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November 26, 2008 6:58 AM   Subscribe

Of what purpose is a lap dance? Is it about alcohol and leisure? Is it an exercise in objectification? Is it a question that requires a lap-dancing body (phwoar!) to decide? Or Parliament? Should someone hold a seance and ask Paul Raymond? (previously)

And, finally, would it make a difference if you could have this lapdance here for free[NSFW]?
posted by Halloween Jack (89 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Of what purpose is a lap dance?
I'm pretty sure the sole purpose is to siphon as much cash from the patron as possible. Or so I've heard...
posted by Thorzdad at 7:12 AM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


Having once managed one of the Southwest's largest gentlemen clubs (albeit 20 years ago), I can guarantee you that Thorzad has defined it correctly, right out of the gate. The base reason for table dances, lap dances, private dances and the like, is because dancers very much like making $10-$50 a minute.

They hate you, by the way. They really like your cash. You are merely a warm ATM.
posted by dejah420 at 7:22 AM on November 26, 2008 [15 favorites]


And, finally, would it make a difference if you could have this lapdance here for free

Well it might but 'This video is not available in your country' (Although I did recognize it's from Swordfish... not that I'm a NERD or anything.)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:23 AM on November 26, 2008


Despite the tag, that's actually the "SFW" version of the video... although you wouldn't want to watch it at work, it doesn't contain nudity. There's a version that does.
posted by delmoi at 7:26 AM on November 26, 2008


I was chatting to a friend who works as security for [top UK LD venue] and he told me of a conversation he'd had with one of the bigger spending punters. They'd spent so much my friend wondered why they didn't just get a posh hotel room, a case of champagne, drugs & hookers and go the whole way whilst still getting change from what they would have spent in the venue on an average night.

'Oh, we do," came the reply, "but we come here too for the variety."

A lot of it is about boys and girls showing off in their own sweet ways. The girls tend to win in cash terms although it can be a head fuck on occasions. It has also helped a few friends get through college debt-free and another get a rather cool globe-trotting job (due to a contact made at the opening night of ol' Stringfellow's first lap dancing enterprise) so I can't be too down on the whole industry.

However, I've only been to places in the US and always with female company (and usually dragged in by previously mentioned friends under the auspices of 'professional interest' - 'Teasers' in Key West is top of the chart so far I believe) so I'm not sure if it would be the same if I was part of a gang of lads in the UK.
posted by i_cola at 7:27 AM on November 26, 2008


A governing organization for lap dances? Eeessh. I've never had one, let alone been in a club, but man, that sounds awful. Do people really want "legitimate" lap dances?
posted by boo_radley at 7:31 AM on November 26, 2008


You are merely a warm ATM.

You are merely a warm lonely desperate ATM.
posted by gman at 7:32 AM on November 26, 2008 [5 favorites]


I don't hate my ATM, nor would I if it were warm. But if I had to disrobe and rub against it...yeah, I probably would hate my ATM.
posted by DU at 7:36 AM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]


You are merely a warm lonely desperate ATM.

I was prepared to post a one-liner, but now I am actually curious. Is this is a recession proof industry?
posted by Deep Dish at 7:38 AM on November 26, 2008


Anthony Lane's definition, in his review of Showgirls, still makes me laugh: 'The movie's great discovery is lapdancing, which it presents as something of a revelation but which looked to me as if it had been going on, more or less unchanged, for the last three thousand years. To lapdance, you undress, sit your client down, order him to stay still and fully clothed, and then hover over him, making a motion that you have perfected by watching Mister Softee ice-cream dispensers.'
posted by verstegan at 7:40 AM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]


Is this is a recession proof industry?

No. The girls I know are making half of what they used to. Still good money, but like $750 a night instead of $1500. (That's Los Angeles -- about half that here in SC.)
posted by LordSludge at 7:44 AM on November 26, 2008


Is this is a recession proof industry?

Well, to quote a certain onanistic puppet from Avenue Q: "In volatile market, only stable investment is porn!" While you may quibble semantics with the last word, I think it rather rings true.
posted by Spatch at 7:47 AM on November 26, 2008


(D'oh, that's what I get for not previewing. Perhaps personal knowledge trumps Trekkie Monster in this case.)
posted by Spatch at 7:48 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


like $750 a night instead of $1500

BAILOUT!
posted by DU at 7:52 AM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


BALLSOUT!
posted by gman at 7:55 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Dear AskMe, Does OSHA have any ergonomic standards set for lap dances?
posted by not_on_display at 8:08 AM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


Whither the rhetorical question?
posted by Mister_A at 8:22 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Of what purpose is a lap dance?

Going by my one experience with a lapdance the purpose seems to be for a naked girl to rub against your crotch for three minutes, the whole while trying to talk you into spending $800.00 to do the same thing with her in The Private Room.

