Flesh and Blood

October 6, 2008 4:13 PM

Dacre Stoker presents: Dracula... the sequel!
posted by Artw (37 comments total)

We're all God's children. Therefore, I'm writing The Bible II: The Killening.
posted by stavrogin at 4:26 PM on October 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

stavrogin - As I understand it The Bible is not literally the word of god. Possibly you could write a sequel to The Koran?

What?
posted by Artw at 4:36 PM on October 6, 2008

Bible I is already The Killening (see Ark, Noah's). Bible II is supposedly The Healening or Forgivening or Something, although it's a little garbled. Bible III is Armageddon (see McCain, Presidency of).
posted by DU at 4:40 PM on October 6, 2008

(Also, this book reeks of making a quick buck. "Researched a little"? Sounds pretty in-depth!)
posted by DU at 4:46 PM on October 6, 2008

Hey! No one (except maybe Brian Herbert) is more qualified to write the official sequel to Dracula than a former Pentathlete!
posted by Artw at 4:51 PM on October 6, 2008

For a second I read that as "Darth Stoker" and had a tiny glimmer that Star Wars could thereby be redeemed.
posted by middleclasstool at 4:51 PM on October 6, 2008

Wouldn't Bible III be the Qur'an or the Book of Mormon, depending on beliefs / location? We're looking at a Book IV then, and everyone knows you're just milking the franchise when you get into the 4th volume of what could have been a fine stand-alone work.

Now I want to know the names of Dacre's relatives, and what Dacre means. Is the whole family into gothic appearances, with Dacre embracing the light of day, only to be pulled back under the influence of his great-grand uncle? Or was he picked because he's the Stoker with the most spooky sounding name?
posted by filthy light thief at 4:53 PM on October 6, 2008

His fencing/pistol shooting/running/swimming/horse riding skills of course!

(Which you’d know if I’d not munged that link)
posted by Artw at 4:56 PM on October 6, 2008

Twice...
posted by Artw at 4:57 PM on October 6, 2008

Well slap my dick and call me Sally I wonder who I'm related to five times removed and a hundred years later? Makes you think don't it? Cash money honey. Oh but this book? No this is a dumb idea.
posted by nola at 5:00 PM on October 6, 2008

Readers not knowing what to do with themselves until this masterpiece comes out will be pleased to know that there are many, many Kim Newman stories available online. Sadly I’m unable to say if he is related to Bram Stoker, but he frequently wears a cape, and that counts for a lot.
posted by Artw at 5:00 PM on October 6, 2008

Bible IV: The Next Chapter

"Jesus, Jesus! You can't just go around killing people!"
posted by infinitewindow at 5:00 PM on October 6, 2008

Heh. I said "counts".
posted by Artw at 5:00 PM on October 6, 2008

This is way too meta-ironic. Plot twists and characterization left dead on the editing-room floor will be brought back to grim half-life. The insidious and voracious vampire sucking nourishment from his own bloodline. The horror. The horror.

Yeah, just don't think this is a good thing.
posted by es_de_bah at 5:01 PM on October 6, 2008

This will suck.
posted by fleetmouse at 5:14 PM on October 6, 2008

I'm actually (really) reading Dracula for the first time on iPhone ebook reader Stanza. For some reason the paragraph-per-screen forces me to really read the victorian era language without skimming it.

When you read it as a novel leading you from event to event as opposed to a foregonely-concluded story that youve seen in a million Hammer films —it's really, really good. He draws out things (like Lucy's fate) for a while, and you're kind of on the edge of your seat. It's strange but I can't wait to get out of class to read it.

I'd be more interested in the excised storylines by themselves than a warmed over version mixed in with stuff I don't care about. I should go look for them online.
posted by Brainy at 5:14 PM on October 6, 2008

I don't believe that we'll ever get to the point where truly good sequels by other-than-the-original author (and occasionally even the original author, viz. George Lucas) until humanity achieves weakly godlike AI.

And at that point, I intend to read all the greatest -- really great -- sequels never written.
posted by chimaera at 5:18 PM on October 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm actually (really) reading Dracula for the first time on iPhone ebook reader Stanza. For some reason the paragraph-per-screen forces me to really read the victorian era language without skimming it.

Same here but on paper. The encounter with the weird sisters in castle Dracula - oh my, the man could write.
posted by fleetmouse at 5:23 PM on October 6, 2008

reading Dracula .. on iPhone .. paragraph-per-screen

That sounds like hell! Like sucking blood out of a body - with pin pricks, one drop at a time.
posted by stbalbach at 5:25 PM on October 6, 2008

This is why Fred Shakespeare went into glassblowing.
posted by Smedleyman at 5:27 PM on October 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

For a second I read that as "Darth Stoker" and had a tiny glimmer that Star Wars could thereby be redeemed.

