Twilight: The Musical

October 11, 2009 10:23 PM

"One more murder, and he's earned himself a detention."Were the movies, the books, the fan-fiction, and the squealing not enough for you? Then perhaps it is time to see Stephanie Meyers's tour de force parodied in musical form. Previous Twilight posts here and here and here.
posted by schroedinger (57 comments total)

We need a word for people who are fans of something, but express their attachment through parody, mockery and derision.
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:38 PM on October 11 [2 favorites]

I thought you said this was a parody. Watched the first five minutes, and not getting the sarcasm here. Maybe it's because Twilight is so ridiculous that it's impossible to satirize? Entirely possible. I mean, where do you go from sparking vampires?
posted by jokeefe at 10:47 PM on October 11

Erm, "sparkling"
posted by jokeefe at 10:47 PM on October 11

We need a word for people who are fans of something, but express their attachment through parody, mockery and derision.

Around here, we call them "Fans". The ones without the sense of humor we call "Truefans".
posted by happyroach at 10:48 PM on October 11

Wow, even the parodies of Twilight are devastatingly boring.
posted by darlingmagpie at 10:49 PM on October 11

Wow. After watching some of this I am reminded of an old internet proverb, "the difference between parody and madness is length."
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:55 PM on October 11 [10 favorites]

Is this the thread where we can talk about how horrible twilight is?
posted by empath at 10:55 PM on October 11 [1 favorite]

For proper tagging, the author's name is actually Stephenie Meyer.
posted by headspace at 11:05 PM on October 11

For proper tagging, the author's name is actually Stephenie Meyer.

Like the lemon.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:47 PM on October 11

Or the weiner.
posted by Silentgoldfish at 12:05 AM on October 12

Yeah, I like stuff that makes fun of Twilight (not a fan) and I was hoping it would be something like A Very Potter Musical, but that was just boring. I could barely get through the first clip. It was awkward to watch, like when you meet someone who has no sense of comedy but tries hard and often.
posted by Nattie at 12:20 AM on October 12

I don't fool around with no Oscar Mayer wiener. You must be sure that the girl is pure for the funky cold Medina.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 12:59 AM on October 12

Wow, even the parodies of Twilight are devastatingly boring.

Come on, Buffy Meets Edward was great.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:46 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]

shit blizzard is early today.
posted by at the crossroads at 3:24 AM on October 12

I murdered a kid today but he had a popped collar so the cop let me off with a warning.
posted by krautland at 3:56 AM on October 12 [4 favorites]

We need a word for people who are fans of something, but express their attachment through parody, mockery and derision.

MeFites
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:15 AM on October 12 [10 favorites]

Back in September I was at a family get-together. Some of my female relatives started talking about Twilight (a friend of my cousin's wife was heavily into the series), and one of my older and blissfully-out-of-touch relatives sat up and asked what this "Twilight" thing was all about. Being a smart-ass, I blurted out "Mormon erotica".

My older relative, not blessed with good hearing, replied in an annoyed voice: "What did you say? 'Moron erotica'?"

"Yeah, that's about right." My female relatives backed me up on this.
posted by spoobnooble at 5:08 AM on October 12 [11 favorites]

I love the meme of immortal vampires hanging out at high schools. Cause that's exactly where I'd go after a hundred years on this earth to hang out with those really deep mature people when the intellectual ennui becomes crushing. I mean, who better to hang out with forever than teenagers.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:57 AM on October 12 [10 favorites]

darlingmagpie: "Wow, even the parodies of Twilight are devastatingly boring."

TwelveTwo: "Wow. After watching some of this I am reminded of an old internet proverb, "the difference between parody and madness is length."

Pope Guilty: "Come on, Buffy Meets Edward was great."


I think, taken as a whole, these three comments pretty much sum up the whole thing. Buffy Meets Edward was indeed great. It was short.
posted by Naberius at 6:04 AM on October 12

I know i'm not a 12 year old girl or anything, but honestly the first time i heard about stephanie meyer or Twilight was on NPR when they talked about twilight and then they talked about her lackluster (i can only assume) adult book. A month later the movies came out, but all of this hype just seems fabricated.
posted by djduckie at 6:30 AM on October 12

her lackluster (i can only assume) adult book.

