The Play at Home Game!

February 23, 2009 7:30 PM

Become a Virtual Texas Deputy! (via)
posted by cjorgensen (50 comments total)

The game is broken. My laser gun isn't firing, and L-R-U-D don't work when I attempt to stalk the illegals.
posted by terranova at 7:34 PM on February 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

Coming soon to version 2.0 of this site: remote controlled machine guns for registered users!
posted by Burhanistan at 7:34 PM on February 23, 2009

I want the mirrored sunglasses with the mirrors on the inside.
posted by Artw at 7:59 PM on February 23, 2009

Virtual Texas Deputy? Pfah!

Don't Shit Your Pants! Now there's a game with some chest hair!
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:00 PM on February 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Excellent. I'm on my way to Galveston to find some black pre-teens. Don't call me for at least an hour, I'm a policin'
posted by allen.spaulding at 8:01 PM on February 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

No thank you.
posted by Flunkie at 8:05 PM on February 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

But I've never even been to Virtual Texas!
posted by aubilenon at 8:29 PM on February 23, 2009

All my android exes live in virtual Texas.
posted by zippy at 8:31 PM on February 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

Please let them sell ad space. Please.
posted by fingerbang at 8:31 PM on February 23, 2009

Wouldn't it have been fun if they had been installed all over the White house for the past 8 years so Americans could report the real crimes against America?
posted by JimmyJames at 8:36 PM on February 23, 2009

What's the word I'm looking for...despicable? I think that's it.
posted by maxwelton at 8:36 PM on February 23, 2009

fingerbang: From their "About" page:

Because www.BlueServo.net is an internet social network, in the future, BlueServoSM anticipates that high volume of traffic to its website will generate advertising revenue to defray the operations cost of the Virtual Community WatchSM to the Texas Border Sheriff's Coalition.
posted by simoncion at 8:37 PM on February 23, 2009

This network feeds live streaming video FREE-OF-CHARGE to the user's computer

Hot Dog!
posted by niles at 8:42 PM on February 23, 2009

Stop snitchin'.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:42 PM on February 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

You listen to NPR too?
posted by Mr. Anthropomorphism at 8:50 PM on February 23, 2009

I didn't want to editorialize in my own post, and didn't want to moderate it either, so I waited an hour before making this comment: I find this to be pretty near evil.

I still think it was worth bringing to to people's attention, and tomorrow I plan to file several reports about suspicious bushes, weird rock formations, and angry cacti!

I also plan to write letters to several people involved with this.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:51 PM on February 23, 2009

I refer to the sentiments of Immortal Technique:

If the police want people to start speaking to authorities, maybe they should start speaking to authorities. They want people to take the stand? Maybe they should walk around the blue wall of silence and take the stand themselves. They want Latinos and Blacks to snitch on each other? They want the ’hood to snitch on itself? I’ve never seen an officer take the stand against another one and be like, Yeah, your honor, I saw my partner bash that kid’s head in ’cause he was Black and had an attitude. I’ve never heard one of them say, No, we had no reason to stop them. We just do that all the time on the highway in Jersey and hope we get lucky. And what about the government? You [ever] heard the FEDs snitch on each other with it resulting in shit? What about the CIA? They kill snitches. Who ever heard Col. Oliver North—who was funneling drug money and weapons to the Contras in Nicaragua—snitch on Reagan? Fuck outta here, nigga. You never heard of anything like that. You want us to snitch? You snitch, muthafucka. You want crimes solved? So do we.

posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:55 PM on February 23, 2009 [20 favorites]

Although this is objectionable, and though I don't want to discourage activism, I think railing against webcams looking southward from private property is probably fighting a losing battle.
posted by Mr. Anthropomorphism at 8:59 PM on February 23, 2009

Mr. Anthropomorphism, credited in the via link.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:00 PM on February 23, 2009

I'd like to report a small, brown coyote (perhaps Famishius vulgaris ingeniusi?) carrying what appears to be a large wooden crate of ACME brand dyno-mite ...
posted by YoBananaBoy at 9:08 PM on February 23, 2009 [3 favorites]

I heard this story today and, although it's not on the NPR summary page, they said that apparently "drug smugglers have logged on and used the cameras to spot when the Border Patrol is not in an area, so the smugglers can quickly move the load across." It gets reported, but not in time to do anything about it.
posted by stefanie at 9:08 PM on February 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Drugs bring violence. If they're not going to go to Columbia and ice the drug lords, they should do what they can from keeping the coke from getting across at the border. If they don't have enough enforcement officers to stand post, then this is a good idea. I really don't care if you're Hova or 50cent, times should not be so tough in America that you will destroy lives for profit, selling coke that could have been seized at the border if they had people to watch. . As for the illegal immigrants: if the poor majorities would overthrow their governments and start making things happen, they probably wouldn't even want to come to America. I feel weird saying it, but it seems like a good idea, at first glance. Now, I'm going to go rip a big fuckin line and get back to reality.
posted by Flex1970 at 9:13 PM on February 23, 2009

times should not be so tough in America that you will destroy lives for profit

you told those guys at blackwater that, right?
posted by pyramid termite at 9:19 PM on February 23, 2009

the eyes of texas are upon you
all the live long day ...
posted by pyramid termite at 9:24 PM on February 23, 2009

Cjorgensen, I was afraid it would come across as critical, but I didn't want to spoil it with an emoticon.

