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The Conflicted Existence of a Female Porn Writer.
December 22, 2009 3:51 PM   Subscribe

Lynsey G. has taken odd writing jobs where she could get them for a few years now, and one day woke up to realize that they were all about sex.

Part 2: Desensitization.
Part 3: Pornocracy Party.
Part 4: The Look.
Part 5: Schooled by the Stars, or What I Learned at the Porn Expo.
posted by minifigs (17 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
[more inside]

hehe hehehe
posted by sfts2 at 3:59 PM on December 22, 2009 [5 favorites]


maybe she should try reporting on city council meetings or something.
posted by Hammond Rye at 4:23 PM on December 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Very interesting, especially in contrast to this recent discussion. Part 2 alone would be a great answer to a lot of AskMeFi questions.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:16 PM on December 22, 2009


No jobs in writing about city council meetings anymore. It's all gonna be done by computer algorithms by 2020 :(
posted by Kirklander at 5:32 PM on December 22, 2009


A very close female friend of mine has been doing this since about 1985. Right now she is mournfully winding down her career as the Interwebs have driven all of her publishers out of business. We don't live in NYC though so she has no colorful tales of attending the porn parties. Most of the publishers who have hired her are based there though. Her stock in trade was the 5x9 rag letter set and story, which have become progressively kinkier as more vanilla stuff has become more obviously available even to grandpa on the interweb. Finally, the (adult) incest stuff is going, and now she's trying to make playing poker.
posted by localroger at 7:08 PM on December 22, 2009


make a living playing poker, damn you previewlessness
posted by localroger at 7:09 PM on December 22, 2009


No jobs in writing about city council meetings anymore.

I learned to watch the first few minutes of each sex scene, taking notes on "plot" or "witty" banter, then fast forward through the remainder at 10x speed, slowing down to note the frequency of position changes, athleticism of maneuvers, and standout dirty talk. The trick was to watch the 2- to 6-hour-long DVDs as fast as possible and then spend under an hour writing dirty, overly alliterative jokes about what I'd seen....

For easy reference, I made up lists of alternative names for breasts, penises and vaginas, and supplementary lists later on for buttholes, as that trend gained popularity. I developed rating criteria for length, girth, cup size, amount of cellulite, and gag reflex (or the lack thereof).


But the skill sets transfer so easily!
posted by dhartung at 8:12 PM on December 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


I know an actress whose first voice-over gig was play-by-play narration for sightless peoples' porn.
posted by Kirklander at 9:20 PM on December 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Hammond Rye: “maybe she should try reporting on city council meetings or something.”

Kirklander: “No jobs in writing about city council meetings anymore.”

I think you guys are missing the point. Those sex parties she's writing about? Those are city council meetings.
posted by koeselitz at 9:30 PM on December 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


I have a hard time picturing the dude who picks up a copy of Butt Fuck Sluts Go Nuts and declares "Hey, this only got three out of five throbbing cocks in the review I read so I think I'll pass."
posted by bardic at 1:02 AM on December 23, 2009


this is so much more boring and banal than this essay makes it out to be. don't ask how I know.
posted by ryaninoakland at 3:01 AM on December 23, 2009


How do you know?
posted by kittyprecious at 4:31 AM on December 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


I know an actress whose first voice-over gig was play-by-play narration for sightless peoples' porn.

Am I the only person who reads this and kind of wants to hear it?
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:04 AM on December 23, 2009


Am I the only person who reads this and kind of wants to hear it?

Nope.
posted by Bango Skank at 6:23 AM on December 23, 2009



I know an actress whose first voice-over gig was play-by-play narration for sightless peoples' porn.

posted by The Whelk at 8:11 AM on December 23, 2009


i have to say i liked david foster wallace's essay on the avn awards better, as far as writing about the sex industry goes. i also can't tell if i thought her essays were boring because it is geared toward people unfamiliar with the scene or just because they were boring...
posted by beefetish at 10:11 AM on December 23, 2009


Am I the only person who reads this and kind of wants to hear it?

Unfortunately I promised her I would never share the MP3. You hear the dialogue and soundtrack from the original porn, interspersed with "he takes out his cock, it's really large" and all this stuff.
posted by Kirklander at 12:35 PM on December 23, 2009


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