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Can I Marry Gay?
May 20, 2009 4:50 AM   Subscribe

What with all the changes lately, sometimes I'm not sure where my right to marry whomever I want to has been ensured. Can I Marry Gay? is a handy reference with state by state information, and keeps me up to date. Worried about recent state Supreme Court decisions forcing you to join teh gay? Must I Marry Gay? is for you. [via mefi projects]
posted by ocherdraco (48 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

 
They would have done well to have made it a clickable, colored map.
posted by dunkadunc at 5:07 AM on May 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


Really a double serving site, not a single. Although I guess the first one is a single for glbt while the second is a single for lolconservatives. Which I heartily approve of.

http://must.icarryquran.com (NO)
http://are.wesocialistyet.com (TERSE EXPLANATION OF WHAT SOCIALISM IS AND ISN'T)
http://must.igiveupmypreciousbodilyfluids.com (NO, BUT WE'D SURE APPRECIATE IT)
posted by DU at 5:19 AM on May 20, 2009


Gay marriages for some! Miniature American flags for others!
posted by Joe Beese at 5:27 AM on May 20, 2009 [5 favorites]


Along similar lines, there are http://www.doihavetheswineflu.com/ and http://doihaveswineflu.org/
posted by madcaptenor at 5:30 AM on May 20, 2009


It doesn't auto-geolocate for me at all, which makes it about the same as the Wikipedia page on gay marriage. But with ads.
posted by smackfu at 6:00 AM on May 20, 2009


Goddamn it, America. If marriage is recognized everywhere, so should gay marriage.

And besides, aren't all marriages at least a little gay?
posted by grubi at 6:03 AM on May 20, 2009 [5 favorites]


It doesn't auto-geolocate for me at all, which makes it about the same as the Wikipedia page on gay marriage. But with ads.

This.
posted by muddgirl at 6:05 AM on May 20, 2009


Ads? Oh, wait. I have an adblocker, and missed them. Sorry, guys.
posted by ocherdraco at 6:09 AM on May 20, 2009


I dunno, I like the fact it cites the specific law/statute/whatever for each state, tersely telling you why or why not.

I also love that in Connecticut, civil unions will be "upgraded" to marriage in 2010.

Can you get extended warranties, too?
posted by rokusan at 6:11 AM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Huh. I've heard "gay-marry" before, as a compound verb a la "babysit." But if people have been saying "marry gay" I haven't noticed it.

My brain keeps wanting to parse it as a resultative, like "marry rich" (or "strip naked," or "grow tall") — "Well," I can hear someone saying in a snooty, Cary Grant-ish sort of voice, "her family aren't dykes, of course, but she married gay.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:11 AM on May 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


"her family aren't dykes, of course, but she married gay"

Now I'm imagining a novel where the heroine marries into a family with a good gay name but it turns out that they turned straight ages ago and they're desperately trying to keep up appearances. And they've got a crazy swinger uncle locked up in the attic.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:30 AM on May 20, 2009 [19 favorites]


I'm waiting for "should I marry gay." Meanwhile I'll just keep pretending I'm reading Men's Fitness for the work-out tips and using macho swagger to cover my inability to commit to a heterosexual relationship.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:32 AM on May 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


I think a good idea might be a Gay Starter Marriage website where wonderful gay men and women offer their marital services on a try-it-and-see basis, and if you end up liking Teh Gay Marriage Experience you can stay married to them.

If you're not completely satisfied with your Gay Marriage, your chosen Gay Man or Woman will release you back into the wild after a period of 90 days, with your choice of bag lunch provided.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 6:37 AM on May 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


Now I'm imagining a novel where the heroine marries into a family with a good gay name but it turns out that they turned straight ages ago and they're desperately trying to keep up appearances. And they've got a crazy swinger uncle locked up in the attic.

This is already my favorite novel and I don't even have evidence that it exists yet.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:38 AM on May 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


It doesn't auto-geolocate for me at all

The locations are based on hostip.info, an open geolocation database, where you can add your own location. Of course, then you're just geolocating yourself, but it'll help on any other sites that do geolocating with hostip.info.

