Hooooray for YOOOOOU!

January 30, 2009 8:40 AM

I asked myself: If you purchased this cheering CD for yourself or for someone else, what would I want you or your friend to feel? The answer was easy. I'd want you to feel that you were known and that you were recognized. I'd want you to feel that you were valuable and deserving and that you are worthy. Worthy! Yes, you! You are unique, an original, one-of-a-kind! And you are not overlooked, you are not ignored,and you're not forgotten! "Don't stop now! You're almost there! We believe in you!" Another seemingly meant-to-be-taken-seriously gift from the makers of the Because of You CD, and "Piece of The Puzzle Affirmative Jewelry"
posted by kosem (40 comments total)

you are not overlooked, you are not ignored,and you're not forgotten

You are, however, a drain on my bank account with your constant need for prerecorded and engraved affirmations.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:43 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I play this every time I'm previewing a comment prior to posting.

Works like a charm.
posted by Joe Beese at 8:47 AM on January 30, 2009

Genius.
posted by aramaic at 8:56 AM on January 30, 2009

The overacting and drama in the TV commercial was hilarious.

I'm astonished that they'd put "Allow 2 to 4 weeks for delivery" on that ad. Most packages shipped by UPS make it in 2 to 5 days. If you're still running your business 1970s-style with 14 to 28 day delivery times, you might as well file bankruptcy.
posted by crapmatic at 8:57 AM on January 30, 2009

Is it just me, or would those puzzle pieces not fit together in sentence form? They all seem to have nubs on the ends, making for awkward reading. Apparently I need order more than I need cheering up.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:04 AM on January 30, 2009

The drab living room and obvious lack of life make "the finish line is closer than you think" sound kinda ominous. "Don't worry, you'll be dead soon! Pull the trigger! Make it happen!"
posted by DU at 9:18 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I AM / NOT A SNOWFLAKE
posted by Pronoiac at 9:19 AM on January 30, 2009

I came across the "Cheers to You" CD first, a few days ago, and got a laugh out of it. "Because of You" is actually quite a bit sadder and harder to laugh at.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:21 AM on January 30, 2009

I AM / HERE
posted by Pronoiac at 9:22 AM on January 30, 2009

I AM / DRUNK
I AM / INSENSIBLE
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:25 AM on January 30, 2009

I AM / I SAID
posted by Spatch at 9:28 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I AM / THE WALRUS
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:31 AM on January 30, 2009

I AM / JACK'S LACK OF SELF WORTH
posted by hellojed at 9:32 AM on January 30, 2009

I AM / WHAT I AM
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:32 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

THAT'S ALL / WHAT I AM
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:33 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I AM / SURE PAINTING A LOT OF VAGINAS
posted by sexyrobot at 9:35 AM on January 30, 2009 [9 favorites]

I AM/NOT AWARE OF TOO MANY THINGS
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:35 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

TROCHEE
posted by box at 9:44 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

WITHOUT ME / METAFILTER IS INCOMPLETE
posted by everichon at 9:46 AM on January 30, 2009

> Is it just me, or would those puzzle pieces not fit together in sentence form?

They handed out piece-of-the-puzzle pins somewhat like these where I work, and I treasure mine. Ours are all absolutely identical and no two can be made to fit together in any way.
posted by jfuller at 9:50 AM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

They did better than I expected. I saw in the image a puzzle piece that said "GOD IS" and I figured they had some sort of lame GOD IS / {TRUTH, LOVE, JOY} series but they did it right and went with GOD IS / I AM or I AM / GOD IS, which is good because it works both ways.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:52 AM on January 30, 2009

WE BELIEVE IN YOU!r ability to BUY NOW!
posted by orme at 10:06 AM on January 30, 2009

DARKSEID IS /
posted by Pronoiac at 10:28 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I want to put out the stalker motivation CD.

She loves you. You deserve to be together. Only you can make it happen. Remove all obstacles in your way. No one understands her like you do. Now is the time to demonstrate your love to her even though she ignores you every day. Not even death can keep you apart. [crowd cheers]
posted by GuyZero at 10:29 AM on January 30, 2009 [4 favorites]

As my smarked amusement faded, I felt a wordless depression taking its place. I tried to avert it by considering the possibility that this was some new kind of meta post-irony marketing that I was too old to get. But that made me feel even worse.
posted by Joe Beese at 10:29 AM on January 30, 2009

I really hate the "Because You Suck" CD and the "Part of the Problem" Denunciatory jewelery my Mom got me for Christmas.
posted by nanojath at 10:32 AM on January 30, 2009 [2 favorites]

I AM / CONFUSED

YODA / I AM

<iggypop> I AM / VIBRATING </iggypop>
posted by Pronoiac at 10:36 AM on January 30, 2009

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:41 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I AM / BECOME DEATH THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS
posted by burnmp3s at 11:09 AM on January 30, 2009

We can all be replaced. Hooray!
posted by sandraregina at 12:02 PM on January 30, 2009

I AM / AN LED BELT BUCKLE
posted by nicepersonality at 12:08 PM on January 30, 2009

I AM / YOUR SINGING TELEGRAM
posted by Spatch at 12:29 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

*bang*
posted by The Whelk at 1:29 PM on January 30, 2009 [2 favorites]

TBTL spoke to the creator last night. It didn't help, and I don't enjoy hearing "I am courageous!" as much as I did yesterday.

crapmatic: If you're still running your business 1970s-style with 14 to 28 day delivery times, you might as well file bankruptcy.

...or enjoy your wildly spendy cult following. If people really want the cheering of the 30,000s behind their thoughts, I'm sure they'll persist.
posted by carbide at 1:58 PM on January 30, 2009

I feel better about myself after watching that infomercial!


...and not ordering!
posted by Catblack at 2:01 PM on January 30, 2009

Oh dear. No I AM/ SPECIAL ? The only reason I know that I AM/SPECIAL is because of the birthday cards from my mom. Every year, I rediscover that I AM/SPECIAL. special. or species or maybe it was spices. I AM/ one of those things. Guess I have to wait to next birthday to find out.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:54 PM on January 30, 2009

I AM / PERFECT HEALTH ???
This sentence no preposition?

But I like the idea of labeling yourself with those necklaces and bracelets, only I would take it a step further; it should be like an pen-and-paper RPG character sheet:

FEARLESS (+3)
CONNECTED (+2, +5 MUSIC INDUSTRY)
POWERFUL (18/00)
PASSIONATE (+9)
EXPERT LOVER (+12)
HEIGHTENED DISEASE IMMUNITY (+5, +17 vs. VENEREAL DISEASE)
posted by PontifexPrimus at 3:30 AM on January 31, 2009

POWERFUL (18/00)

Argh, it's like GURPS meets 1st ed AD&D. My eyes!
posted by GuyZero at 3:37 PM on February 1, 2009

I AM / HENRY VIIITH I AM

HENRY VIIITH I AM / I AM
posted by Pronoiac at 4:51 PM on February 1, 2009

Wow. If you haven't already, listen to the radio show carbide linked to. It's hour 2 of the January 29 episode. Skip to around the 30 minute mark. The creator of the CDs is as delightfully earnest as you want him to be.
posted by roll truck roll at 10:25 PM on February 1, 2009