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Your unborn child as produce
August 20, 2008 10:30 AM   Subscribe

Your unborn child as produce - You'll never look at chard the same way again.
posted by Ogre Lawless (49 comments total)

 
For our latest baby, my wife (who frequented the site) kept reporting the size in these units. "It's a lima bean now!" And then trying to interpolate between weeks. "It's like partway from a lemon to a grapefruit. So I guess an orange."
posted by DU at 10:36 AM on August 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


In 2004, my wife let me bring home a 12-week-old abandon kitten I found while on a bike ride.

She was about six months pregnant at the time.

The vet weight him, and we measured him. She was getting a "your baby at this stage of development" e-mail each week, and the note for that week indicated the baby was roughly the size of the kitten. They pretty much stayed in pace until sometime after our daughter was born.

The handy effect of this was, as I assembled beds and strollers and what-not, I could plop the kitten in it, and make sure it could support the weight. I suppose that means I tested on animals.

(He got known for those months as the "practice baby," mostly for stuff like that. Or, if he could get into something, we took a closer look at baby-proofing it.)

Picture of them, while they were still roughly the same size.
posted by MrGuilt at 10:42 AM on August 20, 2008 [38 favorites]


The vet weighed him, not weight him. I am literate; just fast on the "Post Comment" button.
posted by MrGuilt at 10:43 AM on August 20, 2008


Somewhere, Gallagher chuckles menacingly to himself as he hits Ctrl+D
posted by Damn That Television at 10:44 AM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


new ProLife slogan: Human life begins at poppy seed, and don't even get me started at Kumquat.
posted by mcstayinskool at 10:45 AM on August 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


MrGuilt writes:
Picture of them, while they were still roughly the same size.


Awww, too adorable :)
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:46 AM on August 20, 2008


I never really looked at chard to begin with.
posted by Rinku at 10:47 AM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]



In 2004, my wife let me bring home a 12-week-old abandon kitten I found while on a bike ride.

She was about six months pregnant at the time.


I totally misinterpreted the antecedent for she, which made the rest of the story very confusing.
posted by empath at 10:59 AM on August 20, 2008 [5 favorites]


I don't know where you get your vegetables from, but honestly you might want to look into something a little less... organic.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:00 AM on August 20, 2008


Well, now I've got the phrase "Chard baby" stuck in my head.
posted by boo_radley at 11:01 AM on August 20, 2008


I took your header to mean that the local grocery store now has a fetus section in its fresh food aisles. Appealing more to the pro-biotic than the pro-life customer.
posted by binturong at 11:01 AM on August 20, 2008


Started out as a cute idea, but the execution was kind of horrifying, frankly. Pregnancy dreams are weird enough as it is; do pregnant women need more nightmare fuel about birthing a (shudder) pineapple? NO.
posted by emjaybee at 11:07 AM on August 20, 2008 [7 favorites]


the local grocery store now has a fetus section in its fresh food aisles.

Yeah, but I just buy my babies in bulk at Costco.
posted by elwoodwiles at 11:10 AM on August 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


At birth our child must have been composed mainly of Starbucks De-Caff Mocha Frappachinos. Which, apparently, you CAN live off of for weeks on end.

Oh, and the local cat we sort-of adopted while my wife was pregnant, and that she fretted over quite a lot (“He’s meowing! Is he okay???”) went pretty much instantaneously from substitute baby to just-a-cat on our daughters birth.
posted by Artw at 11:10 AM on August 20, 2008


My sister-in-law's boy was 11.5 lbs at birth. At the time, me and mrs. carter usefully compared this with a 11 lb frozen turkey.
posted by carter at 11:15 AM on August 20, 2008


And that's a big-ass turkey, if you care to heft one the next time you're at the supermarket.
posted by carter at 11:17 AM on August 20, 2008


Started out as a cute idea, but the execution was kind of horrifying, frankly. Pregnancy dreams are weird enough as it is; do pregnant women need more nightmare fuel about birthing a (shudder) pineapple?

This week, your baby is as big as Henry Kissinger's fist, filled with bot flies! Get the bassinet ready, mom!
posted by Greg Nog at 11:22 AM on August 20, 2008 [8 favorites]


My wife's at 24 weeks right now-- the fetus is the length of a big ear of corn. Which is doesn't account for that massive stomach. What else is she hiding in there?
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:24 AM on August 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm with the Mayor. If my wife has a rutabaga in there, what is it, wrapped in bacon? Miles of bacon?
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 11:28 AM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


I read the FPP and was terrified this was going to link to some creepy new Anne Geddes project.
posted by availablelight at 11:46 AM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


My baby was born at mango!
posted by norm at 12:02 PM on August 20, 2008 [3 favorites]


I wish they hadn't switched back and forth so often between weight equivalent and size/length. It was weird watching shrimp make an appearance between lime and lemon.

On the other hand, hey, ceviche!
posted by Miko at 12:06 PM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


Now, when I make a tropical cocktail, I will constantly think what size fetus I am adding to the mix. Thank you, interweb, for fucking up my synapses with this one.

That being said, no Mai Tai is complete without a wedge of six-month-old.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:07 PM on August 20, 2008


When they use pumpkin as the last fruit, they CLEARLY mean a cute little pie pumkin. Some of momma's pumkins are hefty County Fair-winnin' pumkins. That you need a tractor to haul.
posted by artifarce at 12:24 PM on August 20, 2008


Very educational, not only did I find I know nothing about fetal development but, I also know very little about fruits and veggies.
posted by hexxed at 12:31 PM on August 20, 2008


" Poppy seed to pumpkin: How big is your babyzygote?"

