Nicolas Cage's Many Faces
January 3, 2010 6:44 PM   Subscribe

 
There is evil in the world and this is it.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:53 PM on January 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


Lamest of the web.
posted by IAmBroom at 6:54 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Someone named Patrick Sarni has a hobby... a very specific, very odd hobby.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:54 PM on January 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


Why couldn't you put the funny back in the blog?
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:57 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's one of those things that seems dumb and pointless at first, and then as you keep paging through, continues to seem dumb and pointless, but also sparks a grim fascination. It is like looking at my aunt's beanie babies, or a serial killer's vast collection of fingerbone sculptures.
posted by damehex at 7:00 PM on January 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


This is apparently a clever meta-commentary on the fact that, no matter what character role or situation Cage is supposed to be depicting on the big screen, he acts exactly the same. Very poignant, and well executed.

Either that or it is a shitty weblog about an even shittier actor. Take your pick.
posted by paisley henosis at 7:01 PM on January 3, 2010 [6 favorites]


NOT THE BEES!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:02 PM on January 3, 2010 [6 favorites]


He actually has a larger range in these terrible 'shops than he does in actual movies.
posted by DU at 7:05 PM on January 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


PS: actual actually
posted by DU at 7:06 PM on January 3, 2010


Nicholas Cage is the greatest actor of our time.
posted by philip-random at 7:06 PM on January 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


This actually works much better than I was initially expecting. Some of them I actually had to look for Nic for a second, because of my insistence on looking at pictures before looking at headlines.

But I'm not sure if my life is any better from all this nonsense.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:09 PM on January 3, 2010


Okay, I liked it better than I thought I would, but wowzers, someone has a lot of time on their hands, and must reaaaallly like to photoshop Mr. Cage. 150 of these things? Point made in about five photos I think.

On the other hand, dude isn't out on the street harassing people, which is one of the primary benefits of hobbies such as this, if you ask me.
posted by Zinger at 7:17 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


....why?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:23 PM on January 3, 2010


The time spent photoshopping? People spend all day photoshopping meaningless bullshit and get paid for it—no big deal. What boggles my beans is the time spent looking for matching Nic Cage head shots. Sweet cheebus, man.
posted by carsonb at 7:25 PM on January 3, 2010


Nic Cage is everyone and everyone has a little Nic Cage in them*. The circle is complete.

* No sodomy jokes please
posted by MikeMc at 7:25 PM on January 3, 2010


This is amazing. Just really brilliantly awful and ridiculous and amazing.
So amazing, that I am actually in the process of making one and submitting it. No joke.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 7:28 PM on January 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


This is probably as good as any place to put a link to the trailer to his new movie called um, Kick-Ass (NSFW language, etc).
posted by octothorpe at 7:29 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I like it as a terrible, repeating, non-joke. And the idea of a movie where Nic Cage plays every roll - maybe a surreal action movie sequel to Being John Malkovich.
posted by codacorolla at 7:29 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Somewhat related: Morgan Freeman chain of command.
posted by Rhomboid at 7:29 PM on January 3, 2010 [38 favorites]


Why is it that pop culture seems to be making things I would like in high school just as I'm wrapping up college? WHY DID I GET THE MEDIOCRE HOLLYWOOD MOVIES AND POP SONGS?
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:47 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Er, that was re: Kick-Ass.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:47 PM on January 3, 2010


Nic Cage is everyone and everyone has a little Nic Cage in them*.

But Michael J. Fox got no Elvis in him. Just so we're clear on that.
posted by emjaybee at 7:57 PM on January 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


This is probably as good as any place to put a link to the trailer to his new movie called um, Kick-Ass (NSFW language, etc).

Wow. It's not every day that you see the stupidest thing you've ever seen.
posted by Lobster Garden at 7:58 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


> NOT THE BEES!

That needed a link.
posted by mmoncur at 7:58 PM on January 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


But Michael J. Fox got no Elvis in him. Just so we're clear on that.

But he is All Shook Up.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:01 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]




This is apparently a clever meta-commentary on the fact that, no matter what character role or situation Cage is supposed to be depicting on the big screen, he acts exactly the same.

Ha, yeah, just like in Adaptation.
posted by kenko at 8:16 PM on January 3, 2010


It's not every day that you see the stupidest thing you've ever seen.

Well, it's possible
posted by flaterik at 8:16 PM on January 3, 2010


His money troubles must be even worse than I thought.
posted by Joe Beese at 8:22 PM on January 3, 2010


Nicholas Cage is the greatest actor of our time.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:23 PM on January 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


mmoncur: "> NOT THE BEES!