I'm no Meyer apologist (though I did enjoy reading the Twilight books, with some liberal skimming) but I think you're referring to The Host, which is actually also a sci-fi novel. The book debuted at number 1 on the NYT bestseller list, and remained on the list for 26 weeks, so lackluster isn't really the word you're looking for.
posted by hermitosis at 6:41 AM on October 12

> The book debuted at number 1 on the NYT bestseller list, and remained on the list for 26 weeks, so lackluster isn't really the word you're looking for

Author name effect.
posted by Decimask at 6:49 AM on October 12

Author name effect.

I haven't read The Host so I won't defend it, but there is no disputing the fact that is was a successful book. A followup novel and film version are on their way. It enjoys incredibly high Amazon reader reviews and received encrouraging, if mixed, reviews in the media. So you may think the novel is total bullshit (and I think a lot of Twilight haters really wanted it to fail) but there really isn't anything about it that reeks of failure or public disinterest.
posted by hermitosis at 7:01 AM on October 12

How Twilight Should Have Ended
posted by haltingproblemsolved at 7:02 AM on October 12 [12 favorites]

I guess Hollywood doesn't have a monopoly on being creatively bankrupt. Hey, you know what would be original? Let's take this movie/book/comic book and turn it into a MUSICAL.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:54 AM on October 12

I don't know about 'boring'. Part 3a and 3b were pretty freakin' hilarious.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 8:26 AM on October 12

I love the meme of immortal vampires hanging out at high schools. Cause that's exactly where I'd go after a hundred years on this earth to hang out with those really deep mature people when the intellectual ennui becomes crushing. I mean, who better to hang out with forever than teenagers.

My first thought, when I heard about how the vampire goes to high school after a hundred years, was that Twilight was going to turn out to be some kind of highly witty commentary on just how boring eternity would be. Ah, precious ignorance!
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:32 AM on October 12

Once you get past the first one, it's pretty damn funny. Not enough singing, though.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:33 AM on October 12

I guess i was just expecting "The host" to eclipse the twilight series and when it didn't in my narrow scope i figured it failed. I'm kind of nuetral on the series and her as a writer so i wouldn't call me a hater.

Honestly though, what happened? YA fiction used to be about Crazy blow job parties! not vampires and werewolves duking it out for the virginity of mormons.
posted by djduckie at 8:42 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]

I miss evil vampires.
posted by thivaia at 8:46 AM on October 12 [5 favorites]

Yeah, I thought this was pretty not the best, but it's not too bad (assuming that these are all high school kids, and that the guy writing the music/book probably has no editor to tell him "Ummmm, more songs. Less stuff that isn't songs.")

I haven't read Twilight, but it seems pretty perfect for a musical. Someone else could come along and steal this idea and make something awesome.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:47 AM on October 12

A more brief exploration of the theme, in a better medium.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:40 AM on October 12 [3 favorites]

My first thought, when I heard about how the vampire goes to high school after a hundred years, was that Twilight was going to turn out to be some kind of highly witty commentary on just how boring eternity would be. Ah, precious ignorance!

I was on the Twilight set for a day on one of the press junkets (knew absolutely nothing about it going in beyond "teenage vampires,") and that was my first question to Pattinson once the premise had been explained to me. "So your character's been in high school for a hundred years? How's that going?"

We laughed, but they never really could make sense out of it for me.
posted by Naberius at 9:59 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]

that was my first question to Pattinson once the premise had been explained to me. "So your character's been in high school for a hundred years? How's that going?"

I have kind of developed a little fondness for Pattinson, based not upon his performance in the movie -- or in anything else-- but in his reaction to the fanbase, and the books. Reading between the lines, it sounds like what happened was that his agent approached him with the project, and pitched him on how it was this whole franchise and it'd be a slam-dunk for his career and yadda yadda yadda -- so here's this poor guy, for whom his biggest break so far has been a supporting role in one of the Harry Potter movies, and so this looks like his big break and they both think he should do it and he says yes.

Then he read the books, and realized what it was he got into.

He has flat-out mocked the author in some interviews (not calling her a doody-head or anything, but he's said things like how you can tell that the whole characterization of his character is wish-fulfillment, and how creepy it is that what sounds like teenage fangirl crush writing is being written by an older woman; he's speculated on how messed up that is). He's mocked the fans -- when a bunch of fans showed up near a set where he was filming the first movie all screamed like crazy when they saw him, he told a reporter that "that sounded like what you'd hear at the gates of hell". He's open about being freaked out by fans, and about how he thinks that the author is a little sexually repressed.

