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Music Journalism FTW
July 20, 2009 8:26 AM   Subscribe

The New York Times discusses some of the nation's most atrocious bands in the context of the Vans Warped Tour. We've seen some of these bands on the blue before, but never before has there been this much atrocity in one place.

Some songs to satiate your curiosity:

BrokeNCYDE - Freaxxx
Millionaires - Alcohol
Attack Attack! - Stick Sickly
posted by LSK (170 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
dr;lr
posted by you just lost the game at 8:28 AM on July 20, 2009


BrokeNCYDE is real?
posted by billysumday at 8:29 AM on July 20, 2009 [7 favorites]


Whoah. Did the guy who wrote Your Band Sucks for SA get a job at the NYT? Cause I was wondering what he's been up to.
posted by mek at 8:31 AM on July 20, 2009


Hooooleeee sheeeeit. Who thought BrokeNCYDE was a good idea?
posted by P.o.B. at 8:32 AM on July 20, 2009


> For free access to this article and more, you must be a registered member of NYTimes.com

But let me guess; the writer hated the music so much his monocle fell out and his top hat was askew?
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:33 AM on July 20, 2009 [11 favorites]


I kind of like Flogging Molly, actually. Is that wrong?
posted by pemberkins at 8:34 AM on July 20, 2009 [6 favorites]


Poor Molly.
posted by WalterMitty at 8:36 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh god I can't ever un-see that Brokencyde link, can I?
posted by mek at 8:38 AM on July 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


Man, the warped tour used to kick metric truckloads of ass. Dropkick, H2O, Sick of it All, Vandals, Anti-Flag, Dead Kennedys (I think?), Bad Religion, Screeching Weasel (I think?), all in one day? The only hard part was figuring out what stage to go to.

And no, Flogging Molly is a great band. It's the new scrEaMO that sucks.
posted by TomMelee at 8:38 AM on July 20, 2009


So I assume that Millionaires only exist because someone poured water on Tila Tequila right? Or is there an actual genre in LA of scenesters trying to rap extremely badly over electro?
posted by PenDevil at 8:38 AM on July 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


On the one hand, I 'm sure this music actually sucks, but on the other hand -- I don't think I'm old enough to care what the NY Times thinks of rock music yet.
posted by empath at 8:40 AM on July 20, 2009 [14 favorites]


I like the guy headbanging at the keyboards in the last video link.
posted by starman at 8:43 AM on July 20, 2009


Who thought BrokeNCYDE was a good idea?

Pretty Flowers feat. Rusty Bottoms?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:43 AM on July 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


Instant reviews:

BrokeNCYDE - Freaxxx: That is very bad, in a way that made me want to think about the different elements that made it bad. Lyrics, bad vocoder effects, random yelling, etc.

Millionaires - Alcohol: Hilarious. It's not good music, but it made me laugh.

Attack Attack! - Stick Sickly: I thought this song was pretty forgettable, until I got to the last 40 seconds. I was not expecting a transition to Euro house music.
posted by demiurge at 8:43 AM on July 20, 2009


The New York Times discusses some of the nation's most atrocious bands in the context of the Vans Warped Tour.

I would actually rather listen to a song about poor journalism from Jonathan Coulton and/or the Decemberists.
posted by DU at 8:43 AM on July 20, 2009 [6 favorites]


As an old person, my reaction to this was not so much "wow, this music is utter shit" as "wow, these kids just aren't cool at all." I mean, short guys screaming into a girl's ear? Headbanging over your keyboard?

Headbanging over your KEYBOARD?
posted by selfnoise at 8:43 AM on July 20, 2009 [10 favorites]


Since when is adding keyboards to hardcore new?
posted by saladin at 8:45 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Seriously? I'm not going to defend any of these bands, in fact, I've never heard of them, much less heard their music. But back when I was of the age that the Warp tour (as it was originally called) was in my wheelhouse, I can't see the NYT writing kind things about L7 or Quicksand.

Frankly, I can't see a single reason why anyone would give two shits about what the Times thinks of rock music or pop or hip-hop or any genre other than classical or maybe jazz.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:49 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


I remember seeing a pretty cool Vans Warped Tour in Boulder Co.
The Rev. Horton Heat, Bad Religion, and NOFX were the best, but there were a lot of crappy bands, too.
I'd pay to see Flogging Molly.
posted by Balisong at 8:49 AM on July 20, 2009


I think rock festivals are a pretty terrible idea.
posted by box at 8:51 AM on July 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


I like the guy headbanging at the keyboards in the last video link.

If keyboards were good enough for old Deep Purple and the occasional Led Zep, they're good enough for new whippersnapper metal.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:51 AM on July 20, 2009


This is just another comment in defense of Flogging Molly.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 8:52 AM on July 20, 2009


On preview: I'm a big jazz fan, and I can assure you that there's no reason for anyone to give a shit about what the NYT says about it.
posted by box at 8:52 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


I would actually rather listen to a song about poor journalism from Jonathan Coulton and/or the Decemberists.

Didn't the Decemberists already do a song about poor journalism?
posted by burnmp3s at 8:53 AM on July 20, 2009


I just read this sentence in the NYT:

It was Millionaires, though — three female rappers whose committed, dim music suggests an anime porn soundtrack — that made people take a stand.

For that, it was worth it.
posted by defenestration at 8:53 AM on July 20, 2009


Oh man, Ufez, Quicksand! How awesome was Landmine Spring!
posted by saladin at 8:54 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Man, the warped tour used to kick metric truckloads of ass.

I actually went this year because they had a lot of the older bands as headliners. The main stage had: Flogging Molly, Anti-flag, NOFX, Bad Religion, and Less Than Jake. Not a bad line-up for $40.

Also, I thank the poster for identifying Attack Attack! Man, that was trippy to see. They have a dude who just jumps around screams for their whole set. Maybe that's a thing nowadays? I'm old.

That NYTimes article somehow managed to leave out that Lil Jon joined 3OH!3 on stage. And if I was writing an article about different styles taking over Warped Tour, 3OH!3 would be my centerpiece. A main stage slot for a band that is more dance than punk and has a top 10 single. And that the kids loved. Quite different from a few years ago, when Alien Ant Farm blew up with a hit single mid-tour, and the organizers still kept them on a side stage.
posted by smackfu at 8:54 AM on July 20, 2009


I don't get it. Do modern punks actually listen to this stuff ironically, like those hipsters who wear mullet haircuts "ironically"? Or do they actually like dance music but don't want to admit that they like dance music?
posted by spoobnooble at 8:55 AM on July 20, 2009


For what it's worth, I think The Times' Ben Ratliff is a really good music writer.
posted by davebush at 8:56 AM on July 20, 2009


I would actually rather listen to a song about poor journalism from Jonathan Coulton and/or the Decemberists.
posted by DU at 8:43 AM on July 20


Here you go.
posted by mek at 8:57 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


I was not expecting a transition to Euro house music.