I suspect once you get into The Private Room she tries to talk you into buying a timeshare down in Boca.
posted by bondcliff at 8:33 AM on November 26, 2008 [13 favorites]


She's not a girl who let's you touch
No no no no no no- maybe
She's well acquainted with the touchscreen and the UI
Like a neon ninja in a video arcade

The man in the booth with the rolls of twenties
In his money belt
Lusting with his eyes while his hands are busy
Paying overtime
A cheap impression of a life which he borrowed
With high interest from the National Bank

I need a withdrawal cause I'm running out
I really like you. What's your pin number?
I need a withdrawal cause I'm running out
Man's a superior ATM
Man's a superior ATM
Man's a superior ATM
Man's a superior ATM
Man's a superior ATM
Man's a superior ATM

Happiness is a warm ATM
(Cash Cash Spend Spend)
Happiness is a warm ATM, Momma
(Cash Cash Spend Spend)
When I swipe my debit card in your slot
(Ooooooooohhh, oh yeah!)
And when I punch my number on your touchscreen
I know everybody has their price
Because happiness is a warm ATM, momma
(Cash Cash Spend Spend)
Happiness is a warm ATM
(Cash Cash Spend Spend)
-Yes it is, it's a warm ATM!
(Cash Cash Spend Spend)
Happiness is a warm, yes it is...
AT-MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
(And don't call it an "ATM machine")
Well don't ya know that happiness is a warm ATM, Momma?
(Cash Cash Spend Spend)
Yeeeaahhh!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:37 AM on November 26, 2008 [14 favorites]


I suspect once you get into The Private Room she tries to talk you into buying a timeshare down in Boca.

Well, we know what won't happen.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:43 AM on November 26, 2008


The one time I've ever paid for a lapdance it was actually for one of my friends, not myself. The stripper had found out that one of my friends had never been to a strip club before and said, "You can't let him leave here without a lapdance, can you?" I think she recognized that none of us would have bought one for ourselves but were willing to chip in for Jon. For the rest of the night, Jon, who is borderline Aspbergers, would be quiet for awhile and then appropriate of nothing exclaim, "she was showing me... everything!" We kept forgetting he was there he was so quiet, and then, ding! "she was showing me... everything!" I really think we blew his mind.

Later, another stripper actually had to make conversation with us due to a timing slip up - she had to stay by the stage until someone else showed up but her replacement was fiddling with the stereo. She said, "My name is... Trouble." And I said, "Your parents have an odd sense of humor. But at least they didn't name you Trouble Junior, because that is a terrible name."

That might be the only thing I've ever done in a strip club I'm not even remotely embarrassed about.
posted by Kiablokirk at 8:43 AM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]


Also, I think that "The Warm ATM" could be a great follow-up to "The Selfish Gene". And I'm only halfway kidding.
posted by Kiablokirk at 9:07 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Later, another stripper actually had to make conversation with us due to a timing slip up - she had to stay by the stage until someone else showed up but her replacement was fiddling with the stereo.

Nothing happens by accident in a strip club. Strippers don't have to do anything, except make you believe conversations happen by 'accident'.
posted by Dennis Murphy at 9:13 AM on November 26, 2008


So, 22 comments in and not a one reply from someone *paying* for a lap dance who's trying to seriously convey why they would do so. Why am I not surprised?

1. It's safe.
2. It's a beautiful woman (usually, I presume male strippers give lap dances too).
3. They get naked and grind you, sometimes much more.
4. Chances are you are drunk.

Let's be honest, if you went to a club and some lady in a bikini did this to you for free, you'd probably be thrilled. The money is of course the bite of it all but, unless you enjoy nature walks, you're probably paying for your pleasures anyways.

I haven't done it in years, and sure, there were times when I left feeling ripped off, but as long as you're not kidding yourself about where it's all leading, where's the harm?
posted by stinkycheese at 9:19 AM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


Isn't lap dancing just dry humping? I stopped dry humping when I started to do the more advanced version. I call it wet humping.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:38 AM on November 26, 2008 [7 favorites]


...spending $800.00 to do the same thing with her in The Private Room...

Is that seriously what it costs? *boggle*
posted by DU at 9:42 AM on November 26, 2008


I wholeheartedly feel that going to the rippers SUCKS. You pay double for your drinks. Unless you're in a real seedy joint, you ain't going home with the lady. And if you do and she's willing to, what new "friends" will you be picking up? Many of these places are full of a) frat boys b) old dirty men. Not to mention there's always that one friend at the bachelor party who you look at just a bit differently after watching him get lap dance after lap dance.
posted by gman at 9:44 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Wow, men are cheap. I mean, male strippers are cheap. I went to a strip club for my bachelorette party, and a lap dance was $20.
posted by desjardins at 9:45 AM on November 26, 2008


