Tiny Art Director

February 19, 2009 7:46 AM

Tiny Art DirectorBill Zeman’s daughter is the Tiny Art Director. She tells him what to draw and then tells him just exactly how much she hates it. Bill has been recording her comments and posting them with his art since she was two and a half. via
posted by various (57 comments total)

I found this this morning too and it's hilarious. What I can't figure out is how a guy with a 2.5-3.5 year old has enough time to produce full oil paintings on spec.
posted by DU at 7:49 AM on February 19

Somebody get this child a metafilter account. She has real potential.
posted by nosila at 7:54 AM on February 19 [8 favorites has favorites]

Hysterical. The cover of the book is perfect.
posted by steef at 7:55 AM on February 19

And I found myself agreeing with her the majority of the time. Cool site.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:59 AM on February 19

The Brief: A dinosaur eating a baby, like last time
Artist Negotiation: But you didn't like it. How about something other than a dinosaur?
The Brief, Revised: a Poo-Poo Airplane
Job Status: Commission Declined

I've had that client!
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 8:00 AM on February 19 [4 favorites has favorites]

AdOOOORable!

That said, I would probably have to lock this kid in a closet before long.
posted by orme at 8:00 AM on February 19

I enjoyed that.
posted by diogenes at 8:01 AM on February 19

The page loading is taking way too long to view everything but the Poo Poo Airplane was funny.
If I hadn't had a rather intense 3 year-old myself I might think she comes off a bit nasty.
posted by chococat at 8:02 AM on February 19

Upon seeing the preliminary sketch, the art director, in a rather unprofessional outburst, collapsed on the floor sobbing and screaming.

It's all brilliant, but this one rings true in so many ways.
posted by Spatch at 8:03 AM on February 19 [7 favorites has favorites]

Yes, let's teach our children that it's cute to be an asshole.
posted by phunniemee at 8:06 AM on February 19

MetaFilter: let's teach our children that it's cute to be an asshole

That said, she's 2 or 3. That's how they are. If anything, she's showing remarkable maturity in even recognizing the picture she requested N minutes/hours/days ago.
posted by DU at 8:09 AM on February 19 [3 favorites has favorites]

This is fantastic and adorable, or at least it would be if it didn't take forever to load ("missing image" icons are not adorable). And I'm so totally not getting flashbacks to endless design rounds and client feedback. Nope. No way. *twitch*
posted by ardgedee at 8:13 AM on February 19

That said, she's 2 or 3. That's how they are. If anything, she's showing remarkable maturity in even recognizing the picture she requested N minutes/hours/days ago.

She's four, and I don't agree with "that's how they are." Or, at least, that's not how my son is. Its an interesting site, but I have to wonder if their entire life is like this: "I hate those socks" "I hate this meal" "I hate this toy".
posted by anastasiav at 8:13 AM on February 19

anastasiav, I get the feeling the dad is using a bit of artistic license and is probably exaggerating his daughter's responses for comedic effect.
posted by mathowie at 8:18 AM on February 19 [9 favorites has favorites]

And he totally gets away with it in my book, because he's clearly the best dad ever.

(remember: I'm a grownup, and grownups never lie).
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:25 AM on February 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

I have less patience for that site loading than I do for kids. Looks like a win/win for me.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:27 AM on February 19

"That's what kind of bones dogs like to chew on. Dinosaur leg bones."

Kids are awesome.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 8:29 AM on February 19

Yeah, I worry this guy is going to have it rough in a decade or so if he encourages this kind of attitude in his daughter.
posted by delmoi at 8:30 AM on February 19

Incredibly cute and just turned my bad week right around and into a great one. Thanks for this.
posted by scarello at 8:31 AM on February 19

Strangely, she looks like a pixie-sized Anna Wintour.
posted by terranova at 8:32 AM on February 19 [4 favorites has favorites]

anastasiav, I get the feeling the dad is using a bit of artistic license and is probably exaggerating his daughter's responses for comedic effect.

I hope so, but I fear not.
posted by anastasiav at 8:33 AM on February 19

I really really really want to see these pictures, but even on a super (duper) high speed connection, the first picture is only 1/5 of the way loaded and it's been 10 minutes.
posted by lyam at 8:40 AM on February 19

I find generalising about kids is like generalising about adults. It just doesn't apply. Regardless of upbringing, kids have (developing) personalities that supercede parenting on occasion.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:41 AM on February 19

The images are refusing to load. Bummer.

