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They spit at almighty God and persevere
March 20, 2009 2:27 PM   Subscribe

This is not Werner Herzog. This is his blog.
posted by UbuRoivas (69 comments total) 58 users marked this as a favorite

 
Love it. Herzog is an endless source of humour for me.

See also kingfisher, his musclebound cat's comment interpreting Jackass as if by Herzog. This comment is still my favorite thing on metafilter ever.

And Herzog's occasional diary.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:35 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Ok, lets admit it now. I will. How many of you did a youtube search for Glübe Pifft...
posted by cosmac at 2:40 PM on March 20, 2009


I know nothing of this man you call Herzog, but I believe he is a robot. This is my proof:

Calisthenics, shower, and breakfast. Then I water the garden because it is dry. After the water I put fertilizer into the soil. I feel the flowers growing stronger the more I talk to them. Accidentally with my trowel I kill a flower. The world is chaos. I am unsuccessful at crying.

Though, I do not know of many robot accidents. Perhaps he is faulty.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:42 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


guilty. i feel like i am being pecked apart by lice-ridden ravens.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:42 PM on March 20, 2009


I’m not going to make my comment here. Instead I’m going to listen to a tape of my comment and look vaguely appalled and very serious.
posted by Artw at 2:44 PM on March 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: You are making yourself look silly, trying to guess at what I know, when you don’t know, when you don’t even have the slightest idea what is in my head.
posted by Dumsnill at 2:47 PM on March 20, 2009


Those "No Comments" links are torture.
posted by carsonb at 2:48 PM on March 20, 2009


Herzog lives a life that more robustly fictional than even the most shameless could imagine. In one week he saved Joaquin Phoenix from a car crash and then was shot in the arm. About getting shot, I believe he said, "It was nothing, only a small bullet." I believe almost every word of this blog to be true. "Snack", I think was an editorial addition.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:50 PM on March 20, 2009


This is awesome, and if you haven't seen Burden of Dreams you owe it to yourself.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:51 PM on March 20, 2009


And then tell the rest of us that we must never, ever listen to that comment.
posted by Flashman at 2:52 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


I try to watch this clip from "Burden of Dreams" every few months.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:54 PM on March 20, 2009 [5 favorites]


He actually called it 'not a significant bullet'. Video here. He is a god among insects.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:54 PM on March 20, 2009


I saw some bloggers and they were typing and typing and did not see that their fingers were bleeding. They were laughing and crying and howling at the moon even though they could not see the moon.

And so I said to myself I will stop blogging after 2007 but I will still be Werner Herzog and I will still know what you did.
posted by longsleeves at 2:54 PM on March 20, 2009


All right, this is the final push I needed to order Of Walking in Ice. Herzog, you sly viral-blogging devil, you!
posted by Greg Nog at 2:56 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Somebody asked me today. Supposing that you were besieged with miniature people, no more than five to six centimeters in height. Would you pay extra special attention to what they demanded of you, seeing as how people this small are so extraordinary, or would you rather disregard them as nothing more than a product of a mental illness and walk away from them?

It would depend, of course, on what exactly they were trying to say to me, and whether or not their interests were aligned with mine.


Awesome.
posted by Science! at 2:58 PM on March 20, 2009 [6 favorites]


By the way, here's a true story about Werner Herzog:

My friend Ben, while finishing up his grad studies on Herzog, gets his hands on a bunch of letters that Herzog had written to one of his colleagues. The letters are full of all kinds of interesting content about the role of film, so Ben wants to quote this unpublished material in his thesis, and for this, he needs to get Herzog's permission.

So Ben goes to a lecture that Herzog's giving, and afterwards, begs a moment of the man's time. "Mr. Herzog," he says, "I'm writing my film thesis right now, and it's about your work, and I'd like to quote these letters you'd written." Herzog, looking mildly distracted, waves Ben away, and says, "Yes, yes, of course you may use them." Ben says, "Okay... so... for a release form... should I just send that to your office, or do you have a standard release you usually use, or...?"

