swept into the world on a churning rapid of blood

October 31, 2008 3:43 PM

Hey, Natalie Dee had a baby
posted by JohnR (82 comments total)

So did John and Judith Kovalic.
posted by Class Goat at 3:49 PM on October 31, 2008

Am I supposed to know who Natalie Dee is?
posted by jayder at 3:50 PM on October 31, 2008

That baby is bigger than a loaf of bread.
posted by Mister Cheese at 3:52 PM on October 31, 2008

This post should make it more clear that its a link to a detailed and witty memoir of a pregnancy, not a birth notice.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:54 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Photos of swollen bare feet, great. Good thing I wasn't eating or anything.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:55 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

That baby is going to grow up with a terrible potty mouth! Congratulations to her though.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 3:56 PM on October 31, 2008

Who is she? And why should we care?
posted by ericb at 3:57 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

She says "fuck" a lot so we know she's telling it like it is.
posted by rhymer at 3:58 PM on October 31, 2008 [10 favorites has favorites]

Ahhh those feet will haunt my dreams!
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:58 PM on October 31, 2008

Wow. They should hand out copies of her story at Planned Parenthood. The birth rate would plummet.
posted by OolooKitty at 3:59 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

deleted -- reason: Your favorite thing has a new thing.
posted by Eideteker at 4:00 PM on October 31, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Wait. Wait. Everyone, they perform c-sections while you are awake and more or less aware? This is the best advertisement for birth control I've ever read.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 4:04 PM on October 31, 2008

The only thing I know about her now is that 1) she has a baby, and 2) There are over 1500 Natalie Dee comics..

Oh, and her art reminds me of what exploding dog (no real exploding dogs here) used to look like. Except ED is more interesting, and less prolific.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:05 PM on October 31, 2008

Hey, Natalie Dee had a baby

Is she related to Sandra Dee?

"Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee. Lousy with virginity."

She must be. That is...she must be related to Sandra Dee.
posted by ericb at 4:05 PM on October 31, 2008

Oh wait, the one who makes those stupid comics, but her name isn't really what she says it is?

I hate those comics.

Except for this one.
posted by paisley henosis at 4:05 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I was a little "what, seriously" too, but it's a whole big hospital-adventure writeup that's actually pretty engaging.

I've changed the link to actual entry's permalink instead of just her main page, which might help a little and certainly will help in the long run for making this not a broken link.

Hubby Drew would be this guy, who I believe is actually knocking around here somewhere too.
posted by cortex at 4:10 PM on October 31, 2008

Why was it a detective story to figure out who this post was about? Is this a new RiddleMeFi thing that I'm not cool enough to understand?
posted by rokusan at 4:13 PM on October 31, 2008

So this is how come it is women used to die all the time in childbirth. Birth hardly works. Stories like this are good palliatives for my biological clock complaints.
posted by Countess Elena at 4:16 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I didn't know who Natalie Dee was, but that was funny as hell and I laughed my ass off. Good post.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 4:17 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I mean seriously naysayers this shit is fucking funny e.g.: All the doctors were completely covered in blood, rivers of blood flowing over the floor, buckets getting blood pumped into them, filling rapidly.

Then, my daughter was born in the most metal way possible, swept into the world on a churning rapid of blood.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 4:22 PM on October 31, 2008

Way to put 50% more Drewness out there, Natalie Dee.

Maybe now you will be too busy to continue those labor-intensive comics, of yours, hmm? hmmm??
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:24 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Hubby Drew would be this guy, who I believe is actually knocking around here somewhere too.

And that guy is also this guy, which makes this story News. Congrats, Mr. K!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:26 PM on October 31, 2008

9 months of hell? Cervadil? C-section? This story sounds remarkably like my wife's pregnancy, labor and delivery, just without all the fucks. Well, except the one that got us there in the first place.
posted by bondcliff at 4:27 PM on October 31, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

AWWW BABBY PLAY WITH CHARLES <3
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:29 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

To all the grumblers, you'd be happy to know she has a comic on this subject!
posted by piratebowling at 4:30 PM on October 31, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

I googled Natalie Dee, and found that she looks like Ambrosia Voyeur.
posted by Locative at 4:30 PM on October 31, 2008

Drew
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:32 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I mean seriously naysayers this shit is fucking funny

Yeah the link is fine, and it's a funny tiny-alien-was-implanted-and-then-burst-forth story and all. It was the context-free FPP that was confusingly opaque, I guess.