To think people complain this generation lacks ambition. Many bands of yesteryear would have been content to be terrible in a single genre.
posted by Adam_S at 8:58 AM on July 20, 2009 [6 favorites]


Do modern punks actually listen to this stuff ironically, like those hipsters who wear mullet haircuts "ironically"? Or do they actually like dance music but don't want to admit that they like dance music?

Not to bring up the Disco Sucks thread again, but punk may have won the battle, but disco won the war.
posted by empath at 9:00 AM on July 20, 2009 [8 favorites]


My curiosity would be satiated by recordings of BorkenCYDE's death rattle.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:01 AM on July 20, 2009


That Millionaires song is fucking awesome.
posted by cillit bang at 9:03 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


I refuse to legitimize the New York Times' opinion of music unless they publish an unbiased review of anime porn soundtracks.
posted by ardgedee at 9:05 AM on July 20, 2009


I also saw the Quicksand / L7 Warp Tour. Can't remember who else was on the bill... Body Count, maybe? Or was that the first Lolapollooza? I also think there was some sorta hip hop act in there but I can't remember. Was fun though.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 9:06 AM on July 20, 2009


I know they weren't mentioned in the article, but Streetlight Manifesto will be at the tour also, and they're awesome. Also, I like Flogging Molly.
posted by hopeless romantique at 9:06 AM on July 20, 2009


Aquarius Records reviews BROKENCYDE "I'm Not A Fan But The Kids Like It":

If we were really honest with ourselves, and based our love of a band entirely on these criteria: how many times have we listened to a specific song by this band, how many times have we watched a video by this band, how many hundreds of people have we sent a video by this band to, and how much time have we spent talking about this band, be it positive or negative? Well in that case these retarded Crunk-core goofs would be our favorite band EVER.

posted by monkeymike at 9:09 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Card Cheat: "> For free access to this article and more, you must be a registered member of NYTimes.com

But let me guess; the writer hated the music so much his monocle fell out and his top hat was askew?
"

Actually the writer was a pussy. He needs to pull his head out of his ass and realize that if things are as bad as he seems to feel they are, then it's time to signal the coming of the apocalypse and not post some limp-dicked review.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:10 AM on July 20, 2009


Another vote for the Millionaires. They don't belong at the Warped Tour, but that's a fun song.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:10 AM on July 20, 2009


i'm not going to say they're great or anything - but i actually liked that millionaires song - after listening to several of their songs, i suspect they're being deliberately moronic to piss people off

frank zappa would have loved them - valley girls together outrageously meet electro and mia
posted by pyramid termite at 9:10 AM on July 20, 2009


I'm not all surprised by the Millionaires. It's the obvious course of one of the directions Hip-Hop would take. After all, It's just less talented versions of Pricess Superstar
posted by P.o.B. at 9:16 AM on July 20, 2009


brokeNCYDE taught me that what the shorties are really into these days are Rolex watches.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:18 AM on July 20, 2009


Okay, Millionaires-apologists, can we please at least accept that Avenue D did the whole problematic, baby-voiced, ironic-filth-rap thing quite a bit more compellingly?
posted by wreckingball at 9:21 AM on July 20, 2009


I've got a pretty big tolerance for terrible music but the first two were unlisteningly awful. Crab core rules, though.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:21 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Man, the warped tour used to kick metric truckloads of ass.

Where's the 'getoffmylawn' tag?

You know, I also think that the Warped Tour used to kick ass. Rancid, Bad Religion, Pennywise, AFI... those bands were insane. That is, when I was a teenager. These days I can look back and judge the music outside the context of adolescence, and it seems loud, single-minded, and very technically lacking. My teenage self obviously cared about none of those things.

There was the heavily-favorited comment on Christian Rock by Astro Zombie:

Rock is the perfect conveyance device for a revolutionary attitude, and it infects the listener with that attitide, and, when done poorly, does so at the service of selling band t-shirts and posters, but, when done well, does so at the service of the destruction of all that is cautious and careful and sober and a bore.

Here is what the NYTimes reviewer said about BrokeNCYDE:

Presumably Vanna skipped the set by Brokencyde, which inspires worst-band-of-the-millennium diatribes on the Internet and seems to have been willed into existence largely to irk the punk faithful, or any genre faithful.

That sounds EXACTLY right, and I'm extremely happy to hear that the Warped Tour is continuing to piss off square music reviewers. When my own daughter turns 14 I can't wait to take her.
posted by infinitefloatingbrains at 9:21 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


i'm not going to say they're great or anything - but i actually liked that millionaires song

Agreed. It's catchy, enthusiastic, deliberately stupid, and has some great electropop sounds. Nothing to hate about it, unless you're taking it too seriously.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:22 AM on July 20, 2009


If you're going to be terrible, at least be interesting about it. Terrible and boring is just unforgivable.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:22 AM on July 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


I photographed the Warped Tour for Alternative Press Magazine again this year. I've been to the tour ever single year and its varied, but aside from a couple of the veteran bands (NOFX, Bad Religion) the music and experience this year was pretty terrible. I also miss the skating and biking at Warped too. Used to be, it was a big part of the day, now its a bunch of local kids on a miniramp.... boring.
posted by blaneyphoto at 9:24 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Headbanging over your KEYBOARD?

When it's done right, it's not so bad. (I'm thinking of Faith No More and Infectious Grooves.)
posted by ostranenie at 9:30 AM on July 20, 2009


I also agree that The Millionaires' song is funny. As a concept, the band is great -- like when Anal Cunt released an entire album full of acoustic folk songs with titles like "I Respect Your Feelings as a Woman and a Human", as opposed to their usual grindcore with titles like "Technology's Gay". As a big "Fuck You" to the guitar-loving noise boys who dominate the scene, The Millionaires are perfect. Whether there's more to the band than that one idea, however, is a whole 'nother question.

One more thing: can we have a one-year moratorium on all usage of Auto-Tune? Please?
posted by spoobnooble at 9:33 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Why do we keep having threads about this sub-shit music?
posted by Liquidwolf at 9:35 AM on July 20, 2009


"I don't get it. Do modern punks actually listen to this stuff ironically, like those hipsters who wear mullet haircuts "ironically"? Or do they actually like dance music but don't want to admit that they like dance music?"

There's a little bit of residual irony, but punk bands have been covering Missing Persons for over a decade now, y'know? It's just part of the milieu, and when you're a band looking to differentiate yourself, you say, well, no one else is combining screamo with Italo, so let's fucking rock that.

