Cheetah Woods Returns to Golf

April 8, 2010 8:56 AM

Tiger Woods will return to competitive golf today, teeing off at the Masters at 1:42 EDT today. ESPN will carry the tee shot live, then begin full coverage at 3 PM. Last time Tiger returned from a long break due to surgery, Nike's ad was lighthearted. This time, things are very different, and the new ad released yesterday definitely has a different tone, invoking the words of Tiger's late father, Earl Woods. Of course, some in the media are going to keep teeing off on Tiger's scandalous affairs, including this new revelation of a tryst with a neighbor's 21-year-old daughter.
posted by msacheson (119 comments total)

Yeah, I couldn't care less about the whole Tiger Woods soap opera like the rest of you, but you really ought to watch that ad. It's amazingly crass. It consists of a static black and white shot of a sad-faced Tiger, while a voiceover that's supposed to be his father Earl (who died several years ago) says shit like "I want to know what your feelings are", like he's having a "serious talk" with his son. It really kind of sickened me, and I'm pretty cynical to this kind of shit. What's the dollar value for pissing on your dead father's memory for some dumbass ad, Tiger?
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:05 AM on April 8, 2010 [24 favorites]

I'm looking forward to some golf being played.
posted by michswiss at 9:06 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

What's more boring than golf?
posted by Samuel Farrow at 9:06 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

What's the dollar value for pissing on your dead father's memory for some dumbass ad, Tiger?

Big mistake not using Tim and Eric for this.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:07 AM on April 8, 2010 [8 favorites]

You'd think Tiger Woods was landing on the moon given the coverage he's receiving.
posted by deacon_blues at 9:07 AM on April 8, 2010

Alternately: look at your man; now back to me. Now look at your man again; now back to me. Ladies, unfortunately, your man is not me. But when goes he leave for work?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:09 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

[lots of early threadshit removed]
posted by jessamyn at 9:09 AM on April 8, 2010

And they say that the holidays are tawdry and commercialized. The Tiger Woods affair highlights the real meaning of those words.
posted by bearwife at 9:09 AM on April 8, 2010

Who gives a rat's ass what Tiger does in his private life? Christ.
posted by maxwelton at 9:09 AM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Honestly, I think this ad is way more offensive than anything he did with his penis. I think the whole reaction to his infidelities is mostly bullshit puritanism, but there's no excuse for this. Especially considering how important his dad was to him. If I'm Tiger Woods, I tell whoever proposed this idea to take their giant bag of money and shove it up their ass.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:09 AM on April 8, 2010 [6 favorites]

Man, that dude never wears a condom. Gross.
posted by amro at 9:09 AM on April 8, 2010

Tiger Woods Nike Ad Gets Some Cheers, More Jeers.
posted by ericb at 9:10 AM on April 8, 2010

When goes he leave? Gah. Me fail English? That's unpossible!
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:10 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

That advert is horrendous. Who the hell is advising him?
posted by fire&wings at 9:11 AM on April 8, 2010

Surprised Nike is staying with him. Guess there's too much Tiger merch on the shelves to walk away.
posted by cavalier at 9:11 AM on April 8, 2010

Comcast is apparently broadcasting some of Masters coverage in 3D. As one who things the best increase in viewer-experience from the move to SD to HD was in watching golf of all things, I'd love to be able to see how it comes across in 3D.
posted by yeti at 9:11 AM on April 8, 2010

DecemberBoy, I had the same reaction, seeing that ad. Didn't Tiger have to okay it, since his image is in it? The whole piece seems to be about shaming Tiger.

I don't know why they made it; it just makes me uncomfortable, and certainly doesn't endear me to the brand.
posted by misha at 9:12 AM on April 8, 2010

Oh, and that ad is unwatchable. What was Nike thinking?
posted by yeti at 9:12 AM on April 8, 2010

Who gives a rat's ass what Tiger does in his private life? Christ.

Christ is actually pretty fed up with all of this as well.
posted by deacon_blues at 9:12 AM on April 8, 2010

Holy cow, that ad *is* creepy. If Tiger was younger, wearing fewer clothes and hanging out in a wood-paneled basement it would be a dead ringer for one of those '90s CK ads.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:13 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Yeah, that ad is kinda weird. The whole thing is pretty 'meh.' Let's talk about Jesse James and that chick with the forehead tattoo.
posted by fixedgear at 9:13 AM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Who gives a rat's ass what Tiger does in his private life?