He also had the best reaction to a crazy fangirl I've ever seen -- one girl was obsessively hanging around by the set, to the point that others were starting to wonder if she was a stalker, but he instead invited her out on a date, and then proceeded to act as boring as he possibly could, and after about an hour she excused herself and left, never to be seen again.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:14 AM on October 12 [24 favorites]

BrotherCaine : I mean, who better to hang out with forever than teenagers.

A food source that is prone to making dumb decisions? Yeah, I'd hunt the young for eternity as well, just as soon as I had cleansed the earth of every fucking sparkly Twilight bloodsucker I could find.

I mean, proper evil night-walking vampires have reputations to uphold.

Kind of like pimps.
posted by quin at 10:19 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]

I do love mocking things, but I generally like to have a good reason to do so, so I went ahead and read Twilight. It was worse than I had imagined — not from the laser focus on every fantastic expectation that barely pubescent girls ever had distilled down into a fantasy that makes the airbrushing of Playboy look like the grim, artless Polaroid souvenirs taken by amateurs, no, it's that the writing is rather unlovely. Bella's interior voice sounds a bit like that of the menopausal housewife of a Detroit steelworker who, having listened to him drone on and on about union party lines, has internalized them herself. "Pragmatic" and "mature" are descriptions of this voice so charitable as to verge on requiring canonization, one of the requisite miracles performed is that this thing actually took off.

It's bad, very bad. I think that, while we are cleaning house about setting unrealistic expectations of one another, Twilight is probably worth at least a couple of Maxim magazines. In about two years, I am going to hit nametrends.net and see if my fears come true, an unspeakable upwelling in babies named Bella, Isabella, and Edward. Don't get me wrong, the film is lovely to mock, but the book ... my. I kept stopping myself and asking, "Did I just read that? If I did just read that, am I ... totally misinterpreting that, or is that crap?" That came between the parts when I strangled bark of laughter would fight its way from my throat. Twilight owes more to Peter Pan than Dracula.
posted by adipocere at 10:33 AM on October 12 [2 favorites]

I really hope that Gabriel's Prophecy never comes to pass.
posted by CKmtl at 10:39 AM on October 12

The book debuted at number 1 on the NYT bestseller list, and remained on the list for 26 weeks, so lackluster isn't really the word you're looking for

Let us remember that popularity and excellence are two completely different qualities.

I have kind of developed a little fondness for Pattinson, based not upon his performance in the movie -- or in anything else-- but in his reaction to the fanbase, and the books.

You're right, he does sound like an interesting guy. Now if he'd only learn to wash his hair once in awhile.
posted by orange swan at 10:53 AM on October 12

I miss evil vampires.


And we miss you too.

Mostly your necks.
posted by The Whelk at 10:57 AM on October 12

I got the first two books in the Twilight series from my nieces last Christmas. My nieces and my sister-in-law are into it. So I read the first book. Dear God it was bad. I had to slug my way through the several hundred pages, thinking, "Make. It. Stop." the entire way. I still haven't gotten around to beginning the second. And worst of all, I really, really wanted to savage it on my book review blog, and could not because my nieces might see it sometime.

Bella Swan (no relation) is one of the most boring and generic heroines I've ever come across. She has no interests. Her only attributes seem to be her supposed intelligence and her pragmatism. She's supposedly a good student in her final year(s?) of high school and yet she never mentions any plans for university or a career. She thinks of herself as nothing special in the looks department, yet every guy in her high school is supposedly after her (this is probably what Pattinson means when he talks about "wish fulfillment" for the author"). In other words she has no other purpose than to be narrator and to love Edward. Oh yay.

Then there's the absurd and clunky interpretation of vampire mythology in a modern setting. And don't even get me started on the horrible pedestrian prose.

If you want to read a good book on vampire/human love done with style, imagination and a really hot love scene, read Robin McKinley's Sunshine. McKinley did it first, and properly.
posted by orange swan at 11:07 AM on October 12 [3 favorites]

Seconding the love for McKinley's Sunshine, which is just about perfect.

But I think the badness of Twilight is why it's doing so well. Not in a it's-so-bad-it's-good way, so much, as that it's so badly written that it's impossible to guess what nonsense the author will do next, and so you're compelled to keep reading just out of sheer fatalistic curiosity.
posted by joannemerriam at 11:25 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]

read Robin McKinley's Sunshine. McKinley did it first, and properly.