That needed a link.
"

I prefer this one, purely for the "Ahgarbulagabah" description.
posted by aerotive at 8:29 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


pleasedontbeasexthingpleasedontbeasexthing
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Nic Cage used to be a great actor. Now he's a terrible actor and the butt of many jokes. I don't know when that happened, but I don't feel sorry for him.
posted by crossoverman at 8:33 PM on January 3, 2010


I don't know when that happened

See above: Bees.
posted by The Whelk at 8:34 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


They're pretty bad, Joe.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:35 PM on January 3, 2010


I...loved this, and feel like I might need to do some deep and painful searching into the depths of my psyche to determine why.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 8:43 PM on January 3, 2010


Oh har.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 8:48 PM on January 3, 2010


A lot of these aren't great, some of these are good, and a few are pretty impressive in how well the Cage face matches the angle of the real face.

People who don't like this are dead inside.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:51 PM on January 3, 2010 [2 favorites]




If you watch Cage in The Sorcerer's Apprentice trailer, you can see the sad desperation of a man in debt who needs any job he can get.

I also liked some of his earlier movies, but Cage to me is much like Jason Schwartzman--a terrible actor who got where he is by sucking on the Coppola teat.
posted by null terminated at 9:00 PM on January 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


This one is my favorite.
posted by MikeMc at 9:03 PM on January 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


The guy in yellow in Frans Hals' painting Company of Captain Reinier Reael, aka the 'Meagre Company' always reminded me of Nic Cage. I burst out laughing when I first saw it -- Cage, splendid in silks and dripping with lace, posing like a diva and looking bored as all fuck. SO. AWESOME.
posted by emeiji at 9:05 PM on January 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


Nic Cage used to be a great actor. Now he's a terrible actor and the butt of many jokes. I don't know when that happened.

When he tried to make the transition from off-beat slacker roles to becoming and anti-hero action star a la Keanu Reeves. Someone should have taken him aside after The Rock and told him that newborn kittens make for more convincing killers than he does.
posted by fshgrl at 9:19 PM on January 3, 2010


I didn't see my all-time favorite Nicolas Cage photoshop:
The totally awesome Nicolas Cage as Andre the Giant mash-up.
posted by Auden at 9:22 PM on January 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


...I am speechless. He is truly Everyman.
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 9:23 PM on January 3, 2010


I like the ones where he is already in the movie. I laughed a little too hard.
posted by djduckie at 9:24 PM on January 3, 2010


The guy in yellow in Frans Hals' painting Company of Captain Reinier Reael, aka the 'Meagre Company' always reminded me of Nic Cage.

Huh.
posted by device55 at 9:28 PM on January 3, 2010


This one is pretty favorite.
posted by infinite intimation at 9:35 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


People who don't like this are dead inside.

I Photoshop myself, just to feel something.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:37 PM on January 3, 2010 [9 favorites]


This is terrifying.

It's like the Three Stigmata of Nicolas Cage or something.
posted by Target Practice at 9:39 PM on January 3, 2010


See also:

Now starring: Tom Hanks as everybody.
Now starring: Kevin Costner as everybody.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:40 PM on January 3, 2010


This isn't just why the internet was invented. This is why we harnessed electricity. It's why we became sentient, why tetrapods emerged from the sea, why the Cambrian Explosion occurred, why antimatter did not fully annihilate matter in the early universe, why the physical constants of the cosmos are compatible with hot stars, stable elements and the structure-forming chemistry necessary for multicellular life.

"Nic Cage as everybody" is nothing less than a teleological explanation for everything.
posted by killdevil at 9:42 PM on January 3, 2010 [19 favorites]


I work at videostore in LA. One of the perks is our customers are involved in the industry. One of the guys who comes in works in post on special fx. His current job is digitally creating Nicolas Cage's hairline in THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 10:05 PM on January 3, 2010 [6 favorites]


But Michael J. Fox got no Elvis in him. Just so we're clear on that.

But he is All Shook Up.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 10:01 PM on 1/3


oh no you didn't
posted by sourwookie at 10:13 PM on January 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


LOL Face/Off
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 11:16 PM on January 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


This blog reads like it is written by someone that will, one day, have Nicolas Cage's severed head in their closet.
posted by lazaruslong at 11:17 PM on January 3, 2010


It could be the fact that I'm sleep-deprived, but the amount that I'm laughing is ridiculous. I love the ones like this , Nicholas Cage is everyone in the picture.
posted by fizzzzzzzzzzzy at 11:18 PM on January 3, 2010


Pathetic and funny at the same time.