Herzog suddenly turns to Ben: "What? No! You may use the letters!"

"Okay, but I just need written permission. You know, legally, I-"

"No. I would not sue over this kind of thing. I am not the kind of man who would sue for this." He stares at Ben, unblinking. "You must believe me. All I can give you is my word. That is all a man can give, is his word."

"Uh. Okay. Thank you, Mr. Herzog."

So Ben cited the letters, and, true to his word, Herzog did not sue him. He had given his word.
posted by Greg Nog at 3:09 PM on March 20, 2009 [125 favorites]


I am so lost. I have never heard of him.
Who is this man? Is this really his blog? Why is everyone here apparently very familiar with him?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 3:16 PM on March 20, 2009


GOOGLE KLAUS KINSKI
posted by Artw at 3:21 PM on March 20, 2009 [14 favorites]


Who is this man? Is this really his blog? Why is everyone here apparently very familiar with him?

Perhaps I could enlighten you. But are you worthy of enlightenment? It is not for me to say, yet the answer is starkly vital to my next move. I fear the consequence of bringing wisdom to one who might prove a monster; or worse, a mediocrity. Pound this nail into your hand! Yes. Then I may tell you.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:22 PM on March 20, 2009 [17 favorites]


CitrusFreak -- He is a wonderful filmmaker. I do not know if this is his blog.
posted by jpziller at 3:25 PM on March 20, 2009


I can't help but read these posts with his inflection, which is exactly how I read Christopher Walken's twitter feed
posted by allen.spaulding at 3:25 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Maybe tomorrow I will tell you.
posted by dhammond at 3:26 PM on March 20, 2009


Who is this man?

I know of no better explanation that what the man can offer himself: Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe.
posted by carsonb at 3:27 PM on March 20, 2009


Greg Nog: I don't get it.
posted by dydecker at 3:31 PM on March 20, 2009


I mean to say: isn't that just normal behaviour?
posted by dydecker at 3:35 PM on March 20, 2009


We have nothing but contempt for you!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:35 PM on March 20, 2009


I think of the bible. The story in which Jesus seeks to placate the angry mob. They want to destroy the adultress. And Christ sees them and says to them let he who is without sin cast the first stone. The guile of that Christ, late to a stoning and he reserves the first stone for himself. And having made put no such conditions on stones two through forty the women died, and children pitched pebbles impotently at her corpse.
posted by I Foody at 3:35 PM on March 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


My favorite Herzog is Les Blank's wonderful Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe, which in turn turned me on to Errol Morris. Herzog's commentaries are also, in my opinion, the only DVD director commentaries worth watching, and often surpass the films themselves for insanity. After I watched Burden of Dreams, (and listened to him describe his decision to hire prostitutes to entertain the indigenous cast members who were stuck for months waiting to finish filming), I came to believe that he is a tremendous asshole (in Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe you get to see him ignoring Alice Waters' cooking advice), but despite that, Werner Herzog is my roll model for masculinity.
posted by serazin at 3:37 PM on March 20, 2009


Man this thread is cracking me up now as I read everything in the Herzog voice.

I'd love to see Herzog interview Walken:

H: You are sitting here and sitting here, why do you not get up to dance?
W: Whoa wow. Well if you want, to see it, I can do, a perfect...PULL-BACK.

posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:45 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


This is highly misleading, as babies are the only people who do not use toilet paper.

Amen!
posted by R. Mutt at 3:51 PM on March 20, 2009


Wow, are there really people in this world who are ignorant of the inadvertently hilarious, genuninely awesome phenomenon of Werner Herzog? Really?

OK, here's a primer, but don't take my word for it, go watch the movies and read the wikipedia article.

