Tactical Corsets

June 13, 2009 8:50 PM

Tactical Corsets (marginally NSFW) -- "Tactical gear is no longer an all boys club. Tactical Corsets bring female operators MILSPEC features like MOLLE modular pouch attachment webbing and self-adjustable quick-release buckles in a load-bearing carrier designed to support the female form."
posted by Chocolate Pickle (52 comments total)

Needs more grenades.
(but the picture with the guy in the Utilikilt is a plus.)
posted by Balisong at 8:52 PM on June 13, 2009

Can there be a ban on the use of 'empowered' in marketing products towards women? At least this website has no pink in sight.
posted by liquorice at 8:59 PM on June 13, 2009 [7 favorites]

Why do I get the sinking feeling Xeni Jardin is going to LOVE these?
posted by Rock Steady at 9:07 PM on June 13, 2009 [8 favorites]

These corsets, they spread out and diffuse the kinetic energy of impacting bullets, right?
posted by Artw at 9:24 PM on June 13, 2009

Artw, I think they distract the shooter so he misses.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 9:29 PM on June 13, 2009

War porn.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:30 PM on June 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

I bet I'd think this was awesome and want to buy five if only any of the links on their website worked on my browser, wouldn't I?

Artw, I think they distract the shooter so he misses.

Rather, I think that the assumption is that the person wearing the corset will be the shooter. The guy in the Utilikilt carries the extra ammunition.
posted by Forktine at 9:49 PM on June 13, 2009

What if they drop the ammunition and then have to bend over to pick it up?
posted by Artw at 9:50 PM on June 13, 2009 [3 favorites]

Ammunition on a rope?
posted by Forktine at 9:52 PM on June 13, 2009

I bet I'd think this was awesome and want to buy five if only any of the links on their website worked on my browser, wouldn't I?

Forktine, I doubt it's your browser; from the bottom of the page:
This new Tactical corsets web site is under construction. Bear with us for the next few days as we get all the features working.
posted by heyho at 9:58 PM on June 13, 2009

Wow, fascism sure is sexy.
posted by loquacious at 10:01 PM on June 13, 2009

Wow, fascism sure is sexy.

I think this is mainly geared to S&M types. See the 'interrogation pouch' module on the right.
posted by delmoi at 10:27 PM on June 13, 2009

I'd love to buy one.... if any of the links worked. At all.
posted by Malice at 10:37 PM on June 13, 2009

Feminism is too complicated for geeks. Fulfilling two male gamer fantasies at once and calling it empowering --for women-- is just incredible.

Until I get further notice, I'm going to assume this a deep con, designed to call out undertheorized 3rd wave types. You know, like Fred Phelps is secretly working for the left. Because honestly, this is beyond stupid. A corset? Come on. You're going to have to try harder than that to fool me.
posted by allen.spaulding at 11:19 PM on June 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Feminism is too complicated for geeks. Fulfilling two male gamer fantasies at once and calling it empowering --for women-- is just incredible.

Of course, Allen. Just as well those silly little women have big, brave you to tell them how to feel about this. There certainly couldn't possibly be any women who might think it was cool, and if they did, why they're obviously the victims of false conciousness. If only they'd think like you, they'd be empowered!
posted by rodgerd at 11:22 PM on June 13, 2009 [4 favorites]

I rest my case. Obviously that's all there is to it. Some woman somewhere appears to like something for some reason. It's EMPOWERING!!!
posted by allen.spaulding at 11:29 PM on June 13, 2009 [2 favorites]

Feminism is too complicated for geeks. Fulfilling two male gamer fantasies at once and calling it empowering --for women-- is just incredible.

Until I get further notice, I'm going to assume this a deep con, designed to call out undertheorized 3rd wave types. You know, like Fred Phelps is secretly working for the left. Because honestly, this is beyond stupid. A corset? Come on. You're going to have to try harder than that to fool me.

Wait, what now?

I don't understand what this has to do with feminism at all. They did use the word "empowered", but all the copy read ironically to me.

And are they really fulfilling anybody's (sexual) fantasy? I'm a male gamer who likes fetish gear. But I liked this (and showed it to my wife) because it's a pretty neat concept, although a total gimmick. I can't imagine that anybody wearing MOLLE gear, whether it's a plate carrier or a corset, is going to look particularly hot with a zillion nylon pouches strapped to them. The girls at the paintball park lose all their curves behind their tacvests and pouches. It probably doesn't even work for hardcore D/s folks.

The only people I can imagine wearing this are either crusty or ravers.
posted by Netzapper at 11:55 PM on June 13, 2009

Reminded me of this, for some reason.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:57 PM on June 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

The guy in the Utilikilt carries the extra ammunition.

Wait, is he on his hands and knees? Wearing a dog collar, right?

I think I know that guy.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:01 AM on June 14, 2009

They did use the word "empowered", but all the copy read ironically to me.

