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Chatty Jerk Aims To Please
February 20, 2010 11:30 PM   Subscribe

An eloquently spoken and helpful jerk has been appearing on Chatroulette. His interactions with strangers must be seen.
posted by Arthur Phillips Jones Jr (87 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite

 
Good to see Jerkbeast keeping his hand in, or paw or whatever he has.
posted by chaff at 11:43 PM on February 20, 2010


I don't know what's worse about chatroulette, the abundance of guys jerking off or the flagrant disregard for firearm safety.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 11:44 PM on February 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


I swear I recognize chattyjerk's voice.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:46 PM on February 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


sounds like Ed the sock.
posted by esprit de l'escalier at 11:47 PM on February 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


"Mr. F? Could you come over here and verify that this, in fact, Jerkbeast I'm looking at?"
"Yes, dear, that's Jerkbeast."
"Thanks."

That's what I get for not clicking all the links, but hey, I did know it was Jerkbeast.

Not that I'm proud of that, since Mr. F is now running around yelling "YOULOSE!!!!" and giggling.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 11:56 PM on February 20, 2010


Wow, the average person is extremely boring. Who'd have thought?
posted by knave at 12:02 AM on February 21, 2010 [3 favorites]


Would I have to be sub-average to get this joke?
posted by Balisong at 12:30 AM on February 21, 2010


It's like the sifl and stickam show.
posted by electronslave at 12:36 AM on February 21, 2010


This one is hilarious.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:41 AM on February 21, 2010


Okay, I'd never heard of Chatroulette and it sounded like a fun concept. So I clicked on the link.

Big mistake.

I don't need to tell you what I saw my "friend" doing; suffice it to say no one needs to know what I saw my "friend" doing. Use at your own risk.
posted by zardoz at 12:51 AM on February 21, 2010 [2 favorites]


i am having a hard time understanding what chatroulette is even for...

it seems like it is mostly guys looking for girls to talk to
posted by rebent at 1:03 AM on February 21, 2010


it seems like it is mostly guys looking for girls to talk show their penis to

There we go.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:05 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I understand the guys jerkin' off on chatroulette. Not my bag, obviously, but yo comprendo. But what is with the women and girls? Some sort of nasty disaster tourism?
posted by Justinian at 1:13 AM on February 21, 2010


everyone either shows me their penis or insults me
posted by rebent at 1:16 AM on February 21, 2010




On the internet no one knows that you're a paper mache head. Oh wait.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:31 AM on February 21, 2010


my favorite chatroulettes are where a guy talks and then there is goatse
posted by threetoed at 1:35 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Man, ChatRoulette is cringe-tastic. Everyone on there is either stoned stupid, stripping, or deploying some kind of tired shock gimmick. And the gregariousness of the Jerkbeast guy only makes it worse. Chatters who thought they were going to dominate their audience are simply outclassed. I'd like to see how he'd do with an equally quick-witted conversationalist.

(Also, it would be nice if some people would turn down their speaker volume.)

WolfDaddy: "I swear I recognize chattyjerk's voice."

Me too! He reminds me of a slightly huskier Bobcat Goldthwait.
posted by Rhaomi at 1:45 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


But what is with the women and girls? Some sort of nasty disaster tourism?

I had somebody tell me about their use of ChatRoulette just recently, and I think the answer is 'yes'. Watching a guy desperate(?) enough for sexual attention to wank off to complete strangers is seemingly compelling. I figure it's nice to know that whatever you do in your life, at least you're not doing that.
posted by Sova at 1:55 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


The kid with the gun seemed really happy at the end. He was happy that someone took his silly little melodrama seriously, even if it was a man pretending to be a monster on the internet.
posted by clockzero at 2:01 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Well, the one at the end was a little slice of shame.
posted by molecicco at 2:21 AM on February 21, 2010


His interactions with strangers must be seen .

The word "must" does not mean what you think it means.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 3:00 AM on February 21, 2010 [12 favorites]


This is like a neutron star of awkward.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:22 AM on February 21, 2010 [3 favorites]


Hmm. Why can't I see video any longer on MF? Other people having same?
posted by A189Nut at 4:17 AM on February 21, 2010


Yeah, I understand the guys jerkin' off on chatroulette. Not my bag, obviously, but yo comprendo. But what is with the women and girls? Some sort of nasty disaster tourism?

Maybe they just like watching guys jerk off.
posted by Paris Hilton at 4:21 AM on February 21, 2010 [3 favorites]


A189Nut, take a look at this recent MetaTalk thread (more specifically, pb's explanation) and see if it helps. Feel free to ignore the unicorns.
posted by cgc373 at 4:34 AM on February 21, 2010


Not often funny, but I laughed at this one:

“I can actually tell that you're not LMFAO-ing because I can see you on yer fuckin' camera, stupid! You're not very good at subterfuge! [Gets 2-finger salute] Yeah, great. You can count to two. Fantastic. [Gets 1-finger salute] Oh - you can count backwards! Look at the brain on this one!”
posted by koeselitz at 5:15 AM on February 21, 2010


He sounds like a muppet. Rolf, maybe.
posted by stavrogin at 5:21 AM on February 21, 2010


4chan is a big fan of chat roulette... soo i'd avoid it.
posted by Submiqent at 5:29 AM on February 21, 2010


I swear I recognize chattyjerk's voice.

