14 iPhones, 23 MacBook Pro laptops and 9 iPod touch devices.

September 3, 2009 12:39 PM

31 seconds to steal 14 iPhones, 23 MacBook Pro laptops and 9 iPod touch devices. SLYT
posted by R. Mutt (107 comments total)

That poor security dude.

It's interesting that the superior design of the power cables is what enabled the hasty theft.
posted by ocherdraco at 12:43 PM on September 3, 2009 [10 favorites]

And all of it needed upgrading the second they stepped out the door.
posted by swift at 12:43 PM on September 3, 2009 [13 favorites]

This might be the first recorded evidence of a Mac security exploit.
posted by naju at 12:44 PM on September 3, 2009 [37 favorites]

This TOTALLY proves that Windows 7 is the superior operating system.
posted by papercake at 12:45 PM on September 3, 2009 [5 favorites]

Reporter is practically gushing over those robbers.

These handsome bandits, masters of the criminal arts, composed a masterpiece of thievery and will almost certainly never be caught. A true inspiration for novice criminals.
posted by samsm at 12:47 PM on September 3, 2009 [18 favorites]

I wonder if the Apple Geniuses had enabled remote desktop entry on any of the computers that were subsequently stolen.
posted by parmanparman at 12:50 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

WTB some kensington locks, lol.

See! Apple is weak on security.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:50 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

That's some good thiefin' right there! Makes me realize how much better I could be at my job. These role models strove to be the best they can be.
posted by schleppo at 12:53 PM on September 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

It's almost as if giant glass doors are pretty, usable, but not secure. There's a metaphor here, I think.
posted by Lemurrhea at 12:54 PM on September 3, 2009 [11 favorites]

Watching the video, it looks like each guy had a designated table to hit. That means they cased the store ahead of time, probably walked through it a few times. Organized. They also know that the laptops didn't have Kensington locks on them (which I would have assumed were there). They also don't appear to fumble with the cords, so they knew they pop out if they moved fast enough. Nice.

On the downside, they aren't wearing gloves, which is sloppy. Even though the store is probably covered in customer's prints.

And the guy in the red vest is slooowwwww. He fumbles with three laptops without closing them first. They need to cut that guy loose. He's dead weight, and he's going to get them caught.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:55 PM on September 3, 2009 [29 favorites]

"Savvy enough to wear masks."

Yes, because wearing a mask during a robbery is something that almost no one who is not a professional would ever think of.
posted by The World Famous at 12:56 PM on September 3, 2009 [15 favorites]

Damn Batman to busy being emo in a cave to even lift a finger. It's like he's not even trying anymore.
posted by The Whelk at 12:59 PM on September 3, 2009 [10 favorites]

FS: MBP BRAND NEW $1000 LQQK!
BRAND NEW MAC BOOK PRO, SLIGHT SCRATCHES. NEEDS POWER CABLE.
posted by greensweater at 12:59 PM on September 3, 2009 [20 favorites]

These handsome bandits, masters of the criminal arts, composed a masterpiece of thievery and will almost certainly never be caught. A true inspiration for novice criminals.

The smash and grab is such a chickenshit high-school way to thieve. It's effective, but please... masters of the criminal arts? Uh huh.
posted by Benway at 1:00 PM on September 3, 2009

Hey! I know somebody with a black hooded sweat shirt! Me!

I wonder if I can get some sweet, sweet reward money for that info. Or if I have any new Apple stuff around here.
posted by paisley henosis at 1:00 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

The blew it, they didn't get the power supplies for the laptops. Those things aren't cheap.
posted by doctor_negative at 1:02 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ah, Dann Cuellar. He's worked for Channel 6 for years. That man can make any boring local news into an exciting train wreck.

Still, megakudos to those thieves. They certainly have good taste.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:05 PM on September 3, 2009

Reporter is practically gushing over those robbers.