Herzog is a German filmmaker who directed some very strange and compelling films in the 1970s and 1980s. He became legendary during this period for his obsessive work ethic. The best known of these films, Fitzcarraldo and Aguirre the Wrath of God, both starred Kalus Kinski and are in effect pessimistic meditations on the nature of ambition, obsession, and man's relation to nature.

In the early 1980s' he directed a nearly shot-for-shot recreation of the silent masterpeice Nosferatu, also starring Kinski. It seems to me that this film project itself inspired another film, about a reshoot of Nosferatu which turns out to be starring the vampire himself, but I may be off base.

He remains a filmmaker, mostly shooting documentaries, which expand on the themes of the earlier work. A film referenced in the thread above is "Grizzly Man," in which Herzog narrates a film about Timothy Treadwell, a self-deluding fellow who attempted to carve out a niche as the man who lives with grizzly bears and was in the end eaten by one.

Herzog's manner of speaking is instantly recognizable, generally deadpan and deadly serious, seemingly freighted with a weight of moral responsiblity that would crush a mere mortal the likes of you or I. Herzog is certainly cognizant of this aspect of his persona and yet seems never, ever to take it lightly or seeks to act in self-parody.

Finally, this peculiarity of his persona seems to draw strangeness to him. Upthread, a fellow-poster noted that in one week, Herzog rescued River Phoenix from a car wreck and was shot on camera by a sniper (OK, a BB-gun sniper) while being interviewed on camera. These are not inventions or jokes: these events really ahppened to this man, and the link upthread to the film of Herzog's reaction to being shot is real and also unreal, because it is so hilarious.

The 'wernerherzblog' is an in-the-voice-of parody, and it is pretty goddamn funny.

Better than the Rorsach fakeblog, at any rate. No offense, Rorsach-fakeblog poster.
posted by mwhybark at 3:52 PM on March 20, 2009 [9 favorites]


the history of kingfisher, his musclebound cat's jackass favourites is like a tree-ring record of herzog posts on metafilter.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:10 PM on March 20, 2009


My partner can do a good Herzog (his favorite is the "choas and murder" speech from Grizzly Man), and I can't wait to listen to him read this out loud tonight. Particularly the entries on the decapitation of the Helmet Muller doll.
posted by goofyfoot at 4:13 PM on March 20, 2009


It's not significant.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:19 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Joaquin Phoenix: "I remember this knocking on the passenger window," said Phoenix. "There was this German voice saying, 'Just relax.' There's the air bag, I can't see and I'm saying, 'I'm fine. I am relaxed.' Finally, I rolled down the window and this head pops inside. And he said, 'No, you're not.' And suddenly I said to myself, 'That's Werner Herzog!' There's something so calming and beautiful about Werner Herzog's voice. I felt completely fine and safe. I climbed out. I got out of the car and I said, 'Thank you,' " Phoenix said. "And he was gone."

mwhybark forgot to mention that after being shot, Herzog carried on with the interview. It was only quite some time later that the interviewer noticed he was bleeding from his stomach and insisted that Herzog go to the hospital.

There would be comic books about him were it not for his apparent distaste for capes.

-------

Werner Herzog is also the sort of man who would travel to Antarctica to ask a biologist if there is insanity among penguins.

Encounters at the End of the World -- he should have won the Oscar for this.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:23 PM on March 20, 2009 [15 favorites]


... and I missed Slime Puppy's link.

Still Grizzly Man's on the telly here next week. Not seen it yet and I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully it'll be a bit more cheerful than the last Hertzog I saw, Stroszek... Although, as Stroszek was the singulalry most depressing film I've seen I don't think that'll be hard.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:24 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


I love this.
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:26 PM on March 20, 2009


Often times on walks I run into a different breed of walker, the one who does so with dogs. I greatly enjoy the animal as much as the person. When meeting a dog, I get the most pleasure from a hearty slap on the creature’s robust flank. They in turn delight in the resounding healthy thrum of their constitution.