It's a shame that we're stuck all hurf durfing about the kids and their sounds, man, because a lot of this stuff is pretty fertile for actual criticism, like that 3OH!3 takes a lot of tropes from the sexually-open and gender ambiguous electro-house scene and uses it to reinforce fairly rote rock misogyny. I had hoped that some of the broader acceptance that comes from techno (gays and e) would be imported along with the sounds, but instead they seem weirdly reactionary, and I wonder how much of that, where the bands are actually being fairly adventurous in their sound but very conservative in their themes, is due to the mainstreaming of punk/emo within the aggressive young man audience, like they have to provide novelty of sound and confirmation of worldview to a bunch of surly suburban kids who are fairly much not outcasts (and thus have no real interest in changing the social system—a romantisized view of punk purview, but not one without precedent).

(God, that was one German sentence.)
posted by klangklangston at 9:36 AM on July 20, 2009 [8 favorites]


I'm starting to suspect that nothing new will ever be cool again. I know every generation says this, but god damn it. How many layers of postmodern-meta-irony can you heap on something before it sucks on pretty much every level? We're on to post-electro-clash now? Shit.

Can we all go back to being earnestly lame?
posted by Telf at 9:36 AM on July 20, 2009


I would not qualify the electropop sounds of the Millionaires as great by any stretch; personally, I didn't feel them at all. Bad meter and phrasing in the rapping, and stale, wink-wink-nudge-nudge, snotty-nihilist lyrics (which actually remind me of the many let's-great-drunk crust punk bands of the pre-internet DIY scene) just exacerbate things. Personally, if I want to listen to contemporary post-punk music that features a cute girl singing about getting drunk, I'd just listen to pretty much any CSS song; they can actually write a decent hook, too.

On the plus side, Millionaires deserve kudos for single-handedly keeping the eyeliner market afloat in during troubled economic times.
posted by defenestration at 9:38 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


*On the plus side, Millionaires deserve kudos for single-handedly keeping the eyeliner market afloat in during these troubled economic times.

EDIT pony, plz?

posted by defenestration at 9:41 AM on July 20, 2009


Telf, it's you—you never noticed that the '70s riffed on the '50s with Sha-Na-Na and Happy Days, that the '80s were full of the '60s, with The Big Chill, Woodstock nostalgia and the Paisley Underground, that '90s fashion stole directly from the earth tones and prints of the '70s, especially toward the latter half when Target got in on the solid color re-remodernism, and that the 2000s have been unduly characterized by '80s revival?

Hey, guess what's already making the scene? Vests, terrible bangs, Dinosaur Jr.… This time you're finally old enough to catch the '90s wave on its way up! Buy some Seinfeld and start talking up Soundgarden.
posted by klangklangston at 9:42 AM on July 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


Goddammit, nobody's gonna give Warped Tour the time of day are they? That's cool, I guess. I mean, I'm not gonna give it the time of day either. But I can remember a time when people talked shit to me for liking NOFX and Rancid and all that shit, and while I think that this new Warped Tour stuff is all a bunch of crap I gotta keep shit in perspective, y'know? I turned 21 and WT immediately stopped being about me. That's the thing about WT that people don't really understand. Yeah, it's not as good as when you were a kid (if you think it was ever any good at all) but that's not what it's shooting for. Kevin Lyman knows that he's got a fickle audience that will leave him as soon as they realize that they're listening to teenyboper music; so instead of trying to hold onto that audience that will inevitably desert him, he just makes sure that he'll always be ready for the next batch of fifteen year olds coming up. It's a solid business plan, even if it does make a mockery of the music I love.

But you know what? Punk rockers can't get too mad about the music they love getting desecrated. The whole point was to desecrate music in the first place. So while I think the latest crop of Warped Tour bands suck, I have to acknowledge that that's kinda the whole point. I'm probably closer, age wise, to having kids than I am to having gone to the Warped Tour so it's a good thing, I think, that what the kids are listening to kinda pisses me off.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 9:42 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


The Millionaires should be waterboarded. While forced listen to their own album.
posted by Liquidwolf at 9:43 AM on July 20, 2009


Note: I meant post-punk in terms of chronology and direct/indirect influence -- not the loosely-defined genre.
posted by defenestration at 9:46 AM on July 20, 2009


Oh, and I went to the first three years of the Warped Tour. It's all fine and good to pretend that it was all L7, Quicksand, Pennywise and Bad Religion, but it was also Civ, Limp Bizkit and about thirty thousand third-wave ska bands.
posted by klangklangston at 9:46 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


millionaires! millionaires! millionaires!

i am in love! le tigre is in love! the 90s are so back!

i am going to ride my bike to work so happy!

wheeeeeee!
posted by artof.mulata at 9:50 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Whuh? Hey! Hey you kids! Get off my lawn!

What does a veteran have to do to listen to some nice music? Like those Andrews Sisters. Now that was music. Pure talent; not these half-dressed teeny-boppers screaming about sex and drugs and noisy whatnot. The world's gone to hell, I tell you, straight to—— zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
posted by erniepan at 9:56 AM on July 20, 2009


I get that punk is about desecration. But ideally when you tear down the stuff your old man listens to, you should replace it with something vital. "I'm old now and the youth are on a wavelength that's not meant for me", it's an honorably open-minded thing to say, but in the case of something like BrokeNCYDE shit music is just shit.
posted by naju at 9:58 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Yeah klang, I'm surprised the 80s thing has stayed around for this long. I kind of thought that we'd be on early 2000s retro by now. Pre web 2.0 ironically cool websites, 9/11 references and Linkin Park tribute bands should be huge already.

I guess things like the internet have allowed coolness to fragment enough so that everything is simultaneously cool at the same time now.

Seriously though, this last iteration of hipsterdom really made me think that we'd pretty much deconstructed every interpretation of cool. I don't know what else is left co opt, reimagine, synthesize, allude to, make fun of, or react against.

I mean how the hell do you react against who ever the hell BrokenCYDE is? I supposed by making gimmickless, high quality music.
posted by Telf at 9:58 AM on July 20, 2009


Is it cool if I just skip this thread and rock out to the sweet sweet misogyny in my underpants?

Kthx.

(Best of the worst-- 3OH!3)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:00 AM on July 20, 2009


Yeah Limp Bizkit was the ThreeOh!Three of then. Just remember though, this tour will have been the first festival for many many kids, and they will have fond memories of the overall experience, perhaps more than the individual performers.

Also, the fact that there's a certain amount of musical diversity, even if you think it's a diverse selection of crap, is a good thing.
posted by Mister_A at 10:03 AM on July 20, 2009


Saladin: "Since when is adding keyboards to hardcore new?"

Aw, The Locust. That band brings me back to when I was one of the kids we're confounded by now.

It's absolutely incredible that I still have hearing. Or vocal cords for that matter.
posted by functionequalsform at 10:04 AM on July 20, 2009


Andrew WK proved that punk and synths went together very nicely. The above bands are simply lazy and talentless - blame the craftsman, not the tools.