FTFY.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 12:34 PM on August 20, 2008


33 years: your baby is now the size of a world champion pumpkin and weighs in at over 900lbs. He hasn't been to the toilet unassisted for years and TV channels are queuing up to make "educational" documentaries about him.
posted by rhymer at 12:40 PM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


Their web site doesn't work very well. At least for me. I can't slide the scroll bar to get more than the initial images.
posted by grouse at 1:04 PM on August 20, 2008


Both of my boys were stuck for a long time at durian. Incredibly sweet. Incredibly smelly. Incredibly dangerous.
posted by The Bellman at 1:05 PM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


norm, jesus. I thought my pineapple was tiny. I far prefer newborns the size of newborns.

at least neither of us had a 12-week-old kitten.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 1:07 PM on August 20, 2008


Their web site doesn't work very well.

Me too, when using Safari.

In firefox though, I'm confused: I frequently shop for both spaghetti squash and mangos, yet my spaghetti squash have always been significantly larger than my mangos.
posted by jamaro at 1:12 PM on August 20, 2008


I'm with jamaro - it's the size of a spaghetti squash and then it shrinks to be mango? What?
posted by arcticwoman at 1:22 PM on August 20, 2008



My sister-in-law's boy was 11.5 lbs at birth.


Holy crap.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:42 PM on August 20, 2008


My sister-in-law's boy was 11.5 lbs at birth.

My friend described laboring to deliver her 11# baby as, "Trying to push a pot roast through a Cheerio."

Holy crap.

Exactly what it feels like.
posted by jamaro at 1:49 PM on August 20, 2008


My baby was born at mango!

norm, did he really weigh only a pound? I hope he's powering through any rough spots. He looks like tough protoplasm to me. Hopefully a wild toddler both delighting and bedeviling your days at this point.

My first was big by comparison, 1.5 kg, but back in those days that meant she was touch and go. She survived hyaline membrane disease & patent ductus arteriosis, and later, at 5 y.o., a Wilm's tumor, but now she's 30 y.o. with an MPH and a real job.
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:02 PM on August 20, 2008


My wife signed up for the BabyCenter e-mails during our recent pregnancy and they were similar to this and would say "Your baby is the size of a kidney bean" or "Your baby is the size of a rutabaga" so we got in the habit of calling the baby by that name for the week when it was valid. Instead of referring to the baby by her name or as "the baby" or "the fetus" (or "the parasite" as a friend of ours did) I would say "How is the kidney bean doing?" or she would say "The baby shrimp has a foot right in my ribcage today."

I and all those I associate with are pretty much adorable.
posted by ND¢ at 2:23 PM on August 20, 2008


Did anyone else find it strange that in order to compare the size of a fetus to that of a vegetable that they had to put the vegetable next to a quarter just to remind you how big the vegetable is?
posted by paddysat at 2:35 PM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


norm, did he really weigh only a pound?

He was 1 lb 4 oz (~560 grams). And yeah, he's doing great now. His blog link is in my profile.
posted by norm at 2:36 PM on August 20, 2008


Wait, so how is a medium shrimp bigger than a lime?
Or do babies grow, shrink, and grow again? Creeeeepy!
posted by miss lynnster at 2:49 PM on August 20, 2008


MrGuilt : (He got known for those months as the "practice baby," mostly for stuff like that. Or, if he could get into something, we took a closer look at baby-proofing it.)

A good idea, because I can imagine that there is nothing worse than coming home and finding your infant child on the top of the fridge, looking at you like "What? It's warm up here."

Picture of them, while they were still roughly the same size.

Adorable.
posted by quin at 2:51 PM on August 20, 2008 [2 favorites]


Awesome. My wife is at 9 weeks now. That explains why she's eating so many grapes.
posted by zardoz at 5:13 PM on August 20, 2008


very interesting...
posted by femmme at 6:18 PM on August 20, 2008


How big is your baby? vs. How big is your zygote?

It depends on your understanding of when leaf begins.
posted by ericbop at 7:17 PM on August 20, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm confused as to how a shrimp is larger than a lime and how an ear of corn is larger than a large mango.
posted by desuetude at 7:31 PM on August 20, 2008


I've known pregnant women who refer to their fetus as "the bean."

I was briefly pregnant once, and I referred to the lil' thing as "Spud." Some women grow beans, apparently I was growing a potato. The fact that it didn't take is evidence that humans were not meant to birth potatoes. I take the lack of a potato in this slideshow as irrefutable scientific proof for my theory.

Should I try to gestate again, I shall try harder for a rutabaga.


(Also: MrGuilt's story and accompanying picture have nearly slayed me with cute.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:48 PM on August 20, 2008


(I'd also like to note that the constant comparison to a quarter is handy guide to "I have to push WHAT through THAT?!")
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:50 PM on August 20, 2008


His blog link is in my profile

Thanks. Woody seems like a great kid. Warms my heart.
posted by Mental Wimp at 1:47 PM on August 21, 2008


MrGuilt: "In 2004, my wife let me bring home a 12-week-old abandon kitten I found while on a bike ride. She was about six months pregnant at the time. "

You know, it's absolutely remarkable how badly I misinterpreted this comment. I assumed "she" was referring to the kitten, not the wife, and I thought you were speaking about a kitten that was somehow magically inseminated in the womb, a three-month-old kitten born six months pregnant. When you said they were "both the same size," I thought you were referring to the theoretical kitten-mommy and kitten-baby. Wow. I need some caffeine.
posted by WCityMike at 2:11 PM on August 21, 2008


I've known pregnant women who refer to their fetus as "the bean."

Were they named Courtney?
posted by Sys Rq at 2:46 PM on August 21, 2008


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