I turned 18 in Georgia (Fort Gordon, new recruit, Army). At that time, drinking and strip joints were legal if you were 18 (compared to 21 in my home state), so I spent some time in strip joints in Augusta, GA. What was fun was that I got to be a regular, and I'm a very polite, honest, and honest-looking person, so the strippers would all hand me their clothes as they undressed, and they also allowed me to bring in my own vodka as long as I wasn't obvious about it. The DJs even gave me a nickname, apparently because I was so charming: Don Juan Junior. (I was pretty little, and only 18.) In other words, instead of being an average run-of-the-mill sucker, I became an ELITE sucker. I was generous with my dollars and bought a few lapdances here and there. Sometimes the strippers would hand me money to give them, if no one else was paying: then the other dudes would see a hot chick doing her thing on my lap and THEY would then want a dance too, except for them, they'd be the ones paying. Oh yeah, the strippers, because they all got to know and like me, let me be a LOT more free with my hands than the average customer.

I always knew there'd be no sex involved (although I gave it a try more than once), but I had extraordinary amounts of fun anyway, and because of my 'connections', it was actually somewhat cost-effective. And whenever there were problems, I was an extra hand to help out.

Harmless fun, for the most part. The strippers made great money too, so it's not like they were enslaved or underpaid or anything. It seemed like a happy business with mostly happy customers.
posted by jamstigator at 9:45 AM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


Oh, I personally have never ever bought a lapdance for myself. The only time I go to stripclubs is on a dare. And did I mention that I do not own a television?
posted by Dirjy at 9:52 AM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]


Do you get extra Dirjy if someone double dares you?
posted by gman at 9:59 AM on November 26, 2008


boo_radley : A governing organization for lap dances? Eeessh.

You don't think this is brilliant? I mean, you are now in the government and you are tasked with coming up with a new investigative body. You could look into the cleanliness of street vendors, or hazardous material handling practices of exterminators, but wait... you suddenly have an idea... and it's a good one.

Lapdances.

As an agent of your government, you are going to get paid to sit around and "study" professionals in the field of stripping.

You are the most clever person in the world and the envy of every other agency who didn't ever even think to try to pull this off.
posted by quin at 10:00 AM on November 26, 2008 [7 favorites]


Isn't lap dancing just dry humping?

Nope. And your parents won't walk in on you either.
posted by stinkycheese at 10:08 AM on November 26, 2008


I think I've had two lapdances before. I didn't enjoy either of them.

The first was on a business trip to Vegas. I worked in a two-person law firm and my boss learned that I had never been to a strip club even though I was in my mid-thirties. He insisted we go to a top strip club and spent hundreds of dollars on lap dances for me. The girl was a beautiful Russian woman paying her way through college. Although it was interesting to just talk to the girl, the fact that I knew that this was for money destroyed the sexual side of it for me.

My boss then maxed out the Firm's credit card when we were supposed to get the girls drinks and turned to me. I had to drain my account to cover his adventure.

The second time, I have been told, was at my friend's bachelor party when I fell asleep at the second strip club we went to. My friend told me they bought a lap dance for me while I was sleeping. I can see how that was funny for them.

So both times I really felt nothing.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:13 AM on November 26, 2008


Quin,

"Governing organization" does not necessarily mean an instrument of the Government. Professional associations, like the American Psychological Association, are governing bodies.
posted by Hypnotic Chick at 10:18 AM on November 26, 2008


The girl was a beautiful Russian woman paying her way through college.

BS

My friend told me they bought a lap dance for me while I was sleeping.

Double BS.
posted by DU at 10:29 AM on November 26, 2008


there are also some patrons (men primarily) for whom it is a distinct turn-on to pay for...services. there are a variety of reasons for this, and in some cases it is nearly a fetish.

or so I hear.
posted by supermedusa at 10:33 AM on November 26, 2008


The money is of course the bite of it all but, unless you enjoy nature walks, you're probably paying for your pleasures anyways.

I enjoy nature walks.

But what's that NSFW link that's supposedly actually SFW? "This video is not available in your country."
posted by pracowity at 10:40 AM on November 26, 2008


[M]ale strippers are cheap. I went to a strip club for my bachelorette party, and a lap dance was $20.

That's typical for a girl lap dance, too. But it's like $40 per song in the more private "Champagne Room" -- where men are actively herded, inticed by the promise of greater intimacy and the implicit opportunity for sexual escalation. If they can get the guy to lose track of time, it can turn into hundreds quickly.

And then some guys get into a mode of buying the girl things, jewelry and shoes, giving her money, paying her rent, her car payment, her bills, etc. -- basically treating her like a surrogate girlfriend or mistress, rarely getting more than (wholly faked) attention. That can run into the thousands. Tens of thousands.