Although Nic Cage as Amy Winehouse was better looking than most pictures of the real Amy Winehouse.
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:50 PM on January 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


when nightmares collide
posted by liza at 11:56 PM on January 3, 2010


I've made a couple and submitted them - fingers crossed they'll be accepted.
posted by sycophant at 1:48 AM on January 4, 2010


My hair is a bird. Your argument is invalid.
posted by Hastur at 3:00 AM on January 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


He's done some terrible terrible work lately (Ghost Rider was on tv the other day and I couldn't even stand to have it on in the background) but The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans is stone cold utterly awesome.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:35 AM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


He uses too little of the face.
posted by Anything at 4:04 AM on January 4, 2010


Why can't he just be obsessed with Miley Cyrus like the rest of us?
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:07 AM on January 4, 2010


But Michael J. Fox got no Elvis in him. Just so we're clear on that.

You've never seen Light of Day, have you?
posted by jonmc at 5:09 AM on January 4, 2010


Great. Now everybody is a talentless actor who ruins every movie. Hooray.
posted by stormpooper at 6:52 AM on January 4, 2010


This is now my favorite thing.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 7:02 AM on January 4, 2010


You've never seen Light of Day, have you?

No, but if you listen to Mojo Nixon sing "Elvis is Everywhere" all will become clear.
posted by emjaybee at 7:27 AM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


This perfectly supports my argument that Photoshop should be a controlled substance.
posted by sidesh0w at 8:34 AM on January 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans is stone cold utterly awesome.

Best thing he's done since Adaptation. The scene with Xzibit puffing on Terrance's "lucky crack pipe" and "Shoot him again - his soul is still dancing. BWHAAAAA!" is my favorite moment at the movies in 2009.
posted by porn in the woods at 8:35 AM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


You know, I was all NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! until I actually clicked the link.

This is awesome.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:47 AM on January 4, 2010


I can't stand Nicolas Cage, but I may be biased because I once saw him stomp imperiously into a cafe in the Haight during his pre-"Leaving Las Vegas" period (but post-"Honeymoon in Vegas") with a retinue and act like he owned the place (which he may well have, given his laxity with cash). I do hear tell that "Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans" is some kind of unholy awesome, though.

I wonder why someone hasn't done something similar to this with Kevin Bacon. Maybe someone has. Maybe someone will.
posted by blucevalo at 9:38 AM on January 4, 2010




Serious question here: Is the Wicker Man worth a netflix rental to see how bad it is?
posted by yeti at 10:01 AM on January 4, 2010


This is amazing and beautiful. I sometimes wonder if the kid who fetched the coffee for Sun Studios' musicians knew in the moment that he was part of such a majestic new music. Or if the farmer who decided to see that new play by Shakespeare, instead of going to the bearbaiting, knew that his penny would be helping out the all-time greatest writer in the English language.

For the record, for future historians: I recognize that here, in this moment, I am part of the later days of the Internet Wilderness, and I recognize that is a fantastic and wondrous place to be.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:05 AM on January 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


My hair is a bird. Your argument is invalid.

That just never gets old. It always a) makes me laugh and b) reminds me of countless online political arguments from the Bush years.
posted by vibrotronica at 10:11 AM on January 4, 2010




yeti: "Serious question here: Is the Wicker Man worth a netflix rental to see how bad it is?"

Not unless you're dying to see the "alternate ending".

All the godawful stuff you'd laugh at can be viewed here.
posted by Joe Beese at 11:38 AM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Oh, man. So great. If for no other reason than I get to express my love for the best Nicholas Cage anything: Vampire's Kiss.

The first time you watch it, you are just simply mezmerised by Cage's performance. It's just so out there that you can't quite grasp it. The put on voice, the over the top mannerisms, the pure mania in every scene. It's just hilariously horrible. The film would be, at best, mediocre thanks to the flat directing and script, but Cage does a number on the film. Every single scene he is in is like the funniest clips of Wicker Man.

The second time you watch it, you realise that all the other actors in the film are thinking exactly the same thing you are: What. The. Fuck. Is. He. Doing? Everyone who has a scene with Cage looks wary of being in the same room as him. They diligently read their lines and do their 'acting' while nervously keeping one eye on Cage, never quite sure if he is actually going to murder them while the camera is rolling. I swear the people involved in that film (behind and in front of the camera) were all afraid for their lives the entire shooting schedule. From a 'method' point of view it would almost be Kinski-level genius if the performance wasn't just so goddamn awful.