I get the feeling that we're at the cusp of a generational shift, tho... especially in "alternative" pop... it's like there's this huge gap from 2000-2009, and now we're picking up where we left off. Or maybe that's because I actually wound up liking the new Placebo album. In any event, the songs on the radio and satellite seem more subtle and meaningful these days, and I place this squarely on the resurgence of girl rockers.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:05 AM on July 20, 2009


It's a shame that we're stuck all hurf durfing about the kids and their sounds, man, because a lot of this stuff is pretty fertile for actual criticism, like that 3OH!3 takes a lot of tropes from the sexually-open and gender ambiguous electro-house scene and uses it to reinforce fairly rote rock misogyny. I had hoped that some of the broader acceptance that comes from techno (gays and e) would be imported along with the sounds, but instead they seem weirdly reactionary, and I wonder how much of that, where the bands are actually being fairly adventurous in their sound but very conservative in their themes, is due to the mainstreaming of punk/emo within the aggressive young man audience, like they have to provide novelty of sound and confirmation of worldview to a bunch of surly suburban kids who are fairly much not outcasts (and thus have no real interest in changing the social system—a romantisized view of punk purview, but not one without precedent).

I bow to your epic bean-plating here, klang.

But in the immortal words of my new musical heroes: Let's get fucked UP! Dum de deedle deedle dum...
posted by jokeefe at 10:06 AM on July 20, 2009


A while ago a friend of mine sent me this article in the Guardian regarding Attack Attack! I was surprised to see that they are supposedly from Columbus, OH as I'm fairly cognizant of the music scene around here and even after asking a half dozen young local musicians and record store kids I was unable to find anyone around here that had ever heard of them. If they are from Columbus it's a bit of a mystery to us how they went from local anonymity to getting a slot on the Warped Tour and having the Guardian wonder if they are the next big thing from America.
posted by well_balanced at 10:07 AM on July 20, 2009


"I'm old now and the youth are on a wavelength that's not meant for me", it's an honorably open-minded thing to say, but in the case of something like BrokeNCYDE shit music is just shit.

Well, sure. I'm not gonna argue with you there. Bedlight for Blue Eyes sucks also. I can name a million bands that suck. I saw Poison the Well at Warped Tour, though, and someone pulled me aside and said "Look, you should really check out Bane." and there I went. I'm not trying to name-drop here, I'm just saying that the shit bands are where the kids who have the good sense find their entry point, but you gotta let the kids find it themselves. And you gotta let the kids form it themselves. There will always be great young bands, and there will always be terrible young bands that play the Warped Tour, but you've gotta have that second part for the music to work. Yeah they suck, but even the crappiest band can inspire a love of live and local and young music that is more valuable than a million 15 year-olds saying that Sgt. Pepper is their favorite album.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 10:09 AM on July 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


Pre web 2.0 ironically cool websites, 9/11 references and Linkin Park tribute bands should be huge already.

Telf, these things have already been done, so you're right. A single example of each:

Pre web 2.0 ironically cool websites: M.I.A.

9/11 references: Joan of Arc.

Linkin Park or, more broadly, songs that feature shitty electronic, rock, and rap music mix-and-mashups: see this thread.
posted by defenestration at 10:10 AM on July 20, 2009


I must confess. I loved it all.
posted by breezeway at 10:13 AM on July 20, 2009


Attack Attack! sounds like a combination of BrokeNCYDE and Pantera. I'm going to resist putting much effort into disliking them, because I don't want to be feeding the beast. I effortlessly hate that Millionaires song, though.

Watching the Attack Attack! video was worth it for this, the newest fooled-you-link craze: CRABROLLED!
posted by dammitjim at 10:14 AM on July 20, 2009


Autotune in punk? Seriously? (It's in the Attack! Attack! video) Bleh.
posted by delmoi at 10:14 AM on July 20, 2009


brokeNCYDE;....is the future. This is exactly what was to be expected. It's amazing in some ways. Like the perfect confluence of the new-rave and neon, soldier boy and cellphone drum machines. If a time traveler came back dressed like this and informed me he was my grandchild, I wouldn't be surprised.

But don't hate it. After all, they are the ones who have to fight the robots.
posted by iamck at 10:16 AM on July 20, 2009 [11 favorites]


Okay two minutes into the brokencyde video. That video has to be a joke, right? Because if it is a joke, it's fucking hilarious. And if it's not a joke. Well. I just don't know what to think.
posted by delmoi at 10:19 AM on July 20, 2009


Autotune was overused in shitty 'emo' well before its current surge in popularity and consequential ubiquitousness; now they're just following the trend and making its use apparent and part of the song.
posted by defenestration at 10:19 AM on July 20, 2009


"Yeah Limp Bizkit was the ThreeOh!Three of then."

I saw Limp Bizkit open up for Faith No More on FNM's final tour. Durst kept yelling, "Who likes RAGE?! Who wants to hear some RAGE!?" and then they'd start Bulls on Parade or something. They played four Rage Against the Machine covers in a 40 minute set.
posted by klangklangston at 10:20 AM on July 20, 2009


Hmm. While good, the MIA website should be formatted as one VERY long website. I want it to be Time Cubier.

And 9/11 retro won't be real for me until everyone is wearing horrible American flag shirts and waving flags, only ironically. That's right, I'm coining and predicting 9/11 retro.
posted by Telf at 10:20 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


And 9/11 retro won't be real for me until everyone is wearing horrible American flag shirts and waving flags, only ironically.

You haven't been to Williamsburg this summer—or the last three or so—have you?
posted by defenestration at 10:22 AM on July 20, 2009


I didn't listen to any of it, as I was busy attaching an onion to my belt.
posted by Ratio at 10:25 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


It kind of sounds like 3OH!3 is redoing Mickey Avalon
...except Limp Bizkittier?
posted by P.o.B. at 10:26 AM on July 20, 2009


Less Than Jake

I'd like to see this lineup:

1. Better Than Ezra
2. Ezra
3. Jake
4. Less Than Jake
posted by Ratio at 10:26 AM on July 20, 2009 [10 favorites]


You haven't been to Williamsburg this summer—or the last three or so—have you?

Looks like Telf lives in Thailand. So yeah, maybe not. That would be Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the Hipster Land that New Yorkers Love to Sneer At.
posted by dammitjim at 10:28 AM on July 20, 2009


Hey old super tight high school shirts with flags or eagles don't count. I'm talking about one size fits all Hane's Beefy Tees that say "These colors don't run". Tweet me when they develop Alan Jacksoncore
posted by Telf at 10:28 AM on July 20, 2009


> Okay two minutes into the brokencyde video. That video has to be a joke, right? Because if it is a joke, it's fucking hilarious. And if it's not a joke. Well. I just don't know what to think.