Nike's creative department?
posted by fire&wings at 9:14 AM on April 8, 2010

Surprised Nike is staying with him. Guess there's too much Tiger merch on the shelves to walk away.

I'm not really surprised. Everyone in the multiverse is talking about him, and every single goddam picture of him on a magazine cover has probably at least three Nike Swooshes in it.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:14 AM on April 8, 2010

Yes, I've definitely reached the saturation point with the Tiger Woods coverage.

Still, I think he's partly to blame for why all this has gone on so long. If he had just kept playing golf, his fans would have had other things to talk about by now.
posted by misha at 9:14 AM on April 8, 2010

Gah. I haven't cared much about the Tiger "issue" but that ad made me squirm.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:15 AM on April 8, 2010

What's more boring than golf?

Tiger Woods. Marginally.
posted by unSane at 9:16 AM on April 8, 2010

Just do it, Tiger.
posted by kinnakeet at 9:17 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

I found that NY Daily News article pretty revulsive. Maybe it's that I really avoid tabloid writing for the most part, but it managed to successfully strip away my sympathies for that young girl, whether she deserves that or not.

If you're going to report an affair with a 21-year-old near a fucking crib with a fucking baby in it as offensive, then you don't follow up by asking the 21-year-old how good Tiger Woods is in the sack. Just no. I don't care if it's going to give millions of sterile balding men an excuse to sneer at Tiger Woods, who is richer and more famous and more laid and has been given an opportunity to be vastly scummier than any of those tabloid readers, most of whom would likely abuse that power in a similar way.
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:22 AM on April 8, 2010

So I've watched this a couple times now, trying to figure out why he has that look on his face. That specific look: not just an I-feel-bad look but a look-look-at-how-bad-I-feel look And the best answer I can come up with is that his same insane, overwhelming competitive drive, the same thing inside himself that pushed him every waking instant of his life to be the best golfer in the world's history, and the same thing that probably pushed him to have sex with as many beautiful women as he could (and think he could get away with it), is now going to push him to be the most contrite, abject human being the mass media has ever seen. He can't do anything if he's not going to do it better than anybody, including apologize.

And I wonder how much he identifies that insane, overwhelming competitive drive as something his dad instilled in him.
posted by penduluum at 9:22 AM on April 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

Golf (as a participatory sport) is awesome. Golf culture is one of the circles of Hell, or at the very least a really lousy corner of Purgatory.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:22 AM on April 8, 2010 [5 favorites]

How can the network cover this event with a fucking straight face? It sickens me. Tiger Woods strutting his stuff at a golf club that does not allow women to join. Who wants to watch an adulterer knock a ball around. I hope this breaks the sport. Like I'm supposed to believe this guy when he says he doesn't take PEDs? Please. All these fucking jerks at Augusta just want to cash in on the spectacle. Golf is supposed to be about integrity. These spineless cowards stand up for nothing.
posted by phaedon at 9:23 AM on April 8, 2010

On the bright side Sandra Bullock can turn on her television, radio, and computer today. I have heard that in the good old days if a man cheated on his wife he was not to be trusted in any other matter, such as for example playing golf according to the rules, not padding his expense statements, &c.
posted by bukvich at 9:24 AM on April 8, 2010

Wake me up when this starts to involve Jesse James and Sandra Bullock.
posted by wcfields at 9:26 AM on April 8, 2010

From the Tiger Woods Nike Ad Gets Some Cheers, More Jeers. link: .... What's more important to NIKE however is that a lot of people will be talking about the commercial and them and that's a lot of what advertising is about.

That's it. It's all publicity, another chance to get people to pay attention to the TVs. "Will Tiger say anything, I should keep watching!" Instead, he stares out, catching your attention even if the sound is off. Fade out to a Nike Swoosh, no slogan (because that would be crass, or the kind of dark humor that would be amazingly cocky for Nike). The old ad was more subtle, with the inclusion of the Swoosh on all the golfers' hats and shirts, and even the golf ball in one shot.

Guess there's too much Tiger merch media coverage on the shelves to walk away.

If Nike turned away from Tiger while the world is still watching, any other company would pick him up in a heartbeat. The chance to get their logo out there, when more people will be watching golf than before? 1) It's still Tiger, the most exciting thing to happen to golf, ever, and 2) Tiger is back, and maybe he'll make eye contact with some lady in the audience, and we can speculate on his other flings. I imagine the ratings for televised golf and the readership for golf news will peak now, and trail off when Tigermania dies down.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:27 AM on April 8, 2010

For me the fascinating part of this whole thing is how badly Tiger, and by extension Nike has managed it. If you would have told me before this broke that they would make PR decisions frequently and repeatedly that my cat could see are stupid, I'd have never believed you.