Me too.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:52 AM on February 21, 2010


Maybe a videogame voice? It really does sound familiar.
posted by Malor at 6:07 AM on February 21, 2010


Ooh, it's Brak.
posted by stavrogin at 6:20 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


After thinking about it for a minute, it reminds me a lot of the Talking Pet from Star Control 2 (voiced by Paul Reiche III, one of the game's designers), but I went and listened to the voice files from The Ur-Quan Masters (the freebie remake), and the Talking Pet was substantially lower-pitched. The intonations and accent are similar enough that I'm not certain, but I don't think it's the same guy.
posted by Malor at 6:22 AM on February 21, 2010


With so many of us finding something familiar in the voice I have come to the conclusion that this is cortex.
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:26 AM on February 21, 2010 [2 favorites]


Clicking on the last link, I was not sure which one was the helpful jerk referred to by the OP. So, it's the guy in the mask, right?

At least one of those was "I'm bored let's try this" mixed with "audio on most webcams sucks" variety of misunderstanding.

So, this is what the kids are doing these days, huh? This must be why they have so much ennui.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:14 AM on February 21, 2010


This to me is the opposite of 'Best of the web' - lame attempts at theatre, edginess, humour, you name it; all mixed up with a mess of bad taste. Yeesh.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:18 AM on February 21, 2010


Related: The 24 Best Chat Roulette Screenshots [NSFW]

There's some bullshit lulzy stuff in there, but also a couple that I found genuinely hilarious.
posted by danb at 7:36 AM on February 21, 2010 [3 favorites]


Gerald the Puppet vs. Chatroulette

I swear this isn't mine, I just think it's hilarious.
posted by Evilspork at 7:37 AM on February 21, 2010 [6 favorites]


everyone either shows me their penis or insults me

You think you got it bad, everyone just insults my penis when I show them.

It's a cold, cruel world. You broke my penis' heart, Chatroulette.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:45 AM on February 21, 2010 [4 favorites]


This one's my favorite, and also answers the question "Who are all these asshole in youtube comments?"
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:18 AM on February 21, 2010




That's a nice hoody you got there.
posted by nola at 8:52 AM on February 21, 2010


This is the part of the Web that I usually avoid, but I have to say, I'm pretty impressed by the weirdness going on in it when I get a chance to peek in.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:57 AM on February 21, 2010


Chatroulette sounds like some sort of traditional, delicate French cheese, doesn't it?

The kind you find out later gets its special aroma from rotting in sheep's dung or something for a year.
posted by gimonca at 9:10 AM on February 21, 2010 [6 favorites]


I think I'm in love
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:20 AM on February 21, 2010




Everything I hear (on mefi) about Chatroulette reminds of a moment on the IRC channel at work a while back where someone sighed and said, "This is useless, guys, we're just trolling each other."
posted by doteatop at 9:30 AM on February 21, 2010 [6 favorites]


Hey, every second the trolls spend in a webcam echo chamber is another victory in my book.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 9:33 AM on February 21, 2010


I have to say, his approach to being confronted with a random masturbater is entirely on point: highlight the sheer ludicrousness of the whole encounter.

Of course, one needn't get terribly metaphorial to argue that Chatroulette is, in fact, one gigantic circle jerk, so the merit to this activity is open to question.

And what does this say about MeFi?
posted by valkyryn at 9:37 AM on February 21, 2010


This one is hilarious.

I think I know the girl at 1:00....weird.
posted by Groovytimes at 9:38 AM on February 21, 2010


But wait, the New York magazine writer said that chatroulette was like Walt Whitman's wet dream or something, so it has to be great, right?
posted by blucevalo at 9:41 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I was introduced to chatroulette for the first time last weekend, while having some drinks with friends. We flipped around for about an hour or so. The highlight was a group of kids in Long Beach who had a dog named "Queen Foucault". That was one fancy little dog!
posted by Greg Nog at 10:00 AM on February 21, 2010


Aaaaaand he's from Duluth. Of course.
posted by RedEmma at 10:07 AM on February 21, 2010


Great link, danb! I actually like the follow up 30 more great chatroulette screenshots better - there are a lot where people with the same shtick meet each other.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:09 AM on February 21, 2010


Man. The Muppet Show ain't what it used to be.
posted by sourwookie at 10:21 AM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Hey, every second the trolls spend in a webcam echo chamber is another victory in my book.

Actually, I think he's a Goblin.
posted by Adam_S at 11:36 AM on February 21, 2010


Strange guy, but I like him.
posted by griphus at 11:45 AM on February 21, 2010


Is this something I need to read /b/ to understand?
posted by kaibutsu at 12:04 PM on February 21, 2010


Chatroulette sounds like some sort of traditional, delicate French cheese, doesn't it?