If you have to ask, it probably sucks. Or you're too old. Or both. Or...I don't even know anymore.
posted by Stonewall Jackson at 10:29 AM on July 20, 2009


Also, what I want is more chiptune backing. 3Oh!3 has a track like that, as does a Canadian rap group called Cadence Weapon.

Are there any others?
posted by delmoi at 10:32 AM on July 20, 2009


Example. I saw this guy playing Dodgeball yesterday at the Dirty Projectors show. He also had an American flag headband and red-white-and-blue sneakers.
posted by defenestration at 10:32 AM on July 20, 2009


My band played the Detroit stop on the 2002 Warped Tour and it was a bizarre transitional time for the festival, even then. Of course, we played drunky Replacements-style stuff and didn't really make sense being there ourselves (unless you count the fact that we're all recovering punk or hardcore kids, one way or another). There was plenty of that (fourth-wave? fifth-wave?) ska-punk revivalism, and I did get to meet Keith Morris, but it was a definite wake-up call. No Quicksand, to put it mildly. Though Vaux were pretty sweet.
posted by joe lisboa at 10:33 AM on July 20, 2009


OK so guess what there are a lot of good bands that mix synths and punk rock they just dont play on the warped tour guess why correct its because no good bands have ever played on the warpey tour unless they are over-the-hill pukes. This stuff is cheesy-tarded and as fun to dance to at the club as, say, Taylor Dayne, or LL Cool J or guess who yeah The Bay-City Rollers. Crap can be fun, and sometimes greatness can emerge from that fertilizer. I pity you curmudgeons (most of you younger than me) who can't find amusement rather than rage in changing tastes. Take it from me kiddies, your favorite nostalgia sucks.

So nEway: Punk techNo:

Black Kids - Boyfriend
NPSH-- Sophisticated Side Ponytail
Team Robespierre "Black Rainbow"
Sexual Earthquake in Kobe - Futuristic Failure
The Mae Shi - "R U Professional"

(Guilty pleasure-- Cobra Starship)

posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:35 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Defenestration: I have those swim trunks they are 5.99 from target and I love America without no ironic at all.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:36 AM on July 20, 2009


I refuse to have an opinion re: Millionaires
posted by joe lisboa at 10:37 AM on July 20, 2009


I propose the brokeNYCDE be the new rickroll. Or something. Also, had the guys in the last video kept their legs together while headbanging, they wouldn't look as hilarious as they do.

Anf finally, growling and screaming should be the domain of Metalmeisters. I have spoken.
posted by prufrock at 10:39 AM on July 20, 2009


"Example. I saw this guy playing Dodgeball yesterday at the Dirty Projectors show. He also had an American flag headband and red-white-and-blue sneakers."

If it wasn't for the American Apparel model with Rob Liefield feet in the background, I wouldn't even recognize those kids as hipsters. I have been out of the country for too long.

(The kid in the yellow cap could just be retarded. He's not necessarily a hipster.)
posted by Telf at 10:41 AM on July 20, 2009


Potomac Avenue: it's not the trunks themselves, but rather the overall get-up and geographical context that enforce the irony. Or perhaps, living under Obama and not Bush, the meaning has shifted toward a sincere, optimistic love-of-country with a inferred layer of commentary on ironic patriotism. Take your pick.
posted by defenestration at 10:41 AM on July 20, 2009


Obama made it okay to love America again and anyway those colors DON'T run so they make for good swim trunks.
posted by wemayfreeze at 10:41 AM on July 20, 2009


I pick the nice one. :D
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:42 AM on July 20, 2009


*an* inferred
posted by defenestration at 10:42 AM on July 20, 2009


As a rule of thumb, good bands play festivals after their best years are behind them, or when they get greedy, and bad bands play festivals because they've got record-label promo muscle. There are exceptions, of course, including your favorite band, and that festival you went to when you were 17.

And people look at the whole thing with a nostalgic and/or drug-fueled and/or teenage haze, so they remember Jimi Hendrix but forget about Melanie and Sha Na Na (I was going for widely-recognizable, but feel free to insert your own examples here).
posted by box at 10:43 AM on July 20, 2009


NPSH-- Sophisticated Side Ponytail

Oh, this is awesome.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:45 AM on July 20, 2009


klang, I would have put up with Limp Bizkit in order to catch Faith No More, too. I can't believe they played MORE THAN ONE Rage song though, that is incredible!

Also, I once saw Rev. Horton Heat and 311 open for Korn. This was like 1995 or 1996, maybe? I really, really thought Korn was just being funny and ironic with the Adidas suits and the weird rappy chanty stuff and the antics dancing...
posted by Mister_A at 10:50 AM on July 20, 2009




So listening to "Melissa and Dani discussing Millionaires download" gave me a headache, although they seem like pretty normal ENERGETIC! ENTHUSIASTIC! funny kids.

And my gut reaction to their (pretty catchy) music was "so this is what contemporary youth culture's been warped into by [huge corporation] to sell back to the same youth this month." But they, the Millionaires, seem...legit? (I.e. not a manufactured, salaried girlband with zero input or control over their artistic expression. But maybe hiding the [hugecorp] backing/A&R is par for the course nowadays, I haven't kept up.)

I guess they seem to be in control of their own expressions and identities, so I'm thinking these teens (14? 17?) are acting out some internalized hypercapitalistic bling culture views on self, sexuality, fame, etc.?

Not that I think they're all serious (and so what if they are, I guess), but I can't help thinking about how the image, "message," and worldview of the biggest and blingiest of grown-up male rapper superstars, in front of their giant SUVs and bikini-clad entourage, have trickled down to the youngest of female popstar up-and-comers.
posted by Glee at 10:54 AM on July 20, 2009


> And people look at the whole thing with a nostalgic and/or drug-fueled and/or teenage haze, so they remember Jimi Hendrix but forget about Melanie and Sha Na Na.

The fact that Na Sha Na Na played at Woodstock is one of the great forgotten rock trivia tidbits of all time (even though they were in the movie and on the original soundtrack LP). Their presence just does not fit the official Woodstock narrative, and I think most people have done their best to forget it happened.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:57 AM on July 20, 2009


$$$WHEN WILL THEY PUT A DONK ON IT$$$
posted by Hammond Rye at 10:59 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


I fail to see how "Alcohol" is any worse than "I Know What Boys Like" (and IKWBL is awesome).
posted by 23skidoo at 11:02 AM on July 20, 2009


It is my understanding, Hammond Rye (if that is your real name), that a plethora of mad donks have already been placed most cunningly upon it.
posted by Mister_A at 11:03 AM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


One thing I noticed about Warped Tour this year: a lot more buses than vans. I'm not sure what that means, but it's a change.
posted by smackfu at 11:04 AM on July 20, 2009


That's weird, smackie, it's supposed to be the vans Warped tour. Maybe it is now sponsored by buses?
posted by Mister_A at 11:05 AM on July 20, 2009


Potomac Avenue, all those bands you listed are about 10 bajillion times better than that ridiculous Brokencyde bullshit.
The video doesn't even compensate for that shit. Turn the sound off and just watch it, there is so many things wrong with just the way they act.