And yes golf is dull, with the exception of the back nine at The Masters on Sunday, it's always compelling sport viewing.

The creepiest part of the ad is Tigers eyes seem to follow you around the room.
posted by Keith Talent at 9:29 AM on April 8, 2010

It really kind of sickened me, and I'm pretty cynical to this kind of shit.

I liked it, just as an ad and storytelling device. It's one thing to fuck up badly, it's another to fuck up badly with the world watching and being unable to look to parent for support. Yes, he's a superstar athlete who has the world at his feet, but he's also human. Make of that what you will.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:31 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Who wants to watch an adulterer knock a ball around. I hope this breaks the sport.

My sarcasm meter is broken. Was this intended seriously?

As much as I haven't caught any Tiger tv press, I'd have tuned in to hear him say to the Oprah set: "You know what? I like sex. With different women. I like it a lot. My mistake was in being dishonest to my wife but that's where it ends." Nevermind golf, which is a complete non sequitur as far as I'm concerned.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:32 AM on April 8, 2010 [7 favorites]

How long until our first Tiger Wood Sad Face/Downfall mashup? MAKE IT HAPPEN INTERNET.
posted by Keith Talent at 9:34 AM on April 8, 2010

Does Tiger Woods owe you an apology? Probably not.
posted by mattdidthat at 9:34 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

There's another one coming out soon, with this voiceover:

Jesse, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion, to divine what qualifies in your mind as really fine ass. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are, and, did you learn anything. Because, shit, that woman was worth millions, and you, you tinker with motorcycles.

posted by MrMoonPie at 9:36 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Of course, some in the media are going to keep teeing off on Tiger's scandalous affairs

Some people are saying that using passive journalistic phrasing like this allows one to provide the appearance of moral disapproval yet still sink below those who wallow in pointless celebrity gossip without rationalizing the pleasure they take in doing so.
posted by Babblesort at 9:41 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

So I've watched this a couple times now, trying to figure out why he has that look on his face.

Probably because the director told him what look to have on his face, and the editor chose that particular take for the final edit of the ad.
posted by The World Famous at 9:41 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Cheetah Woods. I just got that. That's good.
posted by DU at 9:42 AM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

When the video of the US army fragging Reuters journalists was leaked, I did a quick unscientific survey of local and American news sites. All the Scandinavian news sites had the video as their top story, while the American ones all had something about Mr. Woods as their lead, with no mention of the video (at that time).

While I'm aware that metafilter isn't a democracy, I'd like to vote for keeping celebrity gossip off the blue, preferably to be put somewhere between Podcast and Jobs.
posted by klue at 9:42 AM on April 8, 2010 [8 favorites]

I'm still stunned that golf is now associated with sex.

I caddied for about 5 years a kid. I associate golf with flatulence.
posted by srboisvert at 9:42 AM on April 8, 2010 [6 favorites]

posted by Durn Bronzefist I'd have tuned in to hear him say to the Oprah set: "You know what? I like sex. With different women. I like it a lot. My mistake was in being dishonest to my wife but that's where it ends."

I would have tuned in for this.
posted by mattdidthat at 9:43 AM on April 8, 2010

What's the dollar value for pissing on your dead father's memory for some dumbass ad, Tiger?

I'm surprised no one has suggested the corollary to this argument - that MAYBE Tiger himself suggested this commercial, or something along this lines.

What I mean to say is, while I haven't paid attention to much of the Tiger debacle (and frankly I could give a shit what anyone does in their private sex life, as long as they're not raping or molesting) , it occurs to me that somewhere along the way someone would've asked him "what would your father say?" and perhaps his response was almost identical to this ad.

Taking it a bit further, perhaps he even suggested something like "......if only I had a way to show people that I'm ashamed on a very deep level" and maybe someone close to him responded "well, what if those responses you think your father were to have were acted out?". Maybe it's part of Tiger's healing.

I have no idea one way or another, and I'm not excusing his indescretions by any means. I'm only saying there's a possibility that he, himself, was at least partially responsible for this.

That doesn't make the ad any less uncomfortable, but a part of me is reminded of Richard Pryor openly discussing shooting his car after a drunken fight with his wife, or the time he lit himself on fire while free-basing.
posted by revmitcz at 9:43 AM on April 8, 2010

Man, it really does work with any video.
posted by davey_darling at 9:44 AM on April 8, 2010 [7 favorites]

posted by yeti What was Nike thinking?