And I read THAT as "Darth Stroker" and had a great idea for a porn mashup.
posted by DU at 5:27 PM on October 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

That helmet...
posted by uncleozzy at 5:36 PM on October 6, 2008

I went to school with Dacre (pronounced like "daker"). He was an instructor as I was a student. He's a pretty fascinating guy. As mentioned, he used to coach the pentathalon. I had him for a bunch of classes, including Phys Ed. It was the most un-PE PE I've ever heard of. We learned to fly fish, to fence, to play ultimate frisbee, and some wacky dodgeball that was totally fun (and a lot less about "kill the geeks"). Oh, and sex ed, though it was called something cloudy like "human relationships". He's got a keen and dry sense of humor.

I can't speak to his writing ability, but if any of Bram's relatives must write a book, it might as well be him.
posted by cyclopticgaze at 5:49 PM on October 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

Dracula is a classic, but not for the reasons people think.

Dracula is the most bad-assed supervillain on the planet, but it doesn't stop there! Stoker assembles a team to take him down! The Mad Scientist who knows what to do! The sensitive-but-plucky Psychic Chick! The Gun-Slinger with a rough exterior but a heart of gold! The dashing and confident Hero to lead them!

You'll see Stoker's supporting cast of characters re-assembled almost every time there's a summer blockbuster or a new superhero comic book... and they, not Dracula, are probably his most enduring and widely adopted literary invention.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:44 PM on October 6, 2008 [5 favorites]

stbalbach: I know it sounds like a pain in the ass, but it isn't. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because instead of scrolling constantly, you tap to turn the page? I can't say for sure what the reasons are but I'm finding it nothing short of engrossing.

Although really, Drac is kind of a wimp. Drinks one persons blood and then gets all his coffins destroyed in a day and flees.

Awesome parts the 15 year old horror fan I used to be never knew about:
•Mina making Johnathan read the last rites over her while the rest of the team watches.
•Renfield as a mostly sympathetic character who is upset he let's Drac in to get after Mina.
•That Drac kills the old man Mina & Lucy are friends with on the bench overtop of a suicide's grave.
•Lucy's mom dying of a heart attack when the wolf comes in.

Damn you Coppola! This is the movie you should have made! One with heart and subtle details. Not a crappy love story.
posted by Brainy at 6:49 PM on October 6, 2008

John Brown of Siloam Springs, Arkansaw, was my great-great-grandaddy, but that doesn't mean I should be founding any Bible schools.

...or does it?
posted by jtron at 7:32 PM on October 6, 2008

I'm actually (really) reading Dracula for the first time on iPhone ebook reader Stanza. For some reason the paragraph-per-screen forces me to really read the victorian era language without skimming it.

Ditto here! Just finished it on my Kindle; moving on to Carmilla soon.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:14 PM on October 6, 2008

Oooh, Bitter-girl, I'll have to try that next! Once again, I know the story but the details....
posted by Brainy at 9:27 PM on October 6, 2008

Ah, the genius of Dracula.


And the stupidity that follows in its wake.
posted by SaintCynr at 11:49 PM on October 6, 2008

I'm re-reading Dracula at the moment: an awesome, awesome book.

I'm also a bit surprised nobody's mentioned Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian yet.
posted by robcorr at 1:18 AM on October 7, 2008

Is Dacre Stoker's co-author, Ian Holt (according to the Guardian), the same Ian Holt who wrote Dr. Chopper?

Five young friends head out to the country for a weekend at the family cabin and run afoul of a group of motorcycle riding madwomen led by the sadistic, knife-wielding plastic surgeon Dr. Fielding.

One of the commenters on that film writes, "The dialog is a treat for connoisseurs of bad writing."
posted by pracowity at 3:13 AM on October 7, 2008

Last year I listened to a free audio version of Dracula; the various attempts (there was a number of different readers) by non-professional American readers of the English accents was... interesting.

I read Brian Aldiss' Dracula Unbound years ago but I can't remember too much about it. Newman's various things are interesting, as mentioned up thread, but have diminishing returns as you go along... like the one set in Rome that has not plot whatsoever.

This will of course will suck but I'll be interested to see what Guillermo del Toro's novel is like
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:17 AM on October 7, 2008

Bram, Dacre - I just want to have the naming voracity that this family does. This family has the coolest naming skills in HISTORY.

Hm... how does Selphed sound as a baby girl's name?
posted by eatdonuts at 7:32 AM on October 7, 2008

In other Dracula publishing news (but this having to do with something I might read), a new Annotated Dracula is coming out next week.
posted by Zed_Lopez at 7:38 AM on October 7, 2008

Bram, Dacre - I just want to have the naming voracity that this family does. This family has the coolest naming skills in HISTORY.

Bram was just short for Abraham; he was named after his dad. His siblings were William, Mathilda (named after her mom), Thomas, Richard, Margaret, and George. You couldn't get a tamer choice of names.
posted by pracowity at 8:23 AM on October 7, 2008

the various attempts (there was a number of different readers) by non-professional American readers of the English accents was... interesting.

Couldn't possibly worse than Keanu in the movie.
posted by middleclasstool at 11:02 AM on October 7, 2008

I know that one:
Bela Lugosi's dead
Undead undead undead
posted by ersatz at 7:32 PM on October 7, 2008