Step 1: Squat! Step 2: Shred!

July 1, 2009 9:08 PM

Crabcore!
posted by fungible (60 comments total)

Lobstercore!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:15 PM on July 1 [4 favorites has favorites]

Q: Do things that suck, suck less when you do them in a synchronized fashion?

A: This.

I have decided that this band is It Dies Today with sillier "dancing" and less singing ability. But the video is still hilarious.
posted by 1adam12 at 9:24 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

you know Attack Attack! shouldn't be confused with Attack! Attack! they're completely different man

those links have loud autoplaying music by the way
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:25 PM on July 1

Albacore!
posted by zerobyproxy at 9:25 PM on July 1 [14 favorites has favorites]

The explanations - they do nothing!
posted by Artw at 9:26 PM on July 1 [2 favorites has favorites]

So this music, it gives you crabs?
posted by Dark Messiah at 9:30 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

I think someone needs to put a donk on that.
posted by txsebastien at 9:31 PM on July 1 [8 favorites has favorites]

heh! Save Crabcore - 'defined not by aural motifs, tones, lyrical content, or specific instrument ensembles; but rather by physical gesticulations and contortions of the arms and legs'.
posted by tellurian at 9:35 PM on July 1

I'm glad they don't do the crab move in the melodic parts-- that would just be silly.
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:35 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

FTA: Crabcore is defined by the body contortions of the band's guitarists when they perform.

Ehhh, yeah, so 80's/90's metal wasn't really metal, it was actually crabcore. Got it.

Are we sure this isn't the latest Operation:Mindfuck project?
posted by lekvar at 9:37 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

Needs more Weebl.
posted by Rhomboid at 9:39 PM on July 1

Metafilter: MUST BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND BOILING TEMPERATURES.
posted by dirigibleman at 9:39 PM on July 1

It is like someone mixed the spazz-out indifference to genre of Naked City, then added the goofiest dance moves of Stop Making Sense era Talking heads, and then drowned it all in mediocrity.
posted by idiopath at 9:40 PM on July 1

All this screamo is making me hungry....
posted by Dark Messiah at 9:42 PM on July 1 [2 favorites has favorites]

At first i hated this post, but then i couldn't stop clicking the links. These videos have a draw similar to a car crash.

Oh, and crabcore macho man.

Do people actually enjoy this genre as something other than a joke?
posted by Merik at 9:49 PM on July 1 [3 favorites has favorites]

The second link (WFMU blog) says "moves available to crabcore players include;
The 'Richardson Richardson'.
'Krinking'
The 'Beaver Bounce'
The 'Dirty Hamper'
The 'Pestal Press' "

These are all dance moves performed by the Beaver Boys from Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!

Either Tim and Eric were 'in' with the crabcore scene when they made Beaver Boys a couple years ago, or the blogger from WFMU is having a bit of fun with this.
posted by Hume at 9:53 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

You know who else had a wide stance...
posted by knave at 9:56 PM on July 1

Needs more Old Bay^®.
posted by ericb at 9:57 PM on July 1 [5 favorites has favorites]

accidentalfartcore
posted by brain_drain at 9:58 PM on July 1

Old Bay is the best seasoning known to man and if you disagree you are a dumb stupidface.
posted by Mikey-San at 10:18 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

Yum yum Bumble, Bumblebee Tuna
I Love Bumblebee, Bumblebee Tuna
Yum yum Bumble, Bumblebee Tuna
I love a sandwich made with Bumblebee
posted by filthy light thief at 10:19 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

I hope the concerned crustacean coalition sues.
posted by bz at 10:24 PM on July 1

Yum yum Bumble, Bumblebee Tuna

crabcore was bad enough, now we have to put up with albacore?
posted by pyramid termite at 10:25 PM on July 1 [1 favorite has favorites]

Mikey-San sorry to be the one to break it to you but someone has to do it; you are the dumb stupidface this is the best seasoning known to man not Old Bay: Original Red
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 10:52 PM on July 1

Is there softshell crabcore?

Or artificial crabcore? (Surimi pop?)

Is this in anyway linked to Spongebob? (He works at The Crabby Patty)

But if you go back far enough, you'll find that the ORIGINAL Crabcore Band was...
THE SMOTHERS BROTHERS!
"Crabs walk sideways and lobsters walk straight,
"And we won't let you take her for your mate."
posted by wendell at 11:01 PM on July 1 [2 favorites has favorites]

Alba-core predates Crabcore by over a decade. Plus, it's ska, and ska is never meant to be taken seriously.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:27 PM on July 1

This thread was worth it for 3 reasons comments links:

1. Lobstermagnet by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94
2. Weebl by Rhomboid
3. Beaver Boys by Hume

Thank you.
posted by sir_rubixalot at 11:32 PM on July 1

"Crapcore! That's what I call this kind of music. Crapcore!"
- Old Man, crabby to the core
posted by twoleftfeet at 11:40 PM on July 1

Needs more Kate Perry covers.
posted by w0mbat at 11:56 PM on July 1

Oh goddamn you filthy light thief. The Bumblebee tuna song was running through my head for days and just when I think it's gone, there you go putting it right back. I vow to skank on your grave.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:16 AM on July 2

Keyboard Cat works really well as an aural palate cleanser after that tripe. CRABCORE4EVA.
posted by minifigs at 12:47 AM on July 2

Here's the original version of the third video link

I can't decide which one is worse...
posted by arcolz at 12:56 AM on July 2

Genetically, paedophiles have more genes in common with crabs
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:18 AM on July 2

Was I the only one who followed Mei's lost sandal's link. Saw that it said "#A40040", and put checked out the RGB val to make suuuuure it was Original Red? Ah, definitely reddish, but not sure i'd call it 'original red'.
posted by The Giant Squid at 2:43 AM on July 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

Waitaminit... none of these douchebags live in a pineapple under the sea!