Like, get some of them cartoons all linkied up in there. Maybe a "Mefi's own" or two. Something.
posted by rokusan at 4:33 PM on October 31, 2008

That picture by the Apple laptop? How I wish my parents had taken a picture of a newborn me next to whatever the state of the art computer was that year in the 70s. Imagine all the geek cred I would have.
posted by dirty lies at 4:38 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

That was great. After spending most of the last couple of weeks obssessing about the election, it was awesomely entertaining to read a pregnancy and birth story that contained the word "fuck" so many times.
posted by jokeefe at 4:39 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Reasons for childbirth:
1) It'd make a great blog post!!
1a) with pics!!!
2) Future blog posts*




*buy film
posted by Mblue at 4:39 PM on October 31, 2008

She is an adorable dollbaby, and congrats to Natalie and Drew!
posted by brain cloud at 4:42 PM on October 31, 2008

PS Anybody who calls the operating theatre where they perform c-sections "the Splatterdome" is A-OK in my book.
posted by brain cloud at 4:43 PM on October 31, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

ka yoot!
posted by stubby phillips at 4:46 PM on October 31, 2008

Screw y'all haters. I love ND's comics, especially these ones. Congrats, awesome birth story, glad I didn't read it before I had my kid because I never would have had the guts to do it.
posted by jeanmari at 4:46 PM on October 31, 2008

(the baby. not the feet)
posted by stubby phillips at 4:47 PM on October 31, 2008

how babies are not made, by Natalie Dee.

Locative: yeah, she does, a bit. Maybe I should kill her and steal her identity, and, as in Being John Malkovich, turn her career in another direction! (Can you tell I hate her comics? Haaaaate em. Love MTTS, though.)
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:48 PM on October 31, 2008

Hey, Natalie Dee had a baby
posted by naju at 4:48 PM on October 31, 2008

I liked the story and was not aware they had a baby. Thanks for posting this.
posted by TheClonusHorror at 4:48 PM on October 31, 2008

Baby Nona vs. Household Items (for size comparison).
posted by brain cloud at 4:51 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Natalee Dee is awesome, that's who. The part I can't figure out is who she's having sex with. Her husband is the prototypical 40 year old virgin.
posted by DU at 4:52 PM on October 31, 2008

this is the toothpaste guy? wow. cute baby, drew.

pinch her well.
posted by stubby phillips at 4:56 PM on October 31, 2008

How I wish my parents had taken a picture of a newborn me next to whatever the state of the art computer was that year in the 70s.

The floor in the maternity probably would have had to be reinforced to support that.
posted by brennen at 4:57 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

maternity ward. jebus.
posted by brennen at 4:57 PM on October 31, 2008

I wasn't planning on reading that whole thing and then I did. Favorited.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:58 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Kind of reminds me of David Shrigley, although I'm fairly sure he doesn't do childbirth. At least not like that.
posted by Grangousier at 5:07 PM on October 31, 2008

That was hilarious.


Sorry to folks who didn't like it because there were swear words.
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 5:10 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Natalee Dee is awesome, that's who. The part I can't figure out is who she's having sex with.

Well, I guess it's not you. ZING
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:26 PM on October 31, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Yum, pancakes!
posted by lukemeister at 5:28 PM on October 31, 2008

Great write-up. Love being a dude. Love it!
posted by norabarnacl3 at 5:28 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

So this is how come it is women used to die all the time in childbirth. Birth hardly works.

I think the reason women used to die in childbirth all the time is because rickets, anemia, and other sorts of malnutritional ailments used to be widespread, and pelvis bones were much weaker than in healthy women.
posted by mrgrimm at 5:39 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

That was worth it just for the use of the phrase "abortions of shoes" to describe size 10 wide Crocs in a blog post about pregnancy and childbirth.
posted by liquefaction at 5:45 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Awesome writing. Enjoyed every raw, vital syllable.

Brava Natalie Dee, Drew and Nona!
posted by nickyskye at 5:47 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Pre-eclampsia is one of those things medicine should have figured out by now, but hasn't. I'm a big 'ol natural-birth-is-best type, but pre-e is a bitch and a killer. She was in some serious pain and danger. I'm mostly surprised they didn't c/sec sooner, as the US has one of the highest c/sec rates in the west. Probably just trying to get that baby to cook a little longer.

Kudos to the mighty mama and her adorable girl.
posted by emjaybee at 5:56 PM on October 31, 2008

On one hand I am always in favor of "tell it like it is" acounts of things I haven't experienced. More often than not, people leave out all of the salient details and fall back on "it was a miracle, the happiest day of my life" or they try and be all artful and flowery and whatnot.So yeah...kudos on this and whatnot.

On the other hand, the current vogue of incessant reliance on sarcastic euphemism and ironic metaphor is starting to wear me down. And I can be guilty of it myself, to the point that I'm starting to worry that it's become a permanent generational feature, that will follow us into a very annoying grave.