Strip clubs are like a twisted, diseased characature of dating in microcosm. The only value the women have to the men is their beauty; the only value the men have to the women is their money.
posted by LordSludge at 11:00 AM on November 26, 2008


They hate you, by the way. They really like your cash. You are merely a warm ATM.

I'm sure that some do, and some don't. I think that for the women to hate you, they would have to feel that their work was demeaning. Does stripping have to be demeaning? I don't think so. Horniness doesn't always bring out guys' best sides, but then again, it doesn't always turn us into misogynistic rapists, either.

But I have no illusions about the second part of what you say; it's definitely about the benjis. Then again, the same thing is true of my mechanic, and that doesn't get me bent out of shape.
posted by Edgewise at 11:04 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Some friends of mine went to college in western MA. There's a strip club out there--okay, not even a strip club; let's call it a nudie dive bar--where the dancers are all very, very high on the girl-next-door hotness scale. Cheap beer, too. I go up there when they make the trip, but it's more about getting buzzed at the Nines and blitzed at the bar with a few guys to jaw with and a pocket full of singles to keep the bouncers at bay. So yeah, alcohol and leisure, if you ask me.

For the guys who get lap dances, though, I can tell you, hands-down, bar none, it is because they want to be really, really close to hot, naked, strange women. Repeatedly. All night.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:07 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Protip: If you get a lapdance, do not wear denim jeans. Seriously.
posted by Talanvor at 11:34 AM on November 26, 2008


You are merely a warm lonely desperate ATM

Well, I'm warm. I'm not lonely, I usually go the strip bar with my wife, and I'm certainly not desperate.

I've greatly enjoyed the lap dances I've paid for. And yeah it's too much money, that's why it's a luxury.

As for paying double for your drinks. Go to Portland, Oregon. Beer's cheap in the strip bars there.

In college, I was friends with a couple girls who paid their way by stripping. They both told me that they don't hate you if you're not a jerk. They despaired for the future of the male sex from time to time, but that's normal.

I am paying for the illusion of sexuality with no consequence. These ladies are providing that illusion temporarily. I'm comfortable with that exchange and I hope they are too.
posted by lumpenprole at 11:35 AM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]


Strip clubs are like a twisted, diseased characature[sic] of dating in microcosm. The only value the women have to the men is their beauty; the only value the men have to the women is their money.

No, it's more of a reduction of the whole dating dynamic to one rule that is very simple and easy for men to understand. "The women want my money. They will pretend that they really, really want to have sex with me in exchange for my money."

I like to call it "the Illusion." I go to strip clubs to turn off my brain and buy into the Illusion for awhile. There's no uncertainty or doubt. You don't have to make small talk or try to read body language or any of that crap. It's about money, pure and simple.

It is not twisted or diseased. Indeed, it is a hell of a lot more honest and genuine than most "dating scenes." Strippers are not only hot nekkid women, they are women who's behavior and actions make sense.

Also, if anyone decides to go try out a lap dance for themselves, I have this recommendation: get one from a dancer with small tits. Large-breasted strippers are lazy--they think their big tits are enough. (Those with fake big tits are the worst.) Small-breasted strippers work harder for their money.

And while there is no sex in the champagne room, there can be lots of physical contact. Remember to take your glasses off.
Oh, and for all the horrified wives and girlfriends out there--a strip club is the best place for your man to go. It is the only kind of bar where there is a ZERO-percent chance of him getting laid. Seriously, it's more likely that a guy will get lucky at church than at a strip club.

Let 'em go. Just take their credit cards before they leave.
posted by pi3832 at 11:39 AM on November 26, 2008 [4 favorites]


Well, I took so long to finish this that some more rational males have posted, so maybe shouldn't add my comments...what the hell.

90 min. ago...

OMG, neo-fite here, but this is the most hilarious thread I've read on MF. There must be some demographic wizardry which prevents anyone who willingly visits a strip club from joining MF and vice versa. Oh yeah, and nobody here is like the "regular" customers. And the dancers "really" liked you because you weren't like the "other" guys.

Okay.... uhmmm..

Self-delude much, dudes.

Not to pick on anyone in particular, but this line pretty much encapsulates what I am referring to:
"Although it was interesting to just talk to the girl, the fact that I knew that this was for money destroyed the sexual side of it for me."

Guess what, pantywaist? There is no sexual side, that's all on you, dealing with guilt cause mommy made you feel bad for masturbating, or some other such crap. Dudes(and some ladies) are laying down a buck or two so the young woman will shake her bidness in his face. Case closed.
Okay, sorry about that pantywaist remark, I was just going with the flow. Seriously, fellas. Let yourselves off the hook, we likey look at woman body ... giggle giggle....

If you insist on turning a trip to a strip club into an intellectual exercise, remind me never to go to a strip club with you.

And, yes, a Brad Pitt clone with $1 would get ignored next to the Elephant Man with $200. It's a business, don't take it personally. The dancers don't.