As for the this-dude-is-training-his-daughter-to-be-an-asshole crowd, don't you think this blog is just a tiny part of a very complex relationship between them? I really doubt this is the only parenting he is providing; I don't think this is the exercise from which she is gleaning all of her life lessons on appropriate behavior; so hurry up, will ya, and draw her the pudgy Pterodactyl she asked for, dammit.
posted by defenestration at 8:45 AM on February 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

I like this, but kids aren't supposed to have opinions, so I'll say I hate it.
I'm probably to old to be cute for having an opinion, so I guess I'm an asshole.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 8:46 AM on February 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

I reaallllyyyy want to see the book that comes out about her teen years.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:50 AM on February 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

Yeah, I worry this guy is going to have it rough in a decade or so if he encourages this kind of attitude in his daughter.

Drive-by parenting strikes again!
posted by emjaybee at 9:01 AM on February 19 [3 favorites has favorites]

I wonder if this kid is going to have a problem with authority.
posted by doobiedoo at 9:02 AM on February 19

But I'm sure it'll still be cute and hilarious.
posted by doobiedoo at 9:03 AM on February 19

Plate of beans people! Plate of obnoxious four year old exaggerated on-the-internet beans!
posted by Science! at 9:03 AM on February 19

I'm in the camp that believes this is NOT how little girls should act. I suspect this will stop being funny once it doesn't create an income for him.
posted by HuronBob at 9:05 AM on February 19

She's four, and I don't agree with "that's how they are." Or, at least, that's not how my son is. Its an interesting site, but I have to wonder if their entire life is like this: "I hate those socks" "I hate this meal" "I hate this toy".
posted by anastasiav at 11:13 AM on February 19 [+] [!]

Sadly enough, I know a certain 5-year old who is exactly like that.
posted by Ziggy Zaga at 9:05 AM on February 19

Bill Watterson has already provided.
posted by Science! at 9:21 AM on February 19

Now that I can see them: these illustrations are great. I'm sure when she grows up she'll treasure them and laugh about her bossiness; I thought all dads could draw that well, etc.

I really like Feeding Frenzy.
posted by defenestration at 9:28 AM on February 19

I'm in the camp that believes this is NOT how little girls should act.
posted by HuronBob at 9:05 AM on February 19

traditional gender roles 4 life tell that slut to shut up and get in teh kitchen wootz
posted by Optimus Chyme at 9:31 AM on February 19 [8 favorites has favorites]

The 'I want a treat!' refrain disturbs me. Even the Dog Whisperer would object to this kind of training.

A 2 or 3 or 4 year-old doesn't know or care about art direction but they do care about earning their daddy's praise and affection. I wonder if this little girl knows that she doesn't have to be that kid on this website.
posted by grounded at 9:31 AM on February 19

I look at this adorable girl spending quality time with her dad and making funny comments about his awesome pitures and it just makes me sad for the her and her entire generation. They are obviously terrible people.
posted by patrick rhett at 9:40 AM on February 19 [8 favorites has favorites]

Seriously? You guys are seriously making the leap from seeing a gimmicky art blog to assuming you know anything at all about this child, her dad, or his parenting?

The four-year-old isn't the only one who has growing up to do.
posted by cmoj at 9:41 AM on February 19 [6 favorites has favorites]

"Daddy it's not supposed to be like that! He has dog legs! I'm so mad at you! I'm going to erase those legs! Daddy why did you do those legs??? [collapses in tears]"

"Erase it daddy - erase it now."

"Art Director grabs my eraser and succeeds in erasing the entire sketch before I can stop her"

"Just give me a treat right now!"

"Upon seeing the preliminary sketch, the art director, in a rather unprofessional outburst, collapsed on the floor sobbing and screaming."

"she yelled "I don't like your notes!", and scribbled all over them with my pencil. She then ran to the bathroom and ran water over the piece of paper. "Look at them now Daddy!""

Folks, I think its neat that y'all want to defend this little tyke's honor and goodness, I mean, that's what adults should do for little people... but...read the quotes above..

We're seeing a little girl that comes across as demanding, tantrums, and destroys other people's property, she also does not seem to understand who the adult is in the relationship. Sure, she's only 4, but, friends, most 4 year olds do NOT act like this. I believe that a personality is pretty well established by the age of 5. I fear that daddy is going to have to drag this one kicking and screaming into the realm of acceptable behavior.

Now, if this guy has made this up it in order to generate blog posts and books, he's going to pay a huge price for it, and , he owes his daughter an apology.
posted by HuronBob at 9:58 AM on February 19 [2 favorites has favorites]

A 2 or 3 or 4 year-old doesn't know or care about art direction but they do care about earning their daddy's praise and affection.

You must not have spent any time with 2-4 year olds. I can assure you they are quite capable of having their own opinion about things, including art.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:00 AM on February 19

I really like this pic.

