There must have been some magic in clean coal technology

December 15, 2008 5:36 PM

Just in time for Christmas, the American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity brings you the Clean Coal Carolers! Their repertoire includes such classics as Frosty the Coal Man, Deck the Halls (with Clean Coal), Clean Coal Night, and Oh Technology. Of course, the Scrooge-like bosses of the ACCCE, suffering from an incredible lack of Christmas spirit, took the Carolers off their website only a couple of days after they were posted — but thanks to the magic of YouTube, you can still revel in the festive sounds of the season.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find their reworkings of "Adeste Fideles" or "Jingle Bells" online. Some things, alas, may be lost to the ages.

Yes, I heard about this on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Wanna make something of it?

posted by Johnny Assay (19 comments total)

They're like little singing turds. Turds that power America!

*holds two opposing viewpoints about coal usage in one mind; head remains unexploded*
posted by Burhanistan at 5:54 PM on December 15, 2008

Too bad "clean coal" is an impossibility.
posted by auralcoral at 6:03 PM on December 15, 2008

I'm dreaming of a dark grey Christmas!
posted by whatjusthappened at 6:05 PM on December 15, 2008

Coal! It's what's for dinner!
posted by The Whelk at 6:17 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

So terrible it is amusing. Deserves a second life on a South Park episode.
posted by buzzman at 6:29 PM on December 15, 2008

Digging through the snow
On a blue ridge mountaintop,
For a little coal
The scenery we'll swap (ha ha ha).
Birds and bobcats flee,
Habitat now tight.
What fun-- to trash our legacy
For a ton of anthracite!

Oh, SO2, CO2,
Scrub 'em when we may
Oh what fun to gassify
Impurities away, hey!
Energy policy
Lobbyists' delight
Nature, health, and decency
For a ton of anthracite.
posted by The White Hat at 6:40 PM on December 15, 2008 [6 favorites]

Needs more lignite.
posted by mandal at 6:42 PM on December 15, 2008

A "Coal man" sounds like a thing out of a horror movie.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 6:58 PM on December 15, 2008

I'm so proud that my city's new arena will be named after the largest coal company in the country.
posted by octothorpe at 7:09 PM on December 15, 2008

What if the power to sustain the world was right inside a mountain?
posted by snofoam at 7:17 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

Too bad "clean coal" is an impossibility.

An impossibility, or just something that is not currently feasible with today's technologies? It certainly seems possible to me in the abstract. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw some program on a pilot program in Germany in which they'd scrub out the pollutants, and then pump the CO₂ deep under the Earth, thereby sequestering it.

It did cost nearly twice the price of "dirty" coal energy, but it was expected to decrease in price based on economy of scale. That, and it had about as much environmental impact as solar.
posted by explosion at 8:21 PM on December 15, 2008

My friend has a pool.
posted by ryanrs at 8:27 PM on December 15, 2008

Too bad "clean coal" is an impossibility.

Clean coal is totally possible, and easy. Simply refine the uranium impurities out of your coal and use them to power your nuclear reactor. Next, uh, put the coal back in the groudn.
posted by b1tr0t at 9:24 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

explosion, I don't think it does.

Also, electricity comes from the walls of my apartment.
posted by scruss at 3:44 AM on December 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

This reminds me of a billboard I saw while driving through West Virginia last month. It touted "Clean, Carbon Neutral Coal." Definitely an lol wut moment...
posted by brandman at 5:35 AM on December 16, 2008

Rachel Maddow's coverage of this was particularly funny, where she reacts with utter incredulity to the fact that they converted Silent Night into a clean-coal commercial jingle, saying, "Where are all those 'War on Christmas' people when you need them?!"

The ACCCE pulled it, saying:

"MSNBC Rachel Maddow, for example, didn't like the the use of 'Silent Night' in our original group of songs. I'll put my years as a Sunday school teacher, church deacon and church musician up against just about anybody else when it comes to understanding hymnology and respect for religious traditions.

"That said, before we even received one response to our blog, we decided to remove the 'Silent Night' tune from the Clean Coal Caroler feature. That's not to say that we agree with Rachel Maddow's claim that it was inappropriate. It is merely a recognition that the facts of promoting energy independence, keeping energy costs affordable and investing in new technologies to make coal an even cleaner energy option is so important, we don't want there to be any impediment for getting that message out.

"But remember that this cuts both ways. So you might want to be sure that we'll make our list and check it twice for things we might find offensive too."

posted by WCityMike at 11:15 AM on December 16, 2008

Lots of corporate blogs do that. Here's "Xerpi, My Home Page..."
posted by destinyland at 1:14 PM on December 17, 2008

How about "I'm Dreaming of an Ash Christmas"?

Spill at Tennessee Coal Plant Creates Environmental Disaster

Coal Ash Is More Radioactive than Nuclear Waste

Fuck.
posted by homunculus at 9:26 AM on December 24, 2008

Coal Front Group Sets Up Dirty ‘Blogger Brigade’ To Fight Reality
posted by homunculus at 1:20 PM on December 24, 2008