But they, the Millionaires, seem...legit?

Yeah, I would bet they are. Somebodies dad probably knows someone who has a recording studio and they threw together some songs...and rapped them...in valley girl speak. Then connected with someone who actually knew how to produce some decent sounds (because kids with rich parents have the best toys and hobbies) and viola. Also I thought maybe they were 17 or 18ish but they may well be at least 21. With all the drinking and alcohol and stuff.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:05 AM on July 20, 2009


I LOVE the way the guys in the last link hold their guitars. Go to 22 seconds and pause it. It looks like the guitarist is taking a shit and trying to hide what he is doing behind his instrument.
posted by marmaduke_yaverland at 11:07 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


I tried watching all three videos. I couldn't finish any of them

BrokeNCYDE: 1:07 - Verse one sounded like it was written with a magnetic poetry set culled from the last fifteen years' worth of disposable club-pop lyrics. I was able to take refuge in the backbeat right up until the one-two punch of auto-tuner on the way out of of the chorus and the horrible, nasal vocals from the douche who did the second verse. On further reflection, they probably should have left the auto-tuner on. Verse two guy should consider just strapping it to his face at all times.

Millionaires: 1:32 - There's no particular hatin'on here, and in fact I gotta give these girls props for name-dropping white zinfandel. That was pretty funny. This was weird to watch, though - it felt like a MySpace lipsynch video with a label-backed budget and an original song. No real hate, but ninety seconds is about long enough for such a thing.

Attack Attack!: 0:43 - Whenever I'm watching footage of something that I just can't fucking stand that is filmed outdoors, my brain has weird reflexive habit of wishing and wishing hard for some fast-moving vehicle to streak in from off camera and run everyone over. The :43 seconds I gave this band to plead its case contained everything I hate about emo and everything I hate about crabcore, which has to be some kind of lifetime achievement in sheer awfulness.

Don't tell me that it wouldn't improve the video 100% if, just as the overlong note-hold intro kicked in on top of all the animal screaming and bass drum diarrhea, we heard the bugle-call and saw the General Lee rooster-tailing it across that field, gunning the engine and smashing dead into these dumbasses and their haircuts. Can't you just see it? As the Duke Boys' charger slammed through the set, the air would fill with the spiraling debris of a double decker keyboard and black, v-neck t-shirts. Maybe one of them runs for cover in the run-down old house as the General Lee powerslides back around and throttles through Attack Attack's long-suffering drumset, bursting the bass and putting it out of its misery. Maybe the last surviving band member stops to take a breath once he reaches his rickety refuge and maybe the General Lee comes roaring through the wall as if the Kool-Aim Man were driving. Were that the case, I like to think that he'd get out most of one last screamo "YOWWWWL!" before getting pulled beneath the car's undercarriage.
posted by EatTheWeak at 11:11 AM on July 20, 2009 [6 favorites]


Hmm. While good, the MIA website should be formatted as one VERY long website. I want it to be Time Cubier.

I want almost everything to be Time Cubier.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 11:15 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]




How long until there is a Time Cubism art movement?

[NOT TIMECUBE-IST]
posted by defenestration at 11:18 AM on July 20, 2009


"OK so guess what there are a lot of good bands that mix synths and punk rock they just dont play on the warped tour guess why correct its because no good bands have ever played on the warpey tour unless they are over-the-hill pukes."

First couple Warped Tours had bands that were pretty decent and in their prime. The aforementioned Quicksand, Orange 9mm… If there was a time to see Sublime or No Doubt, it was then.

Also, didn't you used to speak English?
posted by klangklangston at 11:24 AM on July 20, 2009


Hey, I like That's Not My Name.
posted by Mister_A at 11:25 AM on July 20, 2009


Also I thought maybe they were 17 or 18ish but they may well be at least 21. With all the drinking and alcohol and stuff.

Wha?!...I went to myspace and apparently they're 20, 20, and 21. Well, that made it less strange or avantgarde (and makes more sense, since we're talking American pop culture). But Jesus Christ it made me feel ancient at 35.
posted by Glee at 11:26 AM on July 20, 2009


I would rather be trapped in a room with those crabcore dudes than with Sufjan Stevens.
posted by Mister_A at 11:29 AM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Intro5pect - Sustainable Yield a decent attempt at merging punk and electronica in a non disco / screamo way.

and yes Flogging Molly are brilliant
posted by errspy at 11:37 AM on July 20, 2009


P.o.B. -- i'm Fully Onboard with brokenCyde and other stuff being terrible. i just dont care enough to get mad, in fact i find it kinda fun, since music is really great right now! most kids dont listen to this trash stuff--it's only getting attention because grown-ups who should know better are writing articles about them for the NYT.

Klang--sorry I'm channeling a teenage lobotomee today. We can disagree about whether those bands you listed were any good, but we certainly must agree that they were similarly corporate. I was in a band back then, and it definitely did not represent Punk as I knew it in any form. But we digress. Personally I'd much rather listen to shitty emodance than pretentious "serious" punk--one makes you dance like a idiot, another degrades the legacy of the ramones, descendants, screeching weasel, and bouncing souls. Good Riddance to Good Riddance, and I hope the Millionaires become some! imo <3> and so forth.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:38 AM on July 20, 2009


The list of "band members" from the BrokenCYDE Wiki page:
  • Se7en - screamed vocals, rap vocals (2006–present)
  • Mikl - clean vocals, autotune vocals (2006–present)
  • Phat J - synths, guitars, beats, backup vocals, backup screams and growls (2006–present)
  • Antz - fog machine and lights (2006–present)<>/li>
???
posted by brundlefly at 11:40 AM on July 20, 2009


Oops. Sorry about the broken tags...
posted by brundlefly at 11:41 AM on July 20, 2009


no big deal bRoKyNTaGz are really in right now <> H͡҉҉A͡҉҉> /> ^_^
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:47 AM on July 20, 2009 [4 favorites]


Based on the descriptions in this thread, I was all set to love Millionaires, but...well...not so much. I checked out the link (plus three other tracks), and while it was mildly catchy, when I try to remember how it sounded all I can hear is this. I dunno, maybe we oldsters can hear lyrics like this and find ironic stupidity, but I bet a lot of the Pantsless Generation* takes them at face value. They're brash where they ought to be sass, and (like glee pointed out) seemingly caught up in blingtastic one-dimensional consumerism. Which I guess is all a long-winded way of saying "kids today, they've got no respect, get off my damn lawn".