I thought that at first but then I watched the video. I mean, the whole thing is too simple to worry that much about. Someone saw geek love of utilikits, that hipsters and others are into burlesque, that bdsm has been mainstreamed, and put them all together, including various tactical elements to draw in even more people. All of these groups falsely believe they are on the margins of society and are doing something wrong, which is one of the best marketing tools to sell even more junk.

Again, this is just annoying more than anything. What exists of the website, combined with the video, makes me think that it's not ironic in any meaningful way - perhaps it's ironic in the wink-wink kind of irony that serves these communities well.
posted by allen.spaulding at 12:14 AM on June 14, 2009 [3 favorites]

The only people I can imagine wearing this are either crusty or ravers.

I can't imagine any female crusties or ravers wearing this. The only people I can imagine wearing this are the female partners of men with a military/gun fetish, doing it to please their partners.

That's not a small market though, I'd imagine.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:59 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

I can't imagine any female crusties or ravers wearing this. The only people I can imagine wearing this are the female partners of men with a military/gun fetish, doing it to please their partners.

To be fair, I'd bet it's way too expensive for the crusties.
posted by Netzapper at 1:19 AM on June 14, 2009

Wait, crusty is a thing now? Not just an adjective?
posted by delmoi at 1:41 AM on June 14, 2009

Wait, crusty is a thing now?

Oh, only for the last fifteen years or so. Think dreadlocks, cider and a dog-on-a-string.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:53 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh, only for the last fifteen years or so. Think dreadlocks, cider and a dog-on-a-string.

I didn't know what crusties were before, and I still don't after this sentance.
posted by heathkit at 3:10 AM on June 14, 2009 [5 favorites]

Actually, there's an interesting us of internet language on that site: "epic win", "cutest X evar", and "hotness". Not words I've seen before in the kinda 'we're selling you a non-internet product which is kinda serious'. Considering that the internet is seemingly filled with young women who will buy welder's goggles, gothic lolita dresses and fake neon dreadlocks for no apparent reason, I predict the tactical-themed corset will be a bit hit.


Oh, only for the last fifteen years or so. Think dreadlocks, cider and a dog-on-a-string.

I didn't know what crusties were before, and I still don't after this sentance.

I think it's an English thing, insomuch that people can look like vagrants while still remaing middle-class. It's really an art, oddly practised mainly in summer. I suppose they winter somewhere, but nobody knows...
posted by Sova at 3:15 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

These corsets, they spread out and diffuse the kinetic energy of impacting bullets, right?

A friend who did medieval/renaissance re-enactment reckoned that a fully bones corset was only slightly less protective than full plate armour. While not bullet proof they offer protection against slashing blows (less so for thrusts, depending on whether the thrust goes between parts of the boning, though still protective).

This corset does not look to be of that level of hardiness.
posted by Coobeastie at 3:39 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

A quick release corset would seem to miss a large part of the allure of wearing a corset, among the people I know who like corsets. Which is admittedly a small set of people.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 4:00 AM on June 14, 2009

Crusty or raver? No, this is a cybergoth garment.
posted by mkb at 5:15 AM on June 14, 2009 [6 favorites]

I see "tactical" and I see "corset," but they seem kind of...slapped together? If the pockets and doo-dads and whatever were better integrated into the corset, I could maybe get it, but these just seemed kind of half-assed.
posted by xingcat at 5:53 AM on June 14, 2009 [2 favorites]

The only people I can imagine wearing this are either crusty or ravers.

Ravers, maybe (is there anything they won't wear?), but this is far too clean and pretty for a crusty. Where would you safety-pin your carefully aged band stencils?

I can definitely imagine this being worn by the same kind of person who thinks steampunk is really neat, and I think it will end up being a frequently seen prop in all kinds of photo shoots. It has that perfect combination of (symbolic, at least) empowerment and (quite real) titillation, along with enough wink-and-a-nod irony to allow "empowerment" to be used both with a straight face or tongue in cheek.

Remember the Hot weather goths FPP the other day? Can't you imagine one of the (sweaty) people in this photo switching over to the new tactical model for maximum irony and improved summer comfort?
posted by Forktine at 6:12 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Empowering" is the new "extreme".

Exactly how are these corn chips related to backflipping off a cliff on a snowboard while playing a blistering guitar solo on a double-necked flying V that's ON FIRE again?

Exactly how is this shampoo related to striking a blow against the patriarchy, roaring your womynhood loudly for all to hear, and linking arms in solidarity with your oppressed sistren again?

See also: "zen".
posted by ixohoxi at 7:02 AM on June 14, 2009 [4 favorites]

cybergoth

I think I'm really attracted to this, and despite my higher brain functions, I think the tactical corset is hot too. I think this is because I am imagining the corset on a very attractive person, even when I know that there is no fitness requirement to buy such a thing.
posted by fuq at 7:02 AM on June 14, 2009

I didn't know what crusties were before, and I still don't after this sentance.

