Ok, let's see a cat try that.
April 6, 2009 10:14 AM   Subscribe

Sophie Tucker, thought dead for four months, has been surviving alone by living off of feral goats on a deserted island.

Not the actress. She's still dead.
posted by miss lynnster (50 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
I saw this on yahoo, Make me happy she returned to her family, but makes me sad that my dog is going to eat my face if I die alone at home.
posted by tomas316 at 10:19 AM on April 6, 2009 [4 favorites]


That is one tough bitch.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:20 AM on April 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


El chupacabra!
posted by steef at 10:22 AM on April 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


Who on a deserted island is the Columbo who goes around investigating feral goat deaths?
posted by crapmatic at 10:23 AM on April 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


metafilter: living off feral goats on a deserted island.
posted by ornate insect at 10:24 AM on April 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


St. Bees island? Did Homer Simpson name that one?
posted by Edgewise at 10:24 AM on April 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


St. Bees Island (on Google Maps) isn't always so deserted.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:27 AM on April 6, 2009


A cat would never have gotten in the boat to begin with.
posted by Smarson at 10:31 AM on April 6, 2009 [10 favorites]


Stranded, had to swim some ridiculous distance, survived on its own for months?

Ah, it's an Australian Cattle Dog. Not really as impressive once I found that bit out; those fuckers are just unstoppable.

I'm pretty sure I could fire mine into deep space and within a year or two, not only would she come back, she'd have done so by herding some poor alien spacecraft into a corner and forcing them to take her wherever she wanted to go.

They really are that demoniacally smart.
posted by quin at 10:33 AM on April 6, 2009 [19 favorites]


I'm pretty sure I could fire mine into deep space and within a year or two, not only would she come back, she'd have done so by herding some poor alien spacecraft into a corner and forcing them to take her wherever she wanted to go.

I smell a screenplay! Can we cast my Great Aunt Minny as the dog? She's perfect.
posted by rokusan at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2009


We love them and they love us, but deep down inside dogs are still wolves.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Deep down inside, we're still chimps. I fling my virtual poo at you.
posted by orthogonality at 10:45 AM on April 6, 2009 [5 favorites]


I'm happy to learn of Koala lordship of St Bees Island.
posted by stbalbach at 10:47 AM on April 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Something tells me that my little puppy would not (a) be able to swim 5 feet in an ocean, much less 5 miles, or (b) be able to defeat any prey in battle to avoid starvation. In fact, I wonder how long toy dogs in general would last as a species if humans went poof.
posted by dios at 10:47 AM on April 6, 2009


First thing I thought when reading "living off feral goats" was, of course, Selkirk...
posted by Ogre Lawless at 10:48 AM on April 6, 2009


This just in! Francisco Franco and Kurt Cobain are still dead.
posted by jonp72 at 10:56 AM on April 6, 2009


She had help.
posted by pracowity at 11:05 AM on April 6, 2009


Ok, let's see a cat try that.

THey might have trouble swimming to an island, but cats are all too effective at feeding themselves once they're there. And let's not even talk about the mice.
posted by Johnny Assay at 11:06 AM on April 6, 2009


Goat meat is the new bacon. Sophie Tucker must be one of those rare meme-sniffing hounds.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:08 AM on April 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


but makes me sad that my dog is going to eat my face if I die alone at home.

Face? I'd be happy if he started on my face. I heard that they go for the tender parts first, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:08 AM on April 6, 2009


If they were feral goats, the dog was probably doing a service by keeping the population down.
posted by Danf at 11:11 AM on April 6, 2009


God people, it's a dog, animals DO live in the nature, and survive, remember? Gah.
posted by Laotic at 11:17 AM on April 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


God people, it's a dog, animals DO live in the nature, and survive, remember? Gah.

So if we dropped you off a boat in the middle of a storm, you could swim 5 nautical miles and then survive on an island for months? Because people DO live in nature and survive, too.
posted by inigo2 at 11:20 AM on April 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


PeterMcDermott: "I'd be happy if he started on my face. I heard that they go for the tender parts first, if you know what I mean and I think you do."