Memo to Attack Attack - doing the synchronized hair flip/windmill does not work if you are not sporting a full Metal Mane. That is not an emo hair move.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:52 AM on July 2

Crabcore.
posted by dortmunder at 4:07 AM on July 2

Anyone remember 'Carry On Wayward Son' by Kansas? That prog rock song that keeps changing riffs every thirty seconds, like they pasted together a bunch of bits from other songs to make up one big one? I am now convinced that crabcore band Sticky Stick is comprised of the sons of the members of Kansas. It would explain a lot, I think.
posted by spoobnooble at 4:28 AM on July 2

Careful with that Kansas video, spoobnooble.

It seems like good fun; Mustaches! Bongos! Keyboard! Bongos! Guitar Solo! Another Guitar Solo! Air Guitar! Bored Drummer!

But I thought it would be a laugh to torment my friend Mark by making him watch it. Result - this song WILL NOT LEAVE MY HEAD. I fear it is stuck forever. I have tried scouring it out with the catchiest tunes known to man, to no avail.

Let my torment be a lesson to you.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:00 AM on July 2

Crabcore: A bunch of Criss Angel fetuses dry humping Epiphones.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 5:05 AM on July 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:06 AM on July 2

i keep trying to hate this and then i see the one kid doing the squat thrust head bob and i crack up. they rule.

unlike Brokencyde, which, as we know, bespells doom.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:13 AM on July 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

Anyone remember 'Carry On Wayward Son' by Kansas?
That song brings to mind one of the better seasonings known to man.
Tarragon, my wayward son.
posted by Floydd at 6:01 AM on July 2

Is this what music has come to? Also for a bonus how in the hell can you look cool in front of a keyboard during a music video? Let alone dancing like a idiot in front of a keyboard during a music video. These tools were doomed from the start. Crabcore gets an Epic Fail.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:09 AM on July 2

Skip to 0:34
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:14 AM on July 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

... and of course I didn't read the thread properly...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:20 AM on July 2

Catcore
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:20 AM on July 2

knucklesandwichcore!
posted by DonnyMac at 7:17 AM on July 2

I've seen crabbier crabcore dancing in a mosh pit at a more... traditional? metal concert. Well, metal show in someone's basement anyway. There were a couple of guys with the same low stance, but they were also waving their arms above their heads, using their hands as pincers. It was quite entertaining. Not possible for those playing the instruments, so I guess it doesn't count as a type of music, but it is definitely related.
posted by notnamed at 7:21 AM on July 2

GET OFF MY BEACH!
posted by Ron Thanagar at 7:29 AM on July 2

One band does not a movement make.
posted by not_on_display at 7:38 AM on July 2

...unless we're talking bowel movement.
posted by not_on_display at 7:38 AM on July 2

This is a disgrace to crabs everywhere.
posted by NikitaNikita at 8:04 AM on July 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

Do you ever look at the sky and think, I'm glad I'm alive? After I heard (Attack! Attack!), I thought, I'm actually alive to hear the shittiest band of all time. Which is quite something when you think about it. Of all the bands that have gone before and all the bands that'll be in the future, I was around when the worst was around.
- Noel Gallagher
posted by weezy at 9:33 AM on July 2 [3 favorites has favorites]

1. that second youtube link is standalone beautiful

2. I'm pretty sure that portly kid in the third youtube link is a young Rush Limbaugh

3. the first song I ever heard while properly stoned on the demon drug marijuana was "Carry on Wayward Son" by Kansas; it was brand new at the time and yes, I was impressed, but I did end up laughing a lot

I have no idea what all of this means other than, ummm, great post (and thread), I shall now get the fuck on with my day and rest assured, there will be peace when I am done.
posted by philip-random at 10:15 AM on July 2

Rob Zombie's bass player did this when I saw their show in 1999, and in that context it was . . . effective. You Rob Zombie haters fuck off, it was a great show, very theatrical, though I had the feeling they weren't actually playing their instruments, but miming to a recording
posted by Restless Day at 10:31 AM on July 2

Rob Zombie live
posted by Restless Day at 10:35 AM on July 2

Crabcore article now up on Encyclopedia Dramatica. (NSFW, /b/tard warning)
posted by amuseDetachment at 10:38 AM on July 2

Totally off topic: There was some kid waiting for his mom to pick him up after the Rob Zombie concert, but she was killed in an auto accident by a drunk driver.
posted by Restless Day at 11:09 AM on July 2

Does crabcore make you whine about girls? Or is that just extra?
posted by lumpenprole at 12:03 PM on July 2

Wasn't this an ILX meme?

Anyway, I usually assume stuff that I have on my blog is already passé, so it's funny to see this on MeFi. Makes me wish I could post gifs here. They're weirdly hypnotic.
posted by klangklangston at 6:13 PM on July 2