Seeing this reminded me of the story I had just heard, which I thought was quite coincidental, till I remembered it was NPR. And Metafilter.
posted by Mr. Anthropomorphism at 9:24 PM on February 23, 2009

*Tunes to NPR

Coming up this week on Border Home Companion, a dusty mix of Texas Mule lore. From the beautiful hills of camera 89 to the whispering waters of camera 933, we'll hear the Medellin String Quartet singing "Run Vato, Run", Sheriff Roy Bean Hobbs and The Watchmen sing "I Swear They Was Just Here" and Guy Noir goes in search of five missing kilos rumored to be floating somewhere south of camera 421.....
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 9:45 PM on February 23, 2009

Next week, drug dealers report lots of bullshit sightings!
posted by delmoi at 9:48 PM on February 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

you told those guys at blackwater that, right?

That was pretend talk. The reality is...Well, go outside, breath the air and take a good look around. That's the reality. We've got to protect Disneyland at all costs. It hurts my tummy whenever Blackwater pops in my head.
posted by Flex1970 at 9:48 PM on February 23, 2009

Do I get a virtual cowboy hat? I'm not doing this unless I get a virtual 10 gallon hat.
posted by MikeMc at 9:54 PM on February 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Stop Snitchin' - The High Cost of Snitching for Law Enforcement
posted by jcruelty at 10:07 PM on February 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

Do I get a virtual cowboy hat? I'm not doing this unless I get a virtual 10 gallon hat.

I want a shiny Deputy badge and some spurs that jingle jangle jingle
posted by Grrlscout at 11:42 PM on February 23, 2009

Drugs bring violence.

Whaa?

The high-stakes super-lucrative money-grab that is arbitrarily named Illegal drugs bring violence.

There is a super easy way to bring this to an end, but those banking off of quarterly growth on their shares in the US prison system won't hear of it.
posted by sourwookie at 12:28 AM on February 24, 2009

Ooohh, I think I've been to Camera 421.

Other highlights of scenic Camera 421, not included in the site description, include:

- Rattlesnakes
- Scorpions
- Plants with spines an inch long that will get stuck in your skin forever
-Blistering heat/ freezing-ass cold
- Humungous spiders
- Tiny spiders that hide in your pants
- No water
- Various and sundry crazy motherfuckers with shotguns, some of whom might be authorized to used them on you
- 400 varieties of sand burr
posted by louche mustachio at 1:17 AM on February 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

In the graphics header of the BlueServo site, that person is sitting way too close to their monitor.
posted by resurrexit at 1:53 AM on February 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

I hope 4chan or similar don't infiltrate this site and flood the sheriff's office with false reports, turning this effort not just useless, but counterproductive.

Even worse, I hope Coyotes and/or Polleros don't infiltrate this site, for it would be harder to find them and prosecute them if they are not in the USA while they make the false reports.
posted by dirty lies at 2:21 AM on February 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Another thing that doesn't sit right about this with me is that, according to their About page, the Texas Border Sheriff's Coalition has joined in a "public-private partnership" with this website. Because that's what we need - privatized law enforcement. Worked so well when Perverted Justice and Dateline were baiting online pedos, right?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:40 AM on February 24, 2009

Sweet. Virtual xenophobia. Which button detonates the Claymores?
posted by IvoShandor at 3:11 AM on February 24, 2009

I plan to file several reports about suspicious bushes...

Brilliant. I'll do likewise right now.
posted by wastelands at 3:51 AM on February 24, 2009

In the graphics header of the BlueServo site, that person is sitting way too close to their monitor.

No he isn't. That's the posture of JUSTICE.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:56 AM on February 24, 2009

Note: You do not need to fill out any real information to watch the cameras and file the reports. They don't even validate email addresses. So, go wild!

I sure did. I just reported a Tom Cruise sighting. I was told the proper authorities would be notified. I feel safer tonight.
posted by wastelands at 3:58 AM on February 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

Okay, let's get done having our yuks with Texas. Yee-Haw. I'll fake spitting some tabaccy juice and you can pretend to pistolwhip a sixteen year old. We'll talk about going to the diner, getting some grits, and trying to bang that waitress we know is underage, but we can get away with it 'cause we're The Law. Now that we've got that out of our systems ...