He's a bit breathless in the VO over the surveillance footage, as if he's reporting with one hand, so to speak.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:05 PM on September 3, 2009

I'm guessing the regular crime beat reporter must have called in sick that day, so they had the wacky sports bloopers guy fill in for him.
posted by Atom Eyes at 1:06 PM on September 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

To be fair, they probably got tired of milling about the store waiting for someone to help check them out.
posted by odinsdream at 1:10 PM on September 3, 2009 [20 favorites]

I'm guessing the regular crime beat reporter must have called in sick that day, so they had the wacky sports bloopers guy fill in for him.

Dann is the actually the go-to guy for this stuff. Channel 6 News is as unapologetically trashy as it gets.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:11 PM on September 3, 2009

ACTION NEWS

I love the breathless reporter part about "precision timing". Because running in and grabbing shit off tables is somewhere between Topkapi in intricacy and Rififi in sheer bravado.

Death of journalism in.. oh, wait, it's already happened.
posted by Nelson at 1:11 PM on September 3, 2009

I count 5 guys. Per thief, that's 4.5 MacBook Pros, 2 iPod touches, and 3 iPhones (without chargers).

At list price, that's what, $11.5k? How much can they realistically sell these items for? Craigslist prices? Deeply discounted "this fell off a truck, you didn't get it from me, and don't ever take it in for service" prices?

Bet stumbling red shirt guy gets caught on some future theft and turns in the rest of the crew.
posted by zippy at 1:13 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

> Channel 6 News is as unapologetically trashy as it gets.

Which one isn't? Go on, I'll wait while you search.
posted by ardgedee at 1:14 PM on September 3, 2009

That means they cased the store ahead of time, probably walked through it a few times.

Really? You think? Gosh these guys are a new breed of organezized criminals.
posted by carfilhiot at 1:16 PM on September 3, 2009 [7 favorites]

What is a "criminal pro," exactly?
Someone who is really bad at being good at something?
Or is it like lawful evil?
posted by asfuller at 1:17 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

Bet stumbling red shirt guy gets caught on some future theft and turns in the rest of the crew.

Stumbling red shirt guy probably fell into a lava pit long before they beamed back home.
posted by rokusan at 1:17 PM on September 3, 2009 [20 favorites]

My favorite part was the entry through the door. Very nicely done. The point man knew what he was doing.
posted by Xoebe at 1:18 PM on September 3, 2009

Shouldn't we be using our MeFi ACTION NEWS power to track down this hit-and-run driver instead?
posted by not_on_display at 1:21 PM on September 3, 2009

Which one isn't? Go on, I'll wait while you search.

No, I'm quite serious. WPVI's news team hasn't changed its look and theme music in decades, and in that time it has kept a stable of well-coiffed action journalists ready for these kinds of stories. all of which has earned them incredible ratings, year after year. They may even have inspired Anchorman.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:21 PM on September 3, 2009

Per thief, that's 4.5 MacBook Pros, 2 iPod touches, and 3 iPhones

It's back-to-school and you can't be caught looking uncool in your new dorm room.
posted by GuyZero at 1:21 PM on September 3, 2009

It's honestly and completely not my intention to sound like a supercilious European ****, but is that report seriously genuine? And representative in tone of crime reporting in the US? It's like the channel's cutting work time by having the news production team get the footage ready for Worlds Xyziest Police Videos 37 straight away . . .
posted by protorp at 1:22 PM on September 3, 2009

lemurrhea: It's almost as if giant glass doors are pretty, usable, but not secure. There's a metaphor here, I think.

Well, it's not a metaphor for Windows because Windows is neither pretty nor usable (though it is insecure), and it's not a metaphor for OS X because it's pretty, usable AND secure, so .... I give up! What is it a metaphor for?
posted by kcds at 1:22 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

And those iPhones and iPods certainly don't have any unique hardware identifiers that will be flagged the first time they connect to iTunes, so they're sure to never get caught.
posted by ecurtz at 1:28 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Which one isn't? Go on, I'll wait while you search.

God I hate local news. What incredible bullshit.