That being said, I wonder if we would find it cute if this were a Father/Son, Mother/Son, Mother/Daughter relationship?
posted by bitteroldman at 10:03 AM on February 19

Maybe he's given her the reins when he asks her what to draw, and she's nice the rest of the time. I can't imagine she'd be allowed to critique his actual work this way (assuming he's an artist by trade).
posted by filthy light thief at 10:16 AM on February 19

Exaggeration for comic effect? That makes me so mad I'm going to murder each and every one of you right now!
posted by Optimus Chyme at 10:30 AM on February 19 [2 favorites has favorites]

Two observations:

1. Most of you people haven't been around a 4 year old since you were one.

2. That kid understands Art Direction.

(going off to draw a poo-poo plane for my client as we speak.)
posted by Mcable at 10:39 AM on February 19

The brief: Artist draws things, blogs his daughter's possibly-exaggerated criticisms.

The critique: I'm in the camp that believes this is NOT how little girls should act.

Job Status: Accepted anyway.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:51 AM on February 19 [2 favorites has favorites]

> We're seeing a little girl that comes across as demanding, tantrums, and destroys other people's property...

It looks more like mutual teasing to me (for example, perhaps the artist is deliberately drawing contrary to spec while she watches), and this is roughly two dozen anecdotes across two years; your average daddy-blogger can come up with more material than that in half a month of rearing a toddler. This doesn't look like enough evidence to justify worrying about her or the quality of her upbringing.
posted by ardgedee at 11:02 AM on February 19

This is great. This one is my favorite so far:

The Brief: A bone dinosaur eating a little baby
The Critique: No! A baby dinosaur!
Job Status: Rejected
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 11:13 AM on February 19

Maybe this is a stretch, but I think I am going to go with not critiquing a complete stranger's parenting ability based on like 15 sentences on a blog. I fail at internet don't I?
posted by ND¢ at 11:13 AM on February 19 [3 favorites has favorites]

Also that is great. Thanks for posting it.
posted by ND¢ at 11:13 AM on February 19

For those of you who say "How dare you critique a parent-child relationship based on a blog?": The blog in question is, in essence, an ongoing snapshot of a parent-child relationship as presented by the parent.

If the dad just posted his paintings without the parent-child angle, it would be a completely different website -- one that wouldn't draw so much attention or discussion.
posted by grounded at 11:31 AM on February 19

various, thanks for posting the link, I had a great chuckle and will pass it on to others.

How anyone can justify criticizing the parenting of this father based on the very few comments he himself hand-picked specifically for this website and for this comedic purpose is beyond comprehension.

Anyone feeling justified in making judgments about this person's parenting based on such a narrow viewpoint into their relationship (30 posts with approximately four to six lines of non-sequential father/daughter dialog, in a specific context of the father requesting the daughter's honest criticism) should seriously consider taking a large step back from this discussion, if not the internet as a whole. There's a difference between casually speculating what may happen in the girl's future, such as what defenestration posted, and performing some type of office seat psychoanalysis which is sure what HuronBob's message came across as being.
posted by Meagan at 11:37 AM on February 19 [2 favorites has favorites]

Hey, I never said anyone had to agree with me, it's just my opinion.

You might all be right, she might be just fine as regards other interactions with people.

Or, she might have a head that spins and spews pea green vomit... heck, makes no difference, I'm not going to have to deal with her when she hits 14!

and, Meagan, you can NOT ban me from the internet.... I'll throw myself on the floor and scream!
posted by HuronBob at 11:55 AM on February 19

Just a Quick Note to All The New Visitors
posted by not that girl at 2:25 PM on February 19

This is what happens when you sell your sole to the man--ethical standards and morals go out the window.
posted by Chuckles at 2:40 PM on February 19

These are great. And for someone who was two and three years old when she provided the art direction, I have to say that I find her critiques much more cogent (and her behavior much more acceptable) than that of alleged adults I have heard trying to tell a designer what's wrong with a design.
posted by rtha at 3:17 PM on February 19 [1 favorite has favorites]

Well, whaddya know. I finally got the site to load and it melted my icy, black heart. Good for you, kid-having art guy. Thanks for the laugh.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 4:48 PM on February 19

Folks, I think its neat that y'all want to defend this little tyke's honor and goodness, I mean, that's what adults should do for little people... but...read the quotes above..

HuronBob, you are aware that these quotes are not the only things that this child has ever in her life said over the past four years, aren't you?

I mean, hell, if the only thing people had to go on when juding me was one selected thing -say, my online handle -- they'd have...

...uh....

....well, okay, my online handle isn't too far off, but you know what I mean.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:16 AM on February 20