"Make the logo bigger."
posted by mattdidthat at 9:45 AM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

It's one thing to fuck up badly, it's another to fuck up badly with the world watching and being unable to look to parent for support. Yes, he's a superstar athlete who has the world at his feet, but he's also human.

Man, if he's "human", he says "I don't care how much money you pay me, I don't care if you drop me, you're not using my father like that". I mean, "storytelling device" makes it sound like he's a character or something. He's a real person that had to approve them using a simulated audio likeness of his dead father for an ad.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:46 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

In a perfect world, Tiger's triumphant return would actually be a hoax, wherein he brings a very young female caddy and rails her right there on the green.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:46 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

The creepiest part of the ad is Tigers eyes seem to follow you around the room.

Yes, even after I've turned off the TV. *shudder*
posted by marxchivist at 9:47 AM on April 8, 2010

Man, it really does work with any video.


CLICK THAT LINK CLICK THAT LINK CLICK THAT LINK. Oh man, PURE JOY!
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:49 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

When the video of the US army fragging Reuters journalists was leaked, I did a quick unscientific survey of local and American news sites. All the Scandinavian news sites had the video as their top story, while the American ones all had something about Mr. Woods as their lead, with no mention of the video (at that time).

While I'm aware that metafilter isn't a democracy, I'd like to vote for keeping celebrity gossip off the blue, preferably to be put somewhere between Podcast and Jobs.

This. Do your part users. We're counting on you. Use those little flags!
posted by Big_B at 9:50 AM on April 8, 2010

What's more boring than golf?

Press coverage of sex scandals involving golf players.
posted by tybeet at 9:52 AM on April 8, 2010

The only thing more rediculous than the Tiger Woods sex outrage is that he MAKES $MILLIONS for hitting a ball with a stick out in the woods.
posted by Daddy-O at 9:52 AM on April 8, 2010

Tiger who?
posted by chillmost at 9:55 AM on April 8, 2010

[lots of interesting comments removed]
posted by sgt.serenity at 9:56 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

If you're going to report an affair with a 21-year-old near a fucking crib with a fucking baby in it as offensive, then you don't follow up by asking the 21-year-old how good Tiger Woods is in the sack. Just no.

They didn't, it's secondhand gossip from one of her friends.
posted by delmoi at 9:56 AM on April 8, 2010

** yawn **
posted by lordrunningclam at 10:02 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

That ad is terrible.... just terrible... And it makes woods look like an idiot....
This is a career that is on a slippery slope...
posted by HuronBob at 10:03 AM on April 8, 2010

This is really sadder than it originally seems..
posted by HuronBob at 10:06 AM on April 8, 2010

Wow. I can just hear the marketing meeting about this ad.

"We should do a narrative. Viewers like stories. Narrative is big right now."
"Yeah, as a voiceover! Who does the voiceover? It needs to be compelling!"
"Yeah the narrator should be someone the audience thinks they can relate to. It should be emotional. It should speak to and speak for the viewer."
"It should say the things the viewer wants to say to Tiger. But not in a condescending way. Kind of fatherly-like. It should be ambiguous. It lets the audience know where we stand on this. It addresses the infidelity kerfluffle head-on. We are compassionate!"
"Yes!"
"Yes! It should reprimand, but with compassion."
"Hey, I know. His actual father!"
"But his father is dead."
"Even better!"
[crickets]
"Uh, that's genius?"
"YES ITS GENIUS AND WELL HAVE TIGERS FACE AND THATS ALL AND THE VOICEOVER AND ITLL MAKE PEOPLE CRY AND ITLL BE BRILLIANT."
"AWESOME ILL GO PULL SOME QUOTES."
"I'll go talk to production about orange and teal."

And then somebody typed it all up and everybody spent the next several weeks working on the best possible version of it.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:08 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Here's hoping the Funny or Die folks can continue their great casting and get a Mark Hamill/James Earl Jones version up quick.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:10 AM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Is the world just trying to give Elin a nervous breakdown already???

Thank God SOMEONE in this story has some class. That poor woman.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 10:12 AM on April 8, 2010

". . . did you learn anything?"

"He would just call crying and say, 'My dad is with another woman,' and that would be all he could say."
posted by dragonsi55 at 10:15 AM on April 8, 2010

"The Benny Hillifier"? Oh man, the genius of the internet just knows no bounds. There goes the rest of my day.
posted by nevercalm at 10:17 AM on April 8, 2010

Man, if he's "human", he says "I don't care how much money you pay me, I don't care if you drop me, you're not using my father like that".