"We go live now to Phil on the scene where something happened in the last 24 hours! Phil?"
"Thanks, Jon. As you can see here, actually, you can't, because this is the 10 o'clock news and it's fucking dark outside at 10 o'clock but if you could you would see a mall behind me. A mall where a terrible event occurred. We have exclusive footage of said event. However, if we didn't have exclusive footage, rest assured that the Action 5 news team would work round the clock to offer a half-assed re-enactment of whatever happened."

I shit you not during the first main week of the TARP financial crisis news, one of the local channels had a guy live on the scene, in front of a random branch of a local bank, to let us know that that bank would be ok. Not the headquarters. A random branch.
posted by graventy at 1:29 PM on September 3, 2009 [4 favorites]

What is a "criminal pro," exactly?

A new product that Steve Jobs will reveal in his next keynote speech.
posted by The World Famous at 1:30 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

Marlton is my hometown! Woohoo! I'm so proud.
posted by amro at 1:31 PM on September 3, 2009

What is it a metaphor for?

Lindsay Lohan?
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:32 PM on September 3, 2009

I knew the Philly advertising market took a hit this year, but this shows it's worse than I thought.
posted by pantsonfire at 1:33 PM on September 3, 2009

It's almost as if giant glass doors are pretty, usable, but not secure. There's a metaphor here, I think.

Even when stealing stuff from a Mac store, the vulnerability still seems to be windows.*

*A plate glass door still counts as a window, right? At least for the purposes of a joke?
posted by ErWenn at 1:35 PM on September 3, 2009 [27 favorites]

Even when stealing stuff from a Mac store, the vulnerability still seems to be windows.*

They need to catch these thieves and send them to Boot Camp.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:39 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

I watched this this morning when it came through my RSS reader. I haven't watched local-market TV news in a few years, and I WTF'ed at the tone of the narration too. Is this typical, and I've just had my head in the sand too long, or is this station an outlier?
posted by Alterscape at 1:40 PM on September 3, 2009

What is it a metaphor for?

This is not what MeTa is phor.
posted by The World Famous at 1:41 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Why aren't they cabled down? Because Apple puts the security slot in an inconvenient place where the lock butts up against other cables and moreover looks like shit. They don't want a big chunky meta lock staring at customers in the Apple Store showroom.

Maybe Apple will realize that they should put the slot in the back, out of sight? I keep mine bolted down at all times and I'd sure appreciate that.
posted by scarabic at 1:43 PM on September 3, 2009

Security cameras showed that two of the suspects were wearing a black sweatshirt

Hunh. You would think they wouldn't be able to run that fast, what with both of them confined to the same garment.

Or if it is the wacky sports blooper guy, maybe he has noted in the past that the entire team is wearing a hat.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:45 PM on September 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

What is it a metaphor for?

Is it Ghostbusters II?
posted by ericb at 1:49 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Where's Chris Weston when the city needs him most?
posted by panboi at 1:51 PM on September 3, 2009

What is it a metaphor for?

$20... SAIT.
posted by blue_beetle at 1:54 PM on September 3, 2009

I vote inside job. Notice how the security guard is wandering the store, then the front door crashes in, the kids load up their trick or treat bags, and only after they leave, does the security guard run out into the showroom, all "OH NOES" and facepalmy.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:56 PM on September 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

Is this a band of merry men who will sell these to the poor?
posted by juiceCake at 1:57 PM on September 3, 2009

And here I sit with an extra, unused magsafe power cord - left behind by the nicely dressed thief who stole my MacBook last May.
posted by R. Mutt at 1:57 PM on September 3, 2009

What is a "criminal pro," exactly?

Well, compared to the criminals we normally see in surveillance camera footage, these guys are a step up.