Oh, and to the "I don't need to pay for it crowd"... try picking up women with the ever popular, "I'm broke, I'm unemployed and I don't have a car." line. I am sure your charm and natural charisma will get you to the promised land. (Actually, this can work well in various regions of Bohemia)
Besides, even after several dates and even a wedding, few woman are willing or able to slide down a pole naked, upside-down, ankles east and west, smiling.
posted by secondhand at 11:43 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


There is no sexual side...the young woman will shake her bidness in his face...

Um.
posted by DU at 11:56 AM on November 26, 2008


You need to lay off the coffee, secondhand. Or whatever it is you're taking.
posted by Caduceus at 11:58 AM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


a strip club is the best place for your man to go. It is the only kind of bar where there is a ZERO-percent chance of him getting laid. Seriously, it's more likely that a guy will get lucky at church than at a strip club.

Wow. One of us has been to some REALLY crazy churches.

Maybe this is an L.A. thing. But I've been to a club a few times and there was MOST DEFINITELY a lot higher than zero percent chance of getting laid.

I suspect clubs are like everything else on the planet; mileage varies. Some clubs are probably nothing but air dances. Some clubs are probably brothels. Most are in between. Why the need for false generalizations like "it is the only kind of bar where there is a ZERO percent chance of him getting laid". It just ain't so.

Anyway, I've lost a shitload of money on my so-called investments in my IRA and so forth in the last year. I would have been better off taking it all to a strip joint and buying dances and coke. At least I would have gotten some return on my investments that way, instead of the money just disappearing into a giant black hole of suckitude,

What do guys get from buying lap dances? More than buying stocks, apparently.
posted by Justinian at 12:01 PM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


Also: boyzone. amirite.
posted by naju at 12:01 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Also, if you're curious what the ladies who do this think, there's a million blogs written by them, something this post needs more of. Here's a good one:

http://graceundressed.blogspot.com/

Plus the classic stripper faq
posted by lumpenprole at 12:01 PM on November 26, 2008


Nope. And your parents won't walk in on you either.

You don't know my parents.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:09 PM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


1. It's safe.
2. It's a beautiful woman (usually, I presume male strippers give lap dances too).
3. They get naked and grind you, sometimes much more.
4. Chances are you are drunk.


In Seattle, the first two are possible and the last two are untrue.

Also, strippers are always paying their way through college.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:12 PM on November 26, 2008


Protip: If you get a lapdance, do not wear denim jeans.

I tend to prefer silk leggings.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:14 PM on November 26, 2008


naju - Prepare to be called out on that.

humpenapole
- paying for the "illusion of sexuality" is desperation is my mind. And with "no consequence"? For you, maybe.

secondhand - I scored far more ladies when I was traveling the world on $300 a month looking like a ragamuffin for 6 years, than I do now as a successful bid-nez-man.
posted by gman at 12:29 PM on November 26, 2008


There's a lot of misinformation in this thread, a lot of posters assuming that their local strip club represents clubs the world over. As Justinian said, YMMV.

I am in the Golden Horseshoe. Here at least, there *is* usually a great difference in 'the menu' once you are in a more private area (Champagne Room, whatever). I have been offered penetrative sex (as opposed to a HJ or a BJ) for $150 Canadian. I did not accept the offer BTW.

This most definitely happens.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:39 PM on November 26, 2008


Secondhand: I sort of agree with your points but ease up on the "pantywaist" put downs. Some guys just don't like the strip club milieu and who can blame them? Next time you're in a strip club take a good look at the other patrons rather than the boobs. More like boil-zone, amirite?

In my very widespread (not a pun) travels I have seen a huge variety of clubs, rules, and levels of interaction between dancers and dudes, even on different nights at the same place. The question this UK legal debate is asking seems to be: "Are lapdances so much like sex acts that they need to be regulated as such."

This should be answered by strippers and researchers who can tell us whether the legal gray area is being used for women to make more money by selectively allowing extra-curricular activities off the radar, or if it is being used by club owners to force women to do more than they'd like to. I have known some dancers who quit places because the owners were pressuring them to give HJs in the back room, so it does happen. But on the whole I think most would rather continue to act as if it's just visual, and keep the tactile entertainment option open.

PS: Stripperweb is good reading.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:02 PM on November 26, 2008


Is this where I go to lose respect for everyone?
posted by electroboy at 1:21 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


I find the social dynamic of a strip club pretty interesting. It is one of the few places in our society where relations between the sexes are guided by an ironclad and well understood set of rules. Men pay money, strippers give attention in exchange for money. I do think that part of the appeal is that the rules are known, there's no ambiguity.

Yes, there are some people who delude themselves into thinking that there's more than that going on, that somehow they're special, that the strippers really do like them, but I don't think its especially common. Everyone knows that its all about the money. A man gives the stripper money, in exchange she pays attention to him and gives him a nice look at her stuff.