Also I would make a lousy father/husband. Which given recent history pretty much guarantees my offspring will become president someday.
posted by billyfleetwood at 6:30 PM on October 31, 2008

Then I heard OK LET'S PUT HER UTERUS BACK IN, and I felt some really horrible shoves that seemed to displace every organ in my body

aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
posted by danb at 6:44 PM on October 31, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

I blame Canada.
posted by not_on_display at 6:56 PM on October 31, 2008

Does it look like Kompressor?
posted by Balisong at 7:11 PM on October 31, 2008

I didn't know Natalie and Drew were in the family way. I'm 5 months pregnant myself and still read all the way through the horrors of the too-wide-for-extra-wide-crocs feet swelling and delivery story. Good post!
posted by onlyconnect at 7:37 PM on October 31, 2008

Screw y'all haters.

After that story? No way!
posted by ersatz at 8:04 PM on October 31, 2008

Love it. Her blog and cartoons remind me of plenty of girls I knew in college, and her story reminds me of my own kids' births - both C-sections, both with lots of fun complications like near-miscarriages and painful breast engorgement. Fun!

Really, I don't know how you women put up with those bodies of yours. What a freak show.
posted by fungible at 8:12 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

It's these stories that keep me pushing "Have a baby" further and further down the To-Do list. I think it's off the first page now.
posted by kimdog at 8:28 PM on October 31, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

I'm still trying to figure out how the hell we as a species ever got to this point, here in the twenty-first century: Why the hell did any woman ever dare risk getting pregnant in all the centuries before modern medicine?

I had no idea who Natalie Dee was, but, after reading her story, that blog post has become another exhibit in my theory that Women Are Brave.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 8:32 PM on October 31, 2008

(great story; thanks for posting)

AsYouKnow Bob: this is one of several reasons why the invention of the birth control pill was truly, seriously revolutionary.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:45 PM on October 31, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

No cure for pre-eclampsia, but wrt prevention, "research conducted in the past two decades strongly suggest the importance of repeated exposure to the father's semen throughout the full length of the pregnancy due to the immune-modulating effects of key factors in semen."

Drew! Bang your wife more, Drew.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:19 PM on October 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

flagged as cankles.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:12 PM on October 31, 2008

Link includes Reasons #2, #8, #11 and #23 as to why I adopted a baby.
posted by Miastar at 11:24 PM on October 31, 2008

I had tears in my eyes, dying of laughter at least four or five times, then a real tear at the end. Nona is so pretty!

The picture of the husband in hairnet is an all-time classic "glad it's you not me" photo.

No idea of who these people are, but I love the writing and the comics...
posted by letitrain at 12:36 AM on November 1, 2008

Birth hardly works.

Oh yes, it does. The vast majority of the time, birth works just fine, and in a number of instances where it doesn't, it doesn't because people are fiddling with it unnecessarily. If women's bodies were as broken as popular cultural treatments of birth led us to believe, the human race would not be about to break the planet with its numbers. The problem is that normal birth isn't dramatic. It doesn't lend itself to stories with "awesome" stuff in them like "splatterdomes" and rivers of blood. When having feet so tender and swollen that you have to (gasp! horror!) ugly shoes (or sandals in late October) is the worst of your pregnancy, it doesn't make for a compelling, virally spread story that's the masses (as opposed to those of us interested in birth) will read (or watch) so there is a common perception that birth tends to be this horrific thing. In fact, it doesn't, and in most cases, it could be something entirely different.

As for pre-eclampsia, one of the best ways to prevent it is the Brewer (also known as Bradley) diet, but your run of the mill ob/gyn doesn't know anything about that, throws up their hands in wonder when asked, and won't do the research, because the conventional wisdom is "we don't know why this happens or how to prevent it." Period.

Nona is a beautiful baby, and I'm very happy for Natalie and Drew that their story of everything-gone-wrong has a happy ending, but this story, cathartic as it may have been to write it, doesn't really serve anyone. It's not a cautionary tale that can apply to other people, and horror stories of pregnancy and birth only serve to give women an unnecessary and unhealthy dose of fear and worry rather than actual information about the things that they can do to help themselves and their babies to the best outcomes.
posted by Dreama at 7:53 AM on November 1, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

AsYouKnow Bob - Why the hell did any woman ever dare risk getting pregnant in all the centuries before modern medicine?

What Dreama said + most women in recent history (the past 5000 years) and in the world today do not have any choice in the matter.
posted by asok at 8:40 AM on November 1, 2008

doesn't really serve anyone

After reading the David Wallace article, it served me very well. And now my dog and I shall hunt down some french toast. We'll think about stuff.
posted by qinn at 9:37 AM on November 1, 2008

As for pre-eclampsia, one of the best ways to prevent it is the Brewer (also known as Bradley) diet, but your run of the mill ob/gyn doesn't know anything about that . . .