Also, wonderful parody aside, this is entirely true. Thumping a dog, a strong thump to the healthy brisket of a good strong dog, is one of life's great pleasures.
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:30 PM on March 20, 2009 [7 favorites]


Thumping a dog, a strong thump to the healthy brisket of a good strong dog, is one of life's great pleasures.

For the dog too, in my experience.

I apologize for the oversight in failing to mention that it was only the interviewer's interest that sent this strange, strange man to the hospital. I also apologize for my typos.

fearfulsymmetry, I can't vouch that Grizzly Man can be considered less depressing than anything. Given the correct frame of mind, it is hilarious, but without hope or hope of grace, despite Herzog's attempts to frame Treadwell's foolish narcissism as attempts to find grace and transcendance.

As all with all Herzog projects, there is a strong sense that Herzog identifies with his subject. That is to say, Herzog may regard himself as a narcissistic, dangerous fool who gets other people killed in the service of their obsessions and will one day likely die from them, hopefully on camera. There is a strong case to be made that this view is simply objective, but it leaves much out.
posted by mwhybark at 5:08 PM on March 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


You know how in a certain light the Darwin Awards could be considered depressing? Any depressing qualities that The Grizzly Man has are sort of like that.
posted by Artw at 5:14 PM on March 20, 2009


Holy shit, I just realized I must have seen Burden of Dreams on theatrical release and not really understood what I was watching - I just have vague memories of scenes and doc footage that I associate with Fitzcarraldo, but which I never understood the source of! Oh, man, I CAN'T WAIT to see that again!
posted by mwhybark at 5:16 PM on March 20, 2009


GOOGLE KLAUS KINSKI

I have not laugh so hard at something on the internet in a long time. That just...struck me. Artw, you're my hero.
posted by nosila at 5:18 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Related AskMe question
posted by Artw at 5:23 PM on March 20, 2009


laughed, even. effing up tenses left and right today.
posted by nosila at 5:28 PM on March 20, 2009


Dude walked across a mountain to propose. Yes.
posted by DU at 5:36 PM on March 20, 2009


"as Stroszek was the singulalry most depressing film I've seen I don't think that'll be hard."

Ian Curtis committed suicide after watching Stroszek.


(also, Herzog should have let Phoenix die in that crash and therefore save us all from his shitty acting and yawn inducing publicity stunts)
posted by vronsky at 5:49 PM on March 20, 2009


My review of Grizzly Man was one of the more popular things I posted on kuro5hin back when the site wasn't a total pile of suck. It even got reprinted by one of those services that provides airline travellers with e-content.

I think what made Grizzly Man so great is that Herzog recognized Treadwell as the perfect Fool of the Tarot, and not only that but defiantly Foolish as he spent more than a decade dancing on the edge of his particular cliff and never learning that he might should move to the next card. What Herzog brings forth in Grizzly Man is the humble realization that this perfect Fool can produce a thing of extraordinary beauty; perhaps even more beautiful than the most skillful follower of his own methods could have produced. I read in Herzog's presentation a definite sense of awe at this, that this foolish amateur had achieved something that might even be beyond his own (let us not be humble here) vast skill.

I think this is a central theme in Herzog's work. He is fascinated by the way that the petty can become transformative and even extraordinary. And he has a remarkable eye for that, both in his movies and in the delightful quotes that pepper his blog. Everywhere he sees the mundane transcendant, and at the same time the transcendant mundane, and that turns the whole universe into a place of magic and surprise and is a potent tonic against fear and depression.
posted by localroger at 6:08 PM on March 20, 2009 [5 favorites]


I was over at Zak Penn's house playing video games with him and others a couple months ago. When signing in to his xbox, I noticed a profile already on his system. "Hey Zak," I said. "The profile 'Hurtz-og,' is that...?" "Yup. Sure is."