I'm finding the responses to the ad to be interesting too, particularly how people insist it should have been done THIS way and if it wasn't, well he's a complete asshole.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:17 AM on April 8, 2010

That ad is terrible.... just terrible... And it makes woods look like an idiot....
This is a career that is on a slippery slope...

Looking like an idiot has never hurt the career of any other golfer. So I guess Tiger is breaking new ground once more.
posted by The World Famous at 10:18 AM on April 8, 2010

When I saw the YouTube video preview in black and white, I was hoping for a remake of the Nike Charles Barkley ad "I am not a role model."

"Just because I drive a golf ball doesn't mean I should raise your kids."
posted by ALongDecember at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Thank God SOMEONE in this story has some class. That poor woman.

She beat her spouse with a golf club. She should probably be in jail.
posted by rocket88 at 10:26 AM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Catching your spouse with another person making the two-backed monster will get your murder charge bumped down to manslaughter in many jurisdictions. So I guess that I'm not all that upset that she only went after him with a golf club. We could all be talking about Tiger in the past tense if she had less self-control. It's good to have a little perspective. Plus, I'm pretty sure that Tiger would have to press assault charges in order for Elin to go to jail, and I don't see that happening any time ever.
posted by friendlyjuan at 10:43 AM on April 8, 2010

rocket88: She beat her spouse with a golf club.

friendlyjuan: I'm not all that upset that she only went after him with a golf club.

You people know more about the details of that incident than I do. Please point me to where you are getting your facts. Thanks!
posted by found missing at 10:51 AM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's one thing to fuck up badly, it's another to fuck up badly with the world watching and being unable to look to parent for support.

It's yet another thing to capitalize on it.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:53 AM on April 8, 2010

I enjoy golf. I like watching golf. I liked watching Tiger golf. The man messed up, not because of his sexual scheduling, which probably hasn't been that different than that of many other star athletes, but by presenting such a false public image. And he's continuing to mess up by attempting to manage that image. I'd like to see him do penance by taking a two year break from all the advertising and sponsorships and personal appearances, all the opportunity for extra income, all the role model bs. All logos off the hat, shirt and bag, all royalties from the video game to charity or into a trust for his kids. Just play the game. He plays that better than anyone in the world, so that shouldn't be taken from him. Playing the game will still provide him with $5 million to $10 million a year. Whenever now I see him do some speech or press conference or this advertisement I just see another sociopath CEO putting on the face his handlers advise, and makes me cheer harder for Phil or Ernie or Padraig.

(I'm not so sure his father should be looked on as the moral guide here. But when I google "Earl Woods infidelity" I find a bunch of sites looking to load trojans. cue condom joke)
posted by TimTypeZed at 10:54 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Golf (as a participatory sport) is awesome. Golf culture is one of the circles of Hell, or at the very least a really lousy corner of Purgatory.

I gotta agree completely with this. I absolutely love an afternoon spent with a friend, walking 18, hitting little balls with sticks, under a warm blue sky. It's a treat. All the other culture bullshit that has accreted around golf is just that...bullshit. I hate it. But I love playing the game.

FWIW, Masters.com's online coverage this year is spectacular. They dipped their toes into the internet many years ago with rudimentary, still webcam pages (which, in the beginning, were Windows-only...wtf??) This year, it's live, streaming network coverage, with lots of data, and multiple channels. Excellent stuff.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:24 AM on April 8, 2010

Golf (as a participatory sport) is awesome.

But watching it on television is only slightly less boring than watching curling.
posted by JaredSeth at 11:27 AM on April 8, 2010

Curling is actually pretty exciting to watch, lots strategy going on.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:28 AM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

JaredSeth: But watching it on television is only slightly less boring than watching curling.

How do you feel about my favorite band?
posted by found missing at 11:36 AM on April 8, 2010

Please point me to where you are getting your facts. Thanks!

This is the story I originally read back when the Tiger car crash thing went down. Strangely it's from ex-Maple Leafs coach Pat Burns, who is also an ex-cop and knows the officers at the scene. Don't know if it's true, but it's more plausible than the official story.
posted by rocket88 at 11:37 AM on April 8, 2010

No, seriously, the best version is the Epic Version. In which Nike's logo triumphantly stamps out all that was good and human, forever.
posted by straight at 11:41 AM on April 8, 2010

Too soon.