Seriously, rent it and bask in the glory of 100% pure Cage.
posted by slimepuppy at 12:58 PM on January 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


dear god that is a thing of beauty
posted by slogger at 1:20 PM on January 4, 2010


slimepuppy, I can completely believe that. I'd read, in some magazine profile on him, that he'd eaten a live cockroach for the film (he'd held a shot of vodka in his mouth to numb out his taste buds beforehand), and also that he'd actually had a couple of his front teeth removed for a previous role in Birdy. At the time, I was impressed by such beyond-DeNiro levels of dedication for a role; now it just seems creepily excessive.

In the same profile, he said that if he could be a woman for a day, the first thing that he'd do would be to masturbate. Again, although at the time I was amazed that I wasn't the only one who would think something like that, I realize now that pretty much every heterosexual man would, and Cage was just exceptional for saying it out loud.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:20 PM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


the best Nicholas Cage anything: Vampire's Kiss.
The first time you watch it,
The second time you watch it,


Thanks for this. I've only seen it once, before I developed a taste for Al Pacino, Alec Baldwin and Christopher Walken chewing scenery, but now I've got to see it again. I still re-enact the scene of him running down the street screaming "I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire" once in a while. Also "Alma!"
posted by morganw at 2:52 PM on January 4, 2010


virus
posted by philip-random at 3:02 PM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


A Nicolas Cage Dyson sphere is a hypothetical megastructure originally described by Freeman Dyson francis ford coppola. Such a "sphere" "Cubed Cage" would be a system of orbiting solar power satellites meant to completely encompass a star and capture most or all of its energy output. Dyson Coppola speculated that such structures would be the logical consequence of the long-term survival and escalating energy needs of a technological civilization, and proposed that searching for evidence of the existence of such structures might lead to the detection of advanced intelligent extraterrestrial life.

Since then, other variant designs involving building an artificial structure — or a series of structures — to encompass a star have been proposed in exploratory engineering or described in science fiction under the name "Dyson sphere""Niclas Cage". These later proposals have not been limited to solar power stations — many involve habitation or industrial elements. Most fictional depictions describe a solid shell 'Formless Cage' of matter enclosing a star (see diagram at right), which is considered the least plausible variant of the idea (see below).
posted by infinite intimation at 3:15 PM on January 4, 2010


The "best" scenes from Vampire's Kiss [tubeofyou]
posted by mecran01 at 3:54 PM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Cage Is A Virus From Outer Space
posted by The Whelk at 6:00 PM on January 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


yeti: “Serious question here: Is the Wicker Man worth a netflix rental to see how bad it is?”

Don't listen to Joe Beese: it is absolutely worth a rental. It needs to be seen in full, from beginning to end, to really appreciate how awesomely terrible it is.

Really, I've seen highlights on Youtube, but trying to make a highlights reel of The Wicker Man is like trying to make a highlights reel of Citizen Kane. You just can't do it - because, no matter how hard you try, you'll be cutting out something essential. Even the most mundane, seemingly simple, easy-to-write and easy-to-film bits of that film are so incredibly bad as to be hilariously awful. I've seen it about three times, and every time something I never even noticed jumps up and smacks me with a stupid stick.

The first time I saw it, I told people: "you have to see this movie, it was bad - it had this bit with bees, and then Nicholas Cage in a bear suit trying to answer a cell phone, and... well, you should just see it." The second time I saw it, I told people: "you have to see this movie, it was SO bad - the plot was all over the place, the women were EVIL, and the dialogue was so stilted and ridiculous that nobody actually seemed to say anything to anybody else the entire movie..." The third time I managed to sit through it... I... well, it's beyond words, now. It's just that bad. Every moment. The soundtrack, the costumes, the dialogue, the acting, EVERYTHING.
posted by koeselitz at 7:16 PM on January 4, 2010


The Aristocrats!
posted by geekyguy at 7:19 PM on January 4, 2010


The Lincoln is really good, as MikeMc says, but I think the Washington is even more of a ‘national treasure.’
posted by LeLiLo at 6:03 PM on January 5, 2010


Oh, yes; the bees.
posted by Pecinpah at 10:41 AM on January 6, 2010


The "best" scenes from Vampire's Kiss

Nicholas Cage is the greatest actor of our time.

And there are mimes in that movie.
posted by philip-random at 1:57 PM on January 6, 2010


He always looks stoned and trying to either hold in a fart or pass a very uncomfortable turd.
posted by stormpooper at 8:54 AM on January 8, 2010


He sure had some messed up teeth back in the day.
posted by stormpooper at 8:55 AM on January 8, 2010


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