There's also the complete inversion of the normal rules regarding looking. In the real world its not merely impolite but downright creepy to stare at a woman's crotch of breasts. In the strip club its the accepted and encouraged behavior. Its interesting to watch men in strip clubs adapt to the non-realworld dynamic. You'll often see men staring, realize that they're staring and look away with that "damn, I don't want to look like a creep" kind of expression. Then they remember "hey, its a strip club!" and start looking again.

Mind, I don't go to strip clubs for the interesting social dynamics, though I do consider that to be a nice side benefit. I go to strip clubs to look at pretty women dance without their clothes on, its quite pleasant.

As far as overpriced drinks go, I don't drink so I don't know prices. I do know that at the nude bar in my city tap beer is free, they hand you a giant Styrofoam cup when you pay your cover and there are taps spaced all over the club, serve yourself.
posted by sotonohito at 1:21 PM on November 26, 2008


Oh, and for all the horrified wives and girlfriends out there--a strip club is the best place for your man to go.


Well, not always "the best place for your man to go", surely pi3832?

A strip club would obviously be a totally stupid place for your man to go to if, say, you wanted him to pick up some new vacuum cleaner bags.

From the rest of your comment, I think you meant to write: "a strip club is the best place for your man to go if he suddenly wants to have sex with someone else and you'd really, really rather he didn't actually do that" right?
posted by Jody Tresidder at 1:28 PM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]


they hand you a giant Styrofoam cup when you pay your cover and there are taps spaced all over the club, serve yourself.

Wwwhat...where is this, heaven?

crotch of breasts

Oh my. Nevermind, I'll stick with my earthly establishments!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:30 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Is this where I go to lose respect for everyone?

I dunno, is it?

I like threads like this. It gives you insight into subcultures or whatever that you usually aren't exposed to. Or, if you're in that subculture, it lets you give insight into the subculture to people who might not otherwise be exposed to it.

So I look at this thread as kind of like a steampunk thread, only less full of desperate self-delusion.
posted by Justinian at 1:42 PM on November 26, 2008 [9 favorites]


This should be answered by strippers and researchers who can tell us whether the legal gray area is being used for women to make more money by selectively allowing extra-curricular activities off the radar, or if it is being used by club owners to force women to do more than they'd like to.

It's all inter-related, not only within the clubs (lap dancers present in a club economically force other strippers to consider lap dancing) but within the industry overall (high-end prostitutes annoyed by sex available at super-cheap massage parlours). It's often the same people (or disgusting losers, in the parlance of this thread) spending their money, after all.

If you're really interested, I suggest you try an escort review board (Toronto's is TERB) - these boards usually run the gamut from strip club to prostitution and will usually allow escorts themselves to contribute to threads. Spend some time lurking and you may be surprised by how forthcoming posters to such sites are.
posted by stinkycheese at 1:45 PM on November 26, 2008


I could care less about lap dancing but really like the word "phwoar", from my long ago Viz reading days.

A friend gave me some Viz comics, but I didn't pay for them. And I found the whole experience degrading, really.
posted by benzenedream at 1:45 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


I find the social dynamic of a strip club pretty interesting.

They really are! I've guess I've seen enough boobies in my day that the girls are sorta meh for the most part. It's fun to people watch, see how the girls control the guys, and see how so many social rules are broken. Never mind the removal of clothing -- just the idea of a pretty girl prancing up to a strange guy, plopping herself in his lap, and saying "Hey, cutie, what's YOUR name?" is pretty absurd!

Yes, there are some people who delude themselves into thinking that there's more than that going on, that somehow they're special, that the strippers really do like them, but I don't think its especially common.

No, it's super common. Strippers, at least the ones I know, rely on this for the real money. "Baby, I miss you. I really need to see you... Can you meet me at 'the club' tomorrow night?" (and bring your Visa!)

Everyone knows that its all about the money. A man gives the stripper money, in exchange she pays attention to him and gives him a nice look at her stuff.

There's so much more going on. Strippers are so good at throwing off false body language cues, fake subverbal signs of attraction to make the guy think she's really into him... it's like lying on a non-verbal level. Kinda skeeves me out, honestly -- they're saying, on a primal level, "I want you, I need you, I love you", when you KNOW it's not true...

It's fun to mess with 'em sometimes, just sorta call out the bullshit in playful way: "You want to get to know me? Hey, great! I'm a friendly guy. Let's get ice cream tomorrow night." with an innocent, excited on your face. Then watch 'em struggle to get back on script... hehe
posted by LordSludge at 1:57 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


So I look at this thread as kind of like a steampunk thread, only less full of desperate self-delusion.

You think less? I put the odds about the same as mechanical computers and blimp transport as I do the barely legal schoolgirls showing any interest in most strip club patrons outside of an actual strip club.

