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Grooming Gone Wrong.
December 23, 2008 4:33 PM   Subscribe


 
This is why poodles are nasty, bad tempered dogs who will randomly bite you.
posted by Artw at 4:40 PM on December 23, 2008 [10 favorites]


The look on that dog's face is a silent, yet frantic, "I live at 55467 North Cyress Terrace... please come and get me...PLEASE."
posted by lottie at 4:46 PM on December 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


It's all about the owner and their selection of breed speaks volumes.
posted by gman at 4:47 PM on December 23, 2008


If I was one of those dogs, I would go for the throat ....
posted by HuronBob at 4:50 PM on December 23, 2008


This is both kinds: sick and wrong.
posted by maxwelton at 4:51 PM on December 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


It took me about half the page before I realized it was the same woman torturing the same dog. Repeatedly. Jesus.
posted by piratebowling at 4:52 PM on December 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


A few references to products that wash out encouraged me to believe that common sense is involved in the thought process that leads to such canine visual confections.

However, the idea that Elmer's glue washes out--maybe it does, but that can't be simple or brief, as grooming goes. Perhaps the lady would like to try this wash-out tip (#7) on the dog. Might want to wear the welder's gloves when she does...
posted by datawrangler at 4:56 PM on December 23, 2008


I had to hold my dog and tell him everything will be alright.
posted by munchingzombie at 5:00 PM on December 23, 2008 [3 favorites]


Wow, this is awesome. I would have never thought to airbrush a wicked bit of art on the side of a dog, but the 3-D effect of shaving odd bits and bobs as well is taking it to a whole other level.

This is like that woman with the ugly sweater collection, but ten times better because it's not ironic and silly but someone that loves something they do and is pushing boundaries doing it (like any other geek obsession).
posted by mathowie at 5:07 PM on December 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


This is why poodles are nasty, bad tempered dogs who will randomly bite you.

It's all about the owner and their selection of breed speaks volumes.


Look beyond the silly haircuts. Standard poodles are awesome dogs. Smart, hard-working, loyal and friendly.

Also, I'm not a big fan of this sort of thing but that Ninja Turtle look is awesome.
posted by lysistrata at 5:23 PM on December 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


That TMNT dog should have had a candid camera following it around town after the show/contest; the reaction shots would have been priceless.
posted by CKmtl at 5:25 PM on December 23, 2008


There are very special occasions that the word obscene is reserved for and this is one of them. That grooming is obscene.

Thanks for the fun I'm ashamed of having looking at those awful images.
posted by nickyskye at 5:30 PM on December 23, 2008


I like the cock.
posted by Maisie Jay at 5:32 PM on December 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


It took months of fund raising by the house cats of America to pay for these photoshoots.

These are great, though I think most dogs would hide under the bed once they saw the airbrush equipment being hauled out.

My favorite was the rooster/dog, especially the feet.
posted by Forktine at 5:45 PM on December 23, 2008


It would be kinder to declaw them.
posted by DU at 5:46 PM on December 23, 2008


That's animal abuse -- and I thought the Gothic kittens and this were evil enough...animals don't need that -- they are cute enough on their own...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 6:30 PM on December 23, 2008


This has been on my to-do list for a long time: get a Standard Poodle, give it the fancy-pantsiest foo-foo haircut imaginable, and train it for a protection sport like Schutzhund. "Fifi! Attaque!"
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 6:47 PM on December 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


You could never do that to a cat and live to tell.
posted by mike3k at 7:44 PM on December 23, 2008


And there I was with this cynical feeling that there really was no such magazine as Groomer To Groomer .

Never mind the any Barkleigh Awards.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 7:46 PM on December 23, 2008


Holy.

[cough]

Ho[cough]ly shIT.

What.
The.
Fuck.
Humanity?
posted by notsnot at 8:22 PM on December 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


I feel like a child-molester just putting a sweater on my dog, but... wow that TMNT haircut/airbrush/costume was fucking amazing!

PS - It's "schultzhund" and its even better with an 80s hair metal soundtrack.
posted by Panjandrum at 1:56 AM on December 24, 2008


Wait, disregard previous spelling correction, but reaffirm THE METAL!

Schutzhund also available in overly bombastic techno.
posted by Panjandrum at 2:02 AM on December 24, 2008


This is a particularly "good" back issue cover. Although, what the fuck?
posted by gman at 4:34 AM on December 24, 2008


Yes, Elmers glue washes out. I used to use it for that "Robert Smith" look back in the 80s. Food coloring and Jell-O can also be used as hair care products. (These kids today, with their Manic Panic. Why back in my day...)
posted by JoanArkham at 5:09 AM on December 24, 2008


Well, the hyena-dog is great, and the zebvra looks pretty decent, but... the dude in the background in blackface? Kind of ruins the Africa theme, you think?
posted by caution live frogs at 5:19 AM on December 24, 2008


the dude in the background in blackface? Kind of ruins the Africa theme, you think?

Oh shit. Well that's all kinds of messed up. Might as well have a bone through his nose.
posted by lysistrata at 5:22 AM on December 24, 2008


what a terrible woman. i wonder if she's single. i wonder what makes her tick. hmmmm....
posted by es_de_bah at 7:03 AM on December 24, 2008


That was offensive, and I don't think of dogs as being much more than really complex tools. Still, really offensive.
posted by oddman at 7:05 AM on December 24, 2008


Also, these people have seriously serious issues.
posted by oddman at 7:07 AM on December 24, 2008


I'd prefer the schutzhund for personal protection; my "Schultzhund" sees a burglar and does the "I see noth-ing!" bit.
posted by Standeck at 12:57 PM on December 24, 2008


Well, I wasn't expecting that.

Are these people on mushrooms?
posted by krinklyfig at 9:08 PM on December 24, 2008


Hey, you know what this means when designer DNA becomes accessible and affordable. The sort of domesticated dogs we have today are the result of many generations of careful breeding, and the results aren't always great. Soon, people will get whatever they want out of their selection of genes. We're going to end up with fucking peacock dogs and other ridiculous stuff, poodles with real camel humps instead of colored and shaped fur. Purse dogs, which will be dogs with large pouches written into their DNA, so insane women can buy them as fashion accessories and put their keys and change in them. And stuff will get lost in there, and you can see where this is going ...
posted by krinklyfig at 9:19 PM on December 24, 2008


Well, the hyena-dog is great, and the zebvra looks pretty decent, but... the dude in the background in blackface? Kind of ruins the Africa theme, you think?

Whoa. Man, there's all sorts of demented stuff going on here ... It's like a John Waters film.
posted by krinklyfig at 9:25 PM on December 24, 2008


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