My favorite are the bank robbers who think they're trapped inside and try break the exit door down. Only to realize, too late, that its pull instead of push.
posted by jsonic at 1:58 PM on September 3, 2009

Heh, Marlton. And Dann 'machine gun' Cuellar? I can safely say without fear of recrimination that this is not the best of the web.
posted by fixedgear at 2:08 PM on September 3, 2009

I can safely say without fear of recrimination that this is not the best of the web.

I hereby recriminate you, sir. But not because I disagree with your assertion. This is a random recrimination, against which you have little or no recourse.
posted by The World Famous at 2:16 PM on September 3, 2009 [13 favorites]

That means they cased the store ahead of time, probably walked through it a few times.

All Apple stores I've been in have had the exact same layout. You wouldn't even need to case the store you were going to rob!

One interesting bit is when they broke the window. It looks like they might be using the 'sparkplug' method -- a broken sparkplug's ceramic part is extremely sharp, and thrown against a tempered glass window, will pierce the outer hardened skin of the pane. It doesn't even take a lot of power, just a medium-speed toss. Tempered glass is under a great deal of internal tension, which is why it's so tough -- but as soon as that outer shell is pierced, a spiderweb of cracks expands to cover the whole pane almost instantly, and it turns almost to powder. So you can just sort of casually toss a broken sparkplug at a tempered glass window and watch it disintegrate.

I don't know that that's what they did, but whatever they threw pierced, it didn't just impact like a normal rock would.
posted by Malor at 2:16 PM on September 3, 2009 [13 favorites]

Thanks Malor!

(Goes out; commits crimes.)
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:22 PM on September 3, 2009 [5 favorites]

I can safely say without fear of recrimination that this is not the best of the web

Yeah, let's go back to arguing over cars vs bikes.
posted by smackfu at 2:23 PM on September 3, 2009

only after they leave, does the security guard run out into the showroom, all "OH NOES" and facepalmy.

Well, you go to the bathroom, sitting. Get nice and comfy. Then click "go" on your stopwatch, time yourself getting up, getting clean, getting your pretend gun, and getting out of the bathroom, then add three seconds for the surprise factor and ten seconds if you're young and spry. Did you get out in less than 30 seconds (adjusted)?
posted by davejay at 2:32 PM on September 3, 2009

I was wondering how the security guard managed to take five seconds to wander off frame, but thirty seconds after the sound of glass breaking, he comes running back.

Does Apple have some kind of amazing hyper-quiet iGlass?
posted by rokusan at 2:33 PM on September 3, 2009

I'm sure they will be apprehended shortly. All new mac users funnel their disappointment of a missing right click button to shameless posturing. Posturing gets you caught.
posted by JeNeSaisQuoi at 2:34 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

Well, you go to the bathroom, sitting.

So these guys had someone monitoring the time when the guard sat down?

I take back my earlier skepticism that these were pros. THAT's an inside job.
posted by rokusan at 2:34 PM on September 3, 2009

Well, compared to the criminals we normally see in surveillance camera footage...

I'll take these here Huggies, and whatever cash you got?
posted by rokusan at 2:35 PM on September 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

bikecarpunchandjudy.metafilter.com
posted by everichon at 2:35 PM on September 3, 2009

Ceramic spark plugs as crack pipes, previously - Smoke crack with your new Mac laptops.
posted by acro at 2:41 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Real professional computer thieves would use a back door.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 2:43 PM on September 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

This might be the first recorded evidence of a Mac security exploit.

Before I could even pull my camera out, it was over within 2 minutes- and Charlie (coincidentally also last year's first winner of the day) is now the proud owner of yet another MacBook, and $5,000 from the Zero Day Initiative. - Mac falls fast in the 2009 PWN2OWN contest.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:00 PM on September 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

only after they leave, does the security guard run out into the showroom, all "OH NOES" and facepalmy.

Let's say you are a middle-aged, unarmed security guard charged with watching retail goods. 5 or 6 big guys smash in the front door and come racing in. What do you do?

You watch them steal shit. It doesn't have to be an inside job because the watchman didn't take a beating or a shot at them.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 3:00 PM on September 3, 2009

This might be the first recorded evidence of a Mac security exploit.