*By which I mean the current crop of twenty-something partiers who apparently think that if you don't wear any pants, your top magically becomes a dress. Nice try--now go home and put on some pants!
posted by Go Banana at 11:48 AM on July 20, 2009


I didn't think you were for them PA, and I hardly ever get worked up about music. But the aforementioned group is, in my opinion, bad in more ways than one.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:49 AM on July 20, 2009


When Attack Attack! does that synchronized guitars-over-heads thing at :58 it actually turns into something pretty great.
posted by wemayfreeze at 12:08 PM on July 20, 2009


Attack Attack! should be ground into dust under the hooves of Matt Pike's warhorse.
posted by The Straightener at 12:12 PM on July 20, 2009


I just watched The Millionaires video. That's the most convincing case for prohibition I have ever seen.
posted by marmaduke_yaverland at 12:14 PM on July 20, 2009


So nEway: Punk techNo:


Huh. I'm not getting any punk from that, more like angsty new wave, like the Waitresses, Lena Lovich, Oingo Boingo, DEVO, Blondie. Frankly the 80's bands sound more punk than anything posted above. At least they were doing something kinda new at the time.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:47 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


OK, I watched a little over a minute of the BrokenCYDE video. There's a moment where Screamy McScreamington is doin' the whole "Yow!" thing while he's crouched down holding a bottle... and then he lifts one hand to check his hair.

I've seen entire comedic performances that didn't make me laugh that hard.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:51 PM on July 20, 2009 [3 favorites]


Yes the earlier bands were authenticker, having emerged from a cultural vacuum when the world was new, which I think was 1976.
posted by everichon at 1:03 PM on July 20, 2009


everichon: close. The Ramones invented music in 1974.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:08 PM on July 20, 2009


The Millionaires remind me of trashy, talentless Julie Brown clones. Here's a good cover of I Like 'Em Big and Stupid.
 
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:14 PM on July 20, 2009


Yes the earlier bands were authenticker, having emerged from a cultural vacuum when the world was new, which I think was 1976.

I'm not making any "authentic" claims. Just getting bored with the fact that people will call anything "punk" these days, no matter what it actually sounds like.

Feel free to point out any bands that sounded like New Wave before the '70s, because I'd be interested in hearing something with synthesizers that wasn't prog or garage.
posted by oneirodynia at 1:20 PM on July 20, 2009


Well the synthesier was invented in the mid-late 60s so that's pretty tough, but they did make organs and vaguely-stabby minor chord pop before then.

the Gentrys- 1966
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:25 PM on July 20, 2009


BitterOldPunk, I'll be playing the role of jonmc today.

The Dictators invented music in 1973.
posted by Mister_A at 1:29 PM on July 20, 2009


Feel free to point out any bands that sounded like New Wave before the '70s

I wish I could, but I only have a yellow belt in music arcana. I stand by my point, though, that that there never was a Pure Time where cultural producers produced without the benefit of influence. I know you know that, too, which makes it doubly tiresome.

Now I have a cat-declawing thread to opine in.
posted by everichon at 1:37 PM on July 20, 2009


For a while now, I've been reading daily the Arts section of the NYT. Early on, I figured out that Jon Caramanica, the main pop music reviewer, is only good for two things: fellating Lil' Wayne and telling middle-class WASP parents what bands will drive them insane if they let their kids play them in the car.
posted by clorox at 1:47 PM on July 20, 2009


For a while now, I've been reading daily the Arts section of the NYT. Early on, I figured out that Jon Caramanica, the main pop music reviewer, is only good for two things: fellating Lil' Wayne and telling middle-class WASP parents what bands will drive them insane if they let their kids play them in the car.
posted by clorox at 1:47 PM on July 20, 2009


A much improved version of the Attack Attack video. (Seriously, "crabcore"? Is that because of the plies they perform while playing? And the waving their guitars around above their heads like eyes on stalks?) I find this music to be incomprehensible to me; it defeats my powers of listening; it doesn't make sense in any form of popular music that I understand. It's magnificent in its incoherence. Sorta.
posted by jokeefe at 1:49 PM on July 20, 2009


Feel free to point out any bands that sounded like New Wave before the '70s, because I'd be interested in hearing something with synthesizers that wasn't prog or garage

Popcorn was '72, Autobahn was in '74
posted by empath at 1:51 PM on July 20, 2009


New Wave, of course, was just northern soul with synths...
posted by empath at 1:58 PM on July 20, 2009


BitterOldPunk, I'll be playing the role of jonmc today.

The Dictators invented music in 1973.


Hehe, mr. jonmc's Mefi postings made me check them out. Pretty good outfit! Thanks Metafilter.
posted by Glee at 2:01 PM on July 20, 2009


It's weird. On one hand you have Brokencyde, which is "real music" and then there's I'm on a Boat*, which is "fake music" done for laughs. What's the difference?

The only difference I can see is "I'm on a Boat" has better production values, and "Freaxxx" makes me want to shove red hot knitting needles into my ear canal.

* (nsfw due to coarse language and T Pain's hat, which isn't offensive, merely hard to explain)
posted by billyfleetwood at 2:08 PM on July 20, 2009


have we collectively forgotten what it was like to be a tween? i can not believe anyone would say anything about someone else's current favorite band, even if the presented songs do suck. these are the songs of some random young suburban kid's adolescence. these songs matter to someone who doesn't know any better. therefore, these songs are meaningful and beyond reproach.
posted by the aloha at 2:26 PM on July 20, 2009


Crabcore is a contemporary offshoot from the emocore/screamo sub-genre of hard rock music. Unlike almost all other genres and sub-genres of music, crabcore is defined not by aural motifs, tones, lyrical content, or specific instrument ensembles; but rather by physical gesticulations and contortions of the arms and legs of individual band members during live performances of their music.

Crabcore moves
Chiefly among the crabcore musician's repertoire of stylistic gestures is the crabwalk itself, from which the genre's title is derived. The crabwalk is identified by the player's extremely low stance, wherein both feet are set apart from one another as far as possible, while still allowing the player to maintain at least a 90 degree bend in his knees. While in the crab stance, the player then purposefully transfers the weight of his upper body between each leg, achieving a swaying motion intended to have a hypnotic effect among audience members.
Other moves available to crabcore players include;

The 'Richardson Richardson'.
'Krinking'
The 'Beaver Bounce'
The 'Dirty Hamper'
The 'Pestal Press'

Another, somewhat controversial move has gained a foothold in crabcore circles recently, which sees the player simply standing in one spot and running in place. No one understands this move. No one.
From here on out, Michael Jackson's music post-1983 should be called Mooncore.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 2:32 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Crabcore?
posted by empath at 2:48 PM on July 20, 2009


Popcorn was '72, Autobahn was in '74

Popcorn is a good example. It has that computer-based coldness that most prog and garage don't. Pretty sure that was actually 1969, so doubly cool.

