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January 11, 2010 2:05 PM   Subscribe

Christopher Lee has recorded a symphonic metal album telling the story of his own ancestor, the Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne. Samples here (and also on Myspace). Lee's video message to his fans announcing the project here.
posted by permafrost (40 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
By clicking the link, you will be electing the way of PAIN!

Or, to steal a line about Vincent Price in the Broadway musical Darling of the Day: The singing can be described, with literal accuracy, as abysmal.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:09 PM on January 11, 2010


I really didn't think cheese this aromatic could be created in this day and age. But then, Lee is himself of another day and age, isn't he? Fits right in with the Shatner and Nimoy albums and the other bizarre "musical" things non-musical celebrities have done over the years.

Also: Needs more force lightning.
posted by yiftach at 2:14 PM on January 11, 2010


Is Lee the first of Charlemagne's roughly 500 million descendents to release a symphonic metal album?I think not.
posted by lukemeister at 2:16 PM on January 11, 2010 [8 favorites]


I'm...

Ummmm....

I WANT MY MOM!
posted by codswallop at 2:16 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I want Christopher Lee to do the next promo for Gathering of the Juggalos.
posted by Damienmce at 2:17 PM on January 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Okay, I'm not a big fan of metal in general, but I've heard plenty of stuff purporting to be it, and I'm pretty positive that it's really not this.

Wholly apart from the question of quality, does anybody out there buy the classification of this stuff as "metal," symphonic or otherwise? It sounds more like a Broadway musical than something you'd burn down Norwegian churches to.
posted by Naberius at 2:18 PM on January 11, 2010


Oh, man. First SOMEONE makes me listen to that Rhapsody album, now this? Just the Christopher Lee parts? Aaaarrgghh.

Points for style, and you know, seeing your whole theme (horror) through and all, but stick with the speaking parts in 'epic' albums from now on.
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 2:26 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


yiftach: "But then, Lee is himself of another day and age, isn't he? Fits right in with the Shatner and Nimoy albums and the other bizarre "musical" things non-musical celebrities have done over the years."

Come on, it's not like Christopher Lee hasn't sung very, very bizarre stuff before.
("If you don't name your poison / I'll have to get the boys in" - how can you sing lyrics like that with a straight face? Oh, and mindfuck moment at 3:13, just a friendly warning.)
posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:26 PM on January 11, 2010 [7 favorites]


There will be no dawn... for men.
posted by Ber at 2:27 PM on January 11, 2010


Without the benefit of audio this sounds like the most metal thing ever. Really he should have got in touch with Bolt Thrower.
posted by Artw at 2:28 PM on January 11, 2010


My friends who know nothing about metal keep emailing me this, expecting me to be excited about it.
posted by The Straightener at 2:28 PM on January 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Is Lee the first of Charlemagne's roughly 500 million descendents to release a symphonic metal album? I think not.

Yeah, hasn't it been pretty much established that Charlemagne is an ancestor of all modern Europeans?

Anyway, I think I'll make a techno album in honor of Mitochondrial Eve.
posted by decagon at 2:31 PM on January 11, 2010


Go to the Myspace page and listen to the Act II sample. about 3/4 through... does it, uh... radically change direction for anyone else?
posted by GeekAnimator at 2:37 PM on January 11, 2010


Well crap, now it's gone. Must've been some download goof. There was a 10 second snippet of gangsta rap, but not after a refresh.
posted by GeekAnimator at 2:39 PM on January 11, 2010


Needs more corn rigs and barley rigs.
posted by hermitosis at 2:56 PM on January 11, 2010 [5 favorites]


Needs a little more Star Lords flavor.
posted by jquinby at 2:57 PM on January 11, 2010


Actually, I like the idea of this so much that I'm going to make a point of not listening to it, ever.
posted by darth_tedious at 2:58 PM on January 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Wholly apart from the question of quality, does anybody out there buy the classification of this stuff as "metal," symphonic or otherwise? It sounds more like a Broadway musical than something you'd burn down Norwegian churches to.

Broadway musical was my first thought as well. Sounds like he set out to make Blood On Ice or Hail To England, but came up with Hello, Dolly instead.