I figured Woods'd lie low for 2-3 years, stay out of sight of the media. Maybe buy a couple of golf courses in Scotland so he could keep in practice with as much privacy as he needed. Then come back after everyone was bored with another Woods sex partner coming forward, and the story would be all about "Tiger's back!" with "after disappearing from sight after sex scandal" somewhere below the fold.

I'm available for all your spin control needs.
posted by Zed at 11:43 AM on April 8, 2010

How do you feel about my favorite band?

They're awesome!

Betcha didn't see that one coming.
posted by JaredSeth at 11:56 AM on April 8, 2010

Nike's creative department?
you mean wieden+kennedy.
posted by krautland at 12:08 PM on April 8, 2010

I figured Woods'd lie low for 2-3 years, stay out of sight of the media. Maybe buy a couple of golf courses in Scotland so he could keep in practice with as much privacy as he needed.

Why? Hell, if that was an NBA "scandal", the guy would have kept playing through all the tabloid nonsense. This whole thing is shocking only because it's staid, conservative golf. By NBA or NFL standards, the Woods "scandal" is giggle-fodder. Heck, no-one even got shot.

Augusta is a good re-entry spot for Woods. It's friendly ground. You can quibble about the timing being too soon, but the tournament comes when it comes. Waiting even a year, I think, would actually put MORE attention on the "scandal".
posted by Thorzdad at 12:27 PM on April 8, 2010

phaedon wrote: "Who wants to watch an adulterer knock a ball around."

Me, because it's none of my business whose well his pen is being dipped in. Why do you care so much?

(I understand the Augusta National hate; I not only don't understand but actively ridicule the Tiger hate)
posted by wierdo at 12:39 PM on April 8, 2010

Holy shit, seriously, who could care that some insanely rich young good-looking professional athlete was fucking women who are not his wife? Look at Ask Metafilter. Every other question is "hey I'm fucking someone else. Is this bad? How do I get the the lipstick off my collar?" And these are internet nerds. I guaranfuckingtee you that at least two-thirds of the married dudes in the NBA, MLB, NHL, and NFL are getting some strange on every road game. Shit, Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan probably got more kids between them than fuckin Charlemagne.

I'm not saying I condone or support it. But let's not get all up in arms and act this is in any way unusual. It's not. Even the gross old golfers are fucking women not their wives. I bet John Daly banged two groupies, a donkey and a Guatemalan caddy the day after he was on the cover of SI. This is not news.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2010 [5 favorites]

I'm still amazed that everything that was dug up was somehow a logical extension of a car accident and an argument with his wife. Being a celebrity would suck.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:31 PM on April 8, 2010

If you're going to report an affair with a 21-year-old near a fucking crib with a fucking baby in it as offensive

These are two adults making adult decisions and doing adult stuff (and there's no mention of the baby being in the crib at the time). Why would this be offensive?
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 1:35 PM on April 8, 2010

This parody of the Tiger Woods ad is great. via deadspin.
posted by yeti at 2:16 PM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Is the world just trying to give Elin a nervous breakdown already???

Thank God SOMEONE in this story has some class. That poor woman.



yep, spousal abuse is just about the classiest thing someone can do.

you reverse those genders and no one would be talking about how much restraint was shown by the scorned partner.
posted by nadawi at 3:53 PM on April 8, 2010

Bah. I like golf in the same weird, guilty way I like bacon, but I never liked Tiger Woods.
posted by PuppyCat at 4:03 PM on April 8, 2010

I will paraphrase my rightfully deleted threadshit.

::puts on monocle::

I am so tired of Tiger in specific, and the peccadilloes of sport stars in general, being big news.

This is something that I'd rather not see on the blue.

::turns and walks off::

::pops monocle off::
posted by Splunge at 4:23 PM on April 8, 2010

Cynical thought for the day: Nike went with this ad because it was so outrageous while at the same time being incredibly remixable thereby getting thousands of people to do their own voiceovers, or their own versions, and millions of extra views.
posted by delmoi at 5:56 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

::pops monocle off::

Wait. You have a pop-on monocle? And you think we elites of the Blue are going to care if you walk off with your pop-on monocle, your clip-on tie, and your spray-on tan? Please. You're probably wearing snap bracelets instead of French cuffs, as well.
posted by The World Famous at 6:02 PM on April 8, 2010

I was assuming that they used some kind of impersonator or otherwise recreated Earl Woods' voice, but apparently it's his actual voice. My dad tells me it's not entirely clear what the process they used was, but they somehow assembled the voiceover from actual archival recordings of Earl Woods. That pushes it beyond crass and into ghoulish. Also, if it's his actual voice, that also means Tiger's mother would presumably have to give permission as well, which is even more baffling.
posted by DecemberBoy at 6:08 PM on April 8, 2010

I guaranfuckingtee you that at least two-thirds of the married dudes in the NBA, MLB, NHL, and NFL are getting some strange on every road game. Shit, Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan probably got more kids between them than fuckin Charlemagne.