Not really. Macs are actually easier for hackers to get into then windows machines, although there are obviously more viruses and Trojans for windows.
posted by delmoi at 3:01 PM on September 3, 2009

I liked how he said, "with precision timing" just as the guy in the black sweatshirt (no, the other one) is fumbling with the laptops (1:09).

White T-shirt/black hood guy and black T-shirt/white hood guy didn't make the fashion recap (maybe because their outfits are too matchy-matchy?). I hope they don't feel left out.

I didn't see them "making a gesture like they were in possession of a handgun." (Or even "acting like they had a gun.")

Let's say you are a middle-aged, unarmed security guard charged with watching retail goods. 5 or 6 big guys smash in the front door and come racing in. What do you do?

Shoot the hostage.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:17 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

My favorite are the bank robbers who think they're trapped inside and try break the exit door down. Only to realize, too late, that its pull instead of push.

Fortunately, that's usually when the surprisingly heavyset wheelman comes over and opens the door to see what's taking them so long.

And then the dog eats a squeeky toy.
posted by quin at 3:21 PM on September 3, 2009 [6 favorites]

Fortunately, that's usually when the surprisingly heavyset wheelman comes over and opens the door to see what's taking them so long.

If you're trying to say something about the Roma, there's already a MeTa thread open.
posted by The World Famous at 3:22 PM on September 3, 2009

If you're trying to say something about the Roma, there's already a MeTa thread open.

No dags were injured during the course of this robbery.
posted by panboi at 3:31 PM on September 3, 2009

I thought this was going to be one guy stealing all that stuff in 31 seconds. Color me disappointed.
posted by shammack at 3:33 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

I do not understand why you guys are making fun of this news or the criminals. Do these look like gangbangers working the local 7-11 to you? They ignored the power supplies 'cause they had no time, 'cause they were on a clock-- which means they knew our response time to a 459, had our air, immobilized it, entered, escaped in under 30 seconds. It's a good spot. They've got good escape routes. Two broken glass doors within a couple hundred feet.

Their M.O.? Is that they're good. Once it escalated into a felony beef for all of them, after they hoarked the MacBook Pros, they didn't hesitate. Hoarked the iPod touches, because what difference does it make? Why leave any unsecured merch? Drop of a hat: these guys were rock and roll.

And another thing: the brick through the glass. The brick through the glass indicates that they are technically proficient. Proficient enough to go in on the prowl, so you'd best start looking for recent late-night burglaries that have mystified us.

Bang. Bang. Bangbangbang.
posted by herrdoktor at 3:42 PM on September 3, 2009 [10 favorites]

All Apple stores I've been in have had the exact same layout.

Not the ones I visit -- Boylston Street || 5th Avenue.
posted by ericb at 3:47 PM on September 3, 2009

Something just jumped the shark. I'm not sure what. But, something did just definitely jump.
posted by run"monty at 3:48 PM on September 3, 2009

They can say he didn't exactly discourage theft. They can say his suits fit a little weird. They can even say he didn't exactly do great honor to the noble profession of journalism.

But when he stands in front of St Peter at the gates, there is no way that they can say that Dan Cuellar didn't see his opportunity to actually report ACTION NEWS in an ACTION WAY and jump on that motherfucker.
posted by koeselitz at 3:48 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

So you can just sort of casually toss a broken sparkplug at a tempered glass window and watch it disintegrate.

Good to know. Time for a crime spree!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:50 PM on September 3, 2009

This is just a nice thread. I spent most of the afternoon in the bikes vs. cars threads and the gypsy callout. This discussion is like cool grass on my bare feet. Making fun of local news, some clever wordplay, some lighthearted mac vs. pc dueling. Aaahh...Metafilter. Metafilter does do hyped-up local news covering Mac store smash n' grab threads well.
posted by marxchivist at 3:51 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

herrdoktor: Their M.O.? Is that they're good. Once it escalated into a felony beef for all of them, after they hoarked the MacBook Pros, they didn't hesitate. Hoarked the iPod touches, because what difference does it make? Why leave any unsecured merch? Drop of a hat: these guys were rock and roll.