I've been to strip clubs a few times and it's always a pretty similar experience. For the first few minutes I'm like "Whoa, naked chicks everywhere" and that's kinda nice, but then that fades after it sets in that it's naked chicks hassling you to buy them drinks in a roomful of creepy dudes.

I suppose you're right though, I don't really get anime conventions either.
posted by electroboy at 1:59 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


You know that waitress you tipped at that restaurant? She was there for the money too.
posted by stinkycheese at 2:03 PM on November 26, 2008


Pshhh shows what YOU know. She really liked me which is why she giggled when I ordered in my hilarious fake British accent! I'm going back tomorrow to try and get up the courage to ask when she gets off work.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:08 PM on November 26, 2008


Wear your fedora! Girls LOVE that shit.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:21 PM on November 26, 2008


Potomac: Make sure you wear your fedora. It makes you look quirky yet suave.
posted by Justinian at 2:22 PM on November 26, 2008


jerk.
posted by Justinian at 2:22 PM on November 26, 2008


Heh.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:25 PM on November 26, 2008


humpenapole - paying for the "illusion of sexuality" is desperation is my mind. And with "no consequence"? For you, maybe.

Yeah, that was hilarious the way you made fun of my username. Really backed up your point, too.

And yes, for me. That's why I'm paying for it you friggin' idiot. As I pointed out, I understand it's not providing the illusion for the stripper. I have had more than one friend who stripped, among other sex work. I get the deal. I am okay with the deal. If you are not, that's fine, but trying to put everyone who is into the 'deluded idiot' box is wrong and patronizing.

In other words. I know strippers. I worked with strippers. You sir, are no stripper.
posted by lumpenprole at 2:41 PM on November 26, 2008


It is the only kind of bar where there is a ZERO-percent chance of him getting laid.

Not my thing, but I have been along on "expensed" business dinners that ended up with a big pile of pre-paid polyester Monopoly 20s for lap dances, stacked in the middle of table.

I kept one as souvenir, and ended up giving it to my cute and gregarious nephew, who was visiting me, on his 21st birthday. And guess what, he went over there and somehow closed the deal, and didn't come back until the next morning.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:54 PM on November 26, 2008


Also, if anyone decides to go try out a lap dance for themselves, I have this recommendation: get one from a dancer with small tits. Large-breasted strippers are lazy--they think their big tits are enough. (Those with fake big tits are the worst.) Small-breasted strippers work harder for their money.

See, the problem with saying things like this out loud on the internet is that now when I ask "what is a good vegan dog-food cookbook" in AskMefi and you give me a great answer, all I will be able to think is, "Oh no, here is that person who recommends that I seek out small-titted strippers because the big-titted ones are lazy!"
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 3:55 PM on November 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


Serves you right for looking for vegan dog-food cookbooks.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:23 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


‘Here's 50 bucks, take this in case I get drunk and call you a bitch later.’

I really hate strip clubs. Matter of personal taste, not a comment on anything someone else does. Just my own thing. I really hate beets as well. Puke if I ate ‘em. Not even allergic.

I have gotten dragged to a strip club by some of my buddies. I’ve run with different groups, kind of funny how people are if they’re attached. I’ve told my wife straight up “See you late tonight hon, we’re going to a strip club. Birthday thing.”
I also really hate Las Vegas.

Natually, I was dragged to a strip club, in Vegas. So I’m sitting there with a clown nose on (y’know, the big red nose) and my ammo casing belt on (only later struck me that Jesse Ventura told a similar story on t.v.) playing Tetris and this stripper comes over and talks to me. Later I figure out she’s looking for a boyfriend to be the muscle sort of thing. Ugh.

Only time I enjoyed a lap dance was tripping on acid in this backwater hell hole (why do those cities always have the most plush nightclubs?) I’d been meditating all day and I asked the stripper what the most profound thing she knows was.
She said she couldn’t tell me that. I said that was a very Taoist sentiment. So as we got into a deep conversation on the nature of being her hips stopped and I had all her attention.
Almost better than sex. I felt like I’d seduced her. And I made it totally clear I was celebate (which I was at the time, lasted a two years) and even if I could, we wouldn’t be having sex.

End of the night we’re drinking and discussing the nature of things and the crowd of strippers around me is getting bigger and bigger and people are getting pissed off. Etc. My crew is looking for me. The manager is pissed off. The patrons are pissed off. Suffice it to say, enough things happened to maybe make the papers the next day. Last thing I remember (besides the hallucinations) was one of the strippers saying “Don’t hit him! I think he’s a holy man!”
posted by Smedleyman at 4:24 PM on November 26, 2008 [17 favorites]


It's okay to not like strip clubs. It's okay to not understand the appeal, or to intellectually understand the appeal but not find the strip club itself appealing. But, geez everyone, stop thinking you are bringing a huge revelation to a contingent of imbecilic strip club patrons in this thread when you explain over and over that the stripper is not going to have sex with you in the strip club so what's the point. There is nobody here suffering under that delusion except the strawman getting a misleading lapdance in the strip club of your imagination.