If you'd donate your organs to a total stranger once you don't need them any more, why wouldn't you donate that organ to your beloved pet?

Just make sure I'm dead first, Reggie and/or Emma. Make very sure. That's all I ask.
posted by Joe Beese at 11:23 AM on April 6, 2009


Don't know that she'd have made it that far/long in the water, but my little dog survived on the streets for two months before I got her so even though she's a spoiled baby now, I know she's got a serious survival instinct. She has no idea she's a dachshund/terrier, she has such a big dog fire in her belly I don't think she'd be one to give up easily.

My dad had australian blue heelers though. And I agree that when they're trained and exercised enough, they're definitely very smart and great dogs. Especially if you own a ranch and they can get out to do what they're born to do. But when untrained their energy and strength equals that of a herd of crazed out-of-control buffalo and some can be a bit stupid without a firm master to tell them how to behave. Oh, and from personal experience I've noticed they are quite skilled at herding senior citizens.

Trust me, if my dad's blue heeler had been put on that island, it would've been more like this. Minus the sarcastic rabbit. That dog was friggin' out of control.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:25 AM on April 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


Also, this cat could do it, once it grows up and learns to hunt.
posted by Laotic at 11:27 AM on April 6, 2009


She's no longer an Australian Cattle Dog, she's now an Australian Goat Hound.
posted by RussHy at 11:28 AM on April 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


Two dog posts on Metafilter, yay! Hopefully this means that the internet's infatuation with cats is over. What backstabbing ungrateful overprivileged spoiled rodents they are. Filthy animals, rubbing their pee soaked fur on their owner's legs and furniture. When I signed up to be a pet owner I didn't think being covered in urine was part of the bargain.

No cat waited for Odysseus's return, those selfish ingrates. But they had absolutely no problem sidling up to the Egyptian kings, purring contentedly as pharaoh after pharaoh brutalized the jews. Dogs help us farm, corral animals and cattle, rescue people, assist the blind and have generally pitched in to help mankind build civilization. Cats showed up after it was finished and peed all over it.

"But cats are so independent!" Cats are retarded. The get themselves trapped in boxes and ducts. Cats get stuck in trees. That's evolution's way of saying "Fuck if I know what I'm doing with this thing."

Dogs are the ultimate social network. A few simple messages passed around a small group and before you know it a herd of hundreds of 2000 lbs animals is fleeing in a blind panic. The Road could not have been so bleak and realistic if the man and the boy had a canine companion. You can't successfully attack someone with a knife if they have a dog. A dog is a force multiplier.

So I'm not surprised that the dog survived on that island. And it's a good thing for that island that it was only one dog. Set three dogs loose on that island and the bears will offer up sacrifices of virgin goats or anything else they can find just to keep the hounds at bay.
posted by Pastabagel at 11:31 AM on April 6, 2009 [15 favorites]


I was going to say something about wolves not swimming all that much, but this picture says otherwise. Regardless, 5 nautical miles (5.75 statute miles or 9.26 kilometers) is an impressive distance to swim, especially limited to doggy paddling.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:34 AM on April 6, 2009


Gotta love such a happy ending. If not a movie, the story would make a great children's book...but Sophie makes friends with the goats instead!
posted by Calzephyr at 11:36 AM on April 6, 2009


>bears will offer up sacrifices of virgin goats

I hadn't considered that.

Cool.
posted by darth_tedious at 11:37 AM on April 6, 2009


That is one bad-ass canine unit.
posted by VicNebulous at 11:39 AM on April 6, 2009


So if we dropped you off a boat in the middle of a storm, you could swim 5 nautical miles and then survive on an island for months? Because people DO live in nature and survive, too.

inigo2, don't be obtuse. There may be some people who treat animals like they've been degenerating through civilization for some millenia like us but the truth is, any animal which has not been spoiled by us will eat raw meat and perform feats of physical strength and endurance which are no longer a necessity in our civilization.

