes for dragons: they were probably just really big reptiles.

No, the dragon's real. I dreamt about that before I ever went to Rekall.
posted by cashman at 8:46 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

If they were omnivorous, there'd be huge swaths of berry patches, etc. denuded/trampled.

aw man. i'm headed up to the Superior Nat'l Forest tomorrow to go berry picking. i find swaths of berry patches denuded and trampled all the fucking time. (with shit, too--which *looks* like bear shit, but what do i know?)

i'm really not in the mood to see a sasquatch, since i know i'll just take a blurry picture and end up being mocked the rest of my life. :(
posted by RedEmma at 10:17 AM on August 13, 2008

I've seen bigfoot.

My friend and I were hiking in Alaska following a small stream up through a pass in the mountains. A few minutes after we passed through the treeline we came across some tracks in the mud near the stream. We had been seeing bear tracks for several days and, at first, the tracks near the stream didn't register as anything other than bear tracks to us as they were too large to be anything else.

Bear tracks are kind of odd in that they look somewhat similar to human tracks. They have a heel, an arch, and a ball. They have toes and they are about the right size to be a very large human, depending on the size of the bear. But unlike human tracks, bear tracks also have claw marks and they are too wide to be a human track.

It just so happened that the tracks were also following the stream up into the pass, so as we ascended we intermittently ran across the tracks. After running across several sets of these tracks I began to notice that they didn't have claw marks with them and they were much narrower than the other bear tracks I had been seeing. I didn't make a comment to my friend as they were obviously bear tracks, they were just weird bear tracks.

We took a rest about an hour later at which point my friend jokingly said, "Did you noticed the bigfoot tracks back there?" I joked back and we both agreed that they were just weird bear tracks. As we pushed on we saw no more tracks and said nothing more about them to each other.

Nearing the end of the day we were still about 1k feet below the top of the pass. But being above the treeline the view was nice, even in spite of the drizzle that had been falling for several days. We set up camp and began to cook diner and enjoy the view. It was then that we saw them. Up near the top of the pass, about 3/4 of a mile away, were two dark figures moving impossibly fast across the rough tussocks. They had no packs and their strides were unusually long propelling them smoothly across the tussocks that my friend and I had to ungracefully pick our way through.

My friend and I looked at each other with the same skeptical expression. WTF. It didn't take long for the two figures to disappear from our view behind a small hill.

We quickly ate our dinners and then headed off in the direction of the two figures. It took us about 30 minutes to get to where we thought the two figures had been. There we found nothing, but we continued on in the direction that we guessed the two figures had gone. About 20 minutes later we spotted a big florescent dome tent occupied by two people with mountain bikes in black rain suits. Bigfoot.
posted by 517 at 10:26 AM on August 13, 2008 [6 favorites]

How is bigfoot babby formed?
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:56 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

This could explain why Bigfoot hasn't posted to Twitter for over a week. I was wondering if anything bad had happened. So sad. If they find his Dell Inspiron, that would REALLY be something.
posted by jeanmari at 10:57 AM on August 13, 2008

There is a gorilla sanctuary in the Blue Ridge Mountains in northern Georgia. None of the articles seem to be any more specific about where the 'bigfoot' was found than 'woods in northern Georgia.'
posted by Zed_Lopez at 11:13 AM on August 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Ranger: "All right! Questions?"
Sal: "Yeah. Have yous ever seens Bigfeet?"
Ranger: "Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams, and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children."
Farnsworth: "Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag of Bigfoot's droppings, or shut up!"
Ranger: "I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot."
Farnsworth: "Shut up!"
posted by Laen at 11:27 AM on August 13, 2008

But, but--you're all missing the point! One of the guys is quoted himself as saying "This is the real deal!" What don't you get about that? It's the real deal, right?

(Yeah. Count me among the skeptical. Interestingly, there's been a lot of bigfoot news and related chatter the last month or so. Same goes for stories about aliens and UFOs. Not that there's been any recent news about more urgent or serious controversies the public's time might be better spent paying heed to, of course.)
posted by saulgoodman at 2:23 PM on August 13, 2008

kitty!
posted by yeoja at 3:03 PM on August 13, 2008

I totally believe that this has happened.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:29 PM on August 13, 2008

Also, I think a good term for a group of bigfoots would be a hoax of bigfoots.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:23 PM on August 13, 2008 [3 favorites]

*actually reads thread*

Slowpoke is slooooooowwwwwww.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:27 PM on August 13, 2008

I'm not one to turn down a favourite, because that's like a totally scientific method for measuring how awesome I am, but Lentrohamsanin got there first with the "hoax of bigfoots", I'm afraid.

