Guess not a lot has changed in England in 50 million years, huh?
Sorry to get all political, but I'm tired of pretending the British crown isn't ruled by ancient terror-birds. posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 12:57 AM on September 27, 2008 [6 favorites]
Alvy - homosexual necrophilia?? That's hardcore. Imagine if it was a human doing the doing and the duck was on fire! Pyro-homo-necro-bestiality! Fuck a duck! posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:30 AM on September 27, 2008
Geese are mean! Awful, mean, ugly beasts with teeth on their tongues. [yes, you heard me - teeth. on. their. tongues.] I'm completely unsurprised to hear that they were even worse in the past. I will never pass up an opportunity to eat a goose - they are completely unworthy of my mercy. [fuck geese!!!!!!] posted by The Light Fantastic at 2:47 AM on September 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
Geese are mean!
I have a vivid memory from early childhood, around age 4: my grandma took me to a park with a pond, and there were lots of geese. Those damn geese chased me, must've been about 5 or 6 of them, they came right at me, full speed. They were really aggressive, and it was really scary.
Glad they weren't giant geese with crocodile teeth from 50 million years ago. posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:09 AM on September 27, 2008
flapjax: That happened to me except they managed to catch/bite me.
The grandma, park, and pond are the same though.
These big guys.... Yikes! The last thing you ever see will be this! posted by aubilenon at 3:18 AM on September 27, 2008 [3 favorites]
Carry a jar of orange sauce with you at all times. Then we'll see how tough these ducks are. posted by panboi at 3:32 AM on September 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Also, I bet there's some kind of Jurassic turkey ancestor out there, but if someone posts something about it I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears and close my eyes. posted by empyrean at 3:35 AM on September 27, 2008
I for one, welcome our new (old) goose overlords posted by Kimondo at 3:57 AM on September 27, 2008
I expect these to be reanimated by NATO scientists and pressed into service in the War on TerrorTM.
Excellent use of the DasornisEmuinus tag, artw. posted by lukemeister at 4:14 AM on September 27, 2008
“No living birds have true teeth ... because their distant ancestors did away with them more than 100 million years ago, probably to save weight and make flying easier”
According to this article, Canada geese excrete a pound of droppings per day. The most frightening aspect of giant British freak-geese might not have been their teeth. posted by Drab_Parts at 6:21 AM on September 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
I'm not even kidding: Geese are assholes. This explains a great deal. posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:38 AM on September 27, 2008
Yeah, seriously...geese ARE assholes. And stupid. Every spring they inhabit the long, narrow, fairly contiguous swath of grass along the Bow River pathway here in Calgary - ostensibly for the purpose of birthing their evil spawn. There are especially narrow sections where only a metre of grass separates them from cars, bikes, people and the river. Yet, they sit there and hiss and lunge at every goddamn thing that passes - all day long. There are lots of lovely parks on both sides of the river with huge fields and lots of open space on which to sit and create evil in peace. Do they hang out there? NOOO! They're too stupid and asshole-like to do so. They perch near the pathway and force you to run a giant semicircle around them while they bob their heads in a freakish dance to let you know that they'd peck your eyes out if you only had a chance. Then, during the summer, the little bastard goslings turn into identical ones and the parents still protect them even though you can't tell them apart. Sometimes they fly at your head. That happened to me once. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU TRYING TO DO THERE.
But at least they're Canadian. In name only, the fucks. Yeah I believe that they're descended from flying trucks with teeth. They still act like it. posted by jimmythefish at 7:34 AM on September 27, 2008 [4 favorites]
Geese tase great. Bigger geese must taste better. Reason # 985,246,337 to finish that time machine. posted by valentinepig at 7:38 AM on September 27, 2008
Geese tase great. Bigger geese must taste better.
I'm going to need about 300 pounds of oranges, about 10 gallons of honey, 5 gallons of soy sauce, a metric ton of wild rice, and ....a small soda. posted by The Whelk at 7:54 AM on September 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Yet, they sit there and hiss and lunge at every goddamn thing that passes - all day long. There are lots of lovely parks on both sides of the river with huge fields and lots of open space on which to sit and create evil in peace. Do they hang out there? NOOO! They're too stupid and asshole-like to do so. They perch near the pathway and force you to run a giant semicircle around them while they bob their heads in a freakish dance to let you know that they'd peck your eyes out if you only had a chance.
That hissing sound? It's actually laughter. Geese are easily bored, and the reason they nest there instead of the peaceful, wide-open fields nearby is that you - the humans - provide endless amounts of entertainment. They picked the hotel with free cable and wifi that's surrounded by lots of entertainment options instead of the wilderness lodge where the most exciting thing to do is watch the grass grow. They're not dumb. Evil, sure, but not dumb.
I was bitten by a swan once. Talk about ow. posted by rtha at 10:21 AM on September 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
My mother, bless her, once saw a flock of geese torturing a small child in a park (with a lake). She walked up to the geese and, one by one until they got the point, grabbed them by their necks and threw them in the lake. posted by Pants! at 10:59 AM on September 27, 2008
Every spring they inhabit the long, narrow, fairly contiguous swath of grass along the Bow River pathway here in Calgary
They do the same thing in Harrisburg, PA, except it's all fucking year. In 2006 we had an ice storm that killed a bunch of people, and the geese were out there sitting on the glaciers plowing new riverbanks for the Susquehanna. Motherfuckers.
I will break a goddamn goose's neck the next time one of those little bitches decides he needs to take a chunk of skin out of my calf. What the fuck do they think they're doing, with their ridiculously vulnerable body morphology? I could just snatch the little cocks up and tie them in a fucking knot, then drown their hideous offspring in the buckets of shit they plaster all over my Greenbelt.
My mother, bless her, once saw a flock of geese torturing a small child in a park (with a lake). She walked up to the geese and, one by one until they got the point, grabbed them by their necks and threw them in the lake.
I bet that's exactly what the blackfellas were thinking. The Demon Duck of Doom apparently died out 30,000 years ago, along with most of Australia's megafauna. Would've been some pretty good eating in those times - maybe on both sides of the fence. I present to you the Bird From Hell:
Thunder birds or mihirungs (family Dromornithidae) were gigantic, ground-dwelling birds that roamed Australia from at least 25 million to around 26,000 years ago. Among the eight species was the largest bird that ever lived, Dromornis stirtoni, three metres high and weighing over 500 kilograms. posted by UbuRoivas at 3:45 PM on September 27, 2008
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posted by jimmythefish at 11:59 PM on September 26, 2008