Favoured hairstyle: dreadlocks
Favoured libation: strong cider
Favoured accessory: dog on a string

Proof that they aren't just English.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:08 AM on June 14, 2009

I think the makers of the vest have been watching too much anime. I seem to recall a couple series that involved ceramic plating fitting undetectably (until used) under super-tight dresses. I think the real-world technology has a way to go yet.
posted by happyroach at 8:10 AM on June 14, 2009

There is an "outfit", outfit in Utah, called The McGrew Costume Studio, they make camoflage tutus, and corsets. In fact they make a lot of stuff there, that is very interesting to look at and wear.
posted by Oyéah at 8:19 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

http://www.saltlakeslipcover.com/
posted by Oyéah at 8:20 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

My girlfriend was hoping they would have them in something other than black. I had to break it to her: If it ain't blacktical, it ain't tactical.
posted by adamdschneider at 8:22 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

Crusty or raver? No, this is a cybergoth garment.

Indeed, or rivethead.
posted by rifflesby at 9:02 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

Being shot (at) is very empowering, I'm sure.
posted by slimepuppy at 10:30 AM on June 14, 2009

I'd hit it.

But I'd probably ricochet.
posted by brundlefly at 11:01 AM on June 14, 2009 [2 favorites]

Like a lot of this kind of stuff, I don't see other people buying kombat korsets (marketers, please feel free to use that) as much as I see them inspiring other people to work on their own projects.

There's a weird sort of tension there, and it comes up in a lot of subcultures that someone is attempting to monetize. Buying a Make t-shirt is for dilettantes--better to screen-print your own. A Motobecane fixie isn't as cool as a Surly, which isn't nearly as cool as a frame you found in a Dumpster and a bunch of parts from the co-op. It's not cool to buy a Velvet Underground t-shirt--it's cool to start a band.

Pretty exciting, in a way that reminds me of punk rock and hip-hop and Web 1.0. But these kinds of things demand time and energy and commitment, and, well, making up for a shortage of these things by throwing money at the problem is pretty much the American way. Maybe it's cynically selling fake authenticity that's the American way. Maybe it's eagerly lining up to buy it that's the American way. Maybe it's criticizing this practice like I'm above it instead of within it. It's all pretty symbiotic, in a vicious-circle kind of way.
posted by box at 11:06 AM on June 14, 2009 [1 favorite]

The cybergoth / rivethead people have it. Fetish gear + military gear is the exact sort of combo you'd see at such clubs. As box said though, most of that is more homegrown than pre-assembled, but then again most subcultures go through that then "graduate" to something like a Hot Topic (where the next-wave people buy stuff ready made), so who knows.

I've seen corset/tight pvc + MOLLE-style attachments at clubs before.
posted by wildcrdj at 1:11 PM on June 14, 2009

Too high-concept for them to sell it to anyone but those with a lot of disposable income, which these days is... nobody. Which is just as well, given the horrifying possibility that two people might show up with these at Burning Man.
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:34 PM on June 14, 2009

The only people I can imagine wearing this are the female partners of men with a military/gun fetish, doing it to please their partners.

.... 'Cause only men can possibly have military/gun fetishes? I'm really missing something here.
posted by webmutant at 3:52 PM on June 14, 2009

Ok, now that I know it's an English thing, it makes sense. This is the country that gave us chavs, after all. Would Lister from Red Dwarf have been a crusty?

Also, I second the motion that this be declared cybergoth.
posted by heathkit at 6:22 PM on June 14, 2009

He's more of a plain old unpretentious snob, tbh.
posted by Artw at 6:33 PM on June 14, 2009

Because women can't possibly believe women look sexy in corsets, amirite?

Totally forget guns and all that 'man' stuff.
posted by Malice at 9:11 PM on June 14, 2009

I long for the day that Miguel Caballero turns his hand to female fashions.
posted by Molesome at 8:15 AM on June 15, 2009

All of these groups falsely believe they are on the margins of society and are doing something wrong, which is one of the best marketing tools to sell even more junk.

Man, and if you think allen.spaulding has some sneering condescension now, just wait until he brutally dresses down the goats that wander over his bridge.
posted by FatherDagon at 10:47 AM on June 15, 2009

Some people might think this is all for fetish, or some other stupid reason. I am a woman and I own various guns. The problem with normal vests is that they are too big and bulky, and I look like the Hulk while wearing them. I carry a gun because of a psycho ex, so if this could provide a little extra protection when I'm going into a situation that could easily blow up. If it was functional to wear, not too heavy or bulky, protected me and looked hot then I'd wear it.
posted by sporaticgenius at 2:01 PM on June 15, 2009

I've seen one of these tactical corsets in person. I think the photos don't do them justice, basically it's the corset redone with something other than the usual delicate fabrics.

That mannequin though - that's a right hand. On the left side. Looks a little disturbing.

sporaticgenius, if you have a CCW permit one of these isn't going to cover that first C. Not so functional.
posted by yohko at 4:55 PM on June 15, 2009