Here, in modified transcript form, I bring you…The Tackiest Commercial Ever
Attractive, large-ish blonde chick (ALBC): “Standard diet commercialese, blah blah blah blah blah…I was fat. Real fat. Boy, was I fat. But then September eleventh happened.”
HUH? (It’s ok. Stay with me. Yes, she really did go from “I used to be fat” to “then September eleventh happened.” Nonsequiturville, here I come.)
ALBC: I realized that if there was another disaster, I might not be able to help other people. And I’m an elementary school teacher, so that would be bad. Most people have one reason to lose weight. I have 20. (pan across sea of beaming children’s faces). End with American flag and sugar-free apple pie.
I can only hope a Todd Beamer “Let’s Roll” line of rollerblades isn’t coming next.
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