But if people have been saying "marry gay" I haven't noticed it.

Yeah, that awkward phrasing is meant to suggest pretty much exactly what you took from it, the silly idea that gay marriage is something anyone might do on a whim. Because that seems to be a worry of opponents of gay marriage.
posted by scottreynen at 6:47 AM on May 20, 2009


http://should.igeolocatemyself.com
posted by DU at 6:49 AM on May 20, 2009


Conservatives: Proving time and time again, that people who have gay sex in bathrooms and hotels can marry straight, bridging two worlds in peaceful coexistence.

(waitaminute...)
posted by yeloson at 7:08 AM on May 20, 2009


I live in the Netherlands, and I'm confused that this site doesn't know I can marry gay, should I want to.
posted by DreamerFi at 7:29 AM on May 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Those auto-geolocation things never work for me. The guesses are wrong in a consistent manner, though, so I suspect I know why.

The "Can I marry gay" reminds me of this joke:

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great. I never could before.
posted by Karmakaze at 7:30 AM on May 20, 2009


They would have done well to have made it a clickable, colored map.
Something like this?

(Note: The author is an old friend.)
posted by kmz at 7:42 AM on May 20, 2009 [5 favorites]


Now I'm imagining a novel where the heroine marries into a family with a good gay name but it turns out that they turned straight ages ago and they're desperately trying to keep up appearances. And they've got a crazy swinger uncle locked up in the attic.

Make a TV show out of it and you basically have Arrested Development.
posted by kingbenny at 7:54 AM on May 20, 2009


Gay marriages for some! Miniature American flags for others!

Can people who support gay marriage get miniature rainbow flags?
posted by madcaptenor at 7:55 AM on May 20, 2009


Something like this?

Wow, kmz, that is so much more readable than Wikipedia's stripey info-overload version. Thanks!
posted by kittyprecious at 8:01 AM on May 20, 2009


I clicked on the link to the relevant statute for my state, and found myself reading through all of our marriage laws, which proved to be a lot weirder than I expected. Couples can get married at 15, but only if the girl is pregnant. First cousins can marry, but only if they are both over the age of 65-- presumably to avoid the possibility of inbred cousin-babies.

This got me started looking at the state laws regarding first cousin marriages: 20 states allow first cousins to marry, 24 don't, and 6 only allow it under certain circumstances. Illinois, Arizona, and Wisconsin allow cousin marriages only if one partner is unable to reproduce. Maine sensibly requires that cousin-couples obtain genetic counseling before marrying. North Carolina allows first cousin marriage, but not double first cousin marriage.

I think somebody needs to make can.imarrycousin.com.
posted by bookish at 8:21 AM on May 20, 2009


I really wish people would be more exact with their language. It is not "gay marriage," it is "same-sex marriage." Gays and lesbians have always had the right to marry, so marriages could be plenty gay before they were ever allowed to be same-sex. They don't ask for your sexual orientation on the forms, only your sex.

Given that opposite-sex (hetero) marriage isn't called "straight marriage" or any nonce like that, "gay marriage" seems really inaccurate.
posted by explosion at 8:30 AM on May 20, 2009


You seem to be the one who is saying "gay" always equals "gay male", Mr. Exact Language.
posted by smackfu at 8:31 AM on May 20, 2009


Also, that doesn't seem like a fight worth fighting. Yes, gays could have married someone of the opposite sex that they presumably didn't really love. Do we really need a name for that?
posted by smackfu at 8:34 AM on May 20, 2009


Given that opposite-sex (hetero) marriage isn't called "straight marriage" or any nonce like that, "gay marriage" seems really inaccurate.

Either unfortunately or simply as a matter of statistics, marriage between people of the opposite sex is considered the "normal" way of marrying. There is no perceived need to qualify what is meant. The same way that white Americans are just called Americans, in contrast to African-Americans. The numerically dominant do not need to give more explanation.

And marriages could not be gay before they were same-sex. Since a marriage consists of 2 people, a marriage being gay would probably imply that it is between two gay people. And I don't think anybody would call a marriage between a gay man and a lesbian woman a "gay marriage", but rather a marriage of convenience or something.
posted by Lemurrhea at 8:39 AM on May 20, 2009


Yes, gays could have married someone of the opposite sex that they presumably didn't really love. Do we really need a name for that?