More like Russian roulette, played with laser cats, in France.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:10 PM on February 21, 2010


The Jerk sounds like a Fraggle Rock guy, from way back when.
posted by misha at 12:16 PM on February 21, 2010


Shades of Mojo Nixon in the voice and vocabulary... behavior, too...
posted by Graygorey at 12:31 PM on February 21, 2010


My impressions of ChatRoulette:

1. OK, there's some guys wanking. Happily, I like to watch.

2. The women are so beautiful. They have a lovely, forlorn quality. I'm dressed in a T shirt and gym pants, and they've made themselves up for me? I'd love to talk to them about how they came to be here.

3. 10% of the time, it's like a David Lynch film, with mysterious figures emerging from the shadows. I find this interesting, although I'm guessing this is not the way they intended.

4. I'm sorry I'm a guy. Some guys would do anything, anything, if only a girl would watch.
posted by SPrintF at 2:10 PM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I like the guy with the mask, he's funny and sharp, but other than that what I see are some good persuasive arguments as for why the endtimes, a President called Palin, Armageddon, worldwide disease, suffering, radiation poisoning and the RAPTURE, really can't come soon enough....
posted by Skygazer at 2:32 PM on February 21, 2010


My shift at work ends an hour before Mr. F's, so he often fills this time with helpful activities like getting some groceries, washing dishes, or organizing the comics...

...except for the other day, when he abruptly decided to break out the Darth Vader voice-changer helmet we got as a wedding gift and hit ChatRoulette. Apparently nothing makes a dude beating his meat hit the killswitch faster than having Lord Vader pop up in the other window.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 3:31 PM on February 21, 2010 [2 favorites]


er, after Mr. F's
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 3:31 PM on February 21, 2010


Apparently nothing makes a dude beating his meat hit the killswitch faster than having Lord Vader pop up in the other window.

When the original chatroulette link came up, I left the webcam pointed at the basket of puppies and went on chatroulette. So believe me when I tell you that men busy masturbating really REALLY don't want to look at puppies.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:44 PM on February 21, 2010 [4 favorites]


Awwwww.....that's sweet.

Okay, let's reschedule that endtimes, armageddeon, President Palin RAPTURE stuff.
posted by Skygazer at 3:50 PM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I.. can't believe these videos got taken down.
posted by phaedon at 4:27 PM on February 21, 2010


I knew it was only a matter of time when I first saw this post. I figured a couple of days at most.
posted by P.o.B. at 4:38 PM on February 21, 2010


Aw, really? I guess it's his fault. There was at least one video with uncensored pen0r that he "artfully" covered with a video annotation. Unfortunately, it's an optional feature.
posted by Rhaomi at 4:50 PM on February 21, 2010


I am sad these videos are gone. They brought me a lot of joy.
posted by frenetic at 5:04 PM on February 21, 2010


...so Jerkbeast's videos have to go, but YouTube has yet to implement the mass sterilization of its commenter base?

what
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 5:14 PM on February 21, 2010


i just don't get the allure, and kind of wish i could go back to my naively thinking that creepy weird people don't really exist in the world. it just makes me sad to see such pathetic attempts at connecting with others in this way. i was curious so i watch a few of the videos, and now i will be forever scarred by the thought that these people are out there populating the world with weirdness....

i will get off my high horse now and head over to cuteoverload....
posted by lucysun at 7:22 PM on February 21, 2010


mirror please?
posted by parhamr at 7:26 PM on February 21, 2010


I have a linux distro that has a screwy flash. So whenever I watch a Youtube video, i just download. So I have all of Jerkbeast's ChatRoulette, at least 10-29, because I thought they were hilarious enough to keep DLing and watching. I'm trying to think of a useful way to put them together if anybody wants them.
posted by P.o.B. at 7:32 PM on February 21, 2010


Fucking Youtube. These videos were too wonderful to take down.
posted by EatTheWeak at 8:53 PM on February 21, 2010


P.o.B. - color me interested.
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:01 PM on February 21, 2010


http://www.funnyordie.com/chattyjerk
posted by jchgf at 9:15 PM on February 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I don't get it. The monster wasn't that funny and the other guys were useless. Why connect to a chat program if you have absolutely nothing to say.
posted by psycho-alchemy at 10:28 PM on February 21, 2010


chattyjerk2 is up on youtube, again
posted by eustatic at 11:14 PM on February 21, 2010




Any guesses as to which part of YouTube's TOU these videos violated?
posted by finite at 12:34 PM on February 22, 2010


he is up again, chatty jerk 2: the revenge of the clothed johnson
posted by eustatic at 6:16 AM on February 23, 2010


Any guesses as to which part of YouTube's TOU these videos violated?

speculation is that mere association with chatroulette caused the crackdown, because the videos causing complaint contained phalluses that were veiled. Mere underwear bulges, mind you.
posted by eustatic at 6:19 AM on February 23, 2010


Eye vagina (note, contains no vaginas)
posted by Rhomboid at 6:07 AM on February 24, 2010


Rhomboid: Eye vagina (note, contains no vaginas)

George Bataille would love that.
posted by Skygazer at 9:08 AM on February 24, 2010


This is a pretty neat little video about Chat Roulette
posted by P.o.B. at 4:56 PM on February 28, 2010


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