Also, if you dropped me in the middle of the storm, I might well just bob up and down on the waves and then swim until sun and dehydration took care of me and if I chanced to make landfall (you can hardly expect the dog to have a maritime map and compass in his head, so it was pure chance), why yes, 5 miles is nothing to stay above the fathomless bottom. Also, no sharks please.

Then, if I managed to land on an island which seems to abound in all kinds of stuff, I might, just might figure out how to land a goat and for my comfort, how to cook it. So yes, these stories would not be completely unrealistic even for humans. Point is - a dog??? Dogs sleep in the rain, in the cold, spend lonely nights out by the border post, have strong teeth and are accustomed to eating dirt with some dead animals in it, so don't make it into a hero story if it isn't. It's merely unusual that the dog landed and was later discovered.
posted by Laotic at 11:40 AM on April 6, 2009


A Dingo ate my baby...goat.
posted by cazoo at 11:53 AM on April 6, 2009 [4 favorites]


sad that my dog is going to eat my face if I die alone at home.

Are you kiddin' me? When I think of the horrible prospect of dropping dead here without having made arrangements for my animals and with no human likely to find me for at least several days, my only consolation is thinking that at least the pups would get a last meal out of me and might manage to survive until they were discovered.
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:19 PM on April 6, 2009 [2 favorites]


Filthy animals, rubbing their pee soaked fur on their owner's legs and furniture. When I signed up to be a pet owner I didn't think being covered in urine was part of the bargain.

Urine-covered cat owner? UR DOIN IT WRONG!
posted by fuse theorem at 12:30 PM on April 6, 2009 [6 favorites]


Sophie, you must go back to the island.
posted by orme at 12:38 PM on April 6, 2009 [10 favorites]


I'm too lazy to look it up, but wasn't there a Benji movie that was roughly like this story?
posted by dios at 12:40 PM on April 6, 2009


No cat waited for Odysseus's return, those selfish ingrates. But they had absolutely no problem sidling up to the Egyptian kings, purring contentedly as pharaoh after pharaoh brutalized the jews.

Uh-huh. uh- huh. So, where do the Nazis' german shepherd and doberman pinscher concentration camp guard dogs fit in to this theory?
posted by longsleeves at 1:14 PM on April 6, 2009


accustomed to eating dirt with some dead animals in it

Oh God how true this is. Our Jack-Russell-ish adopted stray turns up her nose at anything at home that doesn't look sufficiently like it came from the table -- but take her out to her native beach and she reverts instantaneously, eating whatever chicken bones and rotting fish she can find.

There's nothing like adopting a stray dog to (1) get the most incredibly loyal companion you can imagine and (2) learning what "survival instinct" really means.
posted by Michael Roberts at 1:48 PM on April 6, 2009


Show me a post with a woman, a dog, or a baby in the FPP, and I’ll show you a post that gets clicks.
posted by telstar at 1:57 PM on April 6, 2009


I fling my virtual poo at you.

You've just summarised the entire Internets.
posted by WalterMitty at 3:59 PM on April 6, 2009 [3 favorites]


Not the actress. She's still dead.

More of a singer/comedian than actress, really, ending up mostly in nightclubs. Some early cylinder recordings. I'm happy for the dog, but damn do I love Sophie Tucker's oversexed red hot mama act. She was a gem.
posted by mediareport at 4:34 PM on April 6, 2009


ARGH, "off of" is such terrible grammar.
posted by wilful at 4:39 PM on April 6, 2009


Sophie is lucky the goats didn't have a guard camel.
posted by homunculus at 5:21 PM on April 6, 2009


The Age has her eating koalas too.
posted by tellurian at 6:38 PM on April 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


My favourite breed of dog.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:57 PM on April 6, 2009


ARGH, "off of" is such terrible grammar.
"Recent commentators who still say off of should be avoided are out of touch with reality" (M-W Concise Dictionary of English Usage).
posted by dd42 at 4:25 AM on April 7, 2009


I say, Hey! You! Get off of my cloud.
posted by tellurian at 7:01 AM on April 7, 2009


It didn't catch a rabbit, so it isn't a friend of mine.
posted by MuffinMan at 1:05 AM on April 8, 2009


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