The utter, utter bastard.
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:10 PM on August 13, 2008

Bigfoot (and all the cool weird stuff) and science are mutually incompatible.

Both are real, but the one prohibits the other.

Which is fine by me, but the day real bigfoot shows up on real digital footage?

That's the day all bets are off.
posted by humannaire at 10:24 PM on August 13, 2008

oh, ha! Here's the youtube video of the guys admitting that their earlier video of pathology expert "Dr. Van Buren" was fake. [These were saved by someone else]

Do you want to go over there and play with their salty nuts, internet smartguys? PS: Bigfoot is real, and these guys are the Best Bigfoot Hunters.
posted by taz at 12:45 AM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

I've got a figboot.
posted by stevil at 8:31 AM on August 14, 2008

Stinkfoot, stinkfoot, I ain't lyin' -- can you rinse it off, do you suppose?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 6:48 AM on August 15, 2008

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/15/us/15bigfoot.html?em

“This is ‘Eureka!’ man,” said Mr. Biscardi, whose operations include a Bigfoot Web site, a Bigfoot merchandise line and a Bigfoot Internet radio show. “I touched it.”

Both Mr. Biscardi and Mr. Dyer said they expected skeptics to discount the find, which is being kept in a freezer in an undisclosed location outside Atlanta. But they promised even more proof, including video, a DNA test and, of course, a mission to capture one of the big guys.

“I’m not asking anyone to believe us,” Mr. Dyer said. “I’m just asking them to sit and watch, because you’re going to eat your words.”
posted by cashman at 7:50 AM on August 15, 2008

Somebody at CBS is hilarious.

"Group To Announce Discovery Of Bigfoot
PALO ALTO (CBS 3) ― Don't call it a comeback. It's been here for years and a group claiming to have biological proof is ready to show the world Bigfoot exists."
posted by cashman at 9:16 AM on August 15, 2008

“I’m not asking anyone to believe us,” Mr. Dyer said. “I’m just asking them to sit and watch, because you’re going to eat your words.”

My words are "You're a filthy fucking liar, Dyer, and you damn well know it." Bring it.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 9:55 AM on August 15, 2008

Well, we're waiting... *drums fingers*
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:40 AM on August 15, 2008

Press conference.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 4:54 PM on August 15, 2008

Press conference.

What a waste of time. And no photos!
posted by humannaire at 6:55 PM on August 15, 2008

Well, bigfoot or no, these hucksters got what they wanted. My girlfriend just called me, breathless, to tell me that her friend told her that bigfoot DNA had been found today!!!!eleven!!
posted by lekvar at 8:34 PM on August 15, 2008

So... what the fuck. Cryptomundo is down, the press conference gave us exactly no new information, and the Curt Nelson mentioned is a google persona non grata.
posted by phrontist at 9:24 PM on August 15, 2008

(This is, of course, a hoax, but I'm now really curious what motivated it)
posted by phrontist at 9:37 PM on August 15, 2008

Here is a blog post with a photo of the Curt Nelson DNA analysis info.

What's making me crazy right now (besides the whole stupidity, hoax, etc.) is that these people say they have a dead body (they say a Bigfoot body, but whev); analysis from tissue samples they say was taken from this dead body shows one sample to be 100% human DNA.

Why aren't they being forced to show/turn over this supposed body to law enforcement, since by their own claims they appear to have a human corpse stored somewhere in a freezer?

I don't believe that they do, but saying WOOWOO WE GOTTA DEAD THING and brandishing any DNA results that identify it as human would sort of require some investigation, wouldn't it?
posted by taz at 11:40 PM on August 15, 2008

Press conference.

"Because we said so" and "buy my books and videos" is not what I call proof.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:56 AM on August 16, 2008

My friend DJ Ray says that the creature is real, that it's a "walk-in," not meant to be here, crossing over from a reality that doesn't exist here in this reality.

Ray says it's happening a great deal now. Walk-ins appear and then deteriorate.

He also told me about all the cabal stuff, and says that that is all hooey.
posted by humannaire at 8:37 PM on August 16, 2008

Walk-ins,
posted by humannaire at 8:38 PM on August 16, 2008

'Bigfoot' fails DNA test -- "One sample was human and the other was 96 percent from an opossum."
posted by ericb at 11:44 AM on August 17, 2008

Wonder what he tastes like.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 2:01 AM on August 18, 2008

*munches popcorn*
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 7:58 AM on August 18, 2008

Surprise, Not! "Bigfoot" a hoax.

