The most inept saber rattling in the history of diplomacy.

May 2, 2001 6:02 PM

The most inept saber rattling in the history of diplomacy. "We're through with you rascally Chinese! On second thought, no we're not! We sure want to go to war with you over Taiwan! Or maybe not! We're crazy, yeah - CRAZY LIKE A FOX! You don't know WHAT we're up to, you dirty Commies! PSYCHE-OUT! And stop making such damn nice berets!"
posted by solistrato (20 comments total)

Hmm. This one should be the permanent link.

If you're going to attempt to bait a potential enemy, it's usually a good idea to have all your guys on the same page. Just a thought. You know, since you're picking a fight and all with potential consequences like global annihilation.
posted by solistrato at 6:05 PM on May 2, 2001

My God, this disarray is incredible. Of course, if they would keep minor administration spokesmen not especially knowledgeable about the policy out of the fray ...

There's a nasty war brewing, and it's between the Republican anti-Communist soi-disant "Realist" hawks and the Republican pro-business pragmatics ... in the administration. Mark my words, somebody is going to leave the Cabinet bloodied.
posted by dhartung at 6:17 PM on May 2, 2001

I do believe all problems would be solved if we sent this man (aka "The Cleaner") in to do our negotiations...
posted by owillis at 6:50 PM on May 2, 2001

Great, now I can't see from laughing. You bastard.
posted by solistrato at 7:18 PM on May 2, 2001

dangnabbit.

dhartung: there's actually a more interesting triangulation going on, which includes Colin Powell, the one ray of hope in this administration. (He's coming across as the "export version" President right now.) It's slightly disturbing, though, that it's Rice and Rumsfeld taking centre-stage on the China policy, while Powell gets shipped off to do some real diplomacy in the Middle East. What happens if Powell regards himself -- and the notion of straightforward political relations -- marginalised by the "nasty war" between the militarists and the business lobby? Now that could be something to watch.
posted by holgate at 7:21 PM on May 2, 2001

My lord. I'm one of the staunchest supporters of the new administration and I've been fairly pleased by developments to date. But this is idiotic. I'd have somebody's ass fired over this one.
posted by CRS at 8:29 PM on May 2, 2001

"My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."

Reagan's famous and chilling open-mic faux pas comes to mind.

Then there's this:

March 3, 1987 (from a televised address in which he admitted to the findings of the Tower Commission)

"A few months ago, I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that's true, but the facts and evidence tell me it is not." (More here.)

Now Bob Barr is threatening to lobby Congress to lower Washington Metro's funding if they don't change literature, station name, etc., to honor Reagan.

What buffoons. But if you're interested in how this (the Conservative Revolution) all came about, I found a fine new book called Before the Storm: Barry Goldwater and the Unmaking of the American Consensus by Rick Perlstein.
posted by aflakete at 9:02 PM on May 2, 2001

holgate...Rice and Rumsfeld taking centre-stage on the China policy, while Powell gets shipped off to do some real diplomacy in the Middle East.

Because Colin Powell doesn't represent daddy Bush's strategy, namely: don't talk to Saddam...bomb him to pieces!
posted by mapalm at 9:17 PM on May 2, 2001

Hey assholes, We're Americans. If we feel like being (and electing) stupid dumb asses you will just have to live with it!!!

You talk funny, you don't know how to run your country right, and besides, we can do anything we want. We kicked Saddam's butt and we'll kick yours too.

So crawl back in your huts and stop trying to confuse us. We're doing important stuff over here. The sooner you realize that we're the greatest country on Earth the sooner we can all get on with the important stuff we're doing over here.
posted by y6y6y6 at 9:22 PM on May 2, 2001

The Bush team is especially bad at handling the media. Remember in February Bush had to recant closing the National AIDS Office. Then there was the trumped up W-keyboard story — once it got down to rolling out some actual evidence, Bush had to personally back off the whole thing. “We’re moving forward,” or some such bunk.