Hoark?

Bang. Bang. Bangbangbang.

Yeah, actually this already showed up there.
posted by koeselitz at 3:52 PM on September 3, 2009

As featured in the upcoming Nick Cage action flick, Gone in 31 Seconds.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:54 PM on September 3, 2009

Also, if anybody wants to know my theory, it's this:

This is actually the most brilliant police investigation in history. There is no goddamned way that every single one of those guys isn't going to be watching this clip on youtube, favoriting the crap out of it, and sending it to all their friends for the next year or so.

I predict that this crime ring will fall when the 300th or 400th Youtube comment turns out to be: Yeah, okay, guys: this was us. Aren't we the shit?
posted by koeselitz at 3:55 PM on September 3, 2009

This is actually the most brilliant police investigation in history .... sending it to all their friends for the next year or so

Quite the set-up for a long-term take-down.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:02 PM on September 3, 2009

I bet that fuck nut Red Shirt Guy's job was to get the chargers.
posted by digsrus at 4:20 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Three words: Find. My. iPhone.

If Apple has any sense, three more words: Undercover. Core Location.

These guys will be behind bars within a week.
posted by designbot at 4:20 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

No dags were injured during the course of this robbery.

Listen. Are you busy? I'll tell you the whole story.
The Septuagint scholars mistranslated the Hebrew word for "young woman"...
... into the Greek word for "virgin".
It was an easy mistake to make...
... because there was only a subtle difference in the spelling.
So, they came up with a prophecy:
"Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear us a son."
You understand? It was "virgin" that caught people's attention.
It's not everyday a virgin conceives and bears a son.
But leave that for a couple of hundred years to stew...
... and next thing you know you have the Holy Catholic Church.
Oy vay, "what are you saying?"
I'm saying, just because it's written...
... doesn't make it so.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:24 PM on September 3, 2009 [5 favorites]

the first recorded evidence of a Mac security exploit

Well that's interesting. See, I would have figured pot would be the drug of choice for Mac users, but no, apparently it's crack.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:00 PM on September 3, 2009

Three words: Find. My. iPhone.

If Apple has any sense, three more words: Undercover. Core Location.

These guys will be behind bars within a week.

I hope so. But they might just be smart enough to format and install SL before they do anything else with them.

That said, I watched this video last night and the security guard behavior did look odd - but I think it might be the way the news station cut the video.

Also, there was something said about one of the thieves motioning to the guard that he had a gun on him (and the guard probably doesn't), so he just backed off.
posted by SirOmega at 5:47 PM on September 3, 2009

Here's an example of a sparkplug through a window. It took them more than just a casual toss, though.

A second example. He also fails the first toss, not throwing hard enough, but it doesn't look like he's working very hard when he succeeds.
posted by Malor at 6:01 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Their M.O.? Is that they're good.

What color is the boathouse at Hereford?!
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:08 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

I think you all are missing something here. Red shirt guy is too fumbling to be in the bunch, so the obvious answer to why he's even there is: he's the brains behind the whole thing.

Find red-shirt guy, you've found your criminal mastermind.
posted by misha at 6:56 PM on September 3, 2009

so the obvious answer to why he's even there is: he's the brains behind the whole thing.

Nah. He's the one who works at the Apple store and cased the joint for them after they befriended him by preying on his insecurities and who then insisted on being in on the actual heist. At most, he's Dignan, not Abe Henry.
posted by The World Famous at 7:05 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

+1 to durn for the snatch reference
posted by xorry at 7:13 PM on September 3, 2009

What are the police doing here...?

We had a slight burglary last night.
posted by porn in the woods at 7:27 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

My friend's mom won a sales contest at her job, some sort of thing where the top salespeople at the end of the quarter got 30 seconds in the "prize warehouse". Which was basically just a big room with an aisle of shelves full of low level electronics, ipods, dvd players and the like. A few bigger ticket items, like a stereo or tv towards the back.