Werner plays Halo.
posted by incessant at 6:36 PM on March 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Really?
posted by Science! at 7:29 PM on March 20, 2009


Thanks. Herzog's picture should be next to the definition of sui generis in the dictionary.
posted by kozad at 7:37 PM on March 20, 2009


Okay, Apple really needs to supply a Werner voice in the next version of text to speech.
posted by Caviar at 7:47 PM on March 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


Lessons in Darkness, the aftermath of Iraq's Kuwaiti invasion is the subject of my favorite Herzog film
posted by hortense at 7:50 PM on March 20, 2009


If you're up a bit of Herzog totally taking the piss, Incident At Loch Ness is a lot of fun (he's not the director, but he plays himself and the whole thing feels like a project of his):

"I couldn't believe Zak stole the lifeboat. I had only one thought on my mind: if I survive this, I was gonna find Zak Penn, and I would hunt him down, and I would strangle him with my two hands."
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:27 PM on March 20, 2009


For the dog too, in my experience.
Well yeah man, that's the whole thing, reciprocal pleasure, thumping, the dog digs the thumps and lets you know that and you're happy because you've made the dog happy in the moment, plus it's great to give a dog some thumps just on principle. It's that rare miracle: The good deal.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:53 PM on March 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


This is the best thing I have seen since my martini. I will now attempt to both laugh at the amusing doll "humanity" and spit on the shoddy scarecrow "god".

that didn't really work out and now I have a mess on my computer table.
posted by freebird at 9:59 PM on March 20, 2009


I love Herzog as much as the next guy, but Encounters at the End of the World was one of his weakest yet and not at all deserving of an Oscar. Hmmm, or maybe it was.
posted by intermod at 10:14 PM on March 20, 2009


At risk of disagreeing, I really don't see anything depressing in Herzog's films. They're inhabited by a certain pessimism, sure, but--like the pessimism of Nietzsche, or Artaud--they're at their hearts affirmations of affirmation itself.

And god damn if Herzog the man isn't a source of optimism, as well.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 11:19 PM on March 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yes, Science!. Really.
posted by incessant at 11:55 PM on March 20, 2009


I am madly in love with Werner Herzog, and I am delighted to have so much good company. That is all.
posted by scody at 1:18 AM on March 21, 2009


It seems to me that this film project itself inspired another film, about a reshoot of Nosferatu which turns out to be starring the vampire himself, but I may be off base.

Shadow of the Vampire?
posted by goethean at 12:44 PM on March 21, 2009


"Shadow of the Vampire" was good, really good, even, but unrelated to Herzog.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:54 PM on March 21, 2009



He actually called it 'not a significant bullet'.




Dude walked across a mountain to propose. Yes.





Chuck Norris is a pussy.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:13 AM on March 22, 2009


Herzog rescued River Phoenix from a car wreck

If anyone could, Die Herzog could. Time travel and history are no match for his might.
posted by biscotti at 8:27 AM on March 22, 2009


I'm filing that under Quantum Leap reboot ideas.
posted by Artw at 8:48 AM on March 22, 2009


Herzog rescued River Phoenix from a car wreck

If anyone could, Die Herzog could. Time travel and history are no match for his might.


D'oh! So hard for me to tell under the beard, I guess.
posted by mwhybark at 1:26 PM on March 22, 2009


i am always suprised that Herzog seems to be much more popular in the English than in the German speaking world... well the prophet has no honour in his own language..
posted by jfricke at 12:32 PM on March 23, 2009


Well, just watched Grizzly Man for the first time, and I was all expecting to make some flip comment, but no, it was really rather extraordinary...

"I believe the common character of the universe is not harmony, but chaos, hostility, and murder. "
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:12 PM on March 24, 2009


I LOOKED INTO ZE BEARS EYES UNT I SAW NOTHING!
posted by Artw at 5:22 PM on March 24, 2009



"I believe the common character of the universe is not harmony, but chaos, hostility, and murder. "


I can't tell you the number of times I've quoted this in response to all manner of questions and statements.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:04 AM on March 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


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