"I notice the 'wank' has remained fairly constant."

April 3, 2009 11:18 AM

"The editor's guidelines are as follows: First, remember the reader, and respect demands that we should not casually use words that are likely to offend. Second, use such words only when absolutely necessary to the facts of a piece, or to portray a character in an article; there is almost never a case in which we need to use a swearword outside direct quotes. Third, the stronger the swearword, the harder we ought to think about using it.Finally, never use asterisks, which are just a cop-out." - Swearing in The Guardian: A chart
posted by Artw (31 comments total)

Fuck that fucked up horseshit.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:26 AM on April 3, 2009

Needs less shit and more wank.
posted by jonp72 at 11:26 AM on April 3, 2009

Third, the stronger the swearword, the harder we ought to think about using it

I see what you did there.

Cuntballs.
posted by dersins at 11:28 AM on April 3, 2009

Where can I buy shares? I have a good feeling about "bastard" for 2009.
posted by DU at 11:28 AM on April 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

I see there's more cunts than wanks in there. And that's just among the editorial staff!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:45 AM on April 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Now that I'm supposed to curse, I don't feel like it. For those whose delicate sensibilities are also offended, I offer you this mental palate cleanser.
posted by stavrogin at 11:47 AM on April 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

I don't get the chart, shit occurs in .9% of what? Editions, articles, words?
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:02 PM on April 3, 2009

'Shit' has grown disproportionately and steadily since 2005, whilst 'fuck' has gone as far as it can.

You can't make this shit up.
posted by lenny70 at 12:04 PM on April 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

...whilst 'cock' is flat.

Speak for yourself.
posted by djgh at 12:12 PM on April 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

BrotherCaine: articles. Explained here.
posted by Infinite Jest at 12:18 PM on April 3, 2009

'Shit' has grown disproportionately and steadily since 2005

I blame fast food.
posted by pardonyou? at 12:23 PM on April 3, 2009

This leaves me wondering where to go for nosh.
posted by chillmost at 12:24 PM on April 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

How did the scan handle "wanker" or "fucker"? How about "swanky" or "parsec"? I demand to see source code.
posted by Plutor at 12:24 PM on April 3, 2009

Hm. I wonder what was behind that cuntbump in 2004?
posted by Pseudoephedrine at 12:26 PM on April 3, 2009

I am glad to see that they avoid asterisks. That always seems like a superstitious contrivance, akin to buildings that have no thirteenth floor.
posted by hermitosis at 12:30 PM on April 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

When did Brooker start writing for them? Reading his second book of Guardian pieces and he must have made a significant contribution to the averages.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:34 PM on April 3, 2009

I am glad to see that they avoid asterisks. That always seems like a superstitious contrivance, akin to buildings that have no thirteenth floor.

Yeah, fuck The Times
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:36 PM on April 3, 2009

Fuck yeah.
posted by owtytrof at 12:36 PM on April 3, 2009

Oh and to make it the triple whammy... did they double check for 'Scunthorpe'?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:37 PM on April 3, 2009

Hm. I wonder what was behind that cuntbump in 2004?

I believe you can attribute nearly 100% of all cuntbumps to the lesbian population.
posted by JeffK at 12:44 PM on April 3, 2009

I always figured that newspapers should avoid using explicit language whenever possible, including holding their editorialists to such high standards. However, when reporting the news, explicit language should be made (*ahem*) explicit, rather than dancing around what was said. How I cringed when reading stories about Rod Blagojevich that claimed he said "beep this" and "beep that." Unless this is actually the case, print the word "fuck" so that your reader doesn't have to infer.

Too many mutha 'uckers, 'uckin' up my shih'.
posted by explosion at 12:45 PM on April 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

I've become a bit obsessed with obscenities lately. I work in a call center, and watching your language when there is an open line nearby is of paramount importance, because if a customer hears a swear word, even one in the background, they will complain.

The thing is, people on the floor of the call center swear. It just happens. You get frustrated, or excited or whatever, and it slips out. We can train people to make sure this doesn't occur when the employee is on the phone, but when they are talking informally with their coworker, it's inevitable.

As such, I've been running an experiment.

When talking with my team, I swear. I just don't actually say the word; as in "Yeah, I saw Iron Man. That movie was [fucking] awesome!" where the word "fucking" is mouthed, but not vocalized.

Now this is important, it's not over not-pronounced, as if to draw attention to it. The entire effect is simply an effort to duplicate what you see in movies edited for TV where they kill the sound on the obscenity but if you can read lips you can clearly see what is being said.

The experiment is, that I've been trying to see if anyone else would pick this up. On a whim, I just started doing it one day a couple of weeks ago, and like an infectious agent sweeping across the floor, most of my coworkers have, seemingly unconsciously, started doing it too.

I find this terribly amusing, because I want to believe that to any outsider walking into the department, it will seem like they've stumbled unknowingly into a Standards and Practice enforced sitcom.

I'd like to say that I did this in an effort to better my workplace, but I'd be lying. The truth is, I just was bored; these are the kinds of things I do to keep myself entertained in the workplace.
posted by quin at 1:05 PM on April 3, 2009 [16 favorites]

**** that ****!
posted by krinklyfig at 1:08 PM on April 3, 2009

Poop.
posted by spoobnooble at 1:49 PM on April 3, 2009

I remember the day the Washington Post printed the word "fuck" in reference to Dick Cheney's outburst on the floor of the Senate. It made me way happier than it should have.

(PS, note in the link how the Washington Times handled it)
posted by Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam at 5:44 PM on April 3, 2009

Wow, quin - your life imitates art, as in I just saw that happen in the David Schwimmer/Simon Pegg movie 'Big Nothing'. Weird!
posted by dash_slot- at 5:45 PM on April 3, 2009

eponysteria time......

Current favorites: twatwaffle, panooch and assgoblin. Your mileage may vary.


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posted by lalochezia at 6:07 PM on April 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

Also note that "back to top" is an artifact of the copy & paste I did from noswearing.com, but could refer to returning to your dominant deviant S&M lover.
posted by lalochezia at 6:09 PM on April 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

dash_slot- : 'Big Nothing'. Weird!

What's even weirder is that I just added that movie to my instant Netflix queue about a week ago, and I still haven't watched it yet.

I had no idea that there was anything like that in there, I just saw Simon Pegg and figured I'd have to give it a try.

And now I'm having one of those "plate of shrimp" moments...
posted by quin at 7:54 PM on April 3, 2009

I've heard it's awful, FWIW.
posted by Artw at 6:43 AM on April 4, 2009

This left me nostalgic for the days of the millennial cock bubble.
posted by Acheman at 7:10 AM on April 4, 2009