I know someone will inevitably want to derail this into the "should we have a border?" debate, but let's just consider it from the standpoint of "if we do have a border ..." Dumb, passive fences are almost useless. So long as these cams aren't overlooking places where people have any expectation of privacy, signs are posted, and we stick to government land, this seems okay. I'm not crazy about these particular cams being on private land, but I suppose easements could be made. A virtually-staffed border is probably the most cost-effective border we could create. Were more citizens given access, people who want to directly participate in the situation could. It sure beats drunken guys in pickups deciding to patrol the border themselves.

Of course, we'd have to do some work on the security aspect. Imagine a series of tall, networked towers along the border. Towers would be layered three or four deep, perhaps a half-mile apart. Throw some cams on them, infrared, night vision, etc.

US citizens could apply to staff the cams. Once you pass some basic screening process, you get a nice hardware dongle and perhaps secure card kit you can attached to your computer. (We should be working on some fashion of this for internet voting at the local level, anyway) You log in and are randomly assigned a tower or two to monitor. You're not the only other person on the tower, though; you share with others. Allow for people grab the cam and zoom in for a bit, that's been common in webcams for some time.

You would earn points for reports which lead to interceptions. You lose points for false positives, false negatives, and reports that do not match up with others who share your tower. Occasionally, when you log into a tower, you're not getting a real tower at all — you're getting a simulated tower looking at a simulated landscape. Here you're evaluated heavily on your ability to report what are test border-jumpers and the points count for more. Of course, you don't know this one is a test ... Let some of the SEAL boys have a training session trying to get through the border and you've got a two-way test. Staffers with lower scores are eventually dropped from the program. Various tweaks like this should keep people from trying to game the system to let various people through.

If anyone really hates the concept of having a border patrol, then let's just replace the border patrol with a citizenship patrol. We can make becoming American as easy as getting your hand stamped at the club. Either way, let's not do things half-assed and get some taxes collected.
posted by adipocere at 4:11 AM on February 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hey I see a guy sporting a dutch-boy mullet, and carrying what appears to be a captive bolt pistol. " Hello, Virtual Vigilantes ?...I'd like to report suspic...FFFFFTTTTT!
.
posted by lobstah at 4:27 AM on February 24, 2009

I heard this story on NPR. The long-haul trucker who gets home, pops a Red Bull, and stares at this for hours was just depressing. What a life.
posted by diogenes at 5:57 AM on February 24, 2009

In Virtual Texas, border patrols you!
posted by furtive at 6:14 AM on February 24, 2009

Hehe, yeah I heard this on NPR this morning as well. In the manner of Bruce Schneier, I immediately began thinking of ways to break the system. A minute later they described the drug runners as using the cameras themselves. I had been thinking of calling in fake sightings as a means of distraction.

This thought occurs to me now, though: What happens if someone sees a law enforcement officer commit a crime, say shooting a man lying on the ground in handcuffs? Who does he call?
posted by Xoebe at 9:36 AM on February 24, 2009

Hey, look! There goes ANOTHER one!

(would munch popcorn if not a diverticulitis sufferer)

Man, THAT one could run!
posted by Samizdata at 10:17 AM on February 24, 2009

I'm sensing an opportunity for revenge for thousands of people pulled over and given a really friendly "pat down" by the rangers...
posted by ericcmack at 10:44 AM on February 24, 2009

Where's the SCP when we need them?

These guys make it harder than just going to Bug Me Not, though I question the unguessability of their CAPCHA (reload for lulz).
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:16 AM on February 24, 2009

So is this kind of private-sector security crowdsourcing the very early stages of something like The Spiders?
posted by OverlappingElvis at 11:49 AM on February 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Border cameras by the numbers:
Total one-year grant: $2 million
Amount spent in first six months $625,000
Number of hits on the border camera Web site, Blueservo.com, Nov. 19-Dec. 17: 1,894,288

Number of cameras installed:
1-year objective: 200
6-month actual results: 13

Number of arrests:
1-year objective: 1,200
6-month actual results: 3

Number of drug seizures:
1-year objective: 500
6-month actual results: 1

Dollar amount of funds forfeited:
1-year objective: $25,000
6-month actual results: 0

Number of incidents reported to law enforcement:
1-year objective: 50,000
6-month actual results: 8

Number of referrals to U.S. Customs and Border Patrol
1-year objective: 4,500
6-month actual results: 6

Nothing but another one of Gov. Perry's expensive and useless pet projects that ends up accomplishing just about nothing at all.
posted by Orb at 5:13 PM on February 24, 2009 [1 favorite]