Did midwives in the past? How many women in the past just died outright in their teens and twenties, from obstetrical complications that we can treat today through interventions, but that no one could imagine then? (And how many women still do?) There are many billions of us, but I don't think that's because birth comes easily to most women, but for a number of very unpleasant reasons that involve immense human suffering.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:43 AM on November 1, 2008

Every "internet famous" person has that same look: chubby if it's a girl, too thin if it's a guy, the small, thick-rimmed or bizarre geometric shaped frames (have these people ever heard of contacts or Lasik?), the dyed hair that's not a real color for humans if it's a girl, facial and neck hair if it's a guy and the dusty-looking, drab Urban Outfitters wardrobe.

And they all say they embrace diversity and hate conformity.
posted by Zambrano at 9:54 AM on November 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Other than the part where your whole description comes flying out of your ass -- half-formed from clumps of worn cliche and misplaced smugness and clotted, stringy bits of misanthropy -- to splatter messily against the wall about twenty feet from the target, that was a pretty good comment, dude.
posted by cortex at 10:02 AM on November 1, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Someone tell mathowie to grow a neckbeard or he won't be internet famous anymore. Also, jessamyn should dye her hair pink and blue.
posted by rtha at 10:07 AM on November 1, 2008

this story, cathartic as it may have been to write it, doesn't really serve anyone. It's not a cautionary tale that can apply to other people

It wasn't written as "a cautionary tale" but about her life. And she happened to have pre-eclampsia, which could have killed her or caused incredible damage. I'd never heard of this pre-e thing until the daughter of a dear friend almost died of it. It's quite like a stroke and can be devastating.

"Pre-eclampsia occurs in as many as 10% of pregnancies." On this site, it's "5-8%".

My half-aunt's mother died several days after giving birth because of complications. Another online friend told me her mother had giving birth complications.

I appreciate knowing about the Brewer's diet (70 to 80 grams of protein a day for the pregnant woman to try and prevent pre-e). One of the gazillion cool things about the web is reading stories of people's lives, the good, bad and the ugly. Each story isn't an archetype that others have to live by, it's one out of 6 billion stories on the planet. And I think worth reading for lots of reasons.

Natalie Dee is brave, outspoken and raw in describing what is usually treated as, imo, tediously cutsie putsie, like pregnancy is this fluffy wuffy experience. And it's not. At all. That's a lie.

Her baby was born in a "churning rapid of blood", cut out of her guts. I love that she can own the reality of it and then feel softly tender for Nona, with the fun, warm ending, "I will smell y'all later. Love, Natalie".
posted by nickyskye at 10:22 AM on November 1, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

For those who don't know who Natalie Dee or Drew are, and for completeness (since I think only a few of these have been linked to in this thread):

Natalie Dee's comic is at nataliedee.com and here's her Youtube channel

Her husband Drew's comic is Toothpaste for Dinner, and here's his Youtube channel

Their joint comic is Married to the Sea

They seem like good peoples.
posted by squarehead at 11:01 AM on November 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Try to get any sleep at all when you have a baby smaller than a mens' tennis shoe making snorting noises next to you all night. I challenge you to not freak out and have to check every ten seconds that she has not died of smallness.

I like this.
posted by Catfry at 11:52 AM on November 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Oh yes, it does. The vast majority of the time, birth works just fine, and in a number of instances where it doesn't, it doesn't because people are fiddling with it unnecessarily. If women's bodies were as broken as popular cultural treatments of birth led us to believe, the human race would not be about to break the planet with its numbers.

Not sure what makes you think this is true. Just because birth is natural doesn't mean it's this super easy beautiful magical miracle. People die in childbirth all the freaking time, and out silly 'cultural treatments of birth' are the only reasons it doesn't happen more. Take a look at this. Childbirth is amazingly dangerous, and without medical care it's much worse in humans than in other animals, because our narrow pelvises for walking combined with our large brains make for a ridiculously tight fit. We have to be born premature compared to other primates, or we'd all get stuck and die. We have to be helped when we give birth- that's not true for any other species. We are so bad at giving birth, it IS amazing that we've made it this far.
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:31 PM on November 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also, jessamyn should dye her hair pink and blue.

Hey hey, I have perfect vision! And this is my real hair color! And I'm not chubby so much as hey it's the day after Halloween. Jerks.
posted by jessamyn at 3:22 PM on November 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I really, really don't like the concept of having children. This story strengthens the conviction that I will ever be a single sonic meat machine, with nae urchins runnin aboot.
posted by sonic meat machine at 9:33 PM on November 1, 2008

HAaaaaa ha hahaa
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:31 PM on November 18, 2008