Well the synthesier was invented in the mid-late 60s so that's pretty tough, but they did make organs and vaguely-stabby minor chord pop before then.

the Gentrys- 1966


Yeah, that's 60's garage. It was pretty punk rock of the Gentrys to just record their too-short song Keep On Dancin twice to make it single length. They really have more of a throwback rock-n-roll sound than new wave.
posted by oneirodynia at 2:58 PM on July 20, 2009


The 'Hot Butter' Popcorn was 72, the original was 69
posted by empath at 3:00 PM on July 20, 2009


Some examples of Crabcore dancing SYTL.
posted by errspy at 3:11 PM on July 20, 2009


So listening to "Melissa and Dani discussing Millionaires download " gave me a headache, although they seem like pretty normal ENERGETIC! ENTHUSIASTIC! funny kids.


Smirnoff Ice? I have lost all respect for these nubile sirens.
posted by prufrock at 3:59 PM on July 20, 2009


BrokeNCYDE - Freaxxx
Millionaires - Alcohol
Attack Attack! - Stick Sickly


Never has there been a more opportune time for a Zalgo reference.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:20 PM on July 20, 2009


I accidentally misread the word as "electropoop," but frankly I'm gonna go with that.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:15 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


I love music. I love the warped tour. I love that I saw Limp Biskit when I was 17 or whatever and they were such a spectacle... Obviously snapcase, rocket from the crypt and others destroyed them. But tell me you don't love the cookie monster vox + autotune +microkorg dance rave bridge of Attack Attack!'s Stick Stickly Seriously.... insanity... They're crabcore I guess.

God I love music.

BrokeNCYDE was definitely good for a laugh... almost impossible to imagine how they write songs so bad.

millionaires sound pretty rad. I like the grimier IE.

RAD.

Still loving music.
posted by nutate at 5:58 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh just to add, favorite comment from the millionaires myspace:
"i was fucking front row yesterday!!! i fucking love you guys.. ali im sorry you got hit in the face with that condom.. that was fucked up!!!!"

That sounds almost as bad as a dude throwing shotgun shells up on stage at lollapalooza 95 in pittsburgh during Hole's set. Courtney walked off. Had to wait for an eternity for sonic youth to come in and save the day.
posted by nutate at 6:02 PM on July 20, 2009


I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

It'll happen to you.
posted by milquetoast at 6:26 PM on July 20, 2009


So I just got around to watching Attack Attack.

So THAT'S what future shock feels like....

It's like they threw 4 songs in a blender.

Whoever produced that track is a mad fucking genius.
posted by empath at 6:35 PM on July 20, 2009


You can call the Millionaires!
# (714) 646-7778
posted by P.o.B. at 6:40 PM on July 20, 2009


Also, man, what kind of drugs are kids on now that this shit makes sense? Like, they must be doing like serious cocktails of research chemicals and prescription meds.

Like maybe if you're snorting ritalin all day and downing xanax, prozac and gin at night and 2-CT7 and GHB on the weekends, this shit starts to sound good.
posted by empath at 6:45 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Although I've never actually considered what it would sound like if a band wanted to be a mix of T-Pain, Killswitch Engage, and the stock loops that come with Fruity Loops, at least now I know...
posted by Dark Messiah at 7:21 PM on July 20, 2009


Okay, last opinion on this.

If it wasn't for the screaming, neither BrokenCYDE or Attack Attack! would be bad songs, to be honest.

I think Attack Attack really wants to make cheerful pop-dance but they don't want anyone to think they're fags, so they do the cookie monster screaming.
posted by empath at 7:23 PM on July 20, 2009


If they are from Columbus it's a bit of a mystery to us how they went from local anonymity to getting a slot on the Warped Tour and having the Guardian wonder if they are the next big thing from America.

I don't think it's a mystery - when they were first discussed on MeFi I remember thinking that the video was too impossibly arch and knowing, and that it had to have been put together by an ad agency. I just couldn't figure out what the product was yet. Similarly, looking the at the Millionaire's MySpace page, I really think they are a viral campaign for a large alcoholic beverage manufacturer, probably the same one that owns Jack Daniels. I would say that the reason they were on the Vans tour is because the ad agency paid for them to be there.

This is the natural progression from finding "good" songs to put over ads. (Remember that terrible song that Mitsubishi used in an ad a few years ago?) Finding good songs that are going to work well for the campaign is hard - too hit and miss. But you know that you need some good music to get traction for the campaign.

So now what you do is you make up a band, you get a music director to work on the tracks, and then you target that band at a particular audience segment, and you get them on as many ads as possible that also target that segment, because that's where the money is in music these days.

It's what the music industry in Hong Kong has been reduced to - artists are made popular purely so they can then shill as many products as possible. I used to be amazed at how many ads Eason Chan does - now I am blase about it. Emperor Entertainment Group artists have clauses in their contracts that forbid them to refuse doing any promotional work EEG can get for them, and they get paid beans for it. Recorded music is a loss leader for advertising revenue.

The next question is why is it so surreptitious? For a while now the advertising industry has been worried about how we just don't pay as much attention to ads as we used to. Viral marketing is a way around that, and for one particular audience segment, nothing is more viral than popular music.
posted by awfurby at 7:38 PM on July 20, 2009 [6 favorites]


I might be an aging out-of-it recovering hardcore enthusiast, but hell, my countrymen The Refused both looked and sounded 12 times more modern back in 1998
We need new noise
New art for the real people

We dance to all the wrong songs
We enjoy all the wrong moves
We dance to all the wrong songs
We're not leading
...but they lacked crabcore technology -- and obviously knew it. So they broke up later that year to make way for the coming Attack Attack! Onwards and upwards.
posted by Glee at 8:28 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]


Huh. There really isn't anything new under the sun, is there?

Those bands suck, of course, but not in any appreciable way worse than any of the rest the ear-raping pop filth that gets played on the radio all the damn time, and sells gazillions of copies. There's a lot of really bad music being made and there has been for a long time -- it's just now we have massive amounts of money being pointed like a gun at each and every one of the babel-tower shards of the teen-tribal musical diaspora. Niche marketing has become the disease instead of the symptom.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:08 AM on July 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


I helped cater one of the stops on the original Warped Tour. L7 was super nice. That Millionaires song made me feel old and depressed. I'm going to go curl up under my afghan and drink an Ensure now.
posted by tits mcgee at 6:59 AM on July 21, 2009


That Attack Attack! song went off in so many different directions. It went from 'meh' to unbelievably hilarious in just a few minutes.

Props for the dancing, though. Hopefully it catches on with all the kids.
posted by FarOutFreak at 8:47 AM on July 21, 2009


Let's get fucked up?

Gonna need a shrink to get back again.
posted by ZeroDivides at 1:00 PM on July 21, 2009


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