Note to future actors-who-want-to-make-metal-albums: heavy metal is not just a guitar tone...
posted by vorfeed at 2:59 PM on January 11, 2010


He's 87 -- cut him some slack, people.
posted by mosk at 3:13 PM on January 11, 2010


my god, PontifexPrimus - that clip is just... just... AMAZING. thank you. so much.
posted by lapolla at 3:22 PM on January 11, 2010


Yeah, hasn't it been pretty much established that Charlemagne is an ancestor of all modern Europeans?
As is every European who was alive at that time, except those who are the ancestors of no one (e.g. those who died childless).

People are always focused on Charlemagne for two reasons:

(1) It's a lot more glamorous to say that you are descended from Charlemagne than it is to say that you are descended from Charlemagne's pissboy;

(2) It's a lot easier to find records proving yourself to be descended from Charlemagne than it is to find records proving yourself to be descended from Charlemagne's pissboy.

Neither of these reasons changes the fact that you are descended from Charlemagne's pissboy.
posted by Flunkie at 3:24 PM on January 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


OK my luck is bad or something I hope -- someone please tell me which sample is actually metal. Cos ain't nothing I heard remotely metal. But boy what an idea.
posted by rahnefan at 3:42 PM on January 11, 2010


Yeah, hasn't it been pretty much established that Charlemagne is an ancestor of all modern Europeans?

I always thought so, but I have learned there is skepticism of this idea. One of my European-born friends insists that there is simply no way that Charlemagne's descendants could have spread as far as her homeland, some 1200 km away, in only fifty generations. I regret to report she is a math teacher.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:55 PM on January 11, 2010


PontifexPrimus, that video was AWESOME. Thank you for posting it!
posted by immlass at 4:02 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeah, hasn't it been pretty much established that Charlemagne is an ancestor of all modern Europeans?
I always thought so, but I have learned there is skepticism of this idea. One of my European-born friends insists that there is simply no way that Charlemagne's descendants could have spread as far as her homeland, some 1200 km away, in only fifty generations. I regret to report she is a math teacher.
That's interesting, because it actually only took zero generations. Charlemagne himself covered that distance, and more.

I, too, regret that your friend is a math teacher.
posted by Flunkie at 4:41 PM on January 11, 2010


My legal council has advised me not to comment in this thread.

Uh, and to rent a very fast car with no top. And something about arming ourselves to the teeth.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 5:09 PM on January 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


I've covered my laughs quota for the new year. Thanks for posting this.
posted by ersatz at 5:12 PM on January 11, 2010


Kid Charlemagne: My legal council has advised me not to comment in this thread.

Yeah? Well just clean that mess up or you'll all end up in jail.
posted by Herodios at 5:52 PM on January 11, 2010


Every time I see a recent film with Christopher Lee or read something about the recent doings of Christopher Lee, I can't help but think: "Holy shit. Christopher Lee is still alive."
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:57 PM on January 11, 2010


Ye gods!

It's no Immigrant Song [walks away singing]

The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands
To fight the horde and sing and cry, Valhalla, I am coming

On we sweep with, with threshing oar
Our only goal will be the western shore
posted by bwg at 6:11 PM on January 11, 2010


I'm picturing him dressed as Saruman, playing a battle-axe shaped guitar on the top of the tower of Orthanc, 50,000 orcs moshing down below.
posted by robotot at 6:15 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


And if I see Van Helsing I swear to the Lord I WILL SLAY HIM!
posted by steef at 7:02 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm just wondering what -- in a historical context -- a pissboy might be.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:34 PM on January 11, 2010


I'm guessing it's got something to do with soup.
posted by Kevin Street at 8:56 PM on January 11, 2010


I'm just wondering what -- in a historical context -- a pissboy might be.
Mel Brooks has the answer for you.
posted by Flunkie at 9:28 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Heh, thanks. My long-term memory is pretty much shot.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:55 PM on January 11, 2010


Do we have any concrete evidence that Christopher Lee isn't Emperor Charlemagne? And if so, will he share his potion with Sir Ian?
posted by The Whelk at 11:43 PM on January 11, 2010


I'm going to be singing 'I shed the blood of the Saxon men!' all day now... possibly all year.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:50 AM on January 12, 2010


I only know Christopher Lee from 2 movies---Lord of the Rings and some vampire movie tha was shown on Son of Svengoolie in Chicago.
posted by stormpooper at 6:39 AM on January 12, 2010


Is it better than "Night Train to Mundo Fine"?

Because if it is, that's high praise, and I think I can overcome my dread and listen.
posted by AugieAugustus at 7:53 AM on January 12, 2010


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