Whittle some syllables out of that and you've got a pretty damn dope rhyme there.
posted by DecemberBoy at 6:10 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Rifftrax have a parody as well.
posted by WhackyparseThis at 6:20 PM on April 8, 2010

And none of them were trying to portray themselves as choir boys.

I think that it would be good if we as a society quit idolizing sports figures. We have made them into demigods and it would take a very unique individual not to turn into some monstrous child as a result.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:21 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

There's always been sleazy sports figures, though, it's just that in the past their personal lives weren't reported on so much. My dad's idol growing up, like pretty much every boy his age, was Mickey Mantle, who was a falling-down-piss-himself drunk that made Tiger Woods look like a monk, but no one ever heard about that stuff until way after his playing career.
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:09 PM on April 8, 2010

Here's my thing - I lost my dad a few years ago... and darn it I miss the crazy asshole. My heart breaks at the idea of being able to hear his voice again. I was thinking I wish I had a recording of him the other day.

For Tiger to turn something that should be so personal into a commercial completely and utterly baffles me. To be honest - I didn't care all that much about his affairs - except that nobody should be such an asshole to their spouse and kids. But this? How could you have made the decision to sell a piece of your relationship with your parent to a shoe company? Tiger has taken a turn down a road that is officially beyond my reasoning.
posted by helmutdog at 8:48 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I actually saw the commercial on the Colbert Report tonight. I'd actually not clicked on the ad with the real soundtrack, it just seemed to awkward. It wasn't as terrible as it could have been, no sappy music or whatever.

But yeah, it was bad. One thing I've noticed watching sports coverage, particularly the first day of the Olympics is that it's so Maudlin and incredibly sappy and cheesy. Some of the commercials were just unbearably saccharine.

So maybe this commercial didn't seem so bad for people steeped in that culture. But for people who don't watch a lot of sports coverage, this just seems incredibly crass.
posted by delmoi at 10:22 PM on April 8, 2010

Tiger Woods put his penis in unauthorised vaginas.

His wife physically assaulted him with a golf club because of this.

That about sums it up. I've been having fun reading all the hypocrisy and teeth gnashing these last few months.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 11:00 PM on April 8, 2010

Is the world just trying to give Elin a nervous breakdown already???

Thank God SOMEONE in this story has some class. That poor woman.

yep, spousal abuse is just about the classiest thing someone can do.

you reverse those genders and no one would be talking about how much restraint was shown by the scorned partner.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 11:10 PM on April 8, 2010

uncanny hengeman, will you please let it go....we have absolutely no proof she hit him with a golf club, and absolutely no proof that violence was anything ongoing in their marriage before that point. Besides, the restraint I am referring to is the fact she's not sitting on Oprah's couch right now.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:55 AM on April 9, 2010

(Besides, if we reversed the genders, can you really pull up an example of a woman who catted around behind her husband's back to the extent Tiger did on Elin's? Thank you.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:56 AM on April 9, 2010

wife cuck me in a hotel with a bbc. 09/07/2008. while we were away on a weekend trip the wife met up with a bull and she had me take pics of him and ...
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:02 AM on April 9, 2010

this is the one hundred and eighth comment in this thread. the commercial has been discussed on pretty much any other forum on the web. everyone has seen it, everyone has yapped on about it, everyone has mentioned it to someone else. it got attention. booooy, did it get attention.

I will be first to admit this was a cynical commercial to put out there. it's using his dead father out of context. the phrase rolling over in his grave comes to mind. but this commercial did exactly what w+k and nike were going for: get attention for nike and repositioning woods.

woods will never again be able to serve as a role model.
woods has a very decent chance though at going back to winning.
woods -at least in that case- would then be a winner again.
woods represents nike. woods is a winner. nike is what winners wear.
buy this shirt, winner. buy these sneakers, winner.
feel like a winner, winner.

how many fistpumping booyah types are there out there? how many men call themselves without a hint of irony in their voices alpha males, go getters, makers, shakers, winners?

exactly.

you may hate this commercial. you may wonder why on earth they did this piece of Dreck. you have a point. but rest assured, this will work. it always works. as long as woods wins tournaments nike will want him.