We have one: marriages of closeted Republicans.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:40 AM on May 20, 2009



You seem to be the one who is saying "gay" always equals "gay male", Mr. Exact Language.


I liked the Metaflter-Coined terms. Samefuckers and Otherfuckers.
posted by The Whelk at 8:52 AM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Does that make bi-sexuals Eitherfuckers?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:04 AM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


The assumption of course is that the only thing holding you back from the gay marry is the law. This is most likely not the case if you are unaware of the gay marriage rules in your area.
posted by srboisvert at 9:10 AM on May 20, 2009


Eitherfuckers?

Everyfucker?
posted by The Whelk at 9:11 AM on May 20, 2009


Can I please get a clickable map of bridges that I can marry?
posted by orme at 9:15 AM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Eitherfuckers?

Everyfucker?


And, for use in rants by the romantically unlucky, "everyoneELSEfuckers."

(You gotta capitalize it like that or it really jumps out at you that it contains the word "eels," and that's just wrong.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:29 AM on May 20, 2009


'Every on eels e-fucker' does seem like it would be a complicated lifestyle choice to reveal to your parents, so yeah, capitalization seems to be key to clarity here.
posted by quin at 9:55 AM on May 20, 2009 [5 favorites]


Every on eels e-fucker sounds like it involves a lot of internet tentacle porn
posted by Pollomacho at 10:09 AM on May 20, 2009


So those five US states are the only places in the world where I can marry gay?

Really, American solipsism is sometimes humorous, sometimes, pathetic, always annoying.

WE CAN FUCKING MARRY IN CANADA and have been able to, coast to coast to coast, for the last four years. Why is this so often ignored in your same-sex marriage "debate"?
posted by ethnomethodologist at 10:34 AM on May 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Ever yon eel's e-fucker. It's a lifelong, monogamous long-distance teledildonic eel-fucking relationship, thankyouverymuch.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:34 AM on May 20, 2009


WE CAN FUCKING MARRY IN CANADA and have been able to, coast to coast to coast, for the last four years. Why is this so often ignored in your same-sex marriage "debate"?

But you already know that, so a website like this would be useless for you, whereas a gay American (or USian) who hasn't been paying any attention to the news for the last few years will need help.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:43 AM on May 20, 2009


So those five US states are the only places in the world where I can marry gay?

You are looking for "canImarryeh?.com"
posted by smackfu at 10:51 AM on May 20, 2009


For the clickable map inclined, there's this one from npr.

For those interested in predicting the future of gay marriage in the US, this post (map included!) is pretty interesting.
posted by funkiwan at 10:58 AM on May 20, 2009


So those five US states are the only places in the world where I can marry gay?

The site is structured to cover other countries (there's a country code in the URLs). I just haven't done the research yet to give good answers, and didn't find that worth doing before launching the site. That's probably partially because I'm American, but also because I think the situation is kind of unique in America.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe America is the only country where the answer is so complex, e.g. you can marry in some parts, but not in others, and you will be able to marry in others in a few months, and you could marry in some, but now you can't.
posted by scottreynen at 11:04 AM on May 20, 2009


That Depend If Gay Want Marry You.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:29 PM on May 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


That Depend If Gay Want Marry You.

Old Cary Grant fine. How you?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:43 PM on May 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Nice use of additional virtual domains. wherecan.imarrygay and must.imarrygay make this a shade more than a single serving site.
posted by filthy light thief at 6:55 AM on May 21, 2009


Now I'm imagining a novel where the heroine marries into a family with a good gay name but it turns out that they turned straight ages ago and they're desperately trying to keep up appearances. And they've got a crazy swinger uncle locked up in the attic.

The Birdcage 2: Drag Harder, coming soon to a theater near you!
posted by Rock Steady at 2:30 PM on May 21, 2009


WE CAN FUCKING MARRY IN CANADA

Well, you can. I can't even seem to get a decent date in this country.
posted by Casuistry at 12:06 AM on May 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


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