Police officer involved in scheme to defraud may lose his job.
posted by Mitheral at 6:09 PM on August 19, 2008

Yeah, I don't understand the motivation of these guys. I don't know if they do either. I mean, creating a hoax like this I could see just to get your name in the news. But then committing actual fraud by selling the fake body to someone? That's just brainless.
posted by puke & cry at 8:17 PM on August 19, 2008

Yeah, I don't understand the motivation of these guys.

CC that. Knowing the entire episode was sordid, watching it unfold has been tantamount to watching lives implode in slow-mo. But still the question remains, why?
posted by humannaire at 9:06 PM on August 19, 2008

The promoters are saying the Georgia guys defrauded them, the Georgia guys say they were all in it together from the beginning. The real answer to "why?" is that they are all as dumb as rocks, but my money would be on the promoters as being the driving force behind the hoax. My guess about what happened goes something like this:

Biscardi came across these guys somehow; maybe one or both were involved in Bigfoot interest groups (message boards, whatever), or maybe they opened their Bigfoot Tracking business and they came to his attention that way - but however he found them, the important thing was these were not just garden variety nosepickers: one of the nosepickers was also a cop, a supposed hero even (for being shot). CHA-CHING!

So, maybe the guys had done something like put a goofy, fakey "we found a Bigfoot!" video up for their Bigfoot tracking business and he decided to run with that and convinced them to actually try to sell the story as a true event, or it was all his idea from the jump. He knew that one of the guys being a cop would mean any claim like this would cause a news flurry and get attention that would never happen otherwise (also why they kept describing the other guy as a "former corrections officer" - these aren't crazy, drunk hillbillies! They're Law Enforcement!").

He knew from earlier hoaxes he had perpetrated that there would be some press attention - enough for him to rake in some cash for a while with pay-per-view shit, maybe merchandising, maybe negotiations for book/movie deals, and then, by the time he comes out as wronged party, having been "fooled" by the hoaxers, the press will have lost attention, nobody really notices the fact that it's all been a scam, and he doesn't even lose reputation outside of the hardcore Bigfoot interest community (and everyone thinks they're crazy already, so who cares?).

So he persuades these guys to go for it. He tells them that they will be raking in megabucks from their Bigfoot tracking business afterwards, and the media attention span is so short that they won't ever even really have to reveal the "body"; if they can string people along for a couple of weeks waiting for "test results" etc., the news cycle will move on to something else, and nobody will demand actual evidence. But the Bigfoot fanatics will be buying their expeditions, videos, books, merchandise like hotcakes, and they'll all be millionaires.

BUT, the media response and scrutiny was much greater than he expected. Indeed, two guys from law enforcement claiming a Bigfoot find was seen as much bigger news than a couple of nobodies, and the lazy, fact/research-challenged press stampeded over each other to run the story - worldwide. At which point it spiraled out of control and he knew that they weren't going to be able to slip under the radar afterwards. The dogs really had the bone this time, and weren't going to let go. At this critical juncture, before the press conference, when they could have still dropped the whole thing and scurried back under a rock.... he decides to go ahead with the sham press conference (and convinces the naive dumbshits to keep playing along) in order to still salvage something for himself with the plan to roll over on them quickly afterwards - before schedule, claim victim status, and still hope for a movie or a book deal along the lines of "The Notorious Bigfoot Scam of '08: The Inside Story" or "How these guys scammed me, an experienced, professional Bigfoot hunter."

That's my guess.
posted by taz at 1:49 AM on August 20, 2008

I so totally can't believe I got utterly taken in by this elaborate and convincing ruse! I thought for sure, this time, the evidence was simply irrefutable. How disappointing!

I saw a quote from an artivcle where Professional-Bigfoot-Hunter-Dude paid Georgia Rednecks With Bigfoot-in-Freezer an "undisclosed sum" for said freezer, with contents (rubber). What could their motive have been‽
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:20 AM on August 20, 2008

*gets up from couch, stretches* So. What's for dinner?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 10:18 AM on August 20, 2008

I don't know. Look in the freezer.
posted by lekvar at 12:08 PM on August 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

This chicken is rubbery.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:38 PM on August 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

It's not the motive that eludes me, it is doing there actions while knowing full well the magnitude of the repercussions.

These are life-direction changing actions. Unless pulling the wool over the world's eyes was the point.

If that's the case then this simply a modernized version of the boy who cried wolf: The grown men who cried bigfoot.

And that possibility? It blows my mind.
posted by humannaire at 10:21 PM on August 20, 2008