This. A thousand times, this.
posted by EvaDestruction at 11:32 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]

Although this says very little, The Host is better than the Twilight series. The main characters actually have some sort of agency, for example. Not a lot, and there's a lot of sexism, but it's not quite at the same level of obnoxiousness. (I did read it first, which may have meant I was more tolerant of it than her later books.)
posted by jeather at 11:38 AM on October 12

He also had the best reaction to a crazy fangirl I've ever seen -- one girl was obsessively hanging around by the set, to the point that others were starting to wonder if she was a stalker, but he instead invited her out on a date, and then proceeded to act as boring as he possibly could, and after about an hour she excused herself and left, never to be seen again.

That is an awesome story. I also have a soft spot for Pattinson based on the interviews he did about the absurdity of the plot, and that when they were shooting in Portland he apparently hung out in Powell's books a great deal.

The third movie is shooting in Vancouver right now and the local press seems to swing between reporting the cast's every move and then complaining about how the stars can't go anywhere without being mobbed and have had to engage extra security, etc.
posted by jokeefe at 12:03 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]

Buffy did it better.
posted by graventy at 12:26 PM on October 12

My favorite part about the Twilight books is how the series ends.

It's almost exactly like the Harry Potter books, with the setup to this huge confrontational battle (plus for good measure all vampires get magic powers too!). Only, instead of a battle, there's this standoff for a while and then it's all over.

Luckily Bella and her kid are still wonderful and perfect and beautiful and forever young and Edward still loves her and stuff so we readers now it's all okay and wonderful.
posted by graventy at 12:30 PM on October 12

My favorite part about the Twilight books is how the series ends.

It's almost exactly like the Harry Potter books, with the setup to this huge confrontational battle (plus for good measure all vampires get magic powers too!). Only, instead of a battle, there's this standoff for a while and then it's all over.

You forgot the...well, let's just call it the Dental Caesarian Section.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:39 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]

I so, so hope my nieces do not give me the remaining books in the series this Christmas.
posted by orange swan at 12:46 PM on October 12

Metafilter: But the book ... my.
posted by JHarris at 1:12 PM on October 12

Haaaaaa, I love it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:48 PM on October 12

I have kind of developed a little fondness for Pattinson, based not upon his performance in the movie -- or in anything else-- but in his reaction to the fanbase, and the books.

You know, on the one hand, Twilight lol. On the other hand, I've always had a problem with people who mock the people who've made them rich and famous.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:48 PM on October 12

Fair point, adam, but I think in his case it's partly because he got himself into it a little unawares or the whole thing was misrepresented, and he may be subconsciously trying to get himself fired just so he can get the hell out of there.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:51 PM on October 12

I suppose. Maybe he should, you know, do some research before accepting a role. Or maybe he just needs to be less uptight about being an actor and have some fun. No need for angst.
posted by adamdschneider at 2:01 PM on October 12

No need for angst?

He's a brooding teenage vampire who's trying to go abstinent/bloodsucking free! What could be more angsty?! Hating the fans is downright method, especially considering how awkward the chemistry between Edward and Bella was. (Speaking as a guy who saw the film with Rifftrax)
posted by mccarty.tim at 2:54 PM on October 12

I suppose. Maybe he should, you know, do some research before accepting a role. Or maybe he just needs to be less uptight about being an actor and have some fun. No need for angst.

One thing I quickly twigged to when I was on the set was that they had no idea when they put the project together that Twilight was going to be anything remotely like the phenomenon it turned out to be.

By the time they were shooting, yeah, they knew what they had. But initially it was just one more speculative pickup of a forthcoming novel. Production companies do this all the time, usually based on galley proofs before the book's even published, just on the off chance that one will hit and create a built-in audience. What happened with Twilight is like hitting the lottery. It's just what producers hope will happen but it very rarely does.

So the producers were thrilled, but the cast? They didn't know what they were getting into when they signed on, plus they were most likely getting paid bargain basement rates based on it being a much smaller movie. (Pattinson and Stewart will get theirs for the sequels though. Don't worry about them.)
posted by Naberius at 5:35 PM on October 12

So far it's pretty funny.
posted by NoraReed at 8:26 PM on October 12

and he may be subconsciously trying to get himself fired just so he can get the hell out of there.

Please, like he could do anything to get himself fired from Twilight. Dude could bite a woman and drink her blood and the fans would go CRAZY. With jealousy.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:54 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]