I bet dan is smiling over this episode. if he can handle this, what on earth couldn't he?
posted by krautland at 10:27 AM on April 9, 2010

(Besides, if we reversed the genders, can you really pull up an example of a woman who catted around behind her husband's back to the extent Tiger did on Elin's? Thank you.)

What does that have to do with a hypothetical?
posted by shakespeherian at 10:30 AM on April 9, 2010

(Besides, if we reversed the genders, can you really pull up an example of a woman who catted around behind her husband's back to the extent Tiger did on Elin's? Thank you.)

marilyn monroe comes to mind - although, the kennedys didn't exactly show restraint there...
posted by nadawi at 10:34 AM on April 9, 2010

also - while i was driving the husband to work i started thinking.

can i pull up an example of a woman who "catted around" (nice gendered insult, btw) to the extent that tiger did on elin?

well, it was my boyfriend and not my husband and we're not famous - but trying to do a quick tally in my head, i cheated on my early 20s boyfriend with 11 different people (men and women), countless number of times (none of those people were a one time thing and a few of those people were done in groups). the pages/emails/letters exchanged would make the tiger texts look like a shopping list. i cheated with coworkers (worked with the boyfriend, so his coworkers too), bosses, friends, people he didn't know, people i swore nothing was going on with, people who were married, and the cherry on top was the time i moved him across the country to live with one of the guys i had cheated on him with earlier in the relationship. i made no real effort to hide my philandering, but when i was nearly discovered (a number of times) i used gross manipulation and my superior intelligence over him. when i left him, i made him believe it was because he had cheated on me once.

and you know what - he still wouldn't have been justified in hitting me. that's just not what you do. it doesn't matter how mad you are, it doesn't matter how embarrassed you are, it doesn't matter how many women or who they were or any of it. you just don't hit your romantic partner for any reason.

finally on the "we have no proof" line - as far as i can tell, the only person who says that elin didn't hit him, didn't chase him, didn't smash that window in anger was the guy who was probably hit by his wife. i wonder what motivation he had to lie?
posted by nadawi at 12:26 PM on April 9, 2010

finally on the "we have no proof" line - as far as i can tell, the only person who says that elin didn't hit him, didn't chase him, didn't smash that window in anger was the guy who was probably hit by his wife. i wonder what motivation he had to lie?

All we have As "proof" is one guy's account (and he wasn't there, and the physical evidence--that the only mark on Tiger's face was a fat lip--contradicts what he says). The mainstream media aren't reporting his wife hit him, and if they had any evidence I would think they'd run with it.

I'm not saying that I would be *surprised* if she had hit him. If she did, I'd agree that's assault and it is NOT okay. Never okay to hit someone, no matter what the provocation.

That being said, do you think that, IF she had hit him, and Tiger wanted to salvage anything out of this whole debacle (his relationship with the kids, his media image, maybe even his marriage), he would have pressed charges against her?
posted by misha at 1:20 PM on April 9, 2010

misha wrote: "I'm not saying that I would be *surprised* if she had hit him. If she did, I'd agree that's assault and it is NOT okay. Never okay to hit someone, no matter what the provocation."

Just to be disagreeable, it's perfectly OK within my worldview to use violence in defense against violence. So if he hit her, it would be OK for her to hit him in self defense, and vice versa. Otherwise, not so much.
posted by wierdo at 1:29 PM on April 9, 2010

Yes, wierdo, self-defense works for me, too. Hugs all around.
posted by misha at 1:33 PM on April 9, 2010

Hey! Watch your hands.

*slaps misha*
posted by found missing at 1:52 PM on April 9, 2010

sadly, with the way our society treats male victims of domestic abuse, i wouldn't assume that any man would step forward, especially a rich athlete.
posted by nadawi at 2:13 PM on April 9, 2010

Besides, if we reversed the genders, can you really pull up an example of a woman who catted around behind her husband's back to the extent Tiger did on Elin's? Thank you
philandering is to men what shoplifting is to women.
posted by krautland at 4:45 PM on April 9, 2010

philandering is to men what shoplifting is to women.

As your moderator, I'd advise you to ignore that remark.
posted by jessamyn at 4:47 PM on April 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

As your moderator, I'd advise you to ignore that remark.
harharhar... I can't believe it didn't get deleted. cat, mouse. fun.
posted by krautland at 6:00 AM on April 10, 2010