To me, it shows there isn’t any solid leadership. Expect more tripping-over-his-own-cowboots from the Chief.
posted by capt.crackpipe at 9:44 PM on May 2, 2001

(the Conservative Revolution)

That's so interesting and so true. Though I've not read the book you suggest, I have to ask--How did the revolution come to fruition with nobody noticing until it was too late? Where were the protesters (besides he across the street from the abortion clinic), how did we miss the conservative grassroots effort that succeeded?

Our side has no star players!
posted by crasspastor at 9:58 PM on May 2, 2001

um, ok, y6....relax, there, buddy...no one's gonna take away your nintendo and your "survivor"...just relax
posted by mapalm at 9:59 PM on May 2, 2001

um, ok, y6....relax, there, buddy...no one's gonna take away your nintendo and your "survivor"...just relax

This is like the excruciating uncomfortableness of wondering who's bullshitting who. I hate when that happens!
posted by crasspastor at 10:04 PM on May 2, 2001

y6y6y6 said: "So crawl back in your huts and stop trying to confuse us. We're doing important stuff over here. The sooner you realize that we're the greatest country on Earth the sooner we can all get on with the important stuff we're doing over here."

And now from the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska, it's the Top Ten List for MetaFilter:
The Ten Most Important Stuff We Americans Are Doing Over Here. NUMBER TEN!! [drum roll]

10. Surfing the 'Net.
09. Watching our foreign import cars rust.
08. Picking the jam from between our toes.
07. Setting our VCR cuz the Survivor Finale's tomorrow night!
06. Scheduling power lunches.
05. Wondering why everything in our houses has "Made in Taiwan" stamped on it.
04. Boasting how we're the greatest country on Earth & won't it be cool when the rest of the world figures that out?
03. Day-trading as if we know what we're doing.
02. Wondering why the VCR's still blinking 12:00.

And the number one most important stuff we Americans are doing over here.

01. Helplessly watching our Commander-in-Chief picking fights with other countries.
posted by ZachsMind at 10:13 PM on May 2, 2001

If this is a new Cold War then you picked the wrong enemy this time, guys. It sure is a hell of a lot easier to win an arms race with a country that has half its citizens lined up just to buy one sausage...

Here's one minor correction to that list, Zach:
05. Wondering why everything in our houses has "Made in China" stamped on it.
posted by lagado at 11:09 PM on May 2, 2001

I dunno about your house but in my house it all says Taiwan on the back I dunno where you're buyin' your stuff. Besides, Taiwan just sounds funnier than China. However Kremlin sounds funnier than both the word China and the word Taiwan put together, because words with the letter K in them are funny.

"American components, Russian components, all made in Taiwan!" - Lev Andropov: Armageddon
posted by ZachsMind at 11:56 PM on May 2, 2001

As I watched the British media struggle to get their heads further and further up Jack Straw's arse this week and the government giving more to an American president than Monica Lewinsky ever did, I was beginning to worry that we were becoming a laughing stock.

But no, you Americans always have to go one better. bigger cars, bigger food and now stupider governments.

What's it like to watch your administration make complete arses of themselves? Does the entire country have its hands over its eyes?

China is even starting to take the piss now.
posted by fullerine at 1:13 AM on May 3, 2001

I betcha cool black berets are going to show up on ebay soon, cheap!
posted by mecran01 at 5:55 AM on May 3, 2001

I love you, Zachs!
posted by mapalm at 7:54 AM on May 3, 2001

Bush: "Alright, Mister - you want trouble, you're gonna get trouble!"
China: "Oh, I want trouble alright!"
Bush: "Then you're gonna GET trouble!"
China: "No, YOU'RE gonna get trouble!"
Bush: "Oh, that's good, thats good, cuz I want trouble!"
China: "Then we're agreed - there'll be trouble!"
Bush: "Oohh, yeah, lotsa trouble!"
China: "Trouble it is!"
Bush: "For you!"
China: "Wa - Doh!"

.wav
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:43 AM on May 3, 2001