This wildly underrated comment from a previous thread nails it exactly, in three sentences.
posted by churl at 4:47 PM on November 26, 2008


See, the problem with saying things like this out loud on the internet is that now when I ask "what is a good vegan dog-food cookbook" in AskMefi and you give me a great answer, all I will be able to think is, "Oh no, here is that person who recommends that I seek out small-titted strippers because the big-titted ones are lazy!"

Just because you aren't going to use it, that doesn't mean it isn't good advice.

And I thought vegans didn't eat dog?
posted by pi3832 at 6:31 PM on November 26, 2008


A male friend of mine once got a lapdance at some friend's bachelor party and it sorta blew my mind how he couldn't stop going on the next day about how she had told him that he was cute. Like he honestly thought she meant it and it had nothing to do with the fact she works in a service industry where that sort of thing is pretty much required. Go figure.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 7:54 PM on November 26, 2008


I remember reading once that before women became more common in the business world, 80% of all business meetings with out of town clients were conducted in a strip club.

Also if you tip big you can get a hand job at O'Farrell for about $250 in the private booth...uh...I mean that's what I heard....

{whistles nervously}</small?
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 8:19 PM on November 26, 2008


Astro Zombie: "Isn't lap dancing just dry humping? I stopped dry humping when I started to do the more advanced version. I call it wet humping."

Is that a roundabout way of telling us not to sell short on Jergens futures?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:27 PM on November 26, 2008


As for paying double for your drinks. Go to Portland, Oregon. Beer's cheap in the strip bars there.
posted by lumpenprole at 2:35 PM on November 26


Beer's free in Pittsburgh strip bars that go full nude. Law prohibits selling alcohol where there's nudity. You pay $1 for the cup, but it can be used all night. Oh, and if you enter before the evening rush - say, 3pm - there's no cover.

The beers are all cheapo American mostly-water brands, of course. But free.

(Don't forget to tip the bartender. She isn't working for the resume experience.)
posted by IAmBroom at 10:51 PM on November 26, 2008


I remember when a friend of mine told us he was falling in love with a stripper... whom he'd never been outside the club with. Our reaction was so visceral he immediately shut down and said "I knew you were the wrong guys to tell about this." It made me pretty sad.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:43 PM on November 26, 2008


I don't know why, but I love Smedleyman's story. Faved.
posted by jackiemcghee at 5:45 AM on November 27, 2008


Beer's free in Pittsburgh strip bars that go full nude. Law prohibits selling alcohol where there's nudity.

There's a similar law in Connecticut. If alcohol is served, they can strip to a g-string, but if it's full-nude, then no booze. I do not understand the logic at work. "Drunken men can handle boobies and thong butts, but if they get a glimpse of muff, all hell's gonna break loose!"
posted by jonmc at 6:36 AM on November 27, 2008


Also if you tip big you can get a hand job at O'Farrell for about $250 in the private booth...uh...I mean that's what I heard....

$250?! You do realize that you could get a full GFE for 2 hours for that kind of money? Or five awesome lap dances?

If you want a prostitute, hire a prostitute. Don't go to a strip club.
posted by pi3832 at 7:21 AM on November 27, 2008




I have worked as a bartender at a few strip-clubs (if you are woman and don't want to get hassled much working the bar, work in a place where other women are getting naked).
The second reply here nailed it:
They hate you, by the way. They really like your cash. You are merely a warm ATM.

If they act like they don't mind being with you because you are interesting, or nice, or funny, it is simply because you are a lesser of two evils - they hang out with the guy who is being less of a dick than the drunk macho grabber. But you are still a dick.

And almost every stripper will tell you she is doing this to get herself through university/college. Occassionally it is true. Most of the time it is not. She says that because for some reason stripping to pay your way through college is acceptable, stripping because it pays good money and you like earning good money is not.

But, none of this means you can't enjoy your night in a lap-dancing club. If you like watching naked ladies doing their best to look good naked and it doesn't leave you frustrated, all power to you. And anyway, marines have to have somewhere to spend all that cash that is burning a hole in their pocket on shore leave.

(And that is not a pay-out on US Marines - they were always the nicest, politest guys I ever encountered working in clubs of any kind. And they tip really well.)
posted by Megami at 3:51 PM on November 27, 2008


The marriage contract, for 1.20 minutes.

Really, I don't anyone is being duped here - all parties get what they "pay" for. I'm not being cynical (well, maybe a bit), I'm just saying, is anyone a victim here?
posted by SoFlo1 at 5:16 PM on November 27, 2008


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