So everybody gets all jacked up, and is planning their routes, figuring out if the tv in the back is worth it, and for the most part, there seemed to be enough time to get 2 or three items, if you really hustled. My friend's mother is a little bit older, and not exactly spry. She heads to the nearest shelf, which is digital cameras, and one arm sweeps the entire shelf into her cart, turns around and walks out.

Christmas shopping for that year completed in 25 seconds.
posted by billyfleetwood at 7:42 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

My friend's mom won a sales contest at her job, some sort of thing where the top salespeople at the end of the quarter got 30 seconds in the "prize warehouse".

I swear half my childhood was watching versions of this on tv.

But then I think it was probably just that same Laverne & Shirley episode, over and over.

BOSCO!
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 7:51 PM on September 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Who do you think may have perpetrated this awful crime?"
"We believe this to be the work of thieves. And I'll tell you why- the whole pattern is extremely reminiscent of past robberies where we have found thieves to be involved..... the tell-tale loss of property; the snatching-away of the money-substances... it all points to thieves."
"So, you feel that thieves are responsible?"
"Good heavens, no! I feel that thieves are totally irresponsible; ghastly people who go around snatching your money.........."
"And who do you think is behind the criminals?"
"Well, we are, considerably...."

Beyond the Fringe- one of my mostest favoritest things in the whole world- from The Great Train Robbery.
posted by drhydro at 8:08 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm surprised everyone is so in the dark about the ceramics thing. I assumed it was pretty common knowledge. It's like you guys never grew up reading the anarchist cookbook and such.

I mean, I didn't either, uh. . . .
posted by absalom at 8:15 PM on September 3, 2009

The East Cambridge, MA car window repair man who showed me the spark plug method actually punched the window, with the ceramic piece protruding outward from his fist. He did this on the third time that he replaced my car window. It was a bad neighborhood back then, And I was a steady customer.
posted by R. Mutt at 8:38 PM on September 3, 2009

That's my Apple store when I'm home in Cherry Hill. Weird.
posted by rbf1138 at 10:21 PM on September 3, 2009

That said, I watched this video last night and the security guard behavior did look odd...

The Consumerist: "The story [sic] had a security guard on duty after a previous robbery, but the thieves claimed to be armed."
posted by ericb at 10:45 PM on September 3, 2009

That's my Apple store when I'm home in Cherry Hill. Weird.

Don't try to be all like, "that's my Apple store." Shit, you're probably going to the Cherry Hill Mall and getting all up in some Auntie Ann's. Christ, what an asshole.
posted by ludwig_van at 11:21 PM on September 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

When they sell the iPhones to some unsuspecting slob, and the Slob goes to activate the phone, won't they just call the cops? Or isn't the inventory system there good enough to have that information?
posted by wenestvedt at 6:12 AM on September 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

They log serial numbers into and out of the store, they'll have full records of all of them. The iPhones will probably be useless for anything but parts. The Macs will probably work, as long as they're never taken into a repair shop.
posted by Malor at 7:37 AM on September 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Wouldn't they just have to take the phones out of the country?
In Camobia I met a taxi driver from london who was very popular with all the locals because he would just give away cell phones. They were the cells people forgot in the back of his cab, and presumably would have been reported stolen in london.
posted by Iax at 11:51 AM on September 4, 2009

Don't try to be all like, "that's my Apple store." Shit, you're probably going to the Cherry Hill Mall and getting all up in some Auntie Ann's. Christ, what an asshole.

Shut up, Steve.
posted by rbf1138 at 7:34 PM on September 4, 2009

drhydro: Beyond the Fringe- one of my mostest favoritest things in the whole world- from The Great Train Robbery.

Well, what are you waiting for? Link it, man—link it!
posted by